drjjacksonavery

[drjjacksonavery]

“April, don’t-” were the last words Jackson was able to utter before Alex’s fist came flying at him at full speed.

The force of the punch knocked him back on his heels and sent him crashing into the door. His eyes wide with shock, he slid down until he landed on his butt, his hand immediately flying up to grasp his jaw where the blow landed. It wasn’t that it hurt, hell, he’d been hit harder than that in practice. It was the fact that he couldn’t believe Alex had shown that much emotion over a girl.

Still stunned from the impact, the three of them eyed each other in disbelief, all for their very own reasons. Seconds passed before anyone moved, but what happened next, he could see hurt Alex more than the impact of the hit he’d just received.

April crouched down in front of him and placed her hand over his. “Oh my god, Jackson. Are you okay?” she asked him, the concern on her face plain to see.

“Are you fucking kidding me!” Alex shouted, “April, please tell me you’re not falling for this!”

And as if reading Jackson’s previous thoughts, he proclaimed, “I’ve seen Avery take a hit so hard it knocked the wind out of him, and he got right back up, but you expect me to believe that… that tap on the chin took him out?”

Alex’s outrage evident by Jackson’s performance, fists balled up, he took a threatening step toward him.

“Stop it, Alex!” April warned, “You can’t just hit people when you’re angry.”

In a huff, Alex laid into her, “You burst in here like someone’s about to kill you, and stupid me,” he emphasized, rolling his eyes, “I’m actually worried. Then you blurt out that you and that asshole just kissed! How the fuck do you expect me to react!” he yelled at the top of his lungs.

Jackson could see the wetness as the tears began to form in April’s eyes as she watched Alex. Consciously, he knew the repercussions of his actions would cause strife in their relationship, and ultimately, he did want April to choose him, but knowing the pain she suffered because she was stuck deciding between two men she obviously cared for was distressing. Not so distressing that he was gonna give up, but still.

“April,” he called to her softly, but before he could plead his case, Alex interrupted.

“You need to make a choice. Right now!” he demanded. “It is gonna be him, or me?”

Her mouth falling open, they waited with bated breath for her to answer. Standing from her position, she wiped now fallen tears from her face.

“Neither,” she asserted, shaking her head in despair “I don’t want anything to do with either of you!”

With that, she ran from the room, leaving the two of them to settle their issues on their own.

drjjacksonavery‌:

Jackson really didn’t give two shits about what Alex was doing. The only reason he’d asked was to obtain information about his rivals current whereabouts because wouldn’t you know it, just as Jackson was about to lean in and kiss April, and she was about to kiss him back, well, that’s if his assessment of her apparent interest was correct, and he rarely was wrong in these cases, he didn’t care for any further interruptions from his block-headed roommate.

“No, Alex decided to go back to his room,” she answered him with a huff, giving him the vibe that she was mad at Alex. Or more likely, Alex had done something to piss her off.

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When Jackson pressed his lips to hers, the world came to a screeching halt and April stopped thinking. 

She closed her eyes, melted into the feeling, and let him hold her face in his hands. His big, sturdy hands that felt so capable, like he knew exactly what to do with her. She’d never felt so excited, yet so safe, with another person before in her life. 

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[drjjacksonavery]

Jackson really didn’t give two shits about what Alex was doing. The only reason he’d asked was to obtain information about his rivals current whereabouts because wouldn’t you know it, just as Jackson was about to lean in and kiss April, and she was about to kiss him back, well, that’s if his assessment of her apparent interest was correct, and he rarely was wrong in these cases, he didn’t care for any further interruptions from his block-headed roommate.

“No, Alex decided to go back to his room,” she answered him with a huff, giving him the vibe that she was mad at Alex. Or more likely, Alex had done something to piss her off.

As they trotted alongside each other at an easy pace, Jackson quickly considered his options. He really didn’t want to get involved in whatever argument they were having because he didn’t want to become her sounding board. Now, if he was her boyfriend, that’d be a different story, but the thought of her chatting about boys with him like he one of her girlfriends was a total turnoff, but he needed to get to the bottom of her obvious anger. Yes, it was a bit devious, but maybe he could throw a monkey-wrench in their relationship after all.

“So, what crawled up Karev’s ass this time? He think we were in your room getting it on?” he blurted out, only half joking.

A salacious smile on his face, Jackson turned his head to hear her answer because he really wanted to see the reaction on her face after that comment only to come to a screeching halt himself because she’d already stop jogging.

Closing the distance between them, which was only a few feet, he watched her as she stood open-mouthed.

“Why would you say something like that!” she shouted. “We-we… we were not about to get it on! Jesus, what is it with you and Alex that you think I can’t control myself when I’m alone in my room with a good-looking guy? God, you sound as stupid as he did. You don’t…. “

Actually, he’d stopped listening to her after she called him good-looking. She was still going on about something or other, her head wobbling in that way a woman’s does when she’d telling you off. It was somewhat rude, but he couldn’t bring himself to concentrate on her lecture about him and what jerks men could be because with that bit of information she unintentionally revealed, in addition to their almost kiss earlier, he knew for a fact now that there was still hope for him yet.

A huge smirk on his face, he tenderly grasped her wrists, but unlike when she screamed previously from an unfamiliar touch, this time his hands upon her skin seemed more than welcome as she immediately quieted, her lips slightly parted, but no words were forthcoming as if she’d suddenly lost the ability to speak.

“Soooo,” he drawled, “you think I’m hot?”

His blatant question shook her from her frozen state. “What?! What?! No, no! I didn’t say that.”

��Yeah,” he assured her, “you kinda just did.”

The blush that crept from her neck to her cheeks was hard to overlook. She was obviously flustered and the last thing he wanted to do was embarrass her.

Jackson knew this was his one chance to say what he’d wanted to say for weeks, but he had to move quickly. April looked like a frightened bird about to take flight and if she got away, she’d more than likely end up in Alex’s arms after some half-ass apology he’d offer up.

Squaring his shoulders, he cupped her hands in his, “Know what?” he asked, not really expecting her to answer, “I think you’re pretty hot too.”

Gasping in surprise, she promptly dismissed his complement. “No, I’m not,” she professed, as she lowered her head. “You don’t date girls that look like me.”

“Hey,” he whispered to her softly, placing his finger on her chin in order to tilt her head up so she could not only see him, but the sincerity in his eyes. “You are exactly the type of girl I want to date,” he replied with all seriousness.

This time though, when he leaned in for that kiss, there was no hesitation at all.

drjjacksonavery‌:

Jackson hitched his book bag up higher over his shoulder before giving himself the once over. He’d just arrived at April’s dorm room and he wanted to make sure he looked good. Cupping his hand, he blew into his palm and smelled his breath. Satisfied it didn’t stink from the onions he’d had on his cheesesteak he just finished, he rolled his shoulders and stood at his full height before tapping on the door.

She answered immediately as if she’d been hovering behind the door, anxiously awaiting his arrival, and he couldn’t help but beam like a fool when he saw her.

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April’s heart was beating a mile a minute. When she opened the door for Alex, she could still feel the flush on her cheeks. 

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[drjjacksonavery]

Jackson hitched his book bag up higher over his shoulder before giving himself the once over. He’d just arrived at April’s dorm room and he wanted to make sure he looked good. Cupping his hand, he blew into his palm and smelled his breath. Satisfied it didn’t stink from the onions he’d had on his cheesesteak he just finished, he rolled his shoulders and stood at his full height before tapping on the door.

