doyouthinkhewouldsquandersouls

[doyouthinkhewouldsquandersouls]

This, us, it isn't real.

What happened should never have happened and it won't happen again.

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creating characters who are terrible people and examining how they benefit from being terrible and why they act the way they do is way more cathartic than a fantasy world that completely blocks off the option to make immoral / bad choices

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Yet another thing that Aaron is going to have to reconcile Post-John is how his attempts to try and not "lose" more to Gordon, to not stop him from living his life, often don't succeed. With the 2017 breakup, part of why Aaron first takes Robert back because so much of his self-doubt and self-hatred comes from Gordon, and he doesn't want him to win. So he tries to accept what Robert's done, even when it's affecting his mental health and they haven't actually addressed the issues in their relationship. And more than 8 years later, it's still the same struggle. How even something like camping feels taken from Aaron in a way that he has to reclaim. Aaron so desperately wants agency and wants to stake a claim in his own life - but knowing who John really is, it's yet another attempt that's going to fail. A good memory that became a bad memory that becomes an even worse one.

And the fact that Aaron says "It's fine, obviously" and "Don't be soft" when John offers to abandon the camping - he is trying so hard. And I can't help but think it connects to what Cain said when everyone was together to learn about Chas' cancer and Aaron was at his lowest/most isolated: "You're a coward. Just like your dad." So Aaron sticks it out even when it's not weakness or softness to just decide to go. He digs his heels in deeper. Sticks to his decisions even when it's not really what he wants. Becomes less intrusive and present. The same self-doubts and hatred and the same way of trying to fight them.

(And to be fair, I do think John is being 100% genuine in this moment, well, at least in the beginning. I think this catches him off-guard enough that he goes off his gut instinct rather than anything else. It also means that at some point Aaron confided in John about Gordon offscreen, since they reference it here and with what happens to Anthony. He knows Aaron's history but Aaron still doesn't know his!)

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I loved today's scene for so many reasons, not least because I think it genuinely hasn't occurred to Robert that Aaron might still be the tiiiiiiniest bit pissed about Robert divorcing him.

Like, Robert, pal, my love, do you find it patronising and annoying to be told to find someone else? How do you think Aaron found it in 2019 when you forced him to do exactly that, by post, when the two of you were married?

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I love so much that this storyline is happening on at least three levels, all of which are soap and insane in the best way.

Firstly, classic love triangle/affair. Torn between two brothers, it's a popular trope for a reason.

Secondly, John the gaslighting/manipulator/serial killer in the making who is definitely going to kidnap multiple characters that I love and trap them in a weird little cottage.

And thirdly, underneath all of this, Robert and Aaron having one long extended domestic about their last break-up because Aaron realllly isn't over it and Robert doesn't want to talk about it, but he needs to because every time he says 'I'll never leave you again' Aaron hears '... unless I think it's the right thing to do'. And every time Robert defends what he did (not unreasonably!) Aaron hears that Robert thinks he did the right thing, and therefore would do it again if he had to, and Aaron would not survive losing Robert again, which is all less of an argument between exes and more an existential debate about the nature of their marriage, which they are, at heart and ignoring the legalities, very much still in.

So if they could resolve that while John has them both at gunpoint and Mack is bleeding out, that would be great.

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real aaronheads in the writers room today idk where they have been for the past few months but i will take it now ^_^ "why are you being like this" "oh i dont know maybe cos youve just barged your way into my house telling me what i can and cant do with my life and youve got no right to do it" // "you know on our wedding day -- on mine and john's wedding day -- he gave me the space to decide what actually made me happy . he's the opposite to you" sooo amazing . the acknowledgement of rob's attempts to overwhelm aaron into love being so unsustainable and shortsighted -- they dont know each other anymore! they cannot fuck their way back into that. aaron said that he was frozen in time when he was in prison and he was righttt aaron has proved to himself that, if needed, he can survive (miserably! but he can do it!) without robert. he survived his baby sister's death alone after all. but robert spent six years surviving on the fantasy that he would get out one day and aaron would be there and he could settle back into playing happy families . but even if aaron did divorce john rn and pick robert the originary love that exists btwn them wld not be enough to sustain a relationship. aaron still sees rob as the image he projected of himself in the 2010s the big businessman the in-control unaffected family man mr i hate you seeing me like this but in actuality rob no longer has the luxury of negotiating his outward perception . its easier for him to think of him as playing games (which he is doing . same as aaron's doing . theyre both selfishly grasping at the parts of the other that they need to survive their situations) and unaffected by aaron's hot and cold plays at passivity to goad robert into doing what he wants him to do (telling his visibly fragile ex he misses him and then sitting back coyly waiting to be kissed LOL) without the guilt of taking it for himself . and im not going to repeat myself at length on robert's possessiveness but he is likewise not making allowances for the fact that aaron is no longer a dumb 20-something kid in stasis flattered by rob's possessiveness (well.. he is . but!) he NEEDS to feel some level of control in his life. and this is everything that john outwardly offers: he coaxes aaron into suggesting they move away (something he alone wants) and then plays at submission when aaron agrees asking are you sure are you having second thoughts (silently: if you are, you'll be disappointing me) which is allegorical for their entire relationship . aaron needs that performance of submission to feel like he still exists as a person in their relationship look at his pride today in telling rob he's the one who suggested moving away . he's spent his entire relationship with rob clawing just to be half of aaron-and-robert so of course hes scared of mr black tar heroin dick . its really good . i didnt like that the affair started so early but im sooo glad theyre at least reckoning with the positioning of aaron as passive love interest at last!

