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Khaled’s misogyny aside for a second but who doesn’t like eating pussy jfc

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you, a virgin: striptease

me, a gamer: titty unboxing vid

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Non-Alcoholic cool potion recipe:

1 bottle of ur fav Gatorade or Juice of your choice

A splash of ur fav energy drink (optional)

Luster dust (cake decorating kind) to preferred shimmer

A cool bottle

Combine to become a wizard instantly

These are great for cons for hyrdrating while on “brand”

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highlights from the medieval scholars that took over my workplace today

so my campus is currently hosting an ENORMOUS conference of scholars who study medieval history. they’ve been completely flooding the tiny cafe where I work and drinking our coffee faster than we can make it, but the good news is that they provide some PRIME people watching, including: 

the fact that all of their name tags include pronouns so that I won’t feel bad assuming anyone’s gender in this post

the woman RANTING about one of her colleagues on the following grounds: “he thinks he understands it from some class he took in 1996! FUCK OFF, TOM.”

the man who was loudly and earnestly discussing the “influence of the Harry Potter fandom on our modern political discourse” while he got a soda 

before he was out the door he’d switched topics to his preferred methods for teaching students about elves 

the two nice extremely polite young British lads who I could not tell apart to save my life. their name tags indicated that they were apparently not twins, but cloning does not seem impossible.

the sheer number of people graciously volunteering to buy lunch for people they’ve just met 

an unexpected number of very handsome soft butch women involved in medieval studies. I am bisexual and weak.

the guy in the flannel shirt who had the coldest, softest, most feminine hands I’ve ever encountered. I fell in love with him for a good 60 seconds. I am bisexual and weak.

people who aren’t from America being cheerfully confused by our money, including my favorite, a Canadian woman who told me “I’m slow with American money because it’s all the same color.”

I’ve learned that people who aren’t going to be in the country for more than a few days don’t give a SHIT about their change and will toss all of it in the take a penny/leave a penny jar. I collected so many quarters, y’all.

also a nice British woman called it the penny pot, which is the cutest shit I’ve ever heard and absolutely its new name.

just in general the EXTREMELY good grace and patience with which everyone accepted that we only have 2 cashiers and that it takes about seven minutes to make more coffee.

SEVERAL times after I apologized for the coffee wait (because this is customer service and minor inconveniences mean we have to grovel) the response was ‘lmao no worries this just means I get a fresh pot’

a woman approached me to day with a fucking enamel pin of that old illustration of a nun gathering dicks from a tree (you know the one) and I said immediately “oh my god, is that a pin of the penis tree?” and she looked stoked and said “yes it is the penis tree! you’re only the second person to recognize it!” what kind of boring ass medieval scholars has she been hanging with???? she was probably so fucking excited to finally have company where she could wear that pin and nobody said anything??? rude.

you know, this one

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these two are the first thing you see when you enter hell

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I just want every communist/socialist to read The Tragedy of the Commons

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some iconic dialogue that sounds like its from the great canon of literature but are actually from memes

I will face God and walk backwards into Hell

“I’ll do whatever you want” “then perish”

I have been through hell and come out singing

feel free to add more!

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me irl

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Cut my life into peaches. They are a healthy snack

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my art peaked wen i was 4 or so and would just throw whatever shit i could find (juice, rainwater, plants, moss, shells, dirt, sugar, soap, rocks, milk, toys etc.) in2 a bucket n stir it with a wooden spoon 4 hours sitting in th garden n wen som1 would ask me wot th fuck i was doing i would b like “Potion”

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“Don’t trace” originally started as a warning against tracing as art theft (as in, tracing someone else’s art without permission or credit is art theft) and then over the intervening years turned into “you can’t use references because it’s cheating” and I think that’s one of the worst cases of the telephone game I’ve ever personally experienced

you are allowed to trace as practice

you are allowed to trace your own work (for example photographs you took yourself or to keep architectural consistency)

you are allowed to trace things the original artist is encouraging you to trace

you SHOULD use references

you SHOULD be allowed to pick up other artists’ artistic tics you like (…as long as they’re not offensive, like blackfacing, but that’s a different kettle of fish)

you SHOULDN’T go around moralizing at other people about how they learn best because you can and will lose friends that way and you can and will hurt other artists’ development that way.

Also other than art theft there IS no such thing as cheating in art okay use sparkle pens and fan brushes to your heart’s content why is that even a thing I have to say (…and yes I’ve had conversations in the analog world about fan brushes as “cheating” I’m so tired of snotty artists who think you shouldn’t be allowed to use tools that make things easier because they can do it the hard way)