She answered immediately as if she’d been hovering behind the door, anxiously awaiting his arrival, and he couldn’t help but beam like a fool when he saw her.

She had on an over-sized sweatshirt adorned with their school mascot, a pair of bright orange running shorts, a messy bun atop her head, and her feet were bare, displaying what appeared to be freshly painted pink toes.

“Hey, Jackson,” she greeted him, offering him a smile in return. “Did you have any trouble finding my room?”

“No,” he answered as she simultaneously waved him inside, “I actually run past this hall all the time, so I knew exactly where to go.”

He didn’t mention that he’d had a brief relationship with a girl that lived on the floor beneath hers. Besides, he wanted to forget he’d even dated her. She was a loon.

Entering, he quickly gave a room the once over, not surprised that it looked like the typical college girls room. It was a bit more personalized than his was as in addition to the normal items like matching bedding, a mini fridge, microwave, storage cubes and posters, April had numerous family photos strategically placed around the room, a real plant, a vase full of fake flowers and twinkle lights that hung over her bed.

“Your room is nice,” he commented. “I wish I had my own room, but the coach insisted that all his players bunk with a teammate. It’s supposed to build comradery amongst us. Or some shit like that,” he added with a chuckle, and even as he mentioned his living situation, he instantly regretted it as he knew that April would bring up his roommate, Alex, who unfortunately for him, was he boyfriend. And as expected, she started to talk about him.

“I bet you and Alex have fun all the time. He’s so funny. He keeps me laughing,” she declared, and Jackson had to fight hard so that his face didn’t reflect how he truly felt.

Cringing inside, he blandly replied, “Yeah, he’s an absolute riot.”

Alex was the last thing he wanted to talk about so he quickly changing the subject to the real reason why he was there. “Uh, so where do you want to start?” he asked her. “I bought all my notes from the last quiz and the stuff we just started on this week.”

April motioned him to the one chair she had at her desk as she took a seat over on her bed.

“I guess we can begin with the quiz,” she instructed, opening her own notes. “Was there any part in particular you had trouble with?”

Her eyes open wide, she appeared genuinely concerned for him and it was then that the guilt overwhelmed him. He wasn’t having any trouble at all. In fact, he’d scored a ninety on the test, which was about average for him, and it was also then that he wondered if he should admit the real reason for his visit.

It took him approximately point to seconds to toss that idea out the window. It wasn’t like he couldn’t use some extra help. She was the smartest person in class, and he could bump that ninety average up to a ninety-five.

“Nothing specific,” he offered, “I just thought we could do an overall review.”

“Sounds good to me,” she replied.

Leaning over, she picked up her textbook and instructed Jackson to turn to page two-thirteen.

He opened his backpack and pretended to look for his own, knowing that he’d intentionally left it in his room in the hopes that this exact situation would arise.

“Damn,” he cursed, “I think I left it on my bed. I was looking at it before I left, and I swear I’d packed it away.”

Jackson watched as she bit the corner of her lip as she thought about what he was sure she was going to say next.

“Oh, well, we can share,” she told him as she looked down to her own book.

Jackson quickly hopped up from the chair and sat next to her on the bed. He was close enough so that he could clearly read the text, but not so much that he’d make her feel uncomfortable because that’s the last thing he wanted to do.

Over the next couple hours, they reviewed the quiz and discussed essays from Africa, Asia, and Europe. As each minute passed in her company, Jackson inched closer and closer. Hand to god, he hadn’t been doing it intentionally, it was just as if his body naturally gravitated toward hers.

Approaching the top of the hour, she must have finally noticed his proximity as she turned her head to look and him and their noses nearly touched.

He could hear her swallow hard as she asked with a stutter, “I… uh… um, do you think you got that last part down?”

Jesus, he thought to himself, she was is so fucking cute when she’s nervous, but instead of answering her question, he posed one of his own. “What are you wearing?”

Clearly confused by his query, she tugged at the sleeve of her top, “My sweatshirt?” she pondered.

Amused by her misunderstanding, a small puff of air escaped his nose as he grinned, amused by her response. “No, I meant you. You smell really good.”

“Oh!” she exclaimed and ducked her head shyly, “It’s just shampoo.”

Tipping her head up with his index finger, he assured her, “No, I think that’s all you.”

A ripple of uncertainty overtook him as he considered his next move. Her eyes never strayed from his as his own eyes bore into hers and taking a chance, he leaned forward, his aim directed straight at her mouth.

He should have known though that it wasn’t going to be that easy because as soon as their lips were about to touch, there was a loud knock at her door.

“Babe, you ready? It’s almost time for dinner,” Alex shouted as he simultaneously turned the knob to enter.

Red-faced, April sprung from the mattress, leaving him with what he knew was a crestfallen look upon his face and all he could think was, fucking, Karev.

Perfect timing as always.

drjjacksonavery‌:

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Those were the words that keep looping through Jackson’s head. He couldn’t believe that he’d agreed to accompany April and Alex to the beach, but here he was, the king of dopes.

Sitting on a towel, the scorching midday sun beaming down on him, with a slight breeze blowing across the dunes which forced sand to find its way into each and every crevice he had, and all he could do was wallow in his misery as he grumbled at the predicament that he put himself in. The only highlight of the afternoon was watching April in her bikini. He couldn’t take his eyes off her as she splashed around without a care in the world.

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April watched Jackson’s face as they sat together in the sand and tried to decipher what was really on his mind. That was easier said than done, though, because she couldn’t see his eyes. And his eyes were the most telling part of who he was. 

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[drjjacksonavery]

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Those were the words that keep looping through Jackson’s head. He couldn’t believe that he’d agreed to accompany April and Alex to the beach, but here he was, the king of dopes.

Sitting on a towel, the scorching midday sun beaming down on him, with a slight breeze blowing across the dunes which forced sand to find its way into each and every crevice he had, and all he could do was wallow in his misery as he grumbled at the predicament that he put himself in. The only highlight of the afternoon was watching April in her bikini. He couldn’t take his eyes off her as she splashed around without a care in the world.

The two-piece was white and particularly enticing. He didn’t know what the material was made of, but it fit to her body like she was wearing a second skin. The addition of the water made it cling to her form so much so that he could make out her hardened nipples, and every once in a while, the bottoms would inch their way up between her buttocks and she’d discreetly look around then yank out the wedgie it’s created.

He thought it was adorable.

Right now, April was his soul focus as he took daydreaming about her. He imagined a wave crashing over the surf and knocking her top clean off. The fantasy of it happening was so powerful, that he had to clamp his thighs together to stamp down the impending erection that was threatening to burst through his shorts.

And wouldn’t you know it, as if fate had another reason to kick him in the balls, the happy couple was frolicking there way over to him right now.

Putting on his sunglasses, he tried to play coy as if he hadn’t just been ogling April and relaxed onto his elbows.

“Yo, Avery,” Alex bellowed, “you just gonna sit there all day like some little priss working on your tan, or you gonna actually gonna get wet?”

Poor choice of words Jackson thought because thinking about April and getting wet was the least of his problems.

“Nah, man. I’m good,” he stated, his head bent in Alex’s direction, but behind tinted shades, he never stopped watching April.

“Whatever,” Alex replied and waved a dismissive hand at him. “Well, some of the team are down near the pier and we’re gonna play a pickup game of touch football. You coming?”

Hell, that was the last thing Jackson wanted to do. “Count me out. Can’t take any chances on messing up my throwing arm,” he said with a smirk.

