dibinacharissa

[dibinacharissa]

She‚ who can go other world through reading

A simple senior highschool student— Divine‚ who‘s been living in this world for 17 years. A sailor navigating the tumultuous seas of adolescence‚ guided by the lighthouse of parental expectations. My parents, my compass, have charted a course for me, a path marked by discipline, dedication, and diligence. With the weight of expectations pressing down on my shoulders. My parents, as loving as they are strict, have always expected nothing but the best from me. Their high standards have become the yardstick by which I measure my success, the compass guiding my journey. Breakfast is a family affair, a ritual steeped in tradition. My father, a man of principle, believes in the power of shared meals, a time to plan, to bond, to connect. As we sit around the table, I am reminded of the strength of our familial bond, the foundation upon which my life is built. Yet, in the quiet of the night, when the world sleeps and the weight of expectations lifts, I find my freedom. I write, pouring my thoughts, dreams, and frustrations onto paper. It's my rebellion, my escape, my sanctuary.

‘‘Do not lie‚ because if you lie you‘re going to hell’’. That is just the tip of an iceberg of the many commands by my parents. But little did they know‚ I‘ve broke that command for countless times. Just like being okay of what they want I wear‚ when obviously it‘s not. ‘‘You should be a role model to your younger sibling‚ you must always give way for your younger sister‚ you must not create any failure because you are the role model that your sister looked up to’’.

Going back how my childhood was‚ clueless of what‘s been happening in her environment‚ a little girl who‘s been always inside of their house— cannot play outside because ‘‘I will be injured‚ I will be dirtied‚ I can hurt myself’’‚ so I must be inside of our house. I can go out when they are around or either they are watching over me. They are the best parents I could have but sometimes‚ I cannot understand how they protect me to the point that I cannot even go out that I cannot even go out with my friends‚ they are so uptight when it comes to me‚ just because I am the eldest? I can see and I can feel that they love me but sometimes I asked myself countless times ‘‘Am I really their daughter? Because they can see just a little mistake but they can‘t see how I am struggling because they are so strict on me. Everytime they are around‚ I would face them with a plastered smile but at night‚ I‘ve cried‚ cried‚ and cried.

This is my life, a delicate balancing act between fulfilling expectations and finding my own identity. Struggling how can I be independent when my parents won‘t allow to make the slightest mistake. ‘‘ You must have a strong principle‚ you mustn‘t have a soft heart‚ you should be strong and don‘t be weak.’’

In the present‚ I would still be nervous around other people‚ yes! I am easily nervous especially when you are going to ask me a random question. I would be overthinking ‘‘What did I do?’’. It is difficult for me to adjust in a crowded places‚ difficult to believe but I am afraid that I can say any words that would offend any person so I keep my mouth shut. When you will see me in the corner just scrolling on my phone‚ or either just quiet it is a sign that I am not comfortable with the environment. I am an avid reader of novels especially on Wattpad‚ browsing any stories that caught my attention. I‘ve read romance‚ mystery‚ thriller‚ and even smut stories. It is true that innocent faces has the dirtiest mind‚ I am the living proof of that statement. In the near future‚ I would never treat my children like this‚ I would let them what they want to wear‚ what they want to do and of course with the guidance of myself. I would not let my children feel that their feelings are not valid. It is not that I don‘t love my parents but it is just they are so uptight and strict. As the time goes by‚ I would probably infront of the crowd with a self-confidence‚ soon but not now. Taking baby steps is a great improvement.