draftsofcertainties

[draftsofcertainties]

I love you so much, bb. Such a cutiepie. Grabe, sobrang lambing and sweet mo, minsan naiisip ko kailangan ko rin mag-improve sa lambing department. Hahaha! Madalas kasi hindi ako sweet sa words, pero being with you for a couple of months now, nahawa na ako. Dati, awkward for me maging malambing kasi lagi ako nacoconscious na baka sumobra at ma-borderline maarte na, pero ikaw walang pinipiling moment, kumbaga feeling ko you tell me and show me you love me the exact moment na maisip mo sya. I hope you don't change, mahal. I love it when you say "I love you" or "mahal na mahal kita" kahit pa around your parents or dito sa bahay namin na it just comes out naturally. I always feel loved around you. And I hope na mareciprocate ko yun the way I know. I love you so much, mahal. I'm just very very thankful to have you in my life.

[draftsofcertainties]

Hi,

I'm just dropping by to give updates about us. We've been together for a little over 5 months now, and I'm proud of all the minutes we shared together. Anyway, I passed the board exam! But I'm still a bum because my parents won't let me find a job yet because they want to visit our grandparents this Christmas, but I'm still thinking about it. Edwin had been my solid support during my review. Lagi nyang sinasabi na, hindi ko man sya nakasama sa med school journey ko, he still wants to be part of my journey to becoming a doctor at least sa review. He doesn't know how much of a big help he's been to me. And for the 5 months we're together, everything's going our way. My family is very welcoming of him, super opposite of how they were with my ex. I really believe that my parents trust him enough and that puts me at peace. We even celebrated as a family sa Tagaytay with him. Napa-blog lang ako today because we were talking about our future plans, specifically about my plan to put up a business here sa place ng parents ko, a diagnostic center. I was actually surprised na he picked it up, kasi my dad just brought it up during our dinner with him nung nakaraan pero di naman super serious na discussion. Matagal na kasi namin napaplano yun even before I met Edwin. Then he asked me about it tonight, na if putting up a business means we have to stay here (as in settle as a couple). I said no naman, depende pa rin sa circumstances. Anyway it's just a "plan," not yet a goal. Pero I really appreciate the way he deeply thinks about our future. Every small thing in my life matters to him, and I'm very very grateful for his sincerity. Sinabi pa nya na compared to my life now, he could only be able to provide less, and he knows that it doesn't matter to me pero he just wants to give me everything I deserve. One thing I love about Edwin is his honesty and vulnerability around me. Hindi sya mayabang or nagtatago ng mga flaws nya, unlike me, I still have reservations, though di ako nagtatago, ang way ko naman is I don't openly talk about my insecurities unless it really bothers me at the moment. He always makes me feel loved and secured. Naalala ko pa noong nagpaalam sya na manliligaw sya sa akin, seryoso naman daw sya sa intentions nya but he doesn't have the money to pursue me yet, na medyo naiyak pa sya kasi nga ganun ang sitwasyon, and syempre alam nya naman na di kailangan yun, pero he is aware of my lifestyle kasi. But it didn't stop him from pursuing me, eh alam nya rin naman na gusto ko sya! But I think he underestimates himself. I'm so proud of what he is and what he can do. Sabi nga ng daddy ko ang importante "may palo" sa buhay, kumbaga yung hindi nagsesettle sa mahirap na situation. I think that's why my dad likes Edwin kasi nakikitaan sya na ganun. I love Edwin so much, and gusto ko rin ma-provide everything he deserves once capable na ako. I just want to give back to my parents first, and mag-ipon na kami for our own. Edwin is so precious to me. He loves me so tenderly and sincerely na I don't need to demand what I want, kasi he already does them for me. He respects me and my family, kaya the way he is with me, sobrang happy ako. Nabanggit nya nga na gusto nya maging proud ang parents ko sakanya, and sobrang sumaya ako na marinig ko yun kasi it means na my parents' opinion of him and us matters. Alam ko marami pa kaming bigas na kakainin. Akala ko nga mahihirapan ako magtiwala ulit, pero ito ako ngayon, sobrang tiwala sa future naming dalawa. Whatever happens, I know na our love for each other will prevail. Tuwing mag-aaway kami he will say na he loves me in between just to have a gentle reminder na he loves me, despite his shortcomings. He is also quick to say sorry, he never lets his pride be more important than our peace. These things about him makes me certain na this is what I want forever.

[draftsofcertainties]

We haven't seen each other in flesh for a while now. This has been our usual set-up for the past few weeks. I miss him so much, but the city's under quarantine again so staying at home is kind of mandatory. He still works on-site, but gladly his vaccination schedule is finalized after months of waiting. I just hope the rest of his family gets vaccinated soon, too.

My board exams are coming too soon and I haven't prepared enough. But I hope I make him proud, and all the rest of the ones who still believes I can make it.

