dracokrawl

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(wakes up) i need to look at jpegs of those characters

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remember to eat all of the delicious summertime fruits you can before theyre no longer in season. my final message. goodbye

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The Invisible Pressure: Asexuality, Relationships, and Consent

There is an insidious, quiet violence that asexual people, particularly sex-repulsed aces, are subjected to in relationships. It’s not loud. It doesn’t always look like abuse. Sometimes, it’s dressed up in the language of “compromise”. Sometimes, it’s even endorsed by therapists and relationship “experts.”

But at the root of it is this one idea: That sex is the cornerstone of every valid relationship. That if you don’t want sex, something is wrong with you. That your partner is entitled to sex. That you, as an asexual person, owe it to them because that’s “just how relationships work.”

Asexual people are constantly navigating a world that tells us our love is incomplete unless it includes sex. That our boundaries are just hurdles to be negotiated. And that if we’re not careful, we’ll be the one accused of being selfish or withholding.

And the truth is, this pressure doesn’t only happen in unhealthy relationships. It can exist even in good ones. Even in the ones where your partner is kind and respectful and never once demands anything of you. Even when your partner is loving, patient, supportive—the ideal partner. The pressure doesn’t just vanish because the person next to you is good. Because the pressure isn’t coming from them: it’s coming from the world around you.

So even in the safest relationships, we still carry that fear. That if we say no too often, too permanently, we’ll eventually be left behind—not because our partner is cruel, but because we were never what society told them to want. And that’s what makes the pressure so hard to name, so hard to fight. So easy to internalize.

Then, even the most well-meaning conversations about consent often fail us. Why? Because while people are taught to respect a “no” in the moment, there’s still the underlying assumption that “no” is temporary. That eventually, we’ll change our minds. That if someone is patient, kind, persistent enough—we’ll come around. But some of us don’t. Some of us never want sex. Not now. Not later. Not eventually. And the idea that permanent or indefinite boundaries are abnormal is what pushes so many asexual people into violating their own comfort to meet someone else’s expectations.

It’s a form of slow coercion, cloaked in the language of compromise.

And when asexual people bring this into therapy—when we try to advocate for ourselves—we’re often met with therapists who have internalized the same cultural script. A script that says “sex is a need and part of a healthy relationship”. We’re encouraged to meet halfway.

But “halfway” always seems to mean giving up your boundaries to preserve the relationship.

Where is the room for our needs? For the idea that sex is not an automatic default but a choice, one that should never be coerced—whether overtly or through guilt, shame, or the threat of abandonment?

Too often, asexual people are pressured into saying yes to things we don’t want. Not because we’re comfortable with it. Not because our desires have changed. But because we’re terrified of being left. Because we’ve been taught that we’re the broken one. That we’re the reason the relationship is “failing.”

We are not broken. We are not selfish. And sex is not the sole measure of love, intimacy, or commitment. A relationship without sex is still a real relationship.

Consent only means something when it includes the possibility of permanent, indefinite boundaries. If “no” isn’t allowed to be forever, it was never truly respected to begin with.

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malt paste wars

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There’s something wrong with me right now but don’t worry I found a cure (holds up a hyperfixation from when I was 14) (NOT one of the good ones)

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*shaking, covered in blood and dirt, dark circles under my wide and crazed eyes* i can be normal about the media i like

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sorry but someone assuming you have "left a fandom" when you don't post about it a lot anymore feels like bilbo coming home to the sackville bagginses having him presumed dead and selling all his stuff. girl i was just on a little quest????

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reblog to bap prev with your paw

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Dragonite's delivery service.

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mutuals please do this to me

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watching my promised afternoon thunderstorm slip from a 90% chance to a 20% chance.... baby come back i can change

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I had a dream that Nintendo released these cheap and impractical plastic Pikmin chairs and I got so excited I accidentally bought 30 of each

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Do not trust people like me. I will take you to anime conventions, and the manga section of the library, and Hot Topic, and kiss you in every sugoi place, so that you can never go back to them without tasting me like stale pocky in your mouth. Watashi will destroy you in the most kawaii way possible. And when I leave you will finally understand, why storms are named after people desu

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They should invent a way to sit hunched over doing crafts that is Good for your body

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No transphobes allowed, only transborbs.

Check out my stuff!

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I hate when you catch yourself having a thought that hints at deeper insanities than previously imagined