destril

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Star Wars | illustrated by Alyn Spiller

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boys go to jupiter

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I can't stress enough how much I miss StumbleUpon

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Becoming a writer is great because now you have a hobby that haunts you whenever you don’t have time to do it

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tactical gear-ifies your formers

ratchet and the big op respectively

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The problem: you are Michael Bublé, it is 2011 and you would like to make a Christmas album. Your producers want you to sing the classic Christmas song "Santa, Baby," but if you sing it as intended, it's gonna come off as, like, super gay

The proposed solution: you will rewrite the lyrics to the song to imply a platonic friendship between yourself and the man in red, making Santa a real bro who's gonna help you get laid by some hunnies, with cool, masculine gifts like a steel blue convertible, a yacht and tickets to a Canadian hockey game

The reality: the combination of the eroticism of your voice and the inherently sexual vibes of the song means you create a story about a closeted gay guy desperately repressing his desire to - as the kids say - fuck that old man, no homo'ing your way through asking him to trim your tree, promising you'll be such a good boy if he treats you well, and begging him to slide down your chimney

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ever wish you could just stay in one moment?

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Humpback whales breaching: gorgeous, majestic, graceful, embodies all the strength and beauty of the ocean

Minke whales breaching: I will launch myself out of this ocean like a f***ing surface-to-air missile to seek and destroy my enemies

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your wife is a genocidal maniac, skyfire

parts 1 & 2

(if you notice that the bots' models keep changing, no you don't)

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these are the captains? this ship is doomed😭

crops below cause i spent too long on this for something so stupid

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*sigh*

You know who else is on my "Transformers crushes" list?

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soundwave based on 2000s disc player

Shockwave based on 1960s tech and an oscilloscope