dvdsnpete

[dvdsnpete]

you've been feeling neglected? bro, i'm not the one who's in every movie while also in a committed relationship. so i think i should be the one who's feeling neglected. i've been in new york, my door has been open (mainly because i forget to lock it more often than i should). replace me? glen, do you realize how boring your nights out would become without me?

I've been feeling a bit neglected by you these days. Did you forget that I exist and that we were once great pals? Cause if you did then I'm going to be so hurt and might have to replace you with another party going friend. @dvdsnpete

[dvdsnpete]

PRIVATE: of course i want the whole experience. i can't travel that far without at least a little wining and dining. 5 star maddie food? will there be expensive wine involved? okay, i can get on board with that. as long as i can play with my food afterwards when i'm eating you.

PRIVATE: ah, you want the whole experience, don't you? A wine and dine vibe. How about I make you some 5-star Maddie food to pay you back? Then you can pay me back by doing what you do. In fact, I'll be very grateful.

[dvdsnpete]

with jenna being back stateside, pete had decided to go to see her as agreed upon. los angeles wasn't exactly his favorite place, being that he was a new yorker through and through, but for short periods of time he repeatedly made it happen. not just for her, but for work related events as well. this thing between the pair of them was nothing serious, merely a way to blow off steam, but the comedian had come to realize with time that she wasn't the most experienced with the sexual situations they tended to find themselves in. not that she'd openly told him, but it was clear to him in the way she spoke and acted at times. pete knocked on her door and waited for it to swing open, before stepping inside and throwing his duffel bag carelessly on the floor. "hi," he greeted the tiny woman and swung an arm around her shoulder. "let me make a few things clear... there will be no spanking. not unless you ask me to, but keep that palm away from my ass." pete followed his words by shooting her a pointed glance while a smile tugged at his lips, making it seem a lot less serious. "i've tried it and it wasn't for me," he continued. "as for a safe word, i doubt that you'll need one, but having one wouldn't hurt. but please pick something that won't make me laugh or lose my erection." he chuckled before bending down and placing his hands on jenna's ass, lifting her up, forcing her to wrap her legs around him. "and lastly... i will wine and dine you as promised... but first? i'm going to fuck you like i haven't gotten laid in forever." | @jennaoeminence

[dvdsnpete]

why are we friends? you do nothing but put me down, and you're starting to hurt my feelings. i'm already crying here. the threesome was a dream that i needed to happen to stay sane, so i guess back to rehab i go. unless you changed your mind? if you don't want to hear about mine, then i don't want to hear about yours... fucking jenna included. hey, i'm a giver and a solid multi tasker, so i'd be taking care of both of you. keeping up with me should be an olympic sport and i'm completely okay with that.

like ninety nine point nine percent of the time? i really don't believe that it would make you cry! i feel like it would have to take something super devasating to make you actually shed tears. i don't want to hear about anything to do with your sex life. pretty sure if i ever did have a threesome with you & jenna, my focus would be her. i am so not curious about that! i forgot...how insane it is...to try to keep up with you.

[dvdsnpete]

i don't know you, man, so i wouldn't know. you can join in on a smoke sesh, if you guys keep your hands off each other and promise i won't become a high third wheel. probably just you. i'm all about equality and shit, but sabrina's a friend. you're not... yet at least. greedy bastard. i've been trying to convince sab to have a threesome with me for way too long, but i'm starting to lose faith.

Do you really think that I'm that boring? Please, you don't know me at all and I'd never bring people down. Especially when high or when drunk. Are you going to file it against both Sabrina and I or just me? Oh no, it was never on the table and ever was. I'm greedy.

[dvdsnpete]

i'm disappointed, charli. the bikini body should be for the whole world to see, not reserved solely for tiktok users. funny would be fine, but let's be real... it would probably be thirst traps more than anything. what can i say? it's easy to catch my eye. yes! i'm getting the selfie. i won't jack off to it... much. you can make it up to me by coming to new york and showing me a good time. we're in this together, always, my guy. charli the chaos queen will be your eternal title from now on. you should change your instagram handle and bio. make sure to include that you got the title from me. 'cause even though i'm not on instagram, i'd like to be included. they're named after porn stars. in my opinion they're all female fish, so my knowledge about porn has been very helpful. are you sure? maybe fish have personalities. we should google that.

Fine then, don't go onto tiktok and see what you're missing. You can't say that I told you about it though. Would I really be so bad to get sucked into something funny though? We all need a good laugh from time to time, Pete. I'll send you the selfie, don't you worry. Just don't jack off to it...or do, I don't care. And how exactly do you want me to make it up to you? Probably...but at least we're in this together. Fair point there. Charli the chaos queen is such a nice title. I love it. What are their names? Send me pictures of these little fishes, please and thank you. I think those high thoughts are just getting to you, my dude.

[dvdsnpete]

city or countryside?

i'm a new yorker to my core, always will be. but i have found myself enjoying life away from the city a lot more lately. my house upstate is pretty damn dope, so i'm saying countryside... for now.

[dvdsnpete]

PRIVATE: i can throw in a "good girl" somewhere, if that helps any? we both have crazy eyes and it's what makes us such a good match, jen. i doubt i'd like being slapped, but we'll give it a try. i'll just safeword if needed. london? i could do with a small vacation, as long as you're not expecting me to do the london bridge with you, because my back don't bend like that.

private: What if I want my ego stroked, huh? Much better than saying that I've got crazy eyes, coming from the king of crazy eyes himself. I think you'll find that you enjoy being slapped a little too much - don't know if I want to indulge on that or not. Guess we'll wait and see when you come and visit me. I'm in London at the moment.

