dontmindmejustreadin

[dontmindmejustreadin]

May this one be beautiful. '23

May this year be a little merciful.

[dontmindmejustreadin]

You do you.

“You cannot make everyone think and feel as deeply as you do. This is your tragedy, because you understand them but they do not understand you.”

— Daniel Saint

[dontmindmejustreadin]

Choose your circle wisely. It really affects your life cycle.

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World is full of shitheads. Be something better.

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You're the Sun, after three consecutive rainy days.

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You're the best. This is as true as it could ever be.

Don't believe otherwise.

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Having a huge friend circle doesn't make you cool

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You're chocochip cookie, cutie.

Don't let them treat you like Parle-G.

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Phyzzzzzics!!

[dontmindmejustreadin]

Those were happy days.

I remember once when I was returning home from the badminton match along with Manav, my best friend. We stopped by the park after seeing Aditya, lying on the ground, in the central park. Aditya our best friend, was most vibrant of us three. He was in the same class as Manav. He smiled and joked a lot and made others smile. He loved dogs and never missed sharing his cookies or lunch with them, only to eat ours thereafter but we liked it because he was kind to animals.

He was lying near a pothole and we thought maybe he lost something there. After getting closer view, we saw him trying to rescue two small puppies. He was lying on his stomach next to the almost 4 ft deep pothole and struggling to reach the little doggos, which too were jumping around. The opening was small but the bottom was quite wider. He brightened after noticing us and we asked him if we could help. Manav came up with the idea of sending a handmade carrier made of his shirt down and bring it up once doggos get on it. They brought strong sticks and then made a firm carriage and ofcourse we succeeded. Manav wasn't really affected by it but Aditya was overjoyed and kept on talking about it for days. That day was significant because ever since, he didn't acted anything like before. Ofcourse he talked a lot among us but he got a lot more responsible after that incident. He used to encourage his teammates instead of shouting at them for losing the catch. He became responsible and came to us with many more doubts than he ever did earlier. He even saved a few kids at the school from two bullies. He was commended by his teachers and we saw him jubiliantly telling us everything after school. He was a wonderful guy and radiated love and positivity all around. I remember the day much later, when he first told us about his crush. He liked Ankita, my next door neighbor who was very shy, kind and adorable. He visited me more often afterwards and that too at unreasonable hours for unreasonable stuff. I often got mad at him for disturbing my study time. Else we just sat outside or roamed around because he wanted to atleast say 'hi' to her. She used to smile at him after waving him 'hi' and he used to get flushed and I smiled at them, internally. He was visiting me at every possible hour, he could maybe see her and so I fought him for that. "Only she matters to you" came out of my mouth, unfortunately. He apologized to me for his irregular visits but I never said sorry to him. I punished him by not talking to him, thinking it'd make him focus on studies and forget about my neighbor. He apologized to me constantly and asked me why was I acting strange. I got angry because of her and he still came home to visit me and I thought it's just about her. I didn't talk to him for almost a week and acted rude.

I stayed blunt towards him and I regret it.

I could never forget the day we heard about his accident. His cycle got hit by a truck. He was returning home from his victorious cricket match. Our families went to his home to pay last tribute. His home was as vibrant as it was ever before when he was there too. It all looked the same as if it's just other day. But since he wasn't in sight, his absence was terrible and everything seemed lifeless, broken and dark. We saw his corpse, his lifeless body, his swollen head and bloody jersey made us shiver through pain he would've felt and everybody was mercilessly crying. Sakshi, his elder sister took us to his room and handed us his journal. She too was crying.

His room was bright as if the room and it's entities consisted of the same energy as him. As if they were beaming at us, as he used to. We read his journal because his sister told us he has written something for us. Not specifically, but he did use our names all throughout, in almost every entry and I realized how important we were to him. He told his diary about us and talked about us as if there was nobody else in the world, more important than us two. A week ago, he had written "I went to Anjali's house with Manav. I wanted to tell her about my match next week. But today she got angry and thought that I visited her for Ankita. I thought maybe she was studying and I disturbed her. So I went home without telling her.  I was sad but it doesn't matter more than her. I guess, I'll tell her tomorrow, after school." He continued to write about how he couldn't tell me again because I was acting different and that he tried to ask me if something or someone is bothering me but I didn't tell him anything, so he didn't pry. The last entry was a day earlier, before his match. He wrote "I couldn't tell her about my match but tomorrow I'll show her the trophy because I'm sure she'd be happy for me. She acted strange lately but when it comes to listening about my troubles or wins, she's always there. I'll show her the trophy and wow, it's going to be a surprise." Manav was sitting at his desk, crying and watching his other trophies and pictures. His sister brought me his trophy and told me that it belonged to me. After that, I didn't notice or hear anything. Everything blurred and there were just tears in and out of my eyes. Shrieks of all the people crying and just pain.

