dyingvoid

[dyingvoid]

'Each organism raises its head over a field of corpses, smiles into the sun, and declares life good.'

Elias Canetti

[dyingvoid]

I wrote a essay/paper relating the schizoid condition to philosophical fiction. I cover the books The Divided Self, The Stranger, No Longer Human, Nausea, and The Steppenwolf.

[dyingvoid]

[dyingvoid]

I’m writing a character with schizoid personality disorder and am wondering what things about this disorder might not be covered by the DSM-V? Highkey don’t trust it and I find it really helps me to hear others experiences with the disorder and not just the diagnostic criteria

I may not be the best person to answer this question, so I can only talk for myself (I may have comorbid stuff going on). But I totally agree that the DSM5 gives a very limited (and sometimes extreme) perspective on SZPD. 

For example while feeling and expressing emotions is limited for a person with SZPD it’s not like we have no emotions ever at all. (It can also be that some emotions are more affected then others) 

Also, often SZPD is stereotyped as the "boring" personality disorder (specially compared to more "dramatic" disorders like BPD) but I don’t think that's how other people perceive us in daily life. As a cluster A disorder (in the schizophrenia grouping) it can make you seem "strange" or quirky with unusual interests and mannerisms (or at least very "don’t give a fuck" about current trends and social norms). Specially in covert form, people with SZPD can seem "mysterious" because they are so protective of their privacy (even though sometimes they give out information to make themselves seem more normal not to attract people who "want to find out what they have going on") I myself don't even disagree that we are "boring" (because I don't care about the value judgement of that word), but I think it's more like we have no or very little sense of self or identity that makes you think of yourself as a "blank space" (or void).

Besides that, even though I personally am not interested in actual sexual intercourse I do know at least one other person with SZPD who doesn’t mind having sex regularly (even though they don’t seek it out actively)

Another thing is that the low expression of emotion doesn’t mean one has a constant :I face on. At least for me, when people are around I keep a slight smile on my face, but it’s not connected to any real emotions, it’s just a covert thing to not get asked about a potential resting bitch face. (That’s just a small thing, but this was the reason it took so long for me to get the diagnosis)

I think the wikipedia page on SZPD is not bad when you want a wider view of symptoms and different perspectives of understanding for this disorder (including underlying systems and not just symptoms as a end all be all). I think the Millon’s subtypes and Akhtar's profile are interesting.  For a more inside perspective I also recommend schizoid vision, the channel owner has SZPD herself and she does interviews with professionals and other affected people (there is a tumblr as well).

[dyingvoid]

[dyingvoid]

There is no difference between me & a corpse.

Emil — male | 22 ; intj

Be noted, I have ASPD / NPD, schizophrenia & orthorexia. These topics will be spoken about extensively on my page.

♡ ; psychology, literature, anatomy & philosophy

mdni. 18+ only. selective fb.

I am a writer, first and foremost, and I will be using this blog not only as a form of documentation for my prose, but also for the disorders that I struggle with. I also have a deep fascination with medical literature and imagery; as such I will likely post images, videos and excerpts from surgical procedures that may be considered graphic. My thoughts can become unsavory at times, so I ask if you ever experience some sort of discomfort by the things I write about, feel free to block.

♡ & ↻ for mutuals, if you’d like

[dyingvoid]

[dyingvoid]

i am sick morality and purity culture. i don't care what you do and what you think, but if another asshole comes at me with something along the lines of: "but...but...that's BAD. bad is not good. we all want to be good, right? because if not, that makes you an UNTERMENSCH DEGENERATE and you should be ASHAMED OF YOURSELF." i'm going feral right then and there and eat their fucking face. and some fucking people really can't help themselves, they see the lack moral judgement in secular society as an invitation to put THEIR bullshit in there, because they think it's doing something, anything good at all. as if it's a mistake and not a deliberate choice. (i'm aware that secular society never reached that ideal anyway, but whatever.) and usually i wouldn't give a shit about any of this. humanity can choke on it for all i care - but it's obvious that this mindset is taking over and I keep running into it. it's so intrusive, even in my social isolation it's penetrating through.

[dyingvoid]

Good morning, it's a "hate everything and everyone"-day today. ┐(︶▽︶)┌

[dyingvoid]

that's why i don't go out.

i've had this in my drafts forever

[dyingvoid]

"Why can't you just be normal? You are not even trying."

[dyingvoid]

Somber lodge Inspired by Twin Peaks.

[dyingvoid]

I mean yeah.

And still, to me there is too much going on. can't follow anymore, too many "takes" and "opinions", even those i agree with...

that's why i am checked out. like it's annoying how typical and predictable that is.

Too bad there's not a lot going on in the szpd tag. What did I expect

[dyingvoid]

To me (and many others), it's not a choice. So i don't care about being a freak to others. It just is what it is. But I will never say that I love being called a freak. Everybody enjoys being "quirky" and "different", but as soon as it's not a choice anymore and people see you as scary, inhuman or "bad actually" this stops being fun real quick.

Mantra.

[dyingvoid]

Secret schizoid desires:

-Wishing that you were a ghost or could turn invisible at will so you could go about your day without being observed at all

-Wishing that just for one day you'd wake up to a world completely empty of people so that you could move through the world unimpeded, go where ever and do whatever you want to in peace

[dyingvoid]

People used called me quirky and weird, but not introverted.

I don't know what I do all day, but I just keep drawing.

I have no fear of someone working against me, because i'm not working towards anything.

I couldn't even remember the names of my classmates while at school, keeping a file on anybody sounds exhausting. Template

[dyingvoid]

Taking amphetamines to get anything done and then having to drink a bottle of wine to fall asleep after 3 days of being awake.