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selentieun:

“that’s not very kind.” naeun will never understand why people would rather be negative towards other people, the way they’re bittersweet about the things someone does to them. revenge is an answer but to take pain and create it into a lesson seems more self-growing than to have yourself drown in misery. and she tries to recoil her half-sister’s behavior, the way she seemed to dislike everyone because of one person. then it resulted into everyone leaving these said scars over her. humming within her thoughts, she begins to rub at her shoulder gently with a pout, trying to stretch limbs that were numb in position. 

though it is an indeed complex situation, naeun muses. hearing the way the other woman speaks sparks interest and despite her not being someone to assume and judge another; she always tries to figure out why another person is the way they are. “you’re right though, mindset is everything.” chirping before her emotion drops to a neutral one, teeth pressing into her bottom lip whilst she looks over at the shades of hues and colors that sori was using. “you think what others do for another is based off of how they were treated? i heard that saying from my mother back when i was younger.” 

it was based from when she was bullied from rumors that sparked, it was a partially true though. from her sister existing but the whole sleeping around with a boy in the campus was a false accusation. certainly naeun was angry but she didn’t become physical nor mentally abusing with words the way they were, she found a solution. frowning, chin tucked underneath her knees while looking over at sori. “people are cruel, everything’s falling apart slowly.”

“that’s the funny thing with the world, we’re born into it, screaming, crying like hell then we expect it to just be sugar feeding us and you know what?” it’s all a bit of a ramble now. she’s not quite the kind to throw a sermon, to give advice as if she knows everything. she tries to give less and show more, she tries to say less and write more. this humanity always tugs her in a way that has her uncomfortable sometimes. it makes her want to shed her skin and perhaps, become a wall for a day, or let’s be a music CD for another one. let’s just be something else. not breathe. not speak. not think. just be it, be it. 

but she’s got a voice and a mind that runs with thoughts, not paint, not ink, not music notes. but words and sori knows she’s rambling with thoughts and memories and experiences. she knows she won’t like it once it’s all out, but it’s coming before she can stop it. “it is sweet, the first thing we get is literally fed the best things. as a baby your parents always give you the best of everything, they teach you that you can have anything, they make it seem like you’re always going to be well fed, well clean--” 

but then it stops, right there. before she can go on. or maybe it is the period she’s just added to the one word her brush was tracing that makes her stop in her tracks. “actually, scratch that, some kids never get the sugar sticky sweet start.” 

she looks up then at naeun. wonders how everything seems to coincide to the question she asked earlier, when sori was not going to think about it at all. or at least, she’s got a bit of certainty that if she wasn’t stopped in her tracks it was going to be forgotten. but here she is, smiling a little and giving a quick nod. “some babies are born screaming and crying and when the parents only feed them bitterness, they learn that it’s the only thing they can taste and yes, they definitely do things based on how they got treated by their parents, don’t you think so? unless of course, along the way something sweet happens to meet them and explain to them that the world isn’t just bitter. then, sadly, it’s just--” well, it’s just back to what naeun said lastly, “sadly things just fall apart.” 

to some that is the end.  to sori though? to sori, it’s just a new land to start building on.

so she’s cheerful after that chat, once more, brightening as she rises from her spot. the stains of her hands wiping against a white shirt that’s long lost hope of ever finding the light shade it used to have. 

“but then. i like to think that we need to just pick it up and go again. i am getting hungry, are you not?” 

[dezeroa-blog]

dezeroa:

but instead of liking this post, reply with a word and i’ll write you a starter based on it, varying lengths!

starter call

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flawlessly, perfectly, easily.

it’s a bit hard. i guess. i mean. i am not really trying but i guess, you want me to say that it’s hard. because it looks too easy. nothing can be that carelessly done and yet. well, it’s kind of perfect. 

is it because you’re looking too hard into it? i don’t know. don’t look at me like i have all the answers. these are your questions. what’s with the expectations that i should answer them? it’s my piece. yeah. it’s my life. yeah i am kind of living it. but i am not questioning it. you are. so answer yourself. 

don’t throw those looks down my way. it’s not as if i am the one who decided that i had to give something. somewhere. to someone. to you. to whomever shall ask. i am not the one who’s making breathing complicated. it’s hard for you. isn’t it. it is, huh? i should feel bad for doing this. making it look so. flawless. yes. it’s so flawless. because you’re looking at it that way. 

have you ever thought about it. that way? that you think it’s perfect. so it is perfect. you’re comparing it to something in you that’s broken. something you don’t understand. i don’t. i don’t get it either. but i don’t compare. i don’t try to understand. i just do it. what’s so hard about it. just do it. stop looking so much into it. the more you ask, the less you’ll know. it’s all perception. how can you not know by now. it’s all about you.

it’s you and the world. and you and how you see the world. you and how the world sees you. it’s always you and the world. how hard can that be. 

