elysianruins

[elysianruins]

i hate that i’m at this point, but i really need help.

i recently switched jobs and i’ve barely gotten one week in before i had car issues and am unable to work until my car is out of service; it’ll be a week tomorrow since i dropped it off, and i’ve yet to hear anything about it. last time i took my car to service, it took two weeks minimum for me to be able to pick it up. 

my bills are stacking up and driving my account further and further into the negatives. this isn’t even accurate as i had to make two more payments to other bills, one of which was two days late. i’m guessing i’m going to be around the -$600s once they go through and that’s taking in the paid nsf fees.

my biggest concern is just being able to pay rent next week. it’s thankfully a lower amount than what i’ve been paying prior because my roommate’s sister just moved into the spare room, but i still need to get $450 by the first week of april. i hate asking for help, moreso when it comes to asking for money, but i’m so fucking desperate and keep getting declined for loans. 

i don’t know what i’m going to do if i’m asked to leave, i have a cat and no money to store my stuff. anything will help.

paypal

venmo

[elysianruins]

when you get your paystub after being tested positive for covid and you’re able to pay all your bills except your upcoming car payment :D

[elysianruins]

aaaand i’m positive 💀

[elysianruins]

i am very unwell, pls send good vibes as i pray my test results come back negative 😭 my activity here will probably drop but i should still be active on discord!

[elysianruins]

working on docs for my inquisitor who i’m gonna try and reboot. my back’s killing me though 😭

[elysianruins]

@saviornot asked: “ if something happened to you… that would be because of me. and i can’t have that. “

Fluttering lashes frame worried sea blue eyes, delicate hands holding ones adorned in steel gauntlets. A squeeze of the palms, a quivering bottom lip bitten gently. "Eron, please..." Anastasia's voice is a hushed whisper, words meant only for her lover's ears.

"I will never be at ease knowing you're out there without me at your side. I know—" voice cracking, the Cousland gasps to reclaim her breath and fight the tears that prick her eyes, stinging them to a bloodshot red. "—I know I am not the most skilled fighter out of those in your inner circle. But the thought of something happening to you... and being unable to help you... I can't handle it." She blinks and a single tear traces down her cheek, immediately wiped away by her free hand.

"Please, Eron... let me come with you."

[elysianruins]

i got my inquisitor’s romance with cullen started and that scene always gets me 🥺

especially when jimmy shows up with leliana’s report

[elysianruins]

there’s something so overwhelming about when you first start doing stuff when you get to skyhold; so many places you can / have to explore and not quite knowing where to start

[elysianruins]

not me feral chanting oVER AELLA HAWKE, MY LOVE

[elysianruins]

tfw i complete just about every area prior to iyhsb... i’m talking shards, landmarks, regions, camps and rifts... of course, not counting areas that are blocked off until later in the story or bc of certain creatures (cough dragons cough)

so i guess it’s time to get skidaddling to skyhold, huh? 

[elysianruins]

started fallow mire, energized that first beacon and proceeded to hear what gave me ptsd and had me looking around in a panic.

bioware really decided to recycle the banshee scream from mass effect 3 into this game, fhskfjaj.

[elysianruins]

anyone know how the fuck carrd works?

[elysianruins]

i’m kinda tempted to work on evelyn’s blog... hmstve...

[elysianruins]

also hi, anyone remember miss evelyn? 🥺

[elysianruins]

i love the conversation zoom mod

[elysianruins]

hi my name is middy and my dai burnout is gone and i’m gonna try and play this game from beginning to end 😤

[elysianruins]

𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭𝐲 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐬 𝐩𝐭. 𝟏

i’ve made emotional ones before but also, angst?? bon appetit!

“ i can’t do this alone… “

“ i can’t do this without you. “

“ nothing is worth losing you. “

“ i can’t lose you! not again! “

“ i don’t wanna lose you! “

“ i love you… “

“ i never should’ve dragged you into this. “

“ you’re not alone, [NAME]… you never were. “

“ if something happened to you… that would be because of me. and i can’t have that. “

“ …did you know about this? “ “ this is all my fault… “

“ i/we/you lost… “

“ you won’t win. “ “ this path you’re on… it’s gonna get you killed. you know that, though; don’t you? “

“ i can’t stop. “

“ you would tell me if something was wrong. wouldn’t you? “

“ it’s like you’re not really here; even when you are. “

“ don’t you get it?! if anything happens to you, i… i don’t know what i’d do! “

“ you have no idea how important you are to me, and i’m tired of waiting for you to figure it out, and i sure as hell won’t wait to announce it over your reckless ass’ grave! “

“ no! i’m not leaving without you! “

“ i can’t do this anymore… “

“ you don’t even know me. “

“ what have you done?! “

“ you’re shaking… “

“ i’ve… made some mistakes. “

“ you are nothing to me. “

“ you were never nothing to me… “

“ stop it. enough of this self-sacrificing bullshit! stop acting like you have nobody who loves you! you have me! so no! you don’t get to be a martyr. not today! we can figure out a different plan… “

“ i would’ve done anything for you… “

“ i’d risk everything and anything for you. “

“ i’m not a good person. “

“ please don’t look at me like that… “

“ i believed in you! “

“ we can’t lose… “

“ what?! what am i supposed to do?! please! tell me, what the hell am i supposed to do?! “

“ please, just go… i’m not the kind of person anyone needs to be around right now. “

“ what happened to you? huh? what happened to you to make you this way? “

“ they’re coming for you. right? that’s why you’re pushing me away like an idiot? because you don’t want me getting hurt? “

“ nothing’s going to be as good as it was before. “

“ you lied to me! “

“ i didn’t mean for any of this to happen! “

“ i can’t trust you anymore… “

“ i know it’s selfish. god knows, ever since we met, i’ve been the reason behind every threat and danger that’s come your way. but… i honestly can’t say that i’d change a second of it. “

“ it’s been an honour knowing you. “

“ there’s nobody else i can turn to. only you. “

“ i don’t trust anybody else. not the way i trust you. “

“ we have no choice… “

“ why?! why are you helping me?! “

“ it’s too late. there’s nothing more we can do… “

“ please don’t go… don’t leave me. “

“ you are everything to me. okay? EVERYTHING. i can’t lose you… “

“ you deserve better than this… better than me… “

“ i thought i could give you a better life. instead, i’m the reason it’s gotten worse… i’m so sorry. “