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[dotdashspace]

the truth and fact is that we let each other go not because we stopped loving one another, but there is no future to begin with. but sometimes I don’t know if you actually see this fact. that.. our next 10 years, we will build our lives without each other. and that.. you’re actually ok with it? wells yes, maybe cause you never ever see it, cause your future you’ve been seeing is always with her. and what hurts the most for me is realising that in the next 10 years, or even in the next one year, we will be living our lives separate from one another. whatever that we had, will just become a memory. and idk if that hits you. cause even knowing that things are coming soon and happening, and that yes you are gonna be happy, the part that saddens me the most is that it won’t be us in the end. we, you screwed up. you chose different. when life gave you chances, you decided to go against it. so what can I say. or what can I do. I’m not particularly interested in seeing your one year anni or your baby growing or seeing the imprints. which is why I want to let go. and planning our perfect breakup. but you keep holding on and idk why. if you’re so happy with her, why keep finding me? I know it’s not easy letting go, but obviously I’m not that easy to keep wanting to keep either? why keep giving yourself unnecessary trouble. don’t get me wrong, I love you, and I love us. but I don’t think you see what I’m seeing here. so yes, I’m might find love very soon, which also means the death of us? or was the death of us when you decided to impregnate her? there’s always gonna be that part of me that feels that you walked away scot free, unscathed. and you just get to continue living your own happy life, and I’m just always a well kept secret. nobody even knows about me. or will you actually only feel it when you finally really lose me?

honestly how do two people who love each other so deeply ever part? how do we even end? we alr know we have no future tgt, so why are we holding on? how do people do this? I really don’t know how. is that why people always say when two people are really in love they don’t let go? or is that why letting go will be the last greatest act of love?

and I really hope the day I get married, I won’t be thinking of you anymore. (just like you, you prolly didn’t think of me eh)

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sometimes you can’t help but believe that everything right is going to fall into place eventually, simply because everyone has the same predictions. even tho you can’t see it. but I guess i finally believe it now? that I’ll have the happiness i deserve. but weirdly enough, a part of me, is sad that, this will not be us. that we’ll lead separate lives and not have the future we thought we had. I guess letting go of this is the hardest bit, and perhaps the last thing I need to go though. perhaps life handed us a chance, but we screwed up. or rather, you decided to choose different. you used up that one free will chance, and now, we gotta suffer the dominoes effect. so yes, despite knowing that it’s all gonna work out for me and getting the happiness I deserve, and probably all these wouldn’t even matter anymore, I’m still sad, that the ending still.. isn’t us.

[dotdashspace]

if you love them, let them go they say.

but why would you give up someone you love? why wouldn’t you fight with everything you have to keep them and to avoid starting over again?

when relationships get hard, they act like it’s just a relationship. like love is something you can replace. but it’s not that simple. it’s only after you’ve let go that you realise this was a battle you couldn’t afford to lose. love isn’t just about convenience or the next best option. it’s about finding someone who feels irreplaceable. someone you’re willing to fight for when things get tough.

if you truly love them, don’t let them go. don’t let fear or difficulty convince you to walk away. because if you do, you’ll feel it everyday. a quiet ache, a lingering regret. knowing you had something real and you let it slip away. some loves are worth holding on to no matter how hard the fight.

[dotdashspace]

We both stood in silence once, hearing nothing but our heartbeats in the quiet between us. It felt like love the kind that speaks loudest when no one is saying anything. But now, the silence is still there, only this time, it’s filled with ache. My heart kept breaking while yours stayed whole.

The problem with time, I've learned, whether it's those first two weeks I got to spend with you, or the final two months I got to spend with him, eventually time always runs out. I have no idea where you are out there in the world. But I understand that I lost the right to know these things long ago. No matter how many years go by, I know one thing to be as true as ever was - I'll see you soon then.

[dotdashspace]

This time, I didn’t beg you to stay. I didn’t plead for one more chance or try to fix what was already broken. I didn’t cry, not because it didn’t hurt, but because I finally realized that tears wouldn’t change anything.

This time, I didn’t cling to the past or replay every moment searching for answers that no longer mattered. Instead, I simply said, it is what it is, not out of bitterness, but because I’ve accepted that not everything is meant to last.

This time, I let you go, not because I didn’t love you, but because I finally understood that love shouldn’t feel like a battle I have to fight alone. For so long, I thought letting go meant giving up, that it meant I had failed. But now, I see it differently.

This time, letting go means setting myself free, free from the pain, the waiting, and the hope that you’d become someone you were never meant to be.

[dotdashspace]

preach. what I feel too. maybe in a different way.

I don’t wish to be the only one who is breaking apart and feeling stupid, believing in all your love and lies. I hope it’s breaking you apart too. and I hope one day you’ll see and regret what you’ve lost. but you’re happy and I’m the only one in pain.

but wells perhaps I gotta admit we have less to talk about than you and her. it’s not as if I didn’t see you texting her ytd night. it was pretty prominent esp with the 😍 close my eyes I also can see. (to think that you think that you have high eq and totally not insensitive, but whatever) there was loads to talk about. so perhaps she’s better for you. if you ask me what do I feel? I don’t really feel anything anymore. of course I’ll still be upset. but that anger and jealousy I once had, it had simmered down. which is also why I stopped showing it. cause even if I do, so? what’s gonna change? might as well not ruin the days left tgt. the weekend was nice tho, you staying over was nice too, it felt.. surreal. and when such things happens, I get greedy. I want more. but then I came back into reality. afterall we just have one more day together.

and that’s okay. I’ll start afresh. welcoming new beginnings.

and we're here in this moment, as both our worlds collide

Into dreams that are golden, I believe that this is our time

~~

[dotdashspace]

sometimes you hold on to faith and start believing because you realised there’s nothing else you can do.

