emberislandfirefly

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friends share warmth

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The difference between Zuko and Aang

Zuko scarified his life for Katara

Aang risked Katara’s life for himself

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As it should have been…

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being good is hard. zuko is doing his best.

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Part 3 of the ZCU (Zutara Comics Universe). I live for sweet EIP debriefs between these too.

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The way Uncle Iroh always shipping Zuko and Katara is hilarious!

And he was right after all, just one word and antis triggered so easily in the comments section! 😂😂

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I tend to only like levelheaded criticism with no real bitterness on this blog but Kataang has so many bad vibes to me, I’m genuinely shocked that so few people see the issues on the overwhelmingly female site.

Anti-Kataang vibes incoming, scroll past if you don’t want it.

Aang had more feelings and plot related to burning Katara than Katara ever did getting burned!

Aang had more plot related to Katara getting suffocated than Katara did being the one suffocated!

Aang hides the note on her father’s whereabouts and Katara isn’t even allowed to be mad about it. Only Sokka can be mad at Aang.

Roku and that random prisoner never met Katara, but say she’d fall in love with him because “he’s a nice guy and the avatar, she’s sure to come around.”

Keep reading

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The idea of her being mother figure is challenged right from episode one when Aang reminds her that she's still just a kid.

Okay, that's right! That's spot on! I don't deny that Aang makes Katara act like a child again for a while.

Aang reminds her that she's still just a kid.

Katara : Fire Nation. Sokka : We should tell him. Katara : [Yelling.] Aang! There's something you need to see. Aang : [Aang runs to them from the airball court, still playing with the hollow ball. Cheerfully.] Okay! Aang : [Happily runs up.] What is it? Katara : [Innocently holds her hands behind her back.] Uh... Just a new waterbending move I learned. Aang : Nice one! But enough practicing, [Excited as he turns around and start walking away.] we have a whole temple to see! Sokka : [Brushes the last of the snow from his head and shoulders.] You know, you can't protect him forever.

It's only the third episode, but Aang's childish attitude already makes Katara act like a mother protecting her child from reality. Katara also has to calm Aang down when he goes into avatar mode, it happens several times like it's her responsibility to do so.

Aang reminds her that she's still just a kid.

Katara : [Resumed filling the pot with more vegetables.] Watching you show off for a bunch of girls does not sound like fun. Aang : [Disappointed.] Well, neither does carrying your basket. Katara : [Annoyed.] It's not my basket. These supplies are for our trip. I told you, we have to leave Kyoshi soon.

This scene actually piss me off, like, if I were Katara I would mad too! And again, Aang's irresponsible and childish behaviour forced Katara to be responsible for doing the chores. If not her to be mature, who else? Sokka who is busy with his misogyny towards the Kyoshi warriors? Or Aang who is busy having fun with his fans?

Aang reminds her that she's still just a kid.

Aang ran away after someone blamed him for something he actually did a hundred years ago. Katara must find him in the storm, then help him dwelling with his past.

And it happens again in The Awakening. Aang runs away and triggers Katara's another trauma that forces her to grow up, which is being abandoned by the person she cares about (her father). Katara (Sokka and Toph) must find him and save him.

Aang reminds her that she's still just a kid.

Katara : [Disappointed.] Wow... there's hardly any in here. Aang : [Lashes out.] I'm sorry, okay! It's a desert cloud; I did all I could! What's anyone else doing?! [Pointing his staff at Katara.] What are you doing‌?! She returns his attack with a shocked look on her face. Katara : Trying to keep everyone together. Let's just get moving. We need to head this direction.

Katara is the only one who can keep the Gaang out of the desert. If she doesn't act mature and responsible with the Gaang, they might not survive. And what does Aang do? Get mad at her for losing Appa, while Katara is not to blame for it.

Aang reminds her that she's still just a kid.

Katara : Aang, we do understand. It's just ... Aang : Just what, Katara? What? Katara : We're trying to help! Aang : Then, when you figure out a way for me to beat the Fire Lord without taking his life, I'd love to hear it! [Walks away.] Katara : Aang, don't walk away from this. [Walks toward Aang.]

I love Katara, you know, that's why I really don't like Aang pointing angrily at Katara and blaming her every time he got emotional, when Katara didn't do something wrong and just wants to help him. Is this a healthy relationship?

Aang reminds Katara that she's just a child in the first episode, but unfortunately, the Gaang (especially Aang) once again forces Katara to be motherly in the next episodes.

Does she like being motherly? No, she doesn't. She wants to have fun too, but if she did, the Gaang would be screwed. Being motherly is not just her nature, but the Gaang (except Suki) forces her to be more mature than the others narratively.