“I swear, all you quarterbacks think you’re hot shit,” Alex scoffed, then turned to April, his hands finding their way to her waist, then lower onto her ass, he squeezed the cheeks  and all Jackson wanted to do was throw up.

“How bout you babe? You wanna watch your man kick some ass,” Alex asked, eyebrows waggling.

Jackson said a silent prayer for her to just say no, and as if he had just been granted a wish by his fairy godmother, she slowly shook her head no and his heart immediately swelled.

“I’m gonna stay here with Jackson,” she informed them both and even turned to Jackson and offered a bashful smile, “if that’s okay. Besides, I wanna get a little sun.”

Alex didn’t seem to care either way as he quickly kissed April on the lips, then ran off to meet the guys.

At a loss for words that she’d rather keep him company, Jackson watched as April shook out her beach towel and moved it so that it was directly in front of him. Lowing herself, she sat cross-legged and eyes all but pleading, she asked him, “What happened?”

Confused, he furrowed his brow, “Happened? What are you talking about?”

“Between you and me Jackson,” she huffed, “What happened between you and me?”

Playing dumb, he pretended to have no clue. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, April?”

He hoped that would be the end of it, but it appeared she wasn’t going to let him off that easy.

“Look, I’m sorry about last night. It was inappropriate what Alex and I did while you were in the room and I…”

Interrupting her apology, he answered through gritted teeth, “I said it was fine.”

“See. That right there,” she cried out, pointing her finger in his face. “You’re mad at me and I don’t know why. You barely said three words to me on the drive here and I know you, Jackson. Hell, I can’t get you to shut up in class, so,” she begged him, “what’s wrong?”

This was a moment of truth for Jackson, he could either come clean, make an awkward situation even more uncomfortable or worse, possibly lose April as a friend. On the other hand, he could continue to lie to her about how he felt. Besides, what she didn’t know, wouldn’t hurt her.

But wouldn’t you know it, he chose neither of those options.

Pretending to be nervous, he ducked his head then cleared his throat before moving ahead with his plan.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, April. I was afraid to ask, but… I was wondering if you would tutor me. I’m having a bit of trouble in class and I can’t afford to get kicked off the team if I fail. So, can you help me?”

Jackson waited as she considered his request, and sure, it was a lie, but really, in the end, who was he hurting? He didn’t need any help at all. He did well in all his classes, but this was a way for him to spend some quality time with April outside of the classroom. He knew it was devious, and frankly, pretty shitty of him to try and insert himself between her and her boyfriend, but buddy or not, he didn’t give a damn.

Fuck, Alex. He didn’t deserve her anyway.

Jackson sat distractedly at his disorganized school desk, the light of a full moon shining down onto his textbook through the partially open curtain. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been sitting there, barely able to get through the chapter his class had been assigned to read, and at last count, he had skimmed over the contents of the current page he was on at least four times.

It was all the fault of his thickheaded roommate, Alex. They’d been assigned to be dorm mates at the beginning of the semester but had been teammates on the football team for the last two since freshman year.

Alex was an okay guy, a bit of a jerk at times, but he was tolerable and up until now, he’d only had to deal with him during practice and at games. They weren’t necessarily the best of friends, but they got along well enough, and over the last few months, their bond had begun to grow stronger. Regrettably though, all that had changed for Jackson in the last few weeks, and the reason for his change in attitude was due to a girl named April.

April was currently dating Alex, but Jackson had been the one to lay eyes on her first.

He’d initially met her in Comparative Literature, taking the seat behind her in the auditorium, but quickly moved to the one adjacent because he knew there was no way he was going to be able to concentrate on anything with all that red hair directly in his line of site. Though it was their introduction to the curriculum, the girl in front of him was very vocal and was strangely prepared considering they hadn’t even been given a syllabus yet, and he could think as he listened to her answer the professor’s questions; to his obvious delight, was that her bouncy mane was going to be a distraction, so, he moved.

It was the best decision he ever made.

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[drjjacksonavery]

Jackson sat distractedly at his disorganized school desk, the light of a full moon shining down onto his textbook through the partially open curtain. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been sitting there, barely able to get through the chapter his class had been assigned to read, and at last count, he had skimmed over the contents of the current page he was on at least four times.

It was all the fault of his thickheaded roommate, Alex. They’d been assigned to be dorm mates at the beginning of the semester but had been teammates on the football team for the last two since freshman year.

Alex was an okay guy, a bit of a jerk at times, but he was tolerable and up until now, he’d only had to deal with him during practice and at games. They weren’t necessarily the best of friends, but they got along well enough, and over the last few months, their bond had begun to grow stronger. Regrettably though, all that had changed for Jackson in the last few weeks, and the reason for his change in attitude was due to a girl named April.

April was currently dating Alex, but Jackson had been the one to lay eyes on her first.

He’d initially met her in Comparative Literature, taking the seat behind her in the auditorium, but quickly moved to the one adjacent because he knew there was no way he was going to be able to concentrate on anything with all that red hair directly in his line of site. Though it was their introduction to the curriculum, the girl in front of him was very vocal and was strangely prepared considering they hadn’t even been given a syllabus yet, and he could think as he listened to her answer the professor’s questions; to his obvious delight, was that her bouncy mane was going to be a distraction, so, he moved.

It was the best decision he ever made.

Over the next few weeks, he took the time to get to know April and found she was unlike any girl he’d known before. No doubt she was smart, but she was also funny, easygoing, interested in the world around her, and she was fucking hot. But the cherry on the top of the sundae was that she knew about football. She said her dad was a former player who’d been blessed with four beautiful daughters, and even though he didn’t have any sons, there was no reason in his mind why they couldn’t learn as much about sports as any boy would.

It was then that he decided he was going to ask April out. He had no clue if she was interested in him in that way because she was nice to everyone, and he didn’t want to come on too strong, so he invited her to a party some friends were having. He told her he’d meet her there, keeping his approach casual as not to scare her off, but before the night was over, he planned on getting a kiss… or, at least asking her out on a real date.

The night of the party, he arrived in an overly optimistic mood. April had texted him and told him that she was already there waiting for him. He made his way through the throng of loud, half-drunk partygoers, his eye searching specifically for that long red hair he was dying to run his fingers through, and because of that standout feature, it didn’t take him long to spot her.

She was standing in profile, wearing an outfit unlike anything she’d worn to class; a tight black camisole and a pair of little white shorts that he was sure that if she’d just bend forward a bit, she’d put on quite a show for everyone.

She was talking to someone he couldn’t identify from the distance he was at, but whoever it was, she was giggling and waving her arms in an animated fashion. Probably one of her girlfriends he assumed.

He gave himself the once over before he approached her, his best smile in place, and as he neared, the person she was chatting with came into view.

Alex Fucking Karev, and it all went downhill from there.

While she seemed excited to see him, he never got the opportunity to spend any one on one time with her as Alex never left their side all night. He decided to abort his plan to ask her out and was going to try again in class on Monday. Besides, he didn’t want to be embarrassed if she said no and there was no way in hell Alex was going to let him live that down.

So, the rest of the party they all drank, and danced and at some point, during the evening, they got separated. Jackson, who really had no desire to be there without her company, ended up making his way home an hour later after failing to track her down.

The next day, he woke up, surprisingly without a hangover and decided to go for a run. Alex wasn’t in his bed but shrugged it off. It wasn’t the first time after a party he didn’t make it home, and he was sure, it wouldn’t be the last.

