dbriley

[dbriley]

Your Phone Is Cockblocking Your Life (And You're Letting It)

Oh, look who's here – another article about phones ruining everything. Plot twist: this one's actually true, and you're probably reading it on your phone while ignoring someone who's trying to talk to you. The irony is delicious, isn't it?

The Great Digital Cock-Up

Remember when we used to talk to people? Like, with our actual face-holes? Now we're all walking around like zombies with blue-light-emitting pacifiers, more connected to our Instagram feeds than the humans sitting across from us at dinner. It's like we've collectively decided that scrolling through strangers' vacation photos is more important than maintaining eye contact with the people we care about.

The "I'm Totally Listening" Lie

Picture this: You're at dinner with friends, telling them about how your cat almost burned down your apartment (riveting stuff), and everyone's doing that thing where they nod while secretly scrolling through TikTok under the table. We've all become those bobbleheads people put in their cars, except instead of bringing joy, we're slowly killing our friendships one "uh-huh" at a time.

Your Communication Skills Are Now Officially Hot Garbage

Remember having actual conversations? Now we communicate primarily in memes and emoji combinations that would confuse archaeologists of the future. We've evolved backwards faster than a moonwalking Michael Jackson, turning into creatures who panic at the thought of making a phone call but will happily send 47 consecutive texts that could have been one simple conversation.

How to Fix This Dumpster Fire (Maybe)

Create No-Phone Zones (Like a Reverse Pokemon GO)

Designate areas where phones are as welcome as a fart in an elevator. Yes, Karen, that means the dinner table. No, your TikTok followers won't die if they don't see your pasta getting cold while you try to find the perfect angle.

Actually See People IRL (Revolutionary, I Know)

Schedule face-to-face meetings like you're some kind of prehistoric savage. Warning: This may involve wearing pants and making eye contact. Side effects may include actual human connection and feelings of genuine happiness.

Use Your Phone Like It's 2005

Remember when phones were just... phones? Try that sometimes. It's retro! It's hip! It's basically vintage at this point! Bonus points if you actually call someone instead of sending them 15 separate messages!

Listen Like Your Life Depends On It

When someone's talking to you, pretend your phone is a radioactive potato that will melt your face off if you touch it. Amazing things happen when you actually pay attention to people – they start to like you more! Wild concept, right?

The Bottom Line (Because We All Need a TL;DR)

Your phone is basically the third wheel in all your relationships, except instead of being that fun friend who brings wine and gossip, it's more like that weird cousin who shows up uninvited and won't stop showing everyone their crypto wallet.

Look, I'm not saying throw your phone into the sea (though the fishes could probably use some Instagram filters). Just maybe, possibly, consider that the glowing rectangle in your pocket shouldn't be the main character in your life story.

And if you're reading this while someone's trying to talk to you – yes, this is your sign to put the phone down. Go on, do it. The memes will still be there later, I promise. Your relationships, however, might not be.

Now excuse me while I go post about how we should all spend less time on our phones... on my phone.

[dbriley]

Digital Well-Being: Because Apparently We Need an App to Tell Us to Breathe

Listen up, fellow digital hostages. We're living in an era where our phones have become such helicopter parents that they now remind us to do basic human functions. That's right – we've reached peak civilization: an app that tells you to breathe. Take that, evolution!

The Mindfulness Industrial Complex

Remember when finding inner peace didn't require a subscription plan? Now we've got meditation apps that are about as zen as a caffeinated squirrel doing taxes. They promise to transform you from a stress-ball of anxiety into a floating cloud of tranquility – all for the low, low price of your sanity and half of your car payment.

These digital gurus are basically the equivalent of having a really pushy friend who won't shut up about their chakras, except now they live in your pocket and send you notifications about "finding your center" while you're trying to watch the newest Tik Tok dance trends.

Your Wrist is Probably Judging You

We live in an era where your watch knows more about your health than you do. These little wrist-mounted dictators track everything from your steps to your sleep patterns, basically turning your life into a game of "Numbers That Make You Feel Bad About Yourself."

It's like having a tiny personal trainer strapped to your arm, except instead of yelling "ONE MORE REP!" it passive-aggressively vibrates and beeps when you've been sitting for too long. "Stand up!" it demands, usually right in the middle of your Netflix binge. Thanks, watch, I totally needed that guilt trip while I was seven episodes deep into a show about vampire gymnasts.