Actually, that's why I like the idea of Momtara and Dadko. In my opinion, this nickname is not to make her forget she is just a kid. Instead, because the narrative itself always shows Katara forced to act motherly toward Gaang, 'Momtara and Dadko' shows that is not only Katara's responsibility to do all chores.

Calling Zuko Dadko is also reasonable, because he is narratively more mature among the Gaang (except Suki). He focuses on Aang's training and worries that Aang will fail, just like what father usually do to his son.

More than that, Katara doesn't need to act motherly with Zuko - he is the one bringing her things and preparing what they need in their journey contras with what Aang did in Kyoshi Island. And they act more like equal partners toward each other, rather than mother and son.

Oh, it's true that Aang makes Katara child again in first episode. But it's weird to defend Kat/ang and hate the narrative of Katara being motherly at the same time, when the Gaang (especially Aang) often forced Katara to act motherly.

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Enemies to lovers is about seeing a person at their worst,

And loving them anyway.

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https://www.tumblr.com/atla-confessions/759438562978562048/zutara-and-azutara-both-agree-katara-would-have?source=share

Do a post on this please I don't have the energy

I see this sentiment a lot lately, and yes, it is frustrating. But I’m going to talk about it because it perfectly illustrates the way (kataang) fans take power away from Katara’s narrative and reduce her complexity as a result.

For those too tired to look at the OP (understandable) it’s an anon saying that both Zutara and Kazula would be problematic and harmful to Katara because the Fire Nation would never accept her, and that she and her family would always be in danger yada yada blah blah.

And honestly? I agree with that. It would be dangerous for Katara. But if you think that would stop Katara, you fundamentally don’t understand her character.

Do you really think Katara is some poor little damsel who needs to be protected at all costs and sent away to live a quiet life in the countryside? No; that’s never been Katara. Katara wants to fight and she has never backed down from a challenge. It’s who she is.

Katara is the girl who left her home to travel across a war-torn world to chase even a chance that she could play a part in ending the war. She’s constantly putting herself in dangerous situations because she follows her heart, she does what’s right even if it’s a risk to her safety. The Katara we know from ATLA is not some demure, unassuming girl who would be happy to sit back and become known for her healing above all else while her friends fought in her place. Katara would have hated to see her future as it was written. She is loud. She is proud. She is a fighter.

Katara not only accepts a challenge; she’s eager for it. She’s strong, she knows it, and she isn’t afraid to use her power for good.

I know someone is going to jump in the comments and accuse me of “shaming” Katara for her “choices” (nevermind the fact that she’s a fictional character so every choice she makes isn’t her own; it’s a narrative chosen for her by the male writers) but I’m not even saying that being a healer is inherently weak or bad. I’m saying it’s not Katara.

It’s a shame that so many people are willing to overlook the butchering of her story just because they’re so protective over canon and are completely unwilling to engage with it critically.

This sentiment reflects the issues many fans have with canon kataang, because it’s a very common misogynistic trope in media. A female character can be strong, but it’s only temporary. We can see her fight and triumph, but at the end she’s expected to give that up for marriage and motherhood after the war. Her identity is reduced to her relation to a man. She isn’t expected to retain her strength; she is expected to accept a quiet recognition while the world sings the man’s praises.

That was the fate of Katara in canon. And it is a disservice to her character. Katara would have wanted to continue to fight, because the fight wasn’t over. Anon’s recognition that Fire Nation nobility would have an issue with her holding power shows they understand that too. So why do you think Katara would be fine with sitting back and letting that happen? Why do you think she’d let that scare her away? Not my Katara.

Especially when love enters the picture. Let’s say Katara did canonically love Zuko, or Azula, or anyone outside of her nation for that matter. Yes, it would be more difficult for her. But do you really think Katara would back down for that reason?

In fact, do you realize how insulting it is to imply that she should to anyone in an interracial relationship? Or a same sex relationship? Yes, societal pressure and bigotry make them more difficult. But it doesn’t make them wrong. And the idea that it’s selfish or wrong because it’s endangering the family is insulting.

Especially in the case of Kazula. The Fire Nation is canonically homophobic. There would be danger and backlash for any same sex relationship, especially involving a member of the royal family like Azula. So…what then. Are gay people supposed to stop existing? Is Azula supposed to just never date or marry because it would be too dangerous?

Yeah, no. 0/10, trash take, do better.

(This part is mostly a joke but I also want to point it out)

The anon also implies that Katara’s canon relationship (with the Avatar) wouldn’t also carry the same risks. Which it would, probably even more so. Katara could be used as leverage against Aang by people trying to get to him. I mean, it already happened in canon.