Jackson made it back to their room thirty minutes later, sweat pouring from his brow. Alex had obviously made it back safely because the clothes he had on last night were now strewn across the floor.

Preparing to take a shower, the bathroom door opened and through a cloud of steam, a towel wrapped around his waist, Alex appeared.

“Yo, Avery! What the fuck happened to you last night?” he asked, a peculiar sneer adoring his features.

Jackson wasn’t really in the mood to talk, especially considering things didn’t work out like he’d hoped last night.

“Ah, nothing. Just got tired and ducked out,” he said.

“Man, it’s a good thing you did,” he told him. “You know that chick we were with last night? April?”

Back now to Alex, Jackson’s body stiffened, and he closed his eyes tight. No, no, no, no, no, he thought to himself. Not April. Please tell me he hooked up with any girl but April. Turning to face him, he slowly responded, “Yeah...”

“Well after you left, she and I got to know each other better,” he said, waggling his eyebrows for effect.

Okay, now he was pissed. He was supposed to be the one with April, not this… dickwad.

Jackson fought hard to contain his emotions, but he couldn’t help but to ask because he had to know.

“Did you fuck her!” he all but yelled at Alex.

“What? No,” he said, “I wanted to, but she wouldn’t let me. She was cool about it too, so I asked her to go out with me again. Who knows? Maybe next time she’ll drop her panties for me,” he added with a chuckle.

Jackson wanted to punch something. No, he wanted to punch Alex, but he didn’t. He had no claim on April and if he’d have been any kind of a man, he wouldn’t have chickened out in the first place.

So, here they were now, and April and Alex had been seeing each other ever since. He had no idea if they’d had sex or not yet, and frankly, he didn’t want to know.

Thinking about how circumstances had transpired over the last few week, his quiet solitude and faraway thoughts were suddenly interrupted.

Alex had arrived from studying at the library, along with the object of Jackson’s affections…

April Kepner.

[drjjacksonavery]

Jackson abruptly turned away from April and yanked the bathroom door open. The shock of his swift movement surprised not only April, from what he could surmise from her gasp of breath, and Alex, who’s eyes were wide with alarm, but his actions also were a chock to himself.

They, meaning he and his housemates all knew Alex well, and his frequent off-color jokes were typical of his behavior. Usually, his comments were quickly dismissed by his friends and coworkers because they knew that they were a coping mechanism he utilized to deal with his own hurt feelings or issues. Besides, Jackson understood that technique well. Though he didn’t use humor to deflect his emotions, his staunch refusal to pretend they didn’t affect him was no better than Alex’s method. But after his talk with April, he was grateful that she had not fallen for his particular mode of operandi.

As for Alex, and the situation they were in now, Jackson decided that he couldn’t allow what he’d said to go by unchallenged. April had just told him that he loved her, and he returned those feelings of love. He’d been wanting to tell her for some time that he loved her, and though he wasn’t upset, it did bug him in the deepest part of his soul that he didn’t get the chance to tell her first.

Jackson had never said I love you to any woman. Of course, he’d said it to his mother and grandmother, but no one he ever dated had heard and inkling of that phrase pass from his lips. But the declaration they’d just made had changed things for him. He knew that April didn’t need protecting, but the alpha male in him refused to let another man say something uncivil about her or demean her character.

Friend or not.

“Listen to me, you smart-mouthed fuck,” he warned, “I’d better not ever here you talk to, or about April like that again. If you think that I beat your ass the last time you messed with her, it’s gonna take more people than Hunt and Sloan to get me up off you.”

Seconds passed by as Alex stared at him in disbelief. Jackson was sure his own expression was menacing, and he hated that he had to resort to this type of conduct, but he needed to get his point across.

“Hey man,” Alex began, “you know I was just kidding?”

Jackson felt the sincerity in Alex’s voice and his body began to relax. “Yeah. Yeah, I know. Just… don’t do it again, okay?”

“Sure. Look, dude, I’m sorry.” he avowed, and leaning over to acknowledge April, he apologized to her as well. “Sorry, Apes.”

Offering his hand, Alex inquired, “We’re cool. Right?”

With a smirk on his lips, Jackson accepted his outstretched hand, “Yeah, man. We’re cool.”

“Good,” Alex stated as he turned to walk away then shouted, “Now can you too hurry the hell up out of there. I still gotta take a crap.”

Jackson chuckled to himself. No, Alex wasn’t gonna to change, but this version, he could deal with.

Turning back to April, he wore a sheepish expression and prayed that she didn’t think he’d just acted like a possessive jerk. Before he could even open his mouth to try and defend what he’d just done, she spoke.

“You didn’t have to do that,” she told him, a blank expression on her face, “I don’t pay attention to anything Alex says anyway.”

“I know, and I’m sorry, but I just couldn’t let him say things like that. Not anymore,” he confessed. “I swear, I wasn’t trying to speak for you. I know you can take care of yourself, and I know you might be angry, but… you’re mine,” he roared with confidence, “and you might think it was a caveman move, but I’m going to protect you, anyway I can.”

Jackson waited patiently as she viewed him, afraid of what her reaction was going to be. When she closed the distance between them, stood on her tiptoes and threw her arms around his neck, automatically, he wrapped his arms around her waist and held her tight.

“Angry?” she muttered against his lips, “That was the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen,” she affirmed before kissing him hard on the mouth.

And just like in the minutes prior to April’s announcement that she had to leave for rounds, they almost lost themselves in the moment as his hands greedily explored her body, but this time, he had the wherewithal to stop them both before it got out of hand.

“Whoa,” he announced, his breath uneven, “you’d better get going. You don’t want to be late or the Chief will rip you a new one.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” she agreed as she reluctantly peeled herself away.

Jackson kissed her goodbye and swatted her on the ass for effect as she left, but before she crossed the threshold, he called to her, “Hey. I love you.”

April smiled at him in return, “I love you, too,” then blew him a kiss as she headed out.

Jackson stood in the silence, remembering all that had just occurred and no, he didn’t know exactly what the future foretold, and there was no guarantee that their days ahead at the hospital would go by unscathed, but the instant she was out of his sight, he knew one thing for sure…

… he was gonna marry April Kepner someday.

Source: drjjacksonavery

drjjacksonavery‌:

Jackson could practically see the thoughts whirling around in April’s head as she tried to comprehend all that he’d shared with her, and for that he felt great remorse for unburdening so much onto her in such a short amount of time. If anything, being with April had taught him that dealing with his emotions was nothing to be ashamed of. Furthermore, if anyone could have understood the fear and pressures he felt, it would have been her because out of all the relationships he’d developed in Seattle, she was the one person who truly knew him.

Anyone looking at their romance from the outside would consider then an odd couple. He was a city boy. She was a country girl. He grew up in a lavish lifestyle, attended private schools, and traveled the world, while she grew up on a farm in a town that she’d never strayed far from. He was surgical royalty and had his path laid out for him before he even learned to walk. She, whose journey to becoming a surgeon was hard fought for, had broken the mold of what was expected of her. He, an atheist, considered science to be his religion, verses April, who was a devout Christian. And then there was the fact that he was considered a pretty boy. No, he’d never had a problem getting a girl if he wanted one, but April had not been so lucky in that department. Oh, she was most certainly beautiful, but her youth had not been easy in those terms and he believed it was her lack of self-confidence was her biggest obstacle.