Digital Detox (The Irony is Not Lost on Us)

In a plot twist that would make M. Night Shyamalan proud, we now need apps to help us stop using apps. It's like using alcohol to cure alcoholism, except somehow Silicon Valley convinced us this makes perfect sense. These apps essentially guilt-trip you into not using your phone by showing you virtual trees dying or sad puppies or whatever psychological warfare they've cooked up this week.

Social Media: Now With 30% Less Soul-Crushing Anxiety!

Social media platforms are finally pretending to care about our mental health – kind of like how your ex says they want to "stay friends." They're rolling out features to make you feel less terrible about yourself, which is like putting a Band-Aid on a shark bite, but hey, at least they're trying.

The Future is... Well, Something

Look, here's the deal: we're trying to use technology to solve problems that technology created in the first place. It's like setting your house on fire and then inventing a really complicated way to put it out involving blockchain and machine learning, when maybe we could have just... not set the house on fire?

But since we're all too far gone to turn back now, here's what the future looks like: Your smartwatch will tell your meditation app that you're stressed, which will tell your digital detox app to lock you out of your phone, which will notify your social media accounts to post an automatic "Taking a mental health break!" status, complete with a serene beach photo you've never actually visited.

The Bottom Line 

We're basically living in a world where we need machines to remind us how to be human. It's like we're all participating in a massive technological experiment that future generations will probably study in their "What Were They Thinking?" portions of history classes.

But hey, if you need me, I'll be using my mindfulness app to calm down from the stress of my fitness tracker telling me I didn't sleep well, while my digital wellness app counts down the minutes until I can look at social media again. Because that, my friends, is what we call progress.

Now excuse me while I go download an app that reminds me to drink water. Because apparently, that's where we're at as a species.

[dbriley]

CONTROL ALT HUMAN

CONTROL ALT HUMAN - Where Black Mirror meets stand-up comedy in book form. A razor-sharp examination of society's technological fever dream, told through the lens of someone who's both fascinated and horrified by our digital descent. Raw, honest, and uncomfortably funny. Enjoy

https://books2read.com/u/b6oyAW

[dbriley]

The Great Digital Dumpster Fire: Why We're All Alone Together

Look, we're living in the most "connected" time in human history – air quotes are definitely doing some heavy lifting there. We've got phones that could launch a space shuttle (or at least order pizza), apps that let us virtually place fit furniture in our homes, and enough social media platforms to give a boomer an aneurysm. Yet somehow we're all as lonely as a pair of socks that went into the dryer but only one seemed made it out safely.

The Digital Facade of Friendship

Remember when hanging out meant actually hanging out, not just double-tapping someone's carefully filtered brunch photo? Now we're all living in this bizarre parallel universe where friendship is measured in likes and our self-worth depends on how many people watched our Instagram story about making toast. It's like we're all playing a massive multiplayer game of "Pretend Everything's Fine" while secretly feeling about as connected as a Nokia 3310 in 2024.

The carefully curated highlight reels we scroll through are about as authentic as a three-dollar bill or my aunt's "natural" hair color. We're comparing our behind-the-scenes footage to everyone else's director's cut, and spoiler alert: that's about as healthy as using gasoline as mouthwash.

The Mental Health Merry-go-round from Hell

Studies show that excessive social media use is linked to anxiety and depression,  shocking absolutely no one who's ever spent three hours stalking their ex's new partner's cousin's dog's Instagram. We're all caught in this twisted circus where we feel lonely, so we scroll, then we feel worse, so we scroll more. It's like trying to cure a hangover with more tequila – spoiler alert: it doesn't work, I’ve tried.

The Death of Actually Doing Stuff

Remember places? Like, physical locations where humans used to gather and do this weird thing called "interacting"? Now we're all working remotely, shopping online, and probably forgetting how pants work. Our neighborhoods have gone from "Won't you be my neighbor?" to "Who the hell lives next door?" faster than you can say "Amazon Prime delivery." 

The solution? (Because apparently, we need one)

Look, I'm not suggesting we all become Amish (though their barn-raising parties do sound lit). But maybe – and I'm just spitballing here – we could try using our phones as actual phones sometimes? Wild concept, I know. Maybe we could even (gasp) meet people in real life, where you can't just ghost mid-conversation by closing an app.