[draftsofcertainties]

It's cool to think that back then, we were just minding our own businesses in college, probably having crush on classmates that we barely know or talk to now, having finals week as our major problem in life, and most likely never expecting to fall in love with a person miles miles away back then.

It's true, in college, you think you have your life figured out. You try to plan your life for the next five or ten years, but it's never going to happen the way you want things to be.

But it makes sense. Someday it will make sense. All the things you did and never did, people you kept and grew out, places you went to and never visited... it all makes sense in the end.

[draftsofcertainties]

July 24, 2021

Our biglaan swimming! Jenina just suddenly invited us to an overnight swimming a day before. It was raining heavily all week but still we said yes because why not? I'm so glad we did! It's one of the most fun and memorable days we ever had so far! Here's us:

Jenina, Recto, Me, Summer (Jenina's niece), Edwin

It's supposed to be Jenina's advanced birthday celebration. She wanted to set the swimming early because she'll have her period on her actual birthday week and she was worried she wouldn't enjoy. So they set the swimming this weekend! I don't have a hospital duty since it's weekend, and Edwin could file a work-from-home leave, so we were both able to come with them. And gladly we did!

It was still a gloomy day but we're really blessed because when we arrived at the resort, the rain stopped! We swam and tried the slides the whole afternoon and it didn't rain, sometimes it would drizzle but it didn't rain as heavily as it did in the morning. We ate the food Jenina prepared for us. Her spaghetti was bomb! I'm cutting my carbs intake but I couldn't help eat two full plates. We played cards after dinner. It was a night full of awesome fun. I'm so glad I met them. Jenina and Recto are a cute couple! And they're super nice and adorable. They love Edwin too. I'm looking forward to more bonding with them! I really enjoyed the weekend. ❤

[draftsofcertainties]

It's holiday today so it's also his day off. Hehehe. We've been so clingy ever since. I'm trying real hard to keep it healthy since we've got other priorities too.

[draftsofcertainties]

Hehehehe my big baby and our baby appa.

I love him so.

He takes care of what I think and how I feel. He doesn't let it pass when he knows I want to say something or if something's bothering me. He always wants us to talk about our issues so we can address them right away rather than throwing them under the rug and sleep away. I love him because he actively takes care of our relationship. I hope he doesn't give up on me. Sometimes I just find it difficult to express my feelings. I'm not used to having someone who's actually willing to listen to my very complicated thoughts. He tells me when he doesn't get me, and I actually prefer him being honest when he doesn't understand a thing I say so I can repeat and rephrase, rather than saying okay just to get it over with. He is patient with me. And when he says he loves me it makes me want to cry even more, because I know he means it. And he means it when he carefully reminds me that he loves me. And it makes my heart melt every time. I love him so much. I hope I don't ruin this thing. I hope I get to keep him forever.

[draftsofcertainties]

July 17, 2021

We had dinner tonight at Tokyo Tokyo. :) We only spent a little more than an hour together today. I missed him soooo much. :----( I feel a little sad that he couldn't stay out late with me because he will be staying in a friend's house overnight, and as courtesy, he has to get there before 9:00PM to avoid being a nuisance. It's also for his convenience so I understand. He and his college friends have a get-together tomorrow, and it's much better for him to stay there instead of going home to Bulacan and commuting again back to Quezon City in the morning.

I love him so much. I'm trying my best not to be the inconsiderate selfish demanding girl I was before. I'm trying my best for him to be able to do things freely and not worry about what I'll feel or think all the time. There are days like this and it's okay. Being mad about him arriving late will only make it hard to enjoy our time together and I don't want that to happen. The little things like this should be easy to forgive, as long as we're trying to be better everyday.

Also, today I got my Axie account. His workmate is creating a network of "scholars" and he invited me to become one. I'm grateful for the opportunity and I really appreciate that he wants me to join his grind too. Axie is an income-generating game that's quite popular now since it's a lucrative non-taxable job with a work-from-home work-whenever-you-want setup. Basically, you just play a game and earn, but it's a strategy game so it's not as easy as I make it sound like. He taught me the basics over dinner, but I'm quite familiar with a few things already since I've watched him play several times. Frankly, I should be focusing on studying for the licensure exams. But I've been a bum since my breakup phase, and having a responsibility this big might help me get back in the mood for actually working my ass out of the bed. The money I'll earn, I'll save up. I'm thinking of suggesting to Edwin to create a joint bank account, but maybe that's too early for now, and it may sound like I'm hoarding both our money only for our future. I'm fully aware of his responsibilities to his family, and I just want us to have a joint account for emergency purposes, in case one of us needs a big sum of money at least we'll have a primary source. I love him and I want to be here for him all the way. He deserves all the good things in the world. :)

[draftsofcertainties]

Just flexing my handsome hardworking boyfriend. He sends mirror selfies after gym sessions at his work office. He usually works out after eating lunch, but now he's skipping lunches and I kind of disagree with it because it doesn't make sense, since the calorie he burns in the afternoon and in the evening will be the same. Also, he's going to starve at work and that's not good. The only good side of it is that he's preoccupied with work while starving so it's easier to tolerate, than skipping dinner and having the rest of the night possibly regretting the decision. I hope I find enough motivation to start working out soon so we can work out together! Erm, wishful thinking yet since we're miles away, but he wants me to get fit too.