[dvdsnpete]

i don't need you to ruin my high with talking about your days as a soldier in wwii, reminiscing during your high. i have a feeling you're a bummer when you're stoned. if i walk in on you guys fucking, i'm sending in an official complaint and filing a lawsuit. wait... hold up a second! a threesome was on the table? you couldn't have told me earlier?

I'll just be sad that you didn't want to get high with me too. Nothing more nothing less. Alright, I don't want to hear you complaining if you do happen to walk in on us fucking. Can't say that you're traumatized or anything crazy like that. Just don't ask for a threesome.

[dvdsnpete]

i'm not running to tiktok to see you in a bikini, because we already know i'd get addicted and sucked into a thirst trap/comedy algorithm and never get outside ever again. so, i'm waiting for the bikini selfie. still besties? hm, i doubt it. you have to make it up to me. so what you're saying is that we've got an alcohol addiction? because yeah... been there. when am i not straight to the point, charli the chaos queen? i would never do that to my fish. they have names and personalities at this point. or maybe it's just me thinking they do when i'm high.

Sorry, buddy — I did post on tiktok though, so if you're desparate for a bikini view then I'd suggest you go on there and check out the video. We're still besties though, so sh. Right?! We swear and swear, but always end up giving in once a day or week has passed. Damn, straight to the point. I get it though. If people are living a boring life then I don't want to hear about it. I started thinking about that...how it would be bad air pollution for them in their tank. Don't want to do that to them.

[dvdsnpete]

i'm not wrong all the time, sab. i've got my days, you know? we're not discussing it because i will cry. and you don't want your best friend crying, right? let's say how long she sings that tune. you would have a threesome if it involved me and jenna. i know you're curious about the dick thing. how should i know? it's not like i spent time googling a certain josé pedro balmaceda pascal. nope, never.

you are just so wrong, all the time. why aren't we discussing this? by the way, i asked who was better and she said me. just felt like sharing that information! as if i would ever be willing to have a threesome that involved you. that would just be so disturbing. don't act as if you don't know, that he's fifty.

[dvdsnpete]

PRIVATE: we can disappointed in ourselves and still have fun. i'll gladly fuck the disappointment out of our heads, but charleston? if i'm making a trip to a third world country aka south carolina, you better treat me like the lady i am, and take me for a 5 star dinner too.

PRIVATE: Our last time is never really a previous time with us. The worst part is I can't even say no. So we are equal in being disappointed in ourselves. However, I'm down for you to fuck the disappointment out of both our heads. You come to me in Charleston, and we can work it out.

[dvdsnpete]

rude? me not having seen you for a solid month is rude. but you've got a ton of projects, and like you said... this particular one is a mood killer. i'd rather watch something a little more fun. sounds like we've got ourselves a plan, although i would much rather just see the top secret, behind-the-scenes photos and videos from godzilla, than getting high and be depressed about the show. you're going to show me your boobs? what did i do in a past life to deserve that? not that i'm complaining.

i think it's pretty rude that you haven't seen it yet, although it's kind of a mood killer so i can't really blame you for taking so long. i don't know if it would hit the same baked, but i'd always be willing to take that trip with you to see how it goes. if we make it halfway through and the weed doesn't even help, i can show you some super top secret behind the scenes photos and videos from godzilla. might even show you my boobs if you need an extra pick me up.

[dvdsnpete]

hope you're good with me getting your girlfriend high and your place smelling like weed for a week after i leave. since she's close and all. but where's the fun in knocking? it's like a seeing-my-best-friend-fucking-roulette. could be fun, could be fucking horrifying. you don't want to know, man.

It just sort of happened, but at leas she'll be closer to you whenever she is in NYC and I'll rarely be there. At least for the time being. We could save you the trouble of having to bleach your eyeballs if you just knocked. Don't gotta call before coming over, just knock before entering. And what exactly is the rumor that's been floating around?

[dvdsnpete]

lounging by the pool and i didn't get any bikini selfies? what the fuck is this friendship even at this point, charli? ouch, i feel that. swearing you'll never drink again is like saying the sun won't come up tomorrow — a fucking lie. i just don't give enough of a shit to care about what other people are doing. i would say i'm sorry, but i'm really not. i've googled but i can't fucking figure out how to do it without killing them. i've come to care about the little fuckers.

It was well spent doing nothing and just lounging by the pool. Definitely ended my days getting high though — that's the only real acceptable way to end a day. Oh my gosh, I was day drinking yesterday and I woke up today swearing I'd never drink again, but you and I both know that won't happen. You're not keeping up with everyone? WOW. You've failed me. If you try to make the experience a reality then make sure you invite me over, okay? I need to be there for that too.

[dvdsnpete]

💋 fuck, marry, kill - Jenna Ortega, Sabrina Carpenter, Daisy Edgar-Jones

fuck: jenna ortega. i've said it before, i'll say it again. she's got the crazy eyes, so i think she'd be a solid choice for a fuck.

marry: sabrina carpenter, in a heartbeat. if i wasn't scared that her boyfriend would murder me in my sleep, i would marry her in some cheesy vegas wedding.

kiss: daisy edgar-jones. she's fucking hot and it would probably be like a solid teenage make-out session instead of just a kiss. what can i say? when i do something i go all in.

@jennaoeminence @sabscarpcnter @daisyeminence

[dvdsnpete]

📢 answer honestly what has been your biggest regret in life?

considering i'm in the process of having most of my tattoos removed, i think i'm going to have to say getting them in the first place. don't get me wrong, tattoos are fucking fun, but that whole "it's not a phase, mom" thing? yeah, it's more often than not a phase. i got my first tattoo at 17 and it just went downhill from there and being impulsive with tattoos is not a good idea.