despair-ing

[despair-ing]

I know that some British people take umbrage at Americans calling the Great British Bake Off relaxing, but it's just because GBBO is such a different kind of stressful from American baking shows.

American baking shows will be called something like "Cupcake Knife Fight", there's horror movie lighting everywhere and dramatic stings every 5 seconds. All of the contestants are shit talking each other and fist fighting over the one single deep fryer provided by production. It will show the judges all whispering to each other at their super villain table overlooking the whole kitchen, and one will be like, "Oh my god. Everyone look at Brenda right now. She's straight tanking it." And it will cut to Brenda, who is running around covered in flour and crying and also bleeding for some reason. Then you get a clip from an interview with one of the contestants, and they're like, "I really need to win this. Without this award money, I'm gonna need to close my restaurant, sell my dad, and live out of my car. AGAIN." Then the giant digital doomsday clock overhead lets out a horrid klaxon, the judges tell half of them that their cupcakes taste disgusting, and one of them gets eliminated and sent to walk down the dramatically-lit shame hallway never to be seen again.

Meanwhile GBBO is in a lovely, brightly colored tent, there are delightful and friendly hosts/jesters there to keep everyone entertained, and all of the B Roll is of like... a bumblebee going into a flower, or a lamb running in a field. And yes, there will be moments where someone will mess up their timing or something, and they'll be looking at their bake through the oven door like, "oh gosh I don't think this will rise in time!" Then they stand up to find Paul Hollywood directly behind them ominously. His creepy whitewalker eyes will glow white, and he'll say something like "the 12th of June. 2035. Drowning." And his eyes will go back to normal and he'll walk away. Then the baker gives a playful grimace to the camera and says "that didnt sound great, did it?". Cut to a sweet looking older woman sipping tea on a stool and she says "oo I do hope that Prue enjoys the taste of my sugary, sticky baps!". Then, at the end, someone gets a gold star for doing good, and the loser of the episode gets in the middle of a giant group hug. You see all of them at the end of the series at a giant carnival with their families and the post credits informs you that all of the contestants have become a Partridge Family-style traveling band and stayed friends forever.

[despair-ing]

😭 is the best emoji it can be ironic it can be sincere it can be laughter it can be sobbing it’s literally the whole spectrum of human emotion

[despair-ing]

Why does like every language do things with their R sounds that nobody else understands

[despair-ing]

chronic fatigue will have u thinking things like i miss washing and chopping vegetables

[despair-ing]

CITATION NEEDED?!!!

[despair-ing]

yeah.

[despair-ing]

That one episode of the Malevolent

[despair-ing]

Aspity sketches because I'm trying to figure out how to draw her face

[despair-ing]

sweet treats should not cost money they should come as complimentary gift for not giving up

[despair-ing]

would you put a discarded fruit sticker on my forehead in whimsical jest yes or no

[despair-ing]

I love talking with neurotypical people about my executive dysfunction because I'm like "yeah there's this invisible wall in my head that I'm incapable of getting past no matter what I do and it stops me from doing things" and they're like what the actual fuck

Meanwhile other neurodivergents are like

[despair-ing]

me to my daughter when I take away her yugioh cards for misbehaving: Say goodbye to exodia

[despair-ing]

once i figure out how to do anatomy and facial expressions and proportion and foreshortening and basic perspective and color theory and composition then youll all be sorry

[despair-ing]

I'm not like Mad at anyone who does this and I'm obviously not in charge of how anyone else tags shit on their own blogs, whatever, but it's always bummed me out when my sex Ed posts get reblogged and tagged with 18+, minors dni, etc. personally I actually very much want teenagers to learn about their bodies and safer sex but I guess I'm just the guy who wrote the thing.

[despair-ing]

I don’t think I can stress enough how many people on here need a hobby like 95% of what people refer to as jobless behavior is actually just hobbyless behavior. Take up watercolors or tabletop or join a hiking group or something you probably won’t feel as much of an incessant need to freak out on the internet every day

[despair-ing]

worst fear is that i write something from the heart and it gets mocked as #tumblrprose . second worst fear is big big big big ant colony conspiring to kill me to death

[despair-ing]

Now that I’ve played some of the Pathologic 3 demo and know Daniil often kicks and hits things to relieve stress, I am 100% assuming that all those slamming garbage bin noises that startled the shit out of me in Pathologic 2 were him. He was just one street over having a tantrum while Artemy limped around looking for herbs and trying not to get stabbed again.