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selentieun:

“sometimes, i think the ones that continue to hurt. are ones that were never forgiven.” because she sees those who were in pain and they were left with an imprint of those who left them behind. she knows due to the bitterness of her sister’s voice when she speaks about her previous lovers or the way her own mother speaks about her father, dark and burning.

 physically, naeun has no scars painted over her porcelain flesh; she’s cautious about her movements and who she’s around as well. perhaps, it’s luck too. she smiles softly despite this becoming a heavy topic to discuss with the other woman, though she’s engage by one’s perspective she continues on to speak. “you have a strong mindset about it. i like it.” murmuring it quite shyly, she fiddles her fingers in thought. 

“i won’t allow it either.” naeun said, a little hesitant in the way she speaks because she’s too kind. people can break her easily but she tries to decline, knowing what’s wrong and when to become vocal about it as well. “people are so cruel to themselves, it’s a little sad to see.”

“had to build a strong mindset about it.” there’s a bit of a sheepish tone to her voice, her legs have found themselves tingling with the beginning of a cramp. sori is quick to let them move from under her weight up to a crouching position. it’s a new angle to figure out what she’s painting on the canvas, arms above her knees. there’s a word that was meant to be drawn, and it will be drawn of course. all in due time. there’s no rush to this world, no rush to her brush and no rush to her fingers. “if you don’t do it for yourself, then you’ll be stuck being someone else’s puppet, it’s really easy, anyone can be the master of anyone.” 

it’s simply the way things are and will always be. the weakest fall prey and the strongest turn into predators. simple nature of things. she’s seen the nicest people turn into what would be considered the worst type from just being able to manipulate certain events of someone else in their lives. it’s when the control gets in one’s hands that it’s possible to see what it can really do to the mind. “but i am not sure, i am certain you can forgive but still keep the scars. it’s just complex. the body looks so transparent in a bikini,” she’s saying with humour, before she adds, “and if you cut it, it bleeds, but within it all, the spiritual aspect is tricky.” it always feels like there’s an answer to some things, and science makes it so easy to believe, but within it all. sori’s learned to consider the fact that there just isn’t any answers to any questions. none. zero. that life is just life. and one has to take it as is. 

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❝ Scars are just another kind of memory. ❞ ( from naeun )

“yeaaah,” she drawls. her brush dips in the black ink and she observes the empty canvas they’re facing, crossed legs, with attention at where to start the calligraphy session. “but they sting a bit more, don’t you think?” because not all memories are meant to leave a mark. some of them are just passing. some them traces down the line of your life, walking with you, holding your hands. sori likes the one that are fleeting, that feel like wings each time she picks at them. differently colored, differently shaped. scars. they’re so permanent. they sting. they stick. they never fade, they never leave. they make her sigh and wish for a day without the outside world. she isn’t fond of them. they’re the kind of lines she knows will wear down the tightness of her skin. “and they’ll make you look old too soon,” she immediately voices, not afraid of age, but slightly displeased that it might show for any other reasons than time. “i wouldn’t let anyone leave me those kind of memories, i hope you are not, it’d be a waste, i think you’re still too young for that.” 

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❝I think the word for how you usually are is ‘reckless’.❞

what to consider, what to consider. a lot of things. but let’s consider nothing. sori just be sori. sori who is sori, and who is definitely never sorry. well, sometimes. being human has its perks and the inevitability of guilt. all one has to do though, is wash it down with anything they can hold onto. sori, she has a glass full of the smooth taste of a cappuccino well deserved during this gray morning. “you’re so harsh, so early in the morning.” and the words might sound as if they hurt, but they barely grazed her. pain might be inevitable, but as she once read and adored reminding everyone and herself. suffering is definitely optional. but no, none of that happens here right now, sori’s lips are wrapped at the tip of the glass, pulled on a smile, she’s licking at the foam that stays atop her upper lip and she leans back in her chair with a content sigh. her hands not leaving her cup, her gaze holding onto mischief, where they’re glancing up at haneul. “i am totally more fun than reckless, or else–you wouldn’t have stayed a ballet dancer after knowing me haneul-ah, i would have made you too wild to be that squarely soft.” 