Right now I'm waiting for the clock to strike 2:00AM so I can wake him up again. He's taking a nap. I told him I'm doing an all-nighter, so he asked me to wake him up this late so he can grind in Axie again. It's a sideline that he's recently discovered, and it's a good extra source of income. I am really impressed at how he's eager to work extra and save up. I hope he earns a lot so he can have the things he deserves and go to places and be able to explore. I'm going to support him all the way. :)

[draftsofcertainties]

Within 2 months of knowing each other. Wow.

It's been full of love and happiness -- the honeymoon phase as people would call it. We talked about this before, and we're both aware that the reason why we're in this cloud nine is because we're still in the phase of knowing each other and trying to impress one another. No one displays a bad attitude on the first date unless you're that pathetic. We understand that this is a phase, but we also understand, both coming from failed long-term relationships, that surely there will be dull days ahead. But it's up to us to try and get into the honeymoon phase again. It's a team work! Even though it's only been a couple of months, I'm genuinely excited for us, for what we can achieve together, the places we'll go, the struggles we'll overcome. :)

[draftsofcertainties]

Our first set of pictures as a couple! 🥰

[draftsofcertainties]

I love you, Edwin. There's so much I love about you, but I'm most grateful because you chose to love me despite the mess I came from and the mess I still carry.

[draftsofcertainties]

July 10, 2021

We're officially together!

Aaahhhhh I still can't believe it. The sun's just setting and we just finished eating our late lunch. We were watching How I Met Your Mother and he suddenly asked me if every 10th of the month is a good day to celebrate our monthsaries. I can't quite remember if it's during the episode where Ted and Victoria mentioned their monthsary. He popped the question out of nowhere that I didn't get right away if it's in the context of what we were watching or he was actually serious. I had to ask again 'What do you mean?' while I let out nervous giggles because maybe he's really being serious.

And then he changed the question to: "can you be my girlfriend?"

My heart raced. Oh, this question. I didn't expect him to ask so soon since he just asked if he could court me a couple of weeks ago.

I answered a long "hmmmmm," because I badly wanted to say 'yes' but a lot of thoughts flashed in my head before I could say anything. I'm certain I want to be with this guy but I'm not sure if I can introduce him to my friends and family so soon. I just came from a breakup 4 months ago from a five-year relationship. Having a label comes with responsibilities like that. But then I realized we could deal with that together later on.

He also explained that he wanted to continue courting me formally, but he doesn't know how to do it. He said he could still do it while we're already together. I know he would, but deep down I also knew he's kind of rushing things, not in a bad way, but more of an excited way.

So while I was smiling and thinking, he asked again, "Maybe I should change the question. Do you want me to be your boyfriend?" And finally I answered 'yes.'

And *drumrolls*

"I love you," he finally blurted out, while wearing that sweet beautiful smile.

Ah, I was dying to tell him that all day, too. I know for a long time now that I like this guy. I like him so much. But I have not felt that new spark of falling in love until that same day, in the morning after eating breakfast, when we were on the sofa, I was watching How I Met Your Mother while he's playing Axie, his head on my lap, and I was leaning a little on to his shoulders. I looked at his lovely eyes and watched him be himself and all, and then without a warning, my heart suddenly raced like it wants to jump out of my chest, butterflies are suddenly in my stomach, it's like the fluttering of their wings is bringing this weird fleeting feeling, and it got a little bit hard to breathe and take it all in as I realized what is happening --- I'm falling in love. I literally said in my mind, "fuck, I love this guy."

So when he told me those three words, I knew instantly what to say.

"I love you, too."

And then we kissed. And we smiled at each other because funnily, we've both been chasing this moment to say it out loud. And now we did. It's quite magical to think that he's been waiting for a chance to tell me he loves me while I was secretly dying to tell him the same too, and we're just waiting for the right moment. He's been singing "bb, do you love me?" in the tune of In My Feelings by Drake all day and I wanted to answer yes jokingly, but I held back because I didn't want to ruin it, you know. I didn't want to subtly tell him I love him by responding to a silly song, but he told me that it was his cue. And I on the other hand would call his attention randomly just to tell him, "I like you," or would just kiss him out of nowehere, when I really wanted to say I love you instead. It's really cute. We're both in love and everything makes sense between the two of us and even when they don't, we're willing to work things out. Nothing's really changed with the way we treat each other. But of course there's still a lot to learn about each other.

