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THEY STYLED THE BANDITOS BETTER FOR THE CITY WALLS MV! CUNT! SLAY!

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look at those fools josh. they actually thought we'd release drum show today

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what-if 🤔

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lilia how did you raise these gentlemen wbebajdjwiJWKFKAKKFKAJFKWKFKNwHEKQKDKA PURPLE AND PINK 👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹 SO REFINED AND THE GRANDPA IS SCREAMING BLOODY MURDER EVERY CONCERT

ALL THREE OF THEM ARE SCARED OF HIM BTW 😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇 6 FEET AGAINST A GREMLIN FORMER GENERAL WE LOVE THE PAPA ENERGY

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WAIT WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN MALLEUS VOLUNTEERED TO STAY WITH YUU EVERY NIGHT AT RAMSHACKLE?!!!!!!!! I'M GOING INSANE WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!! He literally suggested it with his own free will and everyone agreed I'm going fucking insane oh my god!!!!!!

And Lilia asked to come over as a chaperone (so the kids wouldn't do anything naughty /jk) I'm-------

I need to eat but I'll cover it at length later oh my fucking god!!!!!!!

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both rook and malleus are the type of guys to want to sit with you as you play games. neither of them are particular about which game you play — it could be an fps or a vn. they would adore your presence anyway. malleus would be a little more unaware of what you were doing, and as such, would be asking you questions all over the place. You can't blame him, though. he just wants to understand your interests and connect with you. "[name], what are you doing?" he'd ask from right behind you as you sat on his lap. it was his fifth question in the span of a minute. you would be getting annoyed if his innocent curiosity wasn't so endearing. "i'm collecting mats for this boss fight." you paused momentarily to focus on killing the final enemy, "i'm not really the right level, so i need to make up for it with good loot." "i see..." gently, he rested his chin on your shoulder. his inky black hair tickled your neck, and you could almost feel his emerald eyes peering up at you questioningly, "what are 'mats'?" "materials." "and loot?" now that was a question you had to rack your brain for answers to. how do you explain in-game loot to someone who hadn't even picked up a controller before? "...it's kind of like a treasure. you collect jewelry and stuff to put in your treasury, right? It's kind of like that. I have to work to get good treasure." "ah." he nodded in understanding. now you were getting somewhere. "you're very knowledgeable, my love." he said, tilting his head down to press a chaste peck against your shoulder. you could feel him smile into it. you puffed out your chest at the compliment, "yeah. i've been playing this game since release, so i think i've gotten pretty good." you smiled. "of course." ---

rook, on the other hand is suspiciously aware of what's happening. same as malleus, you've never seen him pick up a controller, so why was he almost more knowledgeable than you were?! "mon chouchou, you must be careful." rook warned. the two of you were sitting in the living room at ramshackle, eyes glued to your tv screen. you had been playing this stupid hack and slash for the past hour, and yet you couldn't pass this one level. there were far too many enemies, but even they weren't the issue. the issue was the final boss — one with far too much health and an insane attack power. the devs were definitely not testing this one. "i am being careful, rook." you said, a little more venom in your tone than you meant. you were just very, very annoyed. who designed such a horrible experience? "no, look over there." he pointed. you followed his finger to the screen. it was an inconspicuous pixel, one you would've definitely missed the last eleven times you ran this level. but, if you looked hard and long enough, you could see a small shimmer of light. you walked over to the area, interacting with it. when you did, you received a plethora of buffs, along with a large sword. inspecting the sword, you saw that it not only had more than enough attack power to breeze through the level, but it also had skills like life steal and smite — two skills you would've died to have 50 minutes earlier. you whipped your head dramatically towards the blond next to you, who only grinned knowingly. "how did you know that?!" you exclaimed, almost suspicious. "mon amour, i am a hunter. you know this already." rook smirked, leaning back on the couch, causing it to creak under the shift in weight. "i must be observant at all times, lest my prey escape my grasp." "oh. 'course...." you muttered. you couldn't believe him. was he letting you suffer this whole time? you decided to ask, "uh, how long has it been since you noticed that?" "72 minutes, mon vie." "what."

-- a/n: omg idk why this was so tough to write ive been thinking about it for dayys its so over for me

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Something something, Ace getting jealous over Malleus because one of the main things he had over the prince was how close you two were and how often you hung out. But now... the damn guy is your roommate.

Trying to ask if you wanna go on a date to the arcade with him, and your scary roommate is blankly staring at him while effortlessly cracking a coconut open with his bare hands.

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AAAHHHHHH Azul trying to court you with the tactics of an octomer,, Before realizing he’s definitely on land and he’ll have to innovate a little—he spends all his time in boutiques between classes instead of the lounge, now (what have you done to him?) collecting human clothing and accessories to catch your eye; he’s finally found the perfect piece! He struts proudly into your next shared potions class, sneaking up beside you to appear both mysterious and inedible, awaiting a sweet symphony as your mouth opens to speak—

“Azul, I’ve just gotta tell you,,, That scarf is super ugly. If you’re cold you could’ve just said something—my jacket’s too bulky anyways”

As the jacket drapes across his shoulders, he thinks briefly of falling over with the weight of it and just becoming a part of the floor—he rips his “mesmerizing, romantic” shawl off and tosses it towards the back of class, utterly humiliated..

Until your scent, carried by the insufferable heat of polyester reaches his nose and he realizes—you hadn’t said no! Or eaten him! He still has a chance!!

@bju3c0re @maofsydbsk

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something very humbling about listening to an unfamiliar song at random and thinking "this kinda goes, wonder if anyone else had heard of it" then you look it up and it's one of the most wildly popular and lauded rock songs of the last half century

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i love accidentally stubmling onto horny blogs on tumblr that persist despite the porn ban, cause it feels like lifting a rock and seeing a bunch of ants scurrying around. like oh shit! i didnt know you were down there. sorry for interrupting carry on my dude good luck with the puppygirl stuff. thumbs up.

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...And last but not least, the youngest fairy princess was also rewarded: She was granted the ability to mind her own business. Seeing that she had been given the most valuable gift amongst them all, the other seven sisters grew envious and devoured her. Just straight-up fucking ate her alive. Didn't leave bones nor buttons behind. I have never seen that kind of rage-fuelled cannibalism before. Nor will I ever unsee it. Fuck.

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“never kill yourself” is such a funny phrase to me that i think it’s accidently started working. its like an affrimation. say ‘never kill yourself’ enough times as a joke and maybe you won’t try to kill yourself over minor inconviences anymore

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What did stone age people procrastinate? Because the idea that they wouldn't ever do that is as strange to me as to wonder what that would look like. Was someone out there like "uuuuuuugh I really should be scraping that deer hide but I don't waaaaant tooooo. Let me just sit here chipping rocks and make 25 spearheads instead."

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algebra is honestly funzies when you know what youre doing it’s like a puzzle that you feel smart for solving. however when you don’t know what you’re doing it becomes a challenge called who can turn into a feral dog and bite things fastest and brother i always win

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Aftercare

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