demigrayaceptance

[demigrayaceptance]

I got my love story. who would have thought that it’ll all work out at the end?

[demigrayaceptance]

And poof, it’s over before it even started. Love this for me!

[demigrayaceptance]

I’m on the edge of falling in love. I can feel how the love is slowly creeping over me. Slowly covering me, soft & carefully.

[demigrayaceptance]

I’m slowly realizing how much actually like him

[demigrayaceptance]

So there is someone. Someone that seems nice and genuine. Someone i am interested in. Someone that works out and goes on runs with me. Someone that texts back. Someone.

[demigrayaceptance]

I feel pathetic. My heart still belongs to someone that’s definitely not worth of owning it. I’m stalking old lovers seeing they are happily in love with someone else. Looking around at my friends getting married or having babies. And here I am still alone, all by myself. Not capable of finding someone I really like and who also likes me back. I just want to be hold tight, have endless conversations and kiss someone who is genuine - is that too much to ask ?

[demigrayaceptance]

so i got my honest answer to the one big question that I had. And as much as it relieved me and took away a lot of doubts I don’t like the answer that I got. We could be great together. But he doesn’t want to change. He is content or whatever with what life offers him. And I hate him for it. We could be great together. But he might be too afraid, too in his head to see it. He has the highest walls up and doesn’t see the necessity of a change. We could be great together. If I wouldn’t be the only one of the two of us still holding on to the thought that we could be great together.

[demigrayaceptance]

my texts have been very cryptic these last couple weeks, months, years. I used to write down exactly what happened and how specific people made me feel. at one point I changed the writing style - I still know which entry is about which idiot and when I wrote it. I’m utterly grateful for all these emotions on one page - weirdly out there in the world, technically for everyone to see. It always feels therapeutic, it helps me clean my mind. It helps me to get all the emotions and the anger out of my body. but lets get down to business, here's the current situation: the crush from last year - last couple of weeks showed me, I’m definitely not over it, I either need an explanation or someone else to project all my emotions on ( doesn't sound healthy, or does it?). I hate that I feel this way, especially since the relationship we are in .. its complicated, lets put it that way. I still see them / interact with them every other week, and there’s no way I can get out of it smoothly or in a way that I don’t loose something I don’t want to loose - frustrating, Glad I thought about this a year ago and then pushed all the reasonable thoughts away for 4 hours last year and literally ruined everything. Man, sometimes I hate my life choices. Anyhow, situation no 2. Remember the work dude I went on a couple dates back in 2016, who then dropped me smoothly after not seeing each other for quite sometime, cause it lost its spark and then asked me whether I’m down for a friends with benefits kinda thing - yeah that one. He’s back in my dm, asking for a date. He wants to explain himself. As much as I hate this whole situation and my guts are telling me to run - I’m also a fan of second chances and I guess pretty desperate, depressed and lonely at the moment. As if he knew, he texted me during a weak time. wow, my life - I love it. 10/10. would recommend. PS: I started taking the pill again - I’ve had an headache for the past 5 days and I’m an emotional wreck. love it.

[demigrayaceptance]

I miss you. And I hate that I feel this way. But I miss you. And you are not allowed to ever know that this is how I feel. But I miss you and your radiant thoughts. And I know I shouldn’t feel this way. But I miss you.

[demigrayaceptance]

He is not good for me.

[demigrayaceptance]

When does it stop that I’ll get fucked over by stupid boys?

[demigrayaceptance]

i want to feel love again. in its purest and most magical form. 

[demigrayaceptance]

do you ever met someone and you instantly feel yourself click with that person? I just experienced this. And even though this seems like the perfect person for me, I know - deep, deep down I know - he is not. But I don’t want that to be true.

[demigrayaceptance]

sometimes I am shocked at how good I’ve become at accepting that yet again I got disappointed by another human being. 

[demigrayaceptance]

I’m so done. I don’t know what it is that I constantly attract complicated, unsatisfactory and bullshit behaviour. All of the last four guys I’ve been interested in, approached me first, they initiated it - kissed me, asked me on dates, gave me presents. And then dropped me - I see a pattern here and it makes me mad. When will I finally learn? When will I finally meet someone genuine? I don’t want to deal with bullshit anymore, I’m done picking myself up over and over again.

[demigrayaceptance]

How come my self-confidence is basically non-existing as soon as I like some one?

[demigrayaceptance]

It seems like I attract complicated when it comes to love. But listen: I’m so fucking ready for normal. Please, just bless me with a boring, not complicated but honest love.