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drew519 · 2 years ago

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I return here years later, to a place we both enjoyed. Still in love with her as much as I ever was. 14-15 months later… in love with the woman I thought she was. Still seeing her beautiful face as clearly as if she was standing in front of me…. I became a shell of myself trying to fix our relationship. Not realizing that the changes had come years prior. I can’t help but wish that I could go back in time to save us… to save her. I purposefully sacrificed my sanity over and over again, “knowing” she was worth it. I was foolish… but such is love. 14-15 months later, and the old me, the man that didn’t break for love, is returning. I’ve dug myself out of debt, helped my mother, and am back on my own. It was the first night in my new home with the dog we shared that tears rolled down my face. Another rare moment alone to mourn what was… I can’t allow myself to fall into despair trying to fix the past…. Forward! I’ve been successful and I will continue to build the life I desperately wanted with her… unfortunately it won’t be with her. I pray for her, but I know some of my last words haunt her. I pray for the son that wasn’t genetically mine. I know the troubles he faces and I’m sad I’m not there to guide him. I’ve seen what a lack of masculine guidance has done to him and I know and fear what this world has in store for him…. I was honored to be his father… but I was only his father when it was convenient for her. And then she got pregnant… OUR CHILD! Finally! … and then he/she was gone. There has never been a more blissfully moment in my life as it was when she was pregnant. And just like that, our happiness was gone. Was it natural, was it the lack of attention to her own health? I could care less, our baby was gone. 14-15 months later, I sit in my new apartment, and focus on my goals, pushing and pushing, because when I left, I bet on myself, and I knew I wouldn’t lose. I knew she wouldn’t understand. I knew she would vilify me… I knew the pain would be unbearable, and despite weak moments, I persevered! I have felt love since I was last with her, but will it ever feel like that again?… a question for a man that has the luxury to dwell. The warrior’s blade may have dulled in a time of peace and love, but the warrior remains. And now his blade is sharpened daily. Gone are the days of blissful love and ignorance. It is a warrior’s curse to battle, and it is my burden to succeed. I face this up hill battle, finally back on level ground, encouraged by my resilience. It wasn’t the first time I had been buried, but it will be the last. My goal is in sight…. Every step I take, I wish your hand was holding mine, and I wish that at the peak, it was you at my side…. I don’t know how much longer I will mourn, but I know the mountain peak is within reach. I told her on multiple occasions that if she were ever taken from me, I would rip the heavens open and challenge HIM for her soul… what hubris… well now it is HIM that watches as I walk this path alone. For it is my path… I will become what I promised her I would be, I will become what I promised myself! I will be the man our unborn child would be proud of…and when my time comes, I look forward to seeing our child and I hope above anyone else, that I made them proud, that I would’ve been a good father. And that despite me leaving their mother, that I continued to love her with all my soul, even when I didn’t want to. To my child, you were the best of us… you were the manifestation of our love, and like our love, you were too pure for this world. I will make you proud! Please watch over us both. Watch over your brother, because he needs you most of all. And even though I’ve always known, seen, and trusted karma to take care of those who did me wrong, I truly love your mother, so please take care of her. Watch over us… I will love you forever! 2.16.21

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drew519 · 5 years ago

Video

Can’t wait until I can have another dog! https://www.instagram.com/p/B-hxNinAqhE/?igshid=1l5wwzs4mvqum

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drew519 · 8 years ago

Photo

Drax made this movie hilarious!