digital33diary

[digital33diary]

⋆.˚ 𝜗𝜚 .𖥔˚

[digital33diary]

lately everything has been so out of place i feel like the world is changing around me way way too fast

i don’t know if anyone is gonna see this or read this but i’m just gonna put it out there

i’m in high school, and when it started i ended things with my bsf. i always try to convince myself it was for the better, and if im being honest it probably was, but a part of me will always want to love her and forgive her. we haven’t talked in months

i’ve been hanging out with my friend i’ve had since like 2014 and a bunch of other friends i’ve had for years. some new that i met in high school, some old ones from elementary or middle school, but overall people i feel comfortable with. lately, however, stuff between everyone isn’t going so great. not that it all directly involves me, but since they are my friends too we all kinda get affected, which does suck. i try not to, but it has lead to picking sides and i want to be friendly with the person my oldest friend has unfriended. it’s hard, and she comes to me about how our friends don’t respect her for hanging out with the person she dislikes, so i feel like i have to take her side since she feels comfortable telling me. but at the same time, it’s also unfair to try to control if they hang out with her or not, bc well that’s just not how it works. i get where she’s coming from though, i do, and i want to be there for her.

all my friends like to come to me with stuff about our other friends and i get caught up in lies and my feelings get hurt sometimes too when stuff gets back to me, and other things like that. i get it, its highschool, its a large group of very different people, so this stuff is gonna happen. its our age, its the type of people we are, and i love them all so much, but the only friend i have no complaints about lives across the country.

yes, she’s an online friend, but we call and text every day. i share everything with her, and she does the same. she’s like my other half and we’ve been talking since last summer. this summer, she’s coming to visit me and come to my city and i’m so excited to meet her. she’s the love of my life, my bestest friend who gets me like no other.

sometimes i wish i was there with her. her school is a 1928193 times better than my shitty little school, and people who live there have different, more similar interests to mine. i just want to move there and restart my life not knowing a single person but my favourite one. but this is only a dream, and i believe that it is for a reason.

i’m glad i have her, and i’m glad i have my friends. i really do love them, and i try to make the best out of the social aspect of high school but this week has got to be one of the worst in my school career.

i won’t discuss what happened but it has ended with me having multiple trips to the office, being pulled out of class, and pulled out of the washroom. i got two detentions, and i can’t say that happens often. the situation was really bad and i will admit it could’ve been avoided had i not said anything in the first place. i know i deserve the detentions and im okay with that. but the effect this had on my mental health was really draining. i was anxious all the time thinking i would get called down, and i watched people get called down because of me. all me. even my friends got affected and it makes me sick. i wish this never happened but im telling myself i learned a lesson. i’ve cried too much to cry anymore and regretted so much im scared to do anything anymore.

i’m not a bad kid, i don’t think. maybe not the best, and my decisions aren’t the greatest but i think my heart is in the right place. i’ve done some stuff i regret that i dont want to talk about, but i think im a good person. i set boundaries, apologize when i need to, and i know when im wrong. the experience i had in the office and in detention was not what im used to. yeah, i skip class with my friends, way too many times a week to be proud of, i forget to do work, ive said things i shouldn’t, but i know im not perfect. teachers don’t really like me sometimes and i get why.

maybe people judge my appearance? too many piercings? too much eyeliner? messy shorter hair? but that doesn’t make sense… people have always told me an ear with five piercings and a nose ring makes me look a certain way. people have said gay, people have said i’m attracting the wrong attention, but my friends say it’s cute and for that, i love them. i don’t know why people judge so much off of stuff like that. they don’t even know me…

to some people i’m known as the girl who likes kpop, the girl who dated that one guy, the girl who doesn’t really fit in anywhere. but to others im known as a good friend, daughter, student (as far as grades go) and just a good person too.

i don’t want people to think i’m cold or that i don’t care, because i do. but i’ve been through so much in my short life that these things affect how i act in my daily life. and im sorry for it always.

sometimes i think i deserve the punishments i get, the words behind my back, the comments from random guys i don’t even know. but does anyone really?

i hope next week is better. there’s 25 days, 6 hours, and 4 minutes until my last exam. can i make it?

i don’t cope with these things well. i cope in bad ways. and i don’t want to ask for help because i don’t want anyone to know.

so i’m trying to talk to you guys on tumblr instead. i’m gonna try to be better, be a better person to others, but also myself. it’s my first life, my first time being a teenage girl, and the first time trying to survive in a world of people who don’t know what it’s like to be me.

love you all, don’t live like this

[digital33diary]

sorry i haven’t posted a sotd in a while … im writing a book with the vibe of “party 4 u” by charli xcx!!

so for that…

[digital33diary]

i have a math test tmrw .

wish me luck

i’m claiming it

stod:

[digital33diary]

so excited for may!!

hung out with d, r, l, and p today

it was so nice out

hey tobyyy

[digital33diary]

missed a couple days but

sotd:

love u!!!🩷🩷

[digital33diary]

i’m painting a hibiscus flower i might post it later.

sotd!!!

[digital33diary]

skipped geo again, this time with j.

[digital33diary]

about me

she/her ❤︎ intj ❤︎ in highschool

music📀 enhypen, charli xcx, red velvet, f(x), gfriend, snsd, aespa, txt, lamp, w2e, ariana grande, nwjns

interests🏄‍♀️ i love summer, candles, snoopy, girly things, makeup, concerts, matcha, co09, writing, sanrio, and collecting albums/cds

let’s be friends! °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

[digital33diary]

got banana ice cream and walked downtown with my fav. ate it at a bench in a garden.

went to the music store, stopped at the thrift, took a nap before we left together.

sunset was beautiful when driving her home. we blasted charli.

i love her i love me i love being a teenage girl. i love life!

love u🩷

sotd:🎶🎶🎧

[digital33diary]

[digital33diary]

[digital33diary]

me rn. someone make me shower.

i miss when i was out of the everything shower, laid in my bed with fresh sheets and ate fruits yesterday. now i feel greasy and crusty and my bed is so sweaty and im tired and irghhhhughhh

[digital33diary]

TWO MINUTES TO POST THE SOTD AHHH

enjoy 🩷🩷

[digital33diary]

my fucking mannnn

250422

[digital33diary]

fluttershy??



[digital33diary]

me and gang