But Jackson was of the opinion that those differences only made them stronger as a couple. Besides, he didn’t give a fuck what anyone thought about their relationship. He had taken a huge chance and was being completely sincere when he asked her if she would ever consider leaving Seattle. So, when she answered no to his question, he felt as if the floor had dropped from beneath his feet. She had only taken a breath before she continued, telling him that she loved him, and didn’t want to be without him, but in those few seconds, the realization of living his life without her in it was unbearable.

“I love you too, April, and I really don’t want to be without you either,” he confessed and watched as her eyes glistened with unshed tears. “And really, can you image me working alongside my mother every day?” he pondered, the absolute absurdity of the idea causing him to roll his eyes. “Personally,” he told her, “I’d rather go another round with Gary Clark.”

The shock on her face from his statement quickly dissipated as he began to laugh. “You are such an idiot,” she said to him, punctuating her words with a teasing punch to his arm. “Yes, I’m an idiot, but I’m your idiot.

April was quiet for a moment, feeling Jackson’s eyes on her face as she considered what just happened. 

“You love me?” she asked. Her heart sped up just saying it. 

No boy had ever said those three words to her before. She’d had only one boyfriend before Jackson, in college, and they were together for a few short days. He just wanted her for her study guides. 

“Yeah,” he said - a little shyly, if she heard him right. 

The two of them had been together for almost six months. She knew that wasn’t a very long time, and future-thinking spooked her. But hope was something she was comfortable with, and she hoped there was a future for her and this beautiful boy.

She giggled and shook her head, ducking her chin to her chest. Jackson tipped her chin up with one finger and asked, “What’s funny?” 

“I don’t know,” she said, her voice lilting. “It’s just… you love me.” 

“Yeah,” he said, tucking his face into her neck. “What’s not to love?” 

“Well, I’m sure a few people could come up with a lot of things,” she said, closing her eyes Jackson pressed his lips on her neck. There was no other feeling like that - she couldn’t believe she went almost 30 years without neck kisses. They were her weakness - especially from him. 

“Well, fuck them,” Jackson said, wrapping his arms around her waist. 

She arched her back and leaned into him, pressing her stomach against his while tipping her head to one side. His hands were on her thighs, coaxing them apart, and if she wasn’t careful, they would do it right there. 

“Wait, wait, wait, wait,” she said, solidifying her hands on his biceps.

Jackson plunked his forehead to her shoulder and let out a long sigh. 

“I have to get to the hospital,” she whispered, then gave him a long kiss. “Early rounds today.” 

“You tease,” he said. 

“Avery!” Alex shouted; he was right outside the door yet again. “Do you need a map to find it on Kepner? Geez, dude, I really gotta get in there!” 

April rolled her eyes and hopped off the counter. The bathroom was small, which meant that action pressed her right against Jackson. 

“Are you okay now?” she asked him. She didn’t want him to feel like she had glossed over his problems with kisses and an “I love you.” 

Alex jeered again. “Do you need help, man? I mean… me and her almost got it in once, so you can phone a friend if you want to.” 

[drjjacksonavery]

Jackson could practically see the thoughts whirling around in April’s head as she tried to comprehend all that he’d shared with her, and for that he felt great remorse for unburdening so much onto her in such a short amount of time. If anything, being with April had taught him that dealing with his emotions was nothing to be ashamed of. Furthermore, if anyone could have understood the fear and pressures he felt, it would have been her because out of all the relationships he’d developed in Seattle, she was the one person who truly knew him.

Anyone looking at their romance from the outside would consider then an odd couple. He was a city boy. She was a country girl. He grew up in a lavish lifestyle, attended private schools, and traveled the world, while she grew up on a farm in a town that she’d never strayed far from. He was surgical royalty and had his path laid out for him before he even learned to walk. She, whose journey to becoming a surgeon was hard fought for, had broken the mold of what was expected of her. He, an atheist, considered science to be his religion, verses April, who was a devout Christian. And then there was the fact that he was considered a pretty boy. No, he’d never had a problem getting a girl if he wanted one, but April had not been so lucky in that department. Oh, she was most certainly beautiful, but her youth had not been easy in those terms and he believed it was her lack of self-confidence was her biggest obstacle.

But Jackson was of the opinion that those differences only made them stronger as a couple. Besides, he didn’t give a fuck what anyone thought about their relationship. He had taken a huge chance and was being completely sincere when he asked her if she would ever consider leaving Seattle. So, when she answered no to his question, he felt as if the floor had dropped from beneath his feet. She had only taken a breath before she continued, telling him that she loved him, and didn’t want to be without him, but in those few seconds, the realization of living his life without her in it was unbearable.

“I love you too, April, and I really don’t want to be without you either,” he confessed and watched as her eyes glistened with unshed tears. “And really, can you image me working alongside my mother every day?” he pondered, the absolute absurdity of the idea causing him to roll his eyes. “Personally,” he told her, “I’d rather go another round with Gary Clark.”

The shock on her face from his statement quickly dissipated as he began to laugh. “You are such an idiot,” she said to him, punctuating her words with a teasing punch to his arm. “Yes, I’m an idiot, but I’m your idiot.

drjjacksonavery‌:

Though he was overcome with emotion, Jackson couldn’t help but to laugh. “You are a total bad ass. You know that don’t you?” he said to her, knowing full well that she’d understand it had been a rhetorical question. “I bet Karev is in his room right now tossing all of his dirty clothes into a laundry bag so that he can drop it in front of your bedroom door before you change your mind.”

April offered him a wistful smile in return and braced both hands against his face so that the heels of her palms touched as they cradled his chin, then reiterated, “Jackson. You can talk to me,” placing clear emphasis on his name.

Obviously, she was not going to be deterred by his lame attempt to change the subject, and though it was going to be hard for him to get through, he was thankful that she wouldn’t allow him the opportunity to deflect. So, with an encouraging nod of her head, he forged on, confident in the knowledge that April would not judge him or abandon him in the wake of his insecurities.

Jackson braced his hands on the bathroom countertop for support, the coolness of the surface helping to maintain his body temperature stave off the beads of sweat demanding to expose the true state of the composed demeanor he tried so hard to perpetuate.

Ashamed for not being honest, he apologized to her for hiding from her what he’d been going through, especially considering how open she’d been with her own issues.

He admitted to her that he had trouble sleeping too. That his dreams had been the same for weeks. Clark cornering him in the operating room, again threatening to shoot him, but this time as he attempted to outwit him by pretending to attach the lead wires to heart monitor, the gunman became wise to his deception. The gun would then fire seemingly of its own accord, hitting him in the abdomen. The act so vivid, his body would clinch violently as he slept, and he would ultimately feel the pain in his muscles when he woke in the morning.

With apprehension, he shared how that in the minutes before he was scheduled to perform a surgery, his anxieties would return. How he’d have to give himself a pep talk before rushing to the nearest bathroom stall to throw up the contents of his stomach.

With resentment, he explained how his family failed to grasp the severity of his current state of mind.

How his grandfather waived off the seriousness of any residual after affects. Impressing upon him that Avery men, with the exception of Jackson’s own father, didn’t run from their problems. That he needed to remember that he was an extension of him, a legacy and dare not besmirch the family name.

He shared with her how his mother believed Seattle Grace-Mercy West was a magnet for the absurd and now feared late night phone calls from him, naturally assuming that the worst and that another disaster had befallen the hospital, but the next bit of information, he was reluctant to let on.

Wrapping his arms around April’s waist, he pulled her nearer to his own. He gazed at her, never breaking contact as he told her how his mother demanded he return to Boston to work alongside her.

