ebsnakebones

[ebsnakebones]

socks are the primary producers of the laundry biome. they typically mate for life and come in a wide variety of patterns, though—unlike shoes, which many theorize to be a symbiotic species—they lack sexual dimorphism. juvenile socks resemble their parents, but have yet to develop the long necks that distinguish socks from other species of the extremity family, such as mittens

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My sister got a new kitten and it immediately decided to loaf on a watermelon and bless us with this picture.

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Flopped down on the floor next to one of the cats and he was like so surprised like woah you do that too that’s so crazy that we can do things that the other does. I’m gonna try to use your phone now why is my furious swiping not making the buttons work

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hate an x reader fic do not put me in a situation

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for some reason i thought both of these were the same post and i sat for awhile trying to figure out which ice cream face was the weak bitch

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me, normal person in worm city (the city worm takes place in): sure its pretty sad that hero died and all but you have to admit that retiring his card basically fixed the prodecktorate meta by itself so calling it a tragedy is maybe a bit shortsighted

my friend whose consciousness has just been forever replaced by an SI whose fic will get 7 total readers on spacebattles: door me. door me. door me.

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i learned about a stupid looking bird today and i cant stop laughing

its called a crested satinbird (cnemophilus macgregorii)

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Saw it was make a terrible comic day today (June 24 2025) so meet my cats

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they're called love handles bc I love to handles them

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based on these

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jokes to make after failure that aren’t self-deprecating:

I’m the best to ever do it

Nobody saw that (best if said loudly)

No one’s ever done it like me

I could be President/they should make me President

Behold, a mere fraction of my power!

The public wants to be me soooooo bad

I’m an expert in (thing you just failed at)

How could this have happened to god’s favorite princess?

Nothing ibuprofen and a glass of water cant fix

I’m being sabotaged

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yeah im “transitioning” *dissolves into tiny pieces as i click to the next slide*

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one time my mom and i were talking about autism and she said if i got it from anyone i got it from my dad, a man who has been buying and sorting pokemon cards for several months straight and likes to memorize license plates and then quiz my mom on them. and then she remembered that my father is not actually biologically related to me (#childofdivorce) and lost her shit laughing. i got that proxy autism

[ebsnakebones]

Members of carnivora paired with their common ancestor, a miacid. 

[ebsnakebones]