deterioratingdivinity

[deterioratingdivinity]

It's been awhile since I was taught how to love

To show love I mean

I never learned how to properly receive it

Apparently to be loved I must be modest

So modest in fact it bleeds slightly into the actual definition of self hatred

But I can not hate myself too much or I'll end up attention seeking

If I stop loving myself I'll go looking for it

How can I stay pure if I'm looking for love

No man will ever want me if I'm impure

Tainted by another man who had plenty to give but never love

But I guess I never expected it anyway

I know I will never truly recieve it

I was never taught how to after all

So I'll continue my search

I'll continue to give and give

And take everything out of empty hearts and overflowing pockets

Because I don't need a man to be happy

But my wallet sure doesn't mind

This is kinda a vent but please do not take it as any kind of bashing on s*x workers, I respect them very very much and I don't want this message to be spread wrong. ~🧡💚🌼

[deterioratingdivinity]

I am always gently reminded of how the sun would look if the world were more perfect

Crafted by perfect hands, sculpted by perfect fingers

I'm always reminded that my figure is too big, too bold, too gross, too unhealthy

The world needs grace, I should be more dainty I am told

Because the sun would look more beautiful if the people were more perfect

I am told that I need to be more useful

I have to make up for my imperfections

I cannot paint

My strokes are too shaky

I cannot write

Too many commas

Not enough punctuation

That's a run on sentence

It runs on

And on

And on

And on

That's a sentence fragment

Is not finished.

I am told that I should perfect something if I ever want to truly make the world better

But nothing sticks

It all just I off

I

I I

I

Slides

[deterioratingdivinity]

So I know this is my first post but-

Imagine-and hear me out- kaminari is actually in a lot of pain when he goes into his whey modes-continue to hear me out because I know this is a popular headcannon. Imagine he learned to do the thumbs up to console his parents over these horrible modes and eventually involved into a habit; a habit used so often, he doesn't even realize he's doing it.

Now if he does these reassuring thumbs up people are bound to assume these (I like to refer to them as seizures because if anything they're a lot like absence seizures) are completely fine and don't hurt kami. But I feel like if kami doesn't realize he's doing the reassuring thumbs up the only thing he can assume is nobody around him cares.

Now imagine kaminari after a bunch of hero classes begins to withdraw himself because his friends playful insults paired with the fact nobody acknowledges his seizures has him convinced nobody really cares about him-including his teachers who he knows would sacrifice their lives for their students. Imagine everyone noticing and worrying and slowly gifts and stuff begin to appear at his door, packages show up at the gates for him, his friends begin to work harder to include him and try to ask him to come out and hang out with them, even bakugou leaves stuff for him though he'd never admit it.

Imagine it eventually leads to kami breaking down and telling his friends how he feels and it leads to an emotional group hug in the common room while the others outside of the group avoid the area to give them all space. It leads to movie night where kaminari ends up squished between a "begrudging" bakugou and a content sero with mina, kiri, and jirou on the floor in front of the couch with a bunch of snacks and hot chocolate and lots of pillows and blankets.

Anyways what I'm trying to say is I really wanted to draw that scene but I didn't know how to explain the scene without including the little story/imagine I had in mind for it, I'll probably get around to drawing it eventually, I'm not a very good artist

I know I type as I think so it's messy and probably not that great to read, I'm so sorry