It was the worst day.

His pictures with beaming smiles from his matches and his family trips were watching us and his words were ringing from his journal "They are my bestfriends and when everybody abandons me claiming that the dogs can't be rescued, they show up and make us succeed. When everybody tells me the opponent team is strong, they tell me how I'm much stronger. When everybody tells me I'm stupid and talk too much, they smile and listen until I've nothing left to say. They're the best. I love my friends."

Everybody was a mess of tears and his words shrieked from the journal "I hope everybody smiles a lot. Smiling is so much better. Even when I don't feel like smiling, I still smile. Because that makes others smile and then it makes me smile and then everybody's smiling and everything is better.  I always wish people smile a lot and especially my loved ones, I hope God multiply their smiles by 1000000 everytime I smile. So I'll smile more and they would smile even more. Wow. Smiles. Just smiles. Everywhere."

The regret that was hanging over me since I heard about this terrible incident was brushed off by him saying there must've been some problem with me that I couldn't tell him. He was so nice to me when all I did was push him away, blaming him that all that mattered to him was some girl he rarely talked about. All I did was get angry and rude towards him, but he planned to show me his trophy. He was committed to his win and showing me the trophy because he knew I'd be proud. He was returning with that same 'surprise trophy', when all my bad deeds showed their colors. That trophy was the harbinger of multiplied regret and it belonged to me.

Today the trophy got rusted away and I painted it again to preserve one of the most precious things I've. Then I clicked a picture with it and sent it to Manav quoting words from Aditya's journal. "The trophy and the wins do not matter without my bestfriends, who always inspire me to do my best, in every field. I love my friends." And he called me thereafter and we talked about Aditya and smiled between tears because he wished to have smiles everywhere. He was indeed a great friend and we loved him and still keep on loving him.

Hey loves, All that matters is love and love only. Make sure you love the people who love you and make them feel seen. Make sure you never regret the last talk you had with them because you never know when is it going to be. Make sure you tell them they're a wonderful friend and they matter to you more than they can imagine. Spread love and love only because nothing really matters in the end.

Just love.

LOVE.

[dontmindmejustreadin]

Do you ever see 'that person' smiling?

You are bemused and speak to yourself "Yes, indeed! It's why I've come. Maybe it's for this purpose that I'm here. Perhaps it is the culmination of my pathetic existence. This is relaxing, terrifying, and breathtakingly beautiful. This is extraordinary, to say the very least. This beaming smile has the capacity to heal people, and you wish you could put it on their face when it isn't there. But there is nothing more wonderful than seeing that smile on their face after they see you. You have the impression that you have earned something, that you have conquered something. You hope it would stay on their faces constantly. You wish they would grin more and more. That grin. The grin that makes you feel better and everything is good then."

Yes my precious gems, that's what a smile does to the people who love you. Please keep smiling. You make a drastic change in people's lives, a positive one. 🫀

[dontmindmejustreadin]

I am afraid of falling in love with someone, afraid that my love will be unrequited and I would have to go through the suffering of loving someone who can't reciprocate my affection. I am terrified of the thought that no one can love me and I am unlovable, I don't want someone to feed into this thought and make me feel so unworthy again.

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“There’s a Japanese phrase that I like: koi no yokan. It doesn’t mean love at first sight. It’s closer to love at second sight. It’s the feeling when you meet someone that you’re going to fall in love with them. Maybe you don’t love them right away, but it’s inevitable that you will.”

— Nicola Yoon, The Sun Is Also a Star

[dontmindmejustreadin]

Ryan O‘Connell

[dontmindmejustreadin]

When Haruki Murakami said "I have to write things down to feel I fully comprehend them"

He just put my entire life into a sentence.

[dontmindmejustreadin]

May this year be a little merciful.

[dontmindmejustreadin]

"The person who takes your mind to a better place, a place free from bothers of the world."