dokyeomigf

[dokyeomigf]

Sun in Gemini

Do you have a crush on someone right now? Do they feel different from your (multiple) past crushes? How so?

I do have a crush. I'm quite happy about this one.

It took some discussions with my friend for me to realize (& a lot of self-reflection). I have been journaling using a method that incorporates use of a mind map (a literal mind map, lol!) with thoughts branching out from one's name, & their name usually comes out first. It takes up much of my head space.

They do feel different. I think my heart chose before I did. With all the past crushes it felt like it was mostly my mind zipping about trying to get to the core of the characters I had chosen to fixate on.

With this crush, I feel more centered. More able to stabilize. More able to operate from a clearer heart space. There is truth in this connection. I have faith.

How have you been dealing with your anxiety? Your insomnia?

😂😂 That's soooo funny that you ask, because I'm up taking on this as a task after unsuccessfully attempting to drift off to sleep. I'll probably go soon.

Anxiety's been a bit better but the calm always depends on circumstance. I haven't found a place inside myself where I can sit in silence & feel all of the emotions without letting them get trapped inside my body.

Insomnia's probably here to stay. But that depends on my satisfaction with life. If my life began to unfold in a way that met everything I sought, I'd feel safe & happy enough to drift off to sleep

In most cases. I am not good friends with my mind. My mind has a mind of its own. 🤣

How's your self esteem? Getting better?

My sense of worth fluctuates! Like a leaf on the wind. If the winds are strong, my internal equilibrium is shaky. My experience of people tends towards volatility & that reflects on how I see myself: I think everybody we meet serves as a mirror if one can sit still enough to properly look at the person presented by the circumstance.

At times I'm not sure if I've ever met another person. Oftentimes it feels like my experience of someone is limited by the experience of myself. The further down this road I go, the darker the conclusion seems to be that the only person that exists in my perception of the world is myself

Moon in Leo

If you'd stop reminiscing about past failures, what would your heart tell you?

☹️ You hit where it hurts. Across my therapy sessions, every single therapist has told me I did what I could in the moment, & that should be solace. But I'm not satisfied. I'm never satisfied

My friend tells me not to dwell on what I can't do, what I failed to achieve. That I should have compassion with myself.

From an exchange in therapy session:

Therapist: On a scale of 1 to 10, what number would you give the efforts you make on a daily basis?

My response: 9, if not 10. If I gave my all I'd be dead

I hold myself to standards too great to reach 🙁

Do you feel proud of yourself?

I will when I die...!

Half-joking.

MOSTLY joking.

I can't feel pride. In my day-to-day life there's always an ideal to achieve, always a goal to hit to somehow prove to myself that my experience today was worth living.

Do you feel well surrounded? Do you feel like the people around you care? If yes, are you able to listen to their constructive criticism without getting immediately offended?

Most of the time I feel alone. I walk alone a lot. I witness the beauty of the living world, & I feel so connected to everything — but also so alone in my singular lens of experience

There has been one friend who has shown up consistently when I really, really need them. My gratitude is so immense my heart could burst! But at the end of the day... I keep going back to "nobody's going to be there for you, you have to do this alone"

questions i wanna ask the signs <3

these are just silly little questions. choose according to the placement/sign you relate to the most.

aries :

1. are you tired of getting misunderstood?

2. were you able to find your tribe or do you still feel out of touch with your present relationships?

3. did you get out of that toxic relationship? mentally, too?

taurus

do you feel like you’re dealing with your money in a good way? do you feel responsible with it? …. be honestl pls lmao

have you been isolating a lot these past few days?

did you reconnect with that one person that hurt you? or did you move on and burn the bridges?

gemini

1. do you have a crush on someone right now? do they feel different than your (multiple) past crushes? how so?

2. have you been dealing with your anxiety? your insomnia?

3. how’s your self esteem? getting better?

cancer

1. do you still feel lost in life? or you’re getting a little bit more guidance?

2. are you still in your villain era ? or you’ve come to peace with the fact that you making mistakes doesn’t make you the bad guy lol

3. how are you..? truly.

leo

1. if you’d stop reminiscing about past failures, what would your heart tell you?

2. do you feel proud of yourself?

3. do you feel well surrounded? do you feel like the people around you care ? if yes, are you able to listen to their constructive criticism without getting immediately offended?

virgo

1. do you still feel like a failure despite your achievements?

2. how’s your friendships? after helping everyone, do some people care about you? or you’re being walked over all again?

3. how’s.. erhm.. love? yea, maybe let’s skip this one.

libra

1. are you able to being truly yourself?

2. do you feel like you truly live up to your potential and ambition?

3. are you truly as good as you seem to be ? or is it a facade?

scorpio

1. are your proud of your achievements? can you see how much you’ve achieved or are you stuck judging yourself for how intense you come off?

2. did you move on from your ex lolololol

3. have you done that one thing you truly wanted to do?

sagittarius

1. are you able to accept yourself for who you are or are you still stuck in that same loop of clowing around?

2. have you chosen on what to channel all of your energy instead of hopping around and never comitting to anything?

3. did you get try tapping into your creative side?

capricorn

1. will you ever forgive your past self?

2. are you excited for the future?

3. do you miss the people you’ve went “no contact” on? or is it better for your mental health, maybe, to keep them apart?

aquarius

1. do you still feel as lonely?

2. are you one step closer to achieving your goals and dreams?

3. have you decided on them, even?

pisces

1. have you move on from your ex…..?

2. have you been able to move on from your past, then?

3. how’s your hobbies going!!

If you have taken the time to answer to even just one of these, thank you so much.

-Dolly