And quite frankly, Aang was pretty useless at protecting Katara in that situation. Look at his face. Literal baby goo-goo-ga-ga shit. She’s lucky Fong wasn’t willing to actually kill her and that she was safely underground when Aang had his Spirit Tantrum because she would have been dead meat. So if your argument is that poor helpless little Katara would be sooooo much safer with Aang, I’m really not convinced.

If you’re going to decide who to ship Katara with based on who can protect her from danger the best, well…

I’m just saying 🤷🏻‍♀️🍵

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I'd argue that Zuko allowing Katara to vent about her mother's murder in the catacombs and apologizing and empathizing in response was a large part of what spurred her on in the Southern Raiders and motivated her to want to confront Yon Rah. If that hadn't happened, but Zuko had still offered to tell Katara where he was, I don't know if she would have had the same response. But being listened to and having someone affirm that her grief isn't something she has to repress probably changed something in her, something that had been boiling long before Zuko told her about Yon Rah. If it were only Aang and Sokka there, I doubt Katara would have been brave enough to voice those things. Aang who she says knows wouldn't understand, and Sokka who she feels doesn't share her feelings. But like, not only does Zuko know from the catacombs what questions to ask and how to understand her anger, but Katara knows that Zuko is someone who it is safe to voice those feelings to.

I'd argue that a large part of her feeling of betrayal towards Zuko is that she had already subconsciously seen him as that person who she could trust with those ugly feelings. And once she realized this was a thing that could happen, she couldn't go back to repressing it for the good of the gaang. So she lets it out in other ways towards Zuko: by threatening him, and making her anger clear. Because she's afraid she's lost something she didn't even know she needed until that moment in the catacombs.

And Zuko responds by being that safe space for her even when she fears that it's no longer there, was never really there to begin with. Even when she does her best to take her frustration out on him, because she's testing him to see if he is willing to take on her darkness, and he does.

So like, when I see people say that Zuko influenced Katara in The Southern Raiders, I definitely think he did, but not in the way antis think. It was his empathy and willingness to understand and give her that safe space that influenced her.

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What’s . , your Opinion On Katara. And Aang relationship, with each other.?

Short answer :

In my opinion, Katara and Aang's relationship would more beautiful and healthy as very good friends, because they support each other way better in friendship-relationship.

Long answer :

Kat/ang as couple wasn't build up with a good storyline even from the start. Their relationship felt and looked like siblings, Katara even acted motherly to him - many proof for that and the writers said so.

So, there's no reason for me to see them as lovers in the future but just supportive good friends with a crush. But a crush - even in real life - isn't a deep feeling and it's very easy to fade away. A strong feeling needs bond, chemistry, sometimes needs twist and turns to understand each other better and strengthen the foundation of their relationship.

Katara and Aang didn't have much chemistry, just physical contact (kisses on the cheek and hugs) and blushing. But for me, chemistry is not just about physical contact, chemistry and bond is about relationship development - it's Maiko problem as well.

Actually, the writers had so many opportunities to make Katara and Aang's relationship well-written - especially since the writers worship this ship - but instead they built up the conflicts between Aang and Katara in the last few episodes.

Well, at least, Aang and Katara's conflicts was resolved in season 1, but I can say that they were forced to end up together, even though their conflict wasn't resolved in season 3.

Conflict 1 : Aang kissed Katara without consent, then Katara acted like nothing happened in the next episode.

Conflict 2 : Aang yelled at Katara, even though she wasn't mocking him like the others, and she just wanted to help him, then they separated and there wasn't even a single conversation at all until they kissed in the end of the story.

Yes, the kiss was canon, but only because the writers forced it, not because Aang and Katara - both of them - deserved it.

The writers tried hard to keep Kat/ang as the winners in post ATLA. But, the more the writers fix Kat/ang the more the writers failed to make them better in their relationship, in fact the writers even ruined some of the characters - especially my lovely Katara, whose role was increasingly decreasing.

That would happen if two characters are forced to become lovers without being built with a good storyline and the writers don't care about female characters.

I don't read the comic and I don't want to read it. But I read quite a lot of criticism about it, especially how Katara's role was nothing more than just the Avatar's girlfriend.

Also, writing them calling each other 'sweetie' all the time is so cringe. I mean, look at Suki and Sokka, most people said they were the best canon pairing, I said the same. They never called each other 'sweetie', they called each other by name and they were still romantic.

Do you know what I felt when I saw this?

