dans-le-flou

[dans-le-flou]

The alcohol is kicking in and I’m still in love with you.

[dans-le-flou]

I think I'm falling for you.

[dans-le-flou]

Well, maybe it was always going to be love but god I hoped it wouldn't be. It's the start of the ending, isn't it?

[dans-le-flou]

Can we just pause and go back to the way it was for one night?

[dans-le-flou]

That look, those eyes, will forever be engraved in my memory.

[dans-le-flou]

"wanna tell you about my life, wanna play you all my songs."

[dans-le-flou]

[dans-le-flou]

[dans-le-flou]

If I'm misunderstood by the people closest to me, who do I have left to go to?

[dans-le-flou]

[dans-le-flou]

I can't help it but think about my dad every time I hear this song.

[dans-le-flou]

tell me; does it not fill you with fear

how this thing can kill you but

you wear it so well?

[dans-le-flou]

My mother is a fighter. She always keeps going regardless of how tired or how bad the situation is, she's both the toughest and the most tender/loving person I know. She is my number one supporter but she always thinks I can give and do more. If I am being honest this pushed me to achieve more over the short course of my life, it made me realize that I have more to give than I thought I did but it also made me believe that whatever I do, it's never enough.

My sisters are type A personalities, over achievers, smart, hard-working and loving. No matter how many times they tell me I'm just as smart (even smarter) and how many times they said they believed in me, I never believed I could live up to their level or to their expectations of me. Alongside mom, they're my biggest supporters but it came with the burden of always being afraid I'd let them down _and I have_ and that they'd eventually give up on me but they haven't yet.

What's there to complain about? I don't know, A LOT? Would I trade them for the world? Definitely not. I just feel that I'm always trying to achieve more, always running, always afraid and 100% of the time self-conscious and they're not to blame. Maybe I'm too fragile, maybe being compared to people your whole life stops you from working on having a personality of your own and instead makes you try to achieve the standard people had set for you.

I guess I'm so tired of running as fast as I can (ofc it's a Taylor Swift's reference). I guess for once in my life I just want to feel like what I'm doing is enough, like I am enough.

I feel overwhelmed all the time and I guess I just need someone to tell me that it's okay to stop, catch my breath and then see what my next step is going to be.

[dans-le-flou]

[dans-le-flou]

on the train to vienna, listening to classical music

[dans-le-flou]

If I keep floating at the surface of gried,

How will I ever get to the bottom of myself?

[dans-le-flou]

I want to know what the sky looked like everyday you missed me.