Instantaneously, he could see the panic rise behind her eyes. He understood her reaction well as he’d felt that same dread himself, and regardless of everything that had occurred over the last few weeks, what scared him the most was the thought of leaving April behind.  

April’s mind was whirring at a mile a minute. That was a lot of information to take in, more than she was used to from him, and she needed time to process. 

She felt guilty, first and foremost, for not pushing Jackson harder. She should’ve known that he wasn’t okay. Nobody was, really, after all they’d been through.

She knew better than anyone that Jackson was exceptional at hiding his emotions. She tried not to blame him, because she knew that was how was was raised. Still, it was hard not to get frustrated. She grew up in a house full of girls, where someone had either just finished crying, was crying, or was about to start.

April was the definition of a bleeding heart, and she liked that. She wished Jackson was more open to feeling the full weight of his emotions. But she also knew those types of things didn’t happen overnight. 

The first words out of her mouth came from instinct. “I don’t want you to go,” she said quietly, eyebrows furrowed. “You can’t.” 

Then, she clamped her lips together, wondering if she should’ve kept those words in. It was, after all, his choice. 

“I mean, you can…” she said. “If you feel safer there, of course you should go.” 

She looked up and met his eyes, hers wide with feeling. She wasn’t sure how to accurately express what was going on inside her head. She knew what she wanted to say, but had no idea if she should say it. 

She didn’t want to guilt Jackson into staying. If he stayed, it should be because he wanted to. Not because he felt tied down, or like he was under an obligation to take care of her, or something. 

“Is that something you want?” she asked. “To leave here, and… go to Boston?” 

Jackson’s eyes were troubled. His expression made her stomach buzz with anxiety, perpetuated by the fact that his answer didn’t come instantly. 

Instead of being straightforward, he answered her question with a question. 

“Would you ever consider leaving Seattle?” he said. 

April had grown up in one house - the one her parents still lived in. She had never moved, not once, until she left for college. She didn’t like change, she hated being uprooted, and Seattle had just begun to feel like home. But she wondered if that was thanks to the city, or thanks to the boy she found within it. 

“No,” she said softly. “But… I love you, and I really don’t want to be without you.”

[drjjacksonavery]

Though he was overcome with emotion, Jackson couldn’t help but to laugh. “You are a total bad ass. You know that don’t you?” he said to her, knowing full well that she’d understand it had been a rhetorical question. “I bet Karev is in his room right now tossing all of his dirty clothes into a laundry bag so that he can drop it in front of your bedroom door before you change your mind.”

April offered him a wistful smile in return and braced both hands against his face so that the heels of her palms touched as they cradled his chin, then reiterated, “Jackson. You can talk to me,” placing clear emphasis on his name.

Obviously, she was not going to be deterred by his lame attempt to change the subject, and though it was going to be hard for him to get through, he was thankful that she wouldn’t allow him the opportunity to deflect. So, with an encouraging nod of her head, he forged on, confident in the knowledge that April would not judge him or abandon him in the wake of his insecurities.

Jackson braced his hands on the bathroom countertop for support, the coolness of the surface helping to maintain his body temperature stave off the beads of sweat demanding to expose the true state of the composed demeanor he tried so hard to perpetuate.

Ashamed for not being honest, he apologized to her for hiding from her what he’d been going through, especially considering how open she’d been with her own issues.

He admitted to her that he had trouble sleeping too. That his dreams had been the same for weeks. Clark cornering him in the operating room, again threatening to shoot him, but this time as he attempted to outwit him by pretending to attach the lead wires to heart monitor, the gunman became wise to his deception. The gun would then fire seemingly of its own accord, hitting him in the abdomen. The act so vivid, his body would clinch violently as he slept, and he would ultimately feel the pain in his muscles when he woke in the morning.

With apprehension, he shared how that in the minutes before he was scheduled to perform a surgery, his anxieties would return. How he’d have to give himself a pep talk before rushing to the nearest bathroom stall to throw up the contents of his stomach.

With resentment, he explained how his family failed to grasp the severity of his current state of mind.

How his grandfather waived off the seriousness of any residual after affects. Impressing upon him that Avery men, with the exception of Jackson’s own father, didn’t run from their problems. That he needed to remember that he was an extension of him, a legacy and dare not besmirch the family name.

He shared with her how his mother believed Seattle Grace-Mercy West was a magnet for the absurd and now feared late night phone calls from him, naturally assuming that the worst and that another disaster had befallen the hospital, but the next bit of information, he was reluctant to let on.

Wrapping his arms around April’s waist, he pulled her nearer to his own. He gazed at her, never breaking contact as he told her how his mother demanded he return to Boston to work alongside her.

Instantaneously, he could see the panic rise behind her eyes. He understood her reaction well as he’d felt that same dread himself, and regardless of everything that had occurred over the last few weeks, what scared him the most was the thought of leaving April behind.  

Source: drjjacksonavery

#april 003 #aprilkepsmd

drjjacksonavery‌:

The worry lines that had previously creased his forehead, suddenly disappeared to be replaced by a knowing smirk which pulled at the corner of his mouth.

He should have known that he had nothing to worry about. In hindsight, he realized that his ominous statement that they needed talk was the worse way to communicate to her that there was something important he needed to say as it usually meant it was bad news and more than likely, the receiver would be the one to get hurt.  

But true to form, April had managed to have a full-on one-way conversation with herself as she tried to work out in her mind exactly what it was, he had to say. He was convinced she was worried that the solemn expression on his face was due to her actions, and though her words didn’t say it, as her face went through a myriad of emotions, in the end he could sense that he knew his words would be significant.

Jackson inched closer to her, if that was even possible, and with one finger looped it around a tendril that had fallen loose from her ponytail, then tugged at it playfully before placing it back behind her ear. He stared into her eyes intensely, and with her mouth parted slightly, he parted his own and breathed her in. For some reason, this action felt vital because in this moment, he needed to know that they were one.

April waited patiently for him to begin and when he opened his mouth to speak, all that came out was an unintelligible sound. Embarrassed that his nerves had gotten the best of him, he closed his eyes and steeled himself for the declaration he was about to make.

Taking one last deep breath, he opened his eyes again to be greeted by an openness in her expression that gave him all the courage he needed to speak the truth.

“No, sweetheart,” he uttered tenderly, “It’s nothing that you did.”

He then kissed her quickly, but assuredly in order to assuage her fears.

“This is about me. About how… how I’ve been feeling,” he confessed, his voice wavering. “I know that you’ve asked me so many times if I was okay, and I swore to you that I was, but, I’m not,” he admitted, and with his throat clogged with tears that were bubbling to breach the surface, he laid it flat out.

“I’m not okay at all.”

April instantly flew into caretaker mode. She wasn’t used to seeing Jackson like this - not at all. He was the strong one between them, the anchor that kept her in place. Not that she wasn’t strong. She knew that she was, but in a different way. His strength was visible on the surface, while hers was more deeply buried. 

She usually took care of him in little ways. She’d tweeze his eyebrows when they got unruly (no one else knew that), iron his button-up shirts (she really did enjoy ironing), and give him massages after surgeries that forced him to stand for hours. Little things. But this… this was a big thing. 

Just as she was about to open her mouth, the bedroom door flew open and Lexie appeared to make herself right at home. 

“Don’t mind me!” she said, hurrying over to April’s vanity like it was her own. “I really like your lotion, and my face is so dry it’s about to fall off.” 