Katara sat alone in the corner, looked sad watching her boyfriend having fun with his fans. I could almost feel what Katara was feeling. Katara was angry, of course, but Aang couldn't understand her feelings. In the end, Katara was the one who understood Aang and let it go. Why is it always Katara who understands Aang? She deserved an apology!

Once again, the writers tried hard to keep Kat/ang as the winners in TLOK by writing them as a married couple with three children. Avatar's girlfriend changed to avatar's wife, but the writers still failed to convince people that Kat/ang was a healthy and happy couple.

Instead, Aang was written as a bad father who only favours his air bending child, while Katara had no role, no statue to honour her, and even her grandchildren didn't recognise her.

Actually, even though I am Zutara shipper, but sometimes I'm glad that they weren't canon. I mean, the writers worship Kat/ang but they failed to convince a lot of fans how good this pair - except the shipper only.

I can't imagine Zutara was canon while the writers hated it, the would ruin Zutara badly!

And since the writers are on board in The Avatar: The Last Airbender Movie next year, I'm guessing they'll try to win Kat/ang over (again) and I wouldn't be surprised if it fails (again).

That's why I'm not waiting for the movie.

Katara and Aang don't need to be lovers to be great characters, they can have a sweet relationship as friends and family. All the crush scenes between them could be removed and it wouldn't change the storyline one bit - maybe just annoy the shippers.

NATLA proved that. Aang and Katara had a family-relationship and it was very very sweet. NATLA removed all the scenes of Aang having a crush on Katara, even the Cave of the Two Lovers scene was replaced with Sokka and Katara. Did the main storyline changed? Not at all.

I once read an opinion from a Zutara shipper. The point is, when Aang and Katara are together, Katara has to stay away from Zuko (because their chemistry is stronger). It happened in TLOK, when Katara didn't show up to her granddaughter's coronation because Zuko was there.

Meanwhile, if Zuko and Katara are together, while Aang mature enough to accept his destiny, they will be forever great friends. He also will be a very very very sweet uncle and steam babies' favourite person. It happened in Zutara fanfics and fanart.

I agree 1000000%!!

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I think it's important to point out that although Zuko and Katara would have an amazing relationship that relationships in general aren't perfect and that they would obviously argue and disagree on things but I think they'd be very fair arguments that give both parties chances to express their grievances healthily.

Shall I elaborate:

Zuko would give Katara the space to voice her issues uninterrupted. One thing I love about their canon relationship in series is that Zuko is the only character she is allowed to be angry at judgment free because there is no expectation of niceness that holds her back from expressing her true feelings. I think it's very important in a relationship for someone to be willing and able to accept and see you at your angriest as well ass your deepest compassionate side because all of that gives you the agency to be your true self since we, as humans, aren't perfect. I love that in the crossroads of destiny we see Katara show Zuko every side of her in the matter of 30 mins or so and he accepts them all equally.

Her anger:

Her vulnerability:

And her compassion:

And my favorite thing is that he listened, waited, & gave a response when he felt like he could say something without invalidating how she feels.

Zuko would know when to chase after her when he sees she's being unlike herself

How to listen and acknowledge when he's wrong

And how to give her space when she needs it and have the patience to come and rectify his actions once he's found a solution that will benefit them both

I hate when antis say Zuko's motivation for helping Katara find her mother's killer was selfish. Although I don't agree, in relationships, whether platonic or otherwise, it is just as important to do things for others that are mutually beneficial as it is to do things selflessly. I say this because if you find yourself giving giving giving 100% of the time and you gain nothing from the relationship you will drain yourself to no end. So yes Zuko gained her forgiveness from this "field trip" but that does not diminish the closure Katara gained as well. We often see Katara not gain much from her relationship with *cough cough* someone else.

I think that it's a fair comparison to some of Katara & A/ang's disagreements in canon material:

About 90% of the time Katara & A/ang disagree on something he runs away:

Or become very unecessarily aggressive

[from a comic where a/ang wants to discuss their invasion kiss and Katara just wants him to practice his fire bending and this is his response. It's talked about here if you've never read love is a battlefield look at that post cause it gets worse, this comic single handily confirmed my anti status] and don't even get me started on EMP episode where he was so mad he would've been in the avatar state and did NOT respect that Katara needed space.

It's funny how despite Zuko being well known for his aggressive behavior, even in interations w. M/ai, where we see him being overly possessive and a hot head he's never that way when it comes to Katara (starting from their 1st personal interaction in the caves of course). And despite A/ang's loving & compassionate side that we all know & love and how he's always kind and considerate unfortunately it seems that often when it comes to conflict with Katara that goes out the window.