Here's the tea: we're all out here acting like we're more connected than ever, but we're about as genuinely connected as a WiFi router in a Faraday cage. We're drowning in a sea of notifications while dying of thirst for real connection – and if that's not the most millennial thing you've ever heard, I don't know what is.

So maybe it's time to put down the phone (after you finish reading this, obviously), put on some pants (optional but recommended), and remember what actual human interaction feels like. Because let's face it, no amount of emoji reactions will ever replace the feeling of laughing so hard with friends that water (or wine) comes out your nose.

And if all else fails, there's always cats. At least they're honest about not wanting to interact with you.

[dbriley]

We all need to laugh and (most of us) need digital detox. Check out my book available where ever books are sold. Just don't blame me when you nodding in agreement after a good belly laugh!

[dbriley]

Screen Time vs. Real Time: Why Face-to-Face Connection is Vanishing

The Digital Zombie Apocalypse Is Here (And We're All Infected)

Look, I hate to break it to you, but we're living in a zombie apocalypse. Not the sexy "Walking Dead" kind—more like the "everyone's face is permanently lit by blue light while their soul slowly dies" kind. Spoiler alert: We're the zombies.

The Numbers Are In (And They're More Depressing Than Your Ex's Spotify Playlist)

Remember when "social butterfly" meant actually talking to people instead of having 47 group chats you're actively ignoring? These days, the average human spends more time staring at screens than they do sleeping, eating, or questioning their life choices combined. That's roughly 7 hours daily of prime zombie time, folks.

What We're Losing (Besides Our Will to Live)

Let's talk about what we're trading for our precious screen time: actual human skills. You know, those ancient arts like reading facial expressions, maintaining eye contact, and not having an anxiety attack when someone suggests getting coffee in person. It's like we've all collectively decided that emojis are an acceptable substitute for human emotion. Spoiler: They're not.

The Science Behind Why We're Screwed

Here's the fun part: our brains actually need face-to-face interaction like they need oxygen. Every time you make eye contact with another human, your brain releases oxytocin—nature's way of saying "hey, maybe don't be a complete hermit." But apparently, we've decided that Instagram likes are a better dopamine hit than actual human connection. Solid choice, humanity.

The Real-World Fallout

Dating? More like carefully curated profile management. Workplace communication? Just an endless stream of passive-aggressive Slack messages. Family dinner? Oh, you mean synchronized scrolling time. We're basically turning into highly efficient communication machines who can't communicate worth a damn.

How to Fix This Mess (Because Someone Has To)

Want to join the resistance against our self-imposed digital hell? Here's your survival guide:

• Create "no-phone zones" (yes, the bathroom counts—you're not fooling anyone)

• Try the "phone stack" game at dinner (first to grab their phone pays, like a digital Russian roulette)

• Practice actual conversation (you know, that thing where sounds come out of your mouth piece)

• Make eye contact (without immediately looking away like you've seen a ghost)

The Bottom Line 

Look, I'm not suggesting we all become digital monks living in WiFi-free monasteries. But maybe, we could try remembering that we're humans, not hardware. Your face deserves better than being permanently illuminated by TikTok's gentle glow.

Besides, when the actual zombie apocalypse comes, do you really want your last words to be "Hold on, let me post this"?

[dbriley]

Social Media is Now Dumber Than a Potato Wearing a Top Hat

Social media is becoming a flaming dumpster fire right before our eyes. Remember when we thought the internet would make us all smarter? Yeah, that aged about as well as milk left in a sauna.

The Great Dumbing Down

Every time I open any social media app, I feel my brain cells hosting a mass suicide pact. What used to be a place for sharing ideas has turned into a circus where the main act is people filming themselves licking random objects for clout. It's like watching evolution run in reverse, but with better lighting and questionable dance moves.

The Algorithm Apocalypse

The real villain here? Those precious algorithms that have all the moral compass of a caffeinated raccoon in a dumpster full of Red Bull cans. They're designed to push whatever gets the most engagement, which turns out to be about as intellectually stimulating as watching paint dry while getting hit in the face with a wet sock.