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◆ ◆   (   AN  ASSORTED  SENTENCE  STARTER  PACK. 

❝ Of course it hurts, it’s a spanking. How else would it work? ❞

❝ The only reason we die, is because we accept death as an inevitability. ❞

❝ If I knew what I was so anxious about, I wouldn’t be so anxious. ❞

❝ I am the excuse you give when you cannot follow the rules. ❞

❝ You are the shuckiest shuck faced shuck in the world! ❞

❝ I’m about as intimidating as a butterfly. ❞

❝ You and what army could possibly rescue her from my clutches? ❞

❝ You look better in my clothes than I do. ❞ 

❝ We’re searching for things we should be running from. ❞

❝ When it’s cold, I’d like to die. ❞

❝ The world is full of unrequited love. ❞

❝ Maybe love and pain are synonyms. ❞

❝ I would rather be strong at heart than strong at mind. ❞

❝ We are all just dead air. ❞

❝ Now you got us whammied with the curse of squirmy death.. ❞

❝ If it doesn’t sweat, jiggle, or pant, it’s not alive. ❞

❝ I love glitter, I’m not a quitter. ❞

❝ I have never met anyone who didn’t like gargoyles. ❞

❝ People who always arrive early aren’t worth waiting for. ❞

❝ Look up, always. Look back, never. ❞

❝ In order to do the unthinkable, do not think about it. ❞

❝ Funny how you’re dead, people starting listening. ❞

❝ I can’t save you unless you save me, too.. ❞

❝ Well, if there’s anything worse than a whore it’s a bore. ❞

❝ Nothing says work efficiency like panic mode. ❞

❝ Everything’s just fucking Disney with you. ❞

❝ I think you’re maybe reaching for something that doesn’t exist. ❞

❝ I’m so scared of commitment that I even hate stickers! ❞

❝ Kindness, motherfucker, kindness. ❞

❝ I haven’t even caught your name or your number. ❞

❝ Oh, the dilemmas of a teenage psychic. ❞

❝ Party at in my mind, you’re place sucks. ❞

❝ You want to kiss me, don’t you? ❞

❝ You could have had anything else in the world, and you asked for me. ❞

❝ Bloodthirsty little beasts. Never trust a duck. ❞

❝ I’m beginning to think I should make that the title of my autobiography. ❞

❝ Another thing I don’t want on my tombstone. ❞

❝ I’m going to try not to make an ass of myself. ❞

❝ You’re on fire. You do know that don’t you? ❞

❝ If you answered no, please exit the building. ❞

❝ You’re still mad, I can feel it through the phone. ❞

❝ If I had a dollar for every time you said that, I would be rich. ❞

❝ Murder is all around me, striking everyone except me. ❞

❝ Give me one good reason why I should believe you. ❞

❝ Since when does that mean you have to kiss my ass? ❞

❝ I’m not saying you shouldn’t have a fully loaded weapon next to you round the clock. ❞

❝ I think it’s time you flipped this little scenario in your head. ❞

❝ The road to Hell is paid with good intentions. ❞

❝ Trust starts with truth and ends with truth. ❞

❝ I will look for powdered donuts in the wilderness. ❞

❝ Love is not selective, just as the light of the sun is not selective. ❞

❝ I don’t know how to tell you what I feel. ❞

❝ I think the word for how you usually are is ‘reckless’. ❞

❝ Gratitude builds a bridge to abundance. ❞

❝ Scars are just another kind of memory. ❞

[dezeroa-blog]

i made this blog at the wrong time haha work won’t be stopping until next tuesday so it’ll be a slow start. thank you so much for the help and interest though! slowly getting to read on the muses i have been following back as well. work in progress. 

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               here you have the most expensive of souls // prologue . bio                for the simple price of 0 in any currency // sfw . reblog . like . follow                it’s freedom, it’s raw, untainted // read the rules                 she is free form at its cheapest.   // oc . selective . literate

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