It's almost like who you're meant to be with brings out the best in you??? 🧐🤔🧐

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Maiko and Jetara are relationships that make Zutara as a relationship even stronger. Even though these two relationships are toxic and I don’t like either of them, I like that they happened. I think these relationships played huge roles in both Zuko and Katara’s characters.

I know that Jet and Katara had a much less established relationship than Mai and Zuko but I think that there's still a lot of character development surrounding this couple. (Also there's more relationship development between Katara and Jet in the show than Katara and Aang. BAM there's your Kataang salt for this meta.)

Maiko and Jetara are different kinds of toxic relationships, Mai and Zuko both want the relationship but lack the communication to be a functional couple, Jet is a manipulator who uses Katara’s infatuation in him to further his own goals. Both of these relationships appeal to Zuko and Katara's want's at the time of entering the relationship.

Zuko wants to feel the same happiness he felt in his childhood, after returning from his banishment. Mai offers that in the form of a relationship with his childhood crush. This relationship cannot work because Mai and Zuko do not understand each other on a fundamental level. Zuko has grown and developed since leaving the fire nation, his views and opinions have changed, making it difficult for Mai to relate to him.

In Nightmares and Daydreams. Zuko looks to be uncomfortable being waited on by servants.

When he expresses his anxiety over an upcoming war meeting, Mai's suggestion to cheer him up is to order around servants for their entertainment, showing a lack of understanding of who Zuko is at this point in his life.

This can also be seen in The Boiling Rock when Mai and Zuko have their final conversation before their conclusion at the end of the finale. When Mai tells him that by leaving he has betrayed his country Zuko explicitly states that they don't see things the same way. When Mai saves Zuko, it's out of caring for him not an understanding of his goals or ideas. This would have been a great place to end their relationship, instead of messily shoving them back together in the finale.

Mai has remained in the toxic environment of the Fire Nation, causing her to form a cold exterior and makes it difficult for Zuko to communicate with her. In episodes like The Beach, Zuko tries to show affection for Mai by bringing her gifts, including the shell and ice cream. Only for her to dismiss his attempts and leads to further disconnect between the two.

After Zuko's attempts at performing acts of service for Mai are refused, he starts to act more aloof, matching Mai. At the party, Mai tells Zuko that she's hungry, he responds "so what". Zuko gives this response very defensively, likely from his genuine confusion on how to please Mai. Mai tells him he should get her food. He does so with no argument, despite his initial defensiveness when he didn't know what she wanted.

Their disconnect climaxes in their argument at the party. Mai accuses Zuko of being "hotheaded" and "blowing up over every little thing". Zuko accuses Mai of "having no passion for anything". This argument demonstrates the communication barrier between the two. Zuko has grown more hotheaded because of the constant pressure he is under and the lack of genuine relationships, manifesting into aggression. Mai has no passion because she was raised in a restrictive household and progressively became more aloof as a defense mechanism.

Katara wants validation on her trauma regarding her mother's death, she is drawn to Jet because he open's up to her about his trauma with his own parents' death. What Katara wants is justified and knowing that Jet used her vulnerability to his advantage is enraging.

She also views Jet as heroic for his quest to free the innocent from the Fire Nation. Katara's desire to defeat the Fire Nation is inherently tied to the loss of her mother and the destruction of her home. Jet becomes more attractive to her because he tells her he's defending people who lack the resources to fight back. Even though Katara may not have realized it, she likely related to the people Jet said he was defending. The Southern Water Tribe also lacked the resources needed to fight back because the Fire Nation had immobilized them by capturing the water benders. Katara admires that they have similar goals and is immediately willing to do what he asks of her until she learns his true intentions.

Jet's betrayal of Katara is so infuriating because not only did he lie, he also used the most vulnerable part of Katara as a way to destroy the town to kill everyone. Making Katara an unknowing accomplice to the murder of the people she wanted to save.

Jet and Zuko are explicitly paralleled in the show. They meet on the ferry going to Ba Sing Se after Zuko and Iroh have been named fugitives by Azula. Jet shares with Iroh and Zuko he 's done some things in his past that he's not proud of and that he's going to Ba Sing Se for a second chance, mirroring Zuko and his reasoning for going to Ba Sing Se. Iroh then acknowledges that both Zuko and Jet can have a second chance.

There is also a lot of parallels between Zuko and Jet in terms of their relationship with Katara. Jet uses Katara's empathy to trick her into aiding him with flooding the town. This is paralleled with how Katara opens up to Zuko in The Crossroads of Destiny and later feels betrayed. You can see Katara has the same rage after seeing both of them after their betrayals.

The difference between Jet