Consider this: A scientist posting about groundbreaking research gets 12 views, while someone pretending to be possessed by their breakfast cereal goes viral faster than gossip in a small town church group. If that doesn't sum up our current situation, I don't know what does.

The Attention Span Massacre

We've collectively developed the attention span of a goldfish on speed. Actually, that's an insult to goldfish - at least they complete a full lap around their bowl. These days, if content isn't shorter than the time it takes to microwave a burrito, it's basically War and Peace.

TikTok has turned our brains into a slot machine that only pays out in dopamine hits and bad dance moves. We've gone from reading Shakespeare to watching someone explain quantum physics using interpretive dance and rubber chickens. And somehow, that's considered an improvement.

Influencer Insanity

Don't even get me started on influencers - those human equivalents of a pop-up ad you can't close. They're out here giving life advice with the confidence of a drunk person trying to solve calculus. "Hey guys, today I'm going to show you how to achieve financial freedom by buying my course on how to sell courses about selling courses!" It's like a pyramid scheme had a baby with a mirror maze.

The Rise of Nonsense

The content these days makes about as much sense as using a fish as a doorstop. People are literally filming themselves doing things that would make their grandparents question evolution. We've got challenges where folks are eating tide pods, filing their teeth with nail files, and doing interpretive dances about their toxic relationships while dressed as potted plants.

What Can We Do About It?

Short answer? We're probably doomed. Long answer? We're definitely doomed, but maybe we can at least go down laughing at our own stupidity. The best we can do is try to be the person who brings actual content to the table, even if that table is currently on fire and being used as a prop in someone's "extreme furniture surfing challenge."

Look, I'm not saying we need to turn social media into a TED talk (God forbid), but maybe we could aim higher than "Guy staples bread to trees for 10 hours straight." Although, I must admit, that's still better than most political discussions in the comments section.

The Bottom Line

Social media has become the equivalent of a monkey throwing its own shit at a canvas while riding a unicycle - chaotic, messy, and somehow considered art by someone, somewhere. But hey, at least we're all going down this rabbit hole together, armed with nothing but memes and good Wi-Fi.

Remember folks: in a world where a video of someone opening a jar of pickles while skydiving gets more attention than actual news, the best we can do is embrace the absurdity and try not to become part of it. Or do become part of it - I'm a blog post, not a cop.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go film myself explaining this article while doing a handstand in a pool of Jello. You know, for engagement.

[dbriley]

Last-Minute Screen-Free Gifts

INTRODUCTION:

'Twas three days before Christmas, and all through the web,

Your friends were still scrolling, their brains virtually dead.

But you, the wise gift-giver, with chaos in mind,

Are about to save them with presents unplugged and refined.

PANIC MODE: Speed Run This Gift Guide

[For all you procrastinators who just realized Christmas is basically tomorrow]

⏰ 72-HOUR SURVIVAL GUIDE:

Local bookstore runs (they're still open, we checked)

Target emergency sprints (avoid the Christmas music-induced hysteria)

That one craft store that somehow has everything

Barnes & Noble's last stand

Holy Sleigh Bells, Christmas Is When?! Gift Categories

For The "Just Checking Work Emails On Christmas Eve" Friend:

Fancy planners (2025 is your year, bestie)

Adult coloring books (festive anxiety management)

Hot chocolate bombs (because even your notification-addicted friend deserves joy)

For The person who "Instagram Stories Their Entire Christmas:

Board games that'll outlast their phone battery

"Codenames: Christmas Edition" (better than family Facebook drama)

Holiday puzzle featuring literally anything but screens

Christmas-scented candles (smell this instead of your burning CPU)

Emergency Christmas Mall Guide - Where to panic-shop when Amazon Prime isn't an option anymore

STORES STILL SAVING YOUR BACON:

Barnes & Noble (your literary sanctuary)

Target (the Christmas chaos zone)

Michaels (craft supply heaven)

Local bookstores (support small business, you hero)

Last-Minute Gift Bundles For The Truly Desperate

The "Christmas Miracle" Bundle:

Pendleton wool throw blanket

Deathwish or Black Rifle Coffee

"No Plan B" by Lee Child and Andrew Child 

King Arthur Brewing Company's Classic Chocolate Chip Cookie Mix (Because nothing says "I planned this" like themed bundling)

The "Silent Night" Package:

Sleep mask

Lavender everything

Meditation cushion

No phones allowed sign (For the friend whose screen time makes Santa cry)

[dbriley]

Digital Burnout: Your Brain is Not a 24/7 Drive-Thru

INTRODUCTION:

Remember when "burnout" meant doing sick donuts in a parking lot? Now it's your brain doing donuts while you stare at your phone from 5PM to 11 PM. Welcome to the digital burnout, the modern equivalent of trying to run a marathon while juggling chainsaws and responding to Facebook messages.