[dotdashspace]

sooo windy today. so peaceful.

honestly if people are wronged, they’ll voice out. but given that you didn’t say anything means I’m right. once again, I’m always right. but happy then happy lah? isn’t it a good thing? like I always say, you have a blessed life, at least for now.

this stupid sorethroat is annoying. and honestly, I should have sold it ytd. balls. I really should trust my instinct.

also, I’m damn curious about it. I swear I saw ‘if Cheryl’s there then I can’t share’, but what is it that you can’t tell me, or say? WHY CANNOT TELL ME. but I’m ok not to know also lah. but I’m quite sure it’s not cause you like me.

can’t wait to go USA. thought I’ll be attached by then tbh. but nope, doesn’t seem like it, feelings seems stuck.

“I really loved you. and you wrecked everything. all our plans. and I put it back together by myself. I just wanted you to show up. I was just looking for a gesture. it didn’t have to be bold. just something”

but everything is too late now. sometimes I get to the extent that, I even hate seeing pregnant ladies. but then I know it’s of no fault of theirs. I don’t really know what I feel anymore. but I defo put down my hate more. I’m ready to receive what the universe has to offer. and hopefully one day, it’ll all not matter. we’ll just be strangers again.

so damn lazy to prep for interview when say until like that. not good meh? seems ok what.

[dotdashspace]

“if you could ever travel back in time, where’d you go? I’ll give it all up to just spend one more day with her”

but epic love stories don’t just exist to everyone, sometimes you realised you mean nothing to someone and words are just.. words.

omg purposely stayed home for lunch but the meeting got cancelled. and really feel like a wreck man. really falling sick. and nobody to look after me :( and somehow the foot hurts even more today. omg can I just die alr. and also why didn’t I manage to sell ytd.

you were engraved into my soul, but i was not even a scratch into your existence

[dotdashspace]

should I take the risk? is there something wrong with me? why am I only attracted to guys where there’s no future, and there there’s like this guy, who is crazy about me, incredibly nice, but seems like there’s zip going on.

Maybe I also need to kiss him to find out too.

Sighpie.

but on another note, gonna miss this house so so much. at least staying here the next few nights. so exhausted.

another note, how to price when to sell?

another note, I wish we weren’t so socially connected, don’t really wanna see anything. life was so much easier in the past.

“you just have to accept that the relationship is over”

“Take the risk or lose the chance”

— Unknown

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are you trying to hurt me or something?

Does your heart ache in my absence, the way mine does for you?

[dotdashspace]

good that you’ve moved on so fast. and that you’re happy. and 幸福. I’ve always said you’re blessed. you get so lucky in life, and getting everything people don’t have. money can always earn back I guess. high time I moved on too. almost there I hope.

“Look, the point is, there’s a lot of women out there you haven’t even had sex with yet!

Okay, but isn’t sex better when it’s with one person that you really, really care about.

Yeah, in a poem maybe.

No the man’s right, that’s what I had with Rachel.

You don’t have it anymore?

No, I ah, I slept with someone else.

Okay, so wait, all right, so how does that make things better?

It didn’t.

Okay, so what you used to have with Rachel, is what I’ve got with Alice.

Now, wh-what, what is that like?

It’s so cool man, it’s so, it’s just ‘cause being with her is so much better than like not being with her.”

so I concluded that, I’m like Monica and pete now. he is all great, has everything, checks all the boxes in a way, but I’m just not.. interested. but I mean if Monica and Pete eventually got together, I prolly can give it some time to see how it rolls right? hmm but they broke up eventually, and finally she got tgt with her chandler.. so I shouldn’t.. cave?

or am I Rachel and mark?

oh man I should have sold just now..

oh wells maybe this is for the best. best for you.

but for me, hmm yeah, if the best is like unbelievable pain..

“At some point you just have to let go of what you thought should happen and live in what is happening.”

— Unknown

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“Sometimes, it’s the scary things in life that are the most worthwhile.”

— Cora Carmack, Losing It

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feeling so sad. after figuring out the crypto .com spread is fucking almost 10% and that i need wait 24h after whitelisting a wallet to trf out so I can figure out the fees for trf out? it’s really a scam I swear. and also thinking if I should sell on Coinbase now? Gosh and feeling so tired. still need to prep for interview, so much work, and need to search on insurance and all. Gosh. life is tiring. no wonder r wanna die. I should just die tgt with him.

also honestly, I just wish I like him. I prayed if he is the one, then let me have more and more feelings for him. but it seems to be going the other way round. but he is so nice to me. everything would be so much easier if he is the one. comon.

I did my part. I hope my absence brings you the peace my love never could.

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decided to replan my finances given that I’m ‘withdrawing my cpf early now’ but seems like there’s no good yielding safe bonds now. looking at DBS /UOB / OCBC dividend yield and seems like good choices to enter. just trying to study the good price to enter. and now also studying when is a good time to sell my crypto. finally profiting and covered some of my losses due to perp. difficults. but at least walking out of darkness I hope!

fucking got cheated on crypto . com. the spread is totally not worth it. damn ridic.

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God, everything seems random

But everything seems planned and

I don't know which way is up and

God, is it from some man's head

Or from some big explosion?

The more that I am learning

It's all just life and death

And everything between

Surely it all has some sort of meaning

Right?

[dotdashspace]

well written.