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whatever. some people say it's unbelievable, i say it's fun that john keeps a "best friends forever" scrapbook on the front seat of his murder van

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also the explanation for mack's winter wear in august is that he was fixing a freezer just before 🤣🤣🤣

and not because they filmed the promo in winter.

amazing save guys no notes 🤣🤣🤣🤣

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i love when Robert is simultaneously incredibly romantic, earnest and vunerable yet also uncomfortably pushy and insane , that’s my Robertttt ❤️

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can you just leave please?

you don't want that.

robert just needs to pass this one test and he keeps failing ittttt. because he's himself and that's how they got here in the first place. and because he's so excited by the exhilarating permanence of their cosmic soulbond that's still so strong after all this time. and because he's tired and lonely and has nothing else left. and aaron is giving such mixed signals which to anyone else would clearly read as mixed signals but rob is so good at just seeing the direct line to what he wants and steamrolling the rest.

and it's got to the point where aaron has now spelt it out for him (go aaron! stop cozying up and then scurrying away! use your words!) but rob's still not getting it!! 😫

i love this storyline so much. i like that they're playing off how for rob their bond is a lifeline but grabbing onto it now is going to drown aaron completely when he's spent the last six years learning how to stop it from pulling him under.

they kill me they really do. all he has to do is let aaron have, not even a choice because how can you in the face of cosmic soulmatism, but the illusion of one. and he can't do ittttt.

😭😭😭

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Sharon & Steve

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Baby Aaron (with John, Paddy, Andy and Adam) 9 years today. 20th August 2009

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ALSOO i love the push and pull between john and rob and how it affects aaron. sick though it makes me feel. john pushed too hard to manipulate aaron’s feelings ab rob (both by directly targeting robert and talking shit to aaron) and it pushes aaron towards robert; robert pushes too hard to convince aaron to leave john and it pushes aaron back to his marriage with john. aaron’s trying to navigate his desire for robert vs his desire for stability/safety and when either party tries too hard to cling to aaron he moves in the opposite direction. and I HOPEEE this means we get a story about aaron choices and inner conflict amidst his ex husband and current husband trying to claim him

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okay i loveee the dynamic they have currently set up between rob and aaron bc they are not on the same page at ALL lmfao. even during their cozy little pillow talk robert is right back to planning wedding 3.0 while aaron refuses to commit to anything. like he acknowledges he “has commitments” + he acknowledges that he doesnt want robert to leave but thats it. at no point does he express that he wants to get back together with robert and in the next conversation they have he basically tries to shut down any possibility of their rship going further. but robert basically just willfully ignores him lmao he’s constantly the one prompting aaron about “their” future despite aaron trying to head off the topic. he insists that he knows what aaron wants and he knows this apparently by ignoring everything aaron says. in his desperation to hold onto aaron, doing the thing that he and aaron have fought over time and time again which is trying to control aaron and act like he knows whats best for him - so of course this backfires and aaron doubles down on his commitment to john. and he’s going away with john because its the best way to maintain control over the situation when faced with robert who a) is loudly insistent on his way forward and b) has in recent memory revealed aaron’s indiscretions to john against aaron’s express wishes. and its like…the same situation as robert’s return! aaron gives into his feelings -> robert insists that he’s what aaron truly wants -> aaron commits harder to john. and robert point blank refuses to see the situation for what it is, to acknowledge aaron’s genuine conflict, because itd mean really truly embracing the fact that six years have passed, that both he and aaron have changed, that he blew up his life in 2019 and the pieces just dont fit together the same way. whereas aaron knows all these things, is terrified by them.

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Emmerdale || 16.03.16 | 18.08.25

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THIS IS SO AWESOME I LOVE THEIR MARRIAGE….theyre planning to leave the village and for aaron its so he can run away from his feelings and his ex whos insisting on them getting back together so he can cover up his infidelity and for john its so he can get away from cain and tracy and the police so he can cover up his MURDER!!! and they both think that they’re the ones lying and dragging around their helpless and innocent partner!!! MARRIAGE 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