Signs You're Digitally Burnt (Besides Your Smoking Keyboard)

Look, if your eye twitch has its own Instagram following, we need to talk. Here's what digital burnout actually looks like:

Your phone separation anxiety rivals a teenager's fear of missing a TikTok trend

Your thumb has developed abs from endless scrolling

You've memorized every pixel of your LinkedIn homepage

Your coffee maker gets more rest than you do

The Science breakdown (Don't Worry, We'll Keep It Spicier Than Your Ex's Instagram Stories)

Your brain on digital overload is like a hamster who had a Redbull. Chaotic, messy, and heading nowhere fast. Here's the deal:

Your anxiety is partying harder than college freshmen

Your attention span now matches a goldfish with ADHD

Your sleep cycle is more disturbed than a good horror movie 

7 Ways to Stop the Digital Dumpster Fire

Digital Boundaries That Don't Suck:

Treat work emails like that clingy ex – set strict visiting hours

Your phone isn't a conjoined twin – surgical separation is allowed

Create a notification system that doesn't feel like a hostage situation

The 90/20 Method (Because Your Brain Isn't Netflix – It Needs Breaks). Work like you're being chased by deadlines for 90 minutes. Take 20-minute breaks where screens are as forbidden as pineapple on pizza

Implementation Plan (Or: How to Actually Do This Stuff Without Having a Existential Crisis)

Week 1: Reality Check

Count your notification pings (if you reach 1000 before lunch, seek help)

Track your screen time like you track your ex's new relationship status

Document when your eye twitch turns into a flutter

Week 2-3: The Intervention

Delete apps like you're cleaning out your Ex’s belongings

Set boundaries firmer than your grandmother's opinions

Create device-free zones (yes, the bathroom counts)

When It All Goes Wrong (Because It Will)

Look, you'll fail. Like that time you promised to start meal prep or learn Spanish on Rosetta Stone. Here's what actually happens:

The Client Emergency

Everyone's definition of "emergency" is different. Your client's 11 PM "URGENT!" email about font choices isn't actually urgent

Solution: Auto-reply and simply let your snark cannon handle it (don’t do that, you still haven’t paid of school loans yet)

The FOMO Spiral

Your brain: "But what if someone posted something IMPORTANT?"

Reality: It's probably just another gym selfie or coffee art

Solution: Remind yourself that social media is just everyone's highlight reel on steroids (top heavy and disgruntled about everything)

Measuring Success (Without Spreadsheets Because We're Not Monsters)

You're winning if:

Your eye twitch downgrades from "possessed" to "mildly concerning"

You can watch an entire movie without checking your phone

Your plants are alive because you actually notice them now

Your pets remember what you look like

The Real Talk Section

Let's be honest – you're probably reading this on your phone while ignoring three other tasks. The irony isn't lost on us. But here's the truth bomb: digital burnout isn't just about screen time. It's about reclaiming your brain from the technological equivalent of a toddler hopped up on pixie sticks.

Your Action Plan (Because We Can't Leave You Hanging Like a Netflix Series)

Right Now:

Put your phone down (after reading this, obviously)

Take a deep breath (oxygen is still free, unlike app subscriptions)

Look at something further than 6 inches from your face

Today:

Pick ONE thing from this guide

Actually do it (revolutionary, we know)

Don't immediately post about doing it

This Week:

Set up auto-replies snarkier than this article (Again, not recommended if you want to keep your job)

Remember what your hobbies were BC (Before Connectivity)

Conclusion:

Your brain deserves better than being a 24/7 digital carnival. Start small, fail forward, and remember: every time you ignore a notification, an IT angel gets its wings.

Final Call to Action:

Download a Digital Detox Tracker. Or don't. We're not your mom.