diaryofasoul

[diaryofasoul]

[diaryofasoul]

[diaryofasoul]

The diary of soul who didn’t want to be here in the first place.

Ahh, well. Where to start. There's 22 years, almost 23, of stories untold to the masses of a soul who really didn’t want to be here in the first place. 

I was 8 years old the first time I asked God to take me back. Take me back to the home filled with milk and honey. Where they custom built homes for those who were soon to enter. Paving flowers into marble floors, as a book that my mom once read me said. I wanted to go home, I still do. But, while sitting atop a cliff on the coast of oregon, I was told to write. Ghost write more specifically; About my ventures here on this Earth. I didn’t realize it till I was visiting a friend in Vegas, that my stories might hold a sense of uniqueness, that could be appreciated if told on the grand scheme. Between him encouraging me to write and a quite spiritual experience that involved me observing the shadow of a bird (couldn’t tell ya what type) on a cliff side, I have decided to start this blog. Getting back to my roots I suppose. I was a tumblr nerd to the core all through high school. I actually hadn’t visited my old blog for years until logging back on to make this one. In my opinion I was far too angsty with a sadness in my eyes with every picture I posted to ever make a real, wholesome, influence. Although, I guess that’s probably how most of us started out. Young, angsty, wanting to make a difference or catch a laugh. At least that’s how I perceived the old tumblr crowd to be. But, I am heavily aware that perception is everything and just like the sides of tik tok, there are sides of tumblr where the ambition was fueled by some thing much different. Whether it be fame, beauty or wanting to fit in to a crowd; or the 5 million other variations of motivation that got us all on to this god forsaken site. We’re all here now aye? 

Back to an explanation of my ghost writing I suppose. Currently, sitting here at an outdoor bar in Portland, I am realizing that this was always meant to be. When I was in highschool I would go to coffee shops and sit at my computer researching dark matter, taking notes. Trying to appear as though I was doing something of substance. It’s funny looking back realizing that I was trying to do what I am currently doing right now. Isn’t it funny how we always know. Deep down what we are supposed to be doing. All I knew was that I was supposed to be sitting somewhere, typing. But typing what? Well now I have lived enough life to realize that I was supposed to be writing. More specifically about my life. If I were to have told my highschool self this, I would have either cackled or given you a hearty eye roll depending on the day. But now, I realize. That I am not ordinary. I am unique. I am person that you would see on the street and wonder about. Well now there's no need to wonder, other than about my identity I suppose. Because I intended to lay it all out here. The dark, the sexy, the weird, the nitty gritty. And it is here that I realize why I was meant to ghost write. Because unfortunately, like far too many in our world. I am afraid to be judged. 

You may ask why oh why would I be judged? I seem pretty cool so far right? Well if you have made it this far, you have the lovely privilege of knowing; I am a star child. And not the “ooo i have meditated with enough crystals and found my destiny” star child. While those are valid too. But the type where I communicate more with Divine than I do human’s type star child. The type where the only reason why this blog exists, more so why I even still exist, is because I know I am here for a greater purpose. That of divinity, of healing, of awakening.  In this time of society, reading that probably sounds like you’ve found the hippy dippy yogi side of instagram. But, I promise you, if you follow, if you stick around. My life stories will tell you otherwise. I was some lost soul that decided to join the hippy side of life to feel like I belonged. I was instead a lost soul whose life experiences resonated with the hippy crowd more than anything else. But I don’t even feel like I fully fit in with the “love and light” crowd either. I am an odd duck. That has not truly found their tribe yet. But through this blog I hope to reach other odd ducks. Or at least people who find us odd ducks intriguing enough to stick around for. In reality, I couldn’t tell you exactly why I am here. I am just following what the Holy Spirit has lead me to do. And I assume I will see fruition wherever it is meant. All I know is that I shall continue to write. 

Until Next time,

Maya