[draftsofcertainties]

June 27, 2021

This is our first Tagaytay trip! I was with Edwin, Bert, Janine, Julie, Je, and Josh.

We first went to Nuvali and fed koi fishes! There were about a thousand of them bright colored kois. I kind of feel bad whenever we throw fish food and the kois start to crash on each other as they chase the pellets in the water. A koi stampede!!

And then we headed to Mahogany Market to try their famous authentic bulalo. However, when we got there we found out that the place was closed. We're not sure why, maybe because it's Sunday or could be due to quarantine status. There's another bulalo place nearby. I actually am not sure what to expect from an authentic bulalo. My family loves beef nilaga, sometimes I'd use beef shanks for it, and still call it nilaga. I'm pretty sure they would taste alike, and they did. The restaurant where we ate was neat, but nothing really special about the food or the place. And they're sort of understaffed. Plus, it was very humid that day -- pretty uncomfortable to pair with a huge hot bowl of beef bone broth.

Next stop was at Sonia's Garden. This place is famous for their bakeshop (as far as I can remember from travel blogs). The garden was comforting, pretty with lots of flowers and green lush plants. Some of the areas were closed due to scheduled weddings that day. We strolled around. There's literally nothing to do except absorb the beauty of nature the garden offered. Edwin and I took a photo together! It's our first ever photo taken of us (I mean, not just a selfie). I was shy at first because we're still not used to being photographed together. But we both liked capturing memories like this. Maybe soon we'll grow out of our shell and take more photos confidently in our next trips!

(To be continued)

[draftsofcertainties]

Meet our baby Appa! He's our first baby plushie. 😍😂 We're officially (synthetic) fur parents! Appa's now staying with Edwin. I'm a bit jealous because they cuddle every night without me. Hayy :---(

[draftsofcertainties]

Maybe he's the love I deserve but I'm still afraid of opening up and entertaining the possibility that we're endgame. But, despite all my doubts and fears, I sincerely hope we'll last for as long as the universe lets us. I might have lost my ability to believe in forever, or a lifetime, but if this thing between us lasts for a couple of years, I'd still be grateful.

My feelings have evolved, and I can say that his too. He already asked me if he could court me formally, since we started out as plain 'friends with benefits.' It's still the term I use because I couldn't say we were dating back then. I still have a lot of stories to tell here. From what you'll see from my previous posts, I barely even planned for this to keep going, what more to take a leap into actually getting attached. Honestly though, I decided to make a blog about us because, even if growing into lovers was out of my objective, I knew from the start that our story is worth keeping in notes like this.

Here are a few snaps of us together. We've only known each other for 2 months. Sometimes I get overwhelmed when he asks me out to meet his friends, but he says he's just too proud and confident for having me -- even before we weren't officially dating. That's how I got the vibe that he's not just spending time with me for fun, but the I was still the first one to admit that I liked him, haha! It's no big deal. I was just stating it as a matter of fact, with confidence, since I know he likes me too. I just wanted to put it out there already so we could finally stop hiding behind the pretense of no attachments whatsoever. The first time we ever met in person, I already met his family. The second time we went out together, he introduced me to one of his closest friends. :) By this time I already met a lot of people in his life, and he's still planning to introduce me to a few other closest friends. I find it amazing that he's doing this, but it's quite complicated since, even though we're arbitrarily dating, we're so used to acting like lovers, and that may be seen as us being officially together. Not that I hate it, but I'm trying to take things as slowly as possible, especially publicly. But he respects that, it's just hard for us to resist being physically intimate with one another when we're together.

First 3 photos are taken during his mom's birthday (July 4). We rented a private pool to celebrate with his family, his friends, and his sister's friends.

The rest were taken during our trip to tagaytay with his friends (Bert, Janine, Julie, Je). The first photo was at People's Park in the Sky and the second was at Sonia's Garden :)

[draftsofcertainties]

Look at this cutie, singing one of my favorite songs. Hayyyy. 🥺🥺🥺 He missed quite a few lines at the end hence the apology. Ugh, my adorable stressball. 😍 I always like listening to his speaking voice, it's assertive but sincere. But when he sings to me before I sleep, it's a different level of sincerity I feel. Well, I don't know why he's told me he rarely sings for someone when he actually did sing to me the first time we talked over the phone.

But anyway, at some point it felt like this... You know how hard it is to start singing when you know someone is listening intently to you? And when you overcome that wall of insecurity you just kind of forget that heavy feeling that someone's watching you?

Yes, that freeing feeling of being aware of each other but also being comforable together. I still keep my walls up, but I think he is really serious when he said he's willing to wait until I let go of all my reservations. We're pretty vocal about our feelings. We both have expressed that we like each other, and we're basking in this joy of having mutual understanding.