April glared at Lexie, wondering if privacy meant anything to anyone around here. She guessed not. 

“Come on,” she said to Jackson, ushering him up and out of bed. “Let’s go to the bathroom. Nobody will bother us there.”

She led the way down the hall, keeping her skinny fingers wrapped around her boyfriend’s wrist. When they got to the bathroom, she closed and locked the door, then sat on the counter. She didn’t feel complete until she pulled Jackson over to stand between her parted knees. 

“Tell me what’s wrong,” she said gently, rubbing his forearms up and down. “Talk to me.” 

Interrupting yet again, Alex’s voice sounded from outside the door. “Hey, Avery!” he shouted, loud and brash. “You pipin’ Kepner in there? Hurry up. I gotta take a crap.” 

“Buzz off, Alex!” April shouted. 

“Geez, touchy,” he said. “I get that you guys bang 24/7, but why do you have to do it in there?!” 

“Go away!” she said, trying to sound as stern as possible. “Or I’m never doing your laundry again.” 

Following the silence from the hall, April turned back to the teary boy standing in front of her. “He’s gone,” she whispered, trailing the backs of her knuckles over Jackson’s damp cheekbones. “You can talk to me.”

[drjjacksonavery]

The worry lines that had previously creased his forehead, suddenly disappeared to be replaced by a knowing smirk which pulled at the corner of his mouth.

He should have known that he had nothing to worry about. In hindsight, he realized that his ominous statement that they needed talk was the worse way to communicate to her that there was something important he needed to say as it usually meant it was bad news and more than likely, the receiver would be the one to get hurt.  

But true to form, April had managed to have a full-on one-way conversation with herself as she tried to work out in her mind exactly what it was, he had to say. He was convinced she was worried that the solemn expression on his face was due to her actions, and though her words didn’t say it, as her face went through a myriad of emotions, in the end he could sense that he knew his words would be significant.

Jackson inched closer to her, if that was even possible, and with one finger looped it around a tendril that had fallen loose from her ponytail, then tugged at it playfully before placing it back behind her ear. He stared into her eyes intensely, and with her mouth parted slightly, he parted his own and breathed her in. For some reason, this action felt vital because in this moment, he needed to know that they were one.

April waited patiently for him to begin and when he opened his mouth to speak, all that came out was an unintelligible sound. Embarrassed that his nerves had gotten the best of him, he closed his eyes and steeled himself for the declaration he was about to make.

Taking one last deep breath, he opened his eyes again to be greeted by an openness in her expression that gave him all the courage he needed to speak the truth.

“No, sweetheart,” he uttered tenderly, “It’s nothing that you did.”

He then kissed her quickly, but assuredly in order to assuage her fears.

“This is about me. About how… how I’ve been feeling,” he confessed, his voice wavering. “I know that you’ve asked me so many times if I was okay, and I swore to you that I was, but, I’m not,” he admitted, and with his throat clogged with tears that were bubbling to breach the surface, he laid it flat out.

“I’m not okay at all.”

Source: drjjacksonavery

drjjacksonavery‌:

Jackson lay perfectly still as he rested next to April on the full-sized mattress. It wasn’t a perfect fit by any means as he was used to sleeping in a bed that suited his longer frame. Most often, he’d be snuggled up behind her, his body folded into the fetal position as he cradled her with his knees tucked neatly against the back of hers, so it didn’t matter as his feet never hung off the edge of the bed anyway. Besides, at this point, Meredith could probably give his room away because the only time he spent in there was when he was searching for a change of clothes.

Tonight, when they turned in, the last thing he remembered before his head hit the pillow was kissing April goodnight. Today, like so many of their days before them, and far too many ahead to count, he’d spent tireless hours under the tutelage of the attending he was assigned to, learning, doing grunt work, running labs for their patients, studying when he had a few spare moments to himself, grabbing a quick bite on the run which usually consisted of a protein bar from a vending machine, and luckily, or unluckily, depending on who he was assigned to, assisting in the operating room.

He had been assigned to Dr. Sloan this week, and frankly, he was not in the mood. As interns, they had already had an inordinate amount of stress to deal with, and today with unwanted, but perfect clarity, his mind often drifted to the shootings that took place at the hospital almost four weeks ago, courtesy of Gary Clark.  So, by the time they got home, ate, showered and called it a night, all he wanted to do was to find some peace and clear his thoughts of those ugly memories, clinging to the one bright spot, and the one thing that could always bring him a sense of peace, which was holding April in his arms at night.

Now, Jackson was not the type to wear his heart on his sleeve, and he certainly didn’t show his emotions on his face. Maybe it all had to do with his upbringing. A mother who demanded nothing but the best from him. A grandfather who was not affectionate, to say the least. Then of course, there was the absentee father who abandoned him as a baby. All that combined with his upper crust breeding, pretty much helped to form the steely shell he showed to the outside world, while inside he was a sea of fear and doubt. Gary Clark had done a number on him, and many a night as he lie in bed, he and April’s bodies intertwined, at some point during the night he would end up rolled onto his side, his back to hers.

Unbeknownst to April, his sleep would be restless, as he would wake several times over the course of the hours, his eyes popping open automatically as beads of sweat dotted his brow. He never turned over to see if April was up, because he didn’t want to disturb her slumber. They had all been through this harrowing experience and were each dealing with it in their own way… or some, not at all, but more than anything, he wanted, no needed to be strong for her.

April was more than someone he shared a bed with. She was his girlfriend, his lover, his colleague, his best friend and someone he could easily envision sharing a life with. So, it bothered him that he was not being completely honest with her. Habitually, she would look at him with those doe eyes, her voice softening as if she were approaching a frightened animal and ask him if he was okay. His reply would always be the same. He would assure her he was fine, and conveniently turn the conversation around so that he could focus on how she was feeling.

He was unsure why he was holding back. He knew April had nightmares. They all did. He’d hear her talking in her sleep. Feel her tossing around on the bed. Her limbs flailing as if she were running away from someone. He recognized the bleary eyes in the morning from a restless sleep. The times when she would get quiet, yet the creases on her forehead would telegraph to him that she was deep in uneasy thought. The way she would still move away skittishly when certain people would get to close. He knew all the signs because he was dealing with the same things too. The only difference was is that he had learned how to hide his tells.

Yes, he told April everything, but showing a vulnerability such as this… well, the thought alone sent shivers down his spine. He knew he had to do something though. They both had to so that they could once again have a sense of normalcy. It was unfair. Many lives were lost that day. Lives of not just strangers, but their friends. They’d grieved those losses and would for years to come, but ultimately, they had deserved the right to move.

Jackson was adamant about one thing though. He was not going to speak to any shrinks. They had tried the group therapy thing and it was a colossal failure, and there was no way in hell he would talk to his mother about this. Sure, she loved him, and she was concerned, but she hadn’t been there. She wouldn’t understand.

So, right then and there as he lay awake in the wee hours of the morning, he decided. He would come clean to the one person who knew him best. The one person who would get it. The one person he trusted unlike any other, and as if fate had planned it, he once again heard April calling out in her sleep, begging for her life. Turning over, he reached for her, laying a comforting hand on her cheek, hoping to pull her gently from the horrors which ran rampant through her mind. He watched her as her eyelids slowly opened, breaking away from the remnants of sleep. Panting, she muttered almost as if she were embarrassed, “Sorry. Another nightmare.”

Looking at her, it broke his heart. He couldn’t let her suffer alone. So, with what he hoped she could see was love in his eyes, he cleared his throat and said with a bravery he hadn’t felt in a long time, “April. We need to talk.”

“April. We need to talk.” 

April was barely awake, and the weight of Jackson’s voice put a pit in her stomach - heavier than the one that was already there. There was a vulnerability to it that she wasn’t used to, and it scared her a little. She had never known Jackson to sound anything but confident and sure, even when pressed. 

She had done her best to try and get him to open up. He claimed that it was her he trusted most, and she always said he could tell her anything. But he’d typically just nod, and she wondered if he took it to heart. 

“Is it me?” she croaked, her voice gravelly from sleep. “I’m sorry… I know I haven’t been sleeping good lately. Is it bothering you?” She swallowed - her throat was dry, but she couldn’t do much to fix it. “Maybe I could take some Benadryl before bed so you sleep better?” 

Jackson blinked into her eyes, and she tried to read his expression. Something told her she was way off base - as usual, she was assuming what he was going to say before he said it. Now, she felt self-conscious about that. 

She studied his face and tried to read his mind. He didn’t make it easy, and opening up was far from his favorite thing - that much, she knew. 

She reached out and held his face in her hands, gentle with him in a way no one else was. She stroked his cheekbones with her thumbs and scooted closer, threading one foot between his ankles. 

“Baby,” she whispered, pressing her forehead to his. “What is it?” 

[drjjacksonavery]

@aprilkepsmd

Jackson lay perfectly still as he rested next to April on the full-sized mattress. It wasn’t a perfect fit by any means as he was used to sleeping in a bed that suited his longer frame. Most often, he’d be snuggled up behind her, his body folded into the fetal position as he cradled her with his knees tucked neatly against the back of hers, so it didn’t matter as his feet never hung off the edge of the bed anyway. Besides, at this point, Meredith could probably give his room away because the only time he spent in there was when he was searching for a change of clothes.

Tonight, when they turned in, the last thing he remembered before his head hit the pillow was kissing April goodnight. Today, like so many of their days before them, and far too many ahead to count, he’d spent tireless hours under the tutelage of the attending he was assigned to, learning, doing grunt work, running labs for their patients, studying when he had a few spare moments to himself, grabbing a quick bite on the run which usually consisted of a protein bar from a vending machine, and luckily, or unluckily, depending on who he was assigned to, assisting in the operating room.

He had been assigned to Dr. Sloan this week, and frankly, he was not in the mood. As interns, they had already had an inordinate amount of stress to deal with, and today with unwanted, but perfect clarity, his mind often drifted to the shootings that took place at the hospital almost four weeks ago, courtesy of Gary Clark.  So, by the time they got home, ate, showered and called it a night, all he wanted to do was to find some peace and clear his thoughts of those ugly memories, clinging to the one bright spot, and the one thing that could always bring him a sense of peace, which was holding April in his arms at night.

Now, Jackson was not the type to wear his heart on his sleeve, and he certainly didn’t show his emotions on his face. Maybe it all had to do with his upbringing. A mother who demanded nothing but the best from him. A grandfather who was not affectionate, to say the least. Then of course, there was the absentee father who abandoned him as a baby. All that combined with his upper crust breeding, pretty much helped to form the steely shell he showed to the outside world, while inside he was a sea of fear and doubt. Gary Clark had done a number on him, and many a night as he lie in bed, he and April’s bodies intertwined, at some point during the night he would end up rolled onto his side, his back to hers.

Unbeknownst to April, his sleep would be restless, as he would wake several times over the course of the hours, his eyes popping open automatically as beads of sweat dotted his brow. He never turned over to see if April was up, because he didn’t want to disturb her slumber. They had all been through this harrowing experience and were each dealing with it in their own way… or some, not at all, but more than anything, he wanted, no needed to be strong for her.

April was more than someone he shared a bed with. She was his girlfriend, his lover, his colleague, his best friend and someone he could easily envision sharing a life with. So, it bothered him that he was not being completely honest with her. Habitually, she would look at him with those doe eyes, her voice softening as if she were approaching a frightened animal and ask him if he was okay. His reply would always be the same. He would assure her he was fine, and conveniently turn the conversation around so that he could focus on how she was feeling.

He was unsure why he was holding back. He knew April had nightmares. They all did. He’d hear her talking in her sleep. Feel her tossing around on the bed. Her limbs flailing as if she were running away from someone. He recognized the bleary eyes in the morning from a restless sleep. The times when she would get quiet, yet the creases on her forehead would telegraph to him that she was deep in uneasy thought. The way she would still move away skittishly when certain people would get to close. He knew all the signs because he was dealing with the same things too. The only difference was is that he had learned how to hide his tells.

Yes, he told April everything, but showing a vulnerability such as this… well, the thought alone sent shivers down his spine. He knew he had to do something though. They both had to so that they could once again have a sense of normalcy. It was unfair. Many lives were lost that day. Lives of not just strangers, but their friends. They’d grieved those losses and would for years to come, but ultimately, they had deserved the right to move.

Jackson was adamant about one thing though. He was not going to speak to any shrinks. They had tried the group therapy thing and it was a colossal failure, and there was no way in hell he would talk to his mother about this. Sure, she loved him, and she was concerned, but she hadn’t been there. She wouldn’t understand.

So, right then and there as he lay awake in the wee hours of the morning, he decided. He would come clean to the one person who knew him best. The one person who would get it. The one person he trusted unlike any other, and as if fate had planned it, he once again heard April calling out in her sleep, begging for her life. Turning over, he reached for her, laying a comforting hand on her cheek, hoping to pull her gently from the horrors which ran rampant through her mind. He watched her as her eyelids slowly opened, breaking away from the remnants of sleep. Panting, she muttered almost as if she were embarrassed, “Sorry. Another nightmare.”

Looking at her, it broke his heart. He couldn’t let her suffer alone. So, with what he hoped she could see was love in his eyes, he cleared his throat and said with a bravery he hadn’t felt in a long time, “April. We need to talk.”

@drjjacksonavery​

At the frat house, they had started out with separate rooms. It had lasted an okay amount of time - but after April and Jackson started dating, the only time April was alone in bed is when he was at the hospital overnight. She was pretty sure he liked her room better not only because it was cleaner, but because she always had a candle lit - it was homey. She made sure of that.

She had a hard time falling asleep last night, whereas Jackson drifted right off. She laid there and stared at the ceiling for hours - literally, hours. They had gone to bed around midnight, and the last time she remembered seeing was 4:32am. And when she did eventually manage to fall asleep, it wasn’t even restful. It was full of nightmares. 

April could still see the barrel of Gary Clark’s gun in her mind’s eye. She had stared down it that day last month, and simultaneously stared down death. She had never felt that scared in her life, and she doubted she ever would again. 

The nightmares were always the same. Reliving that scene in the breezeway, over and over. Sometimes, he actually shot her. Sometimes not. This time, she woke up screaming and sweating before she found out.

“Oh my- no, please don’t!” she cried, still half gone. Her face was coated in sweat, which plastered her hair to her forehead. “Stop, I don’t wanna die. Please, please, please… I don’t wanna die.” 

When she woke up fully, Jackson was patting her cheek with a cool, open hand, trying to lift her to the surface. She was glad that the first thing she saw was his face. 

“Sorry,” she breathed. “Another nightmare.” 

[drjjacksonavery]

Of course I want you to stay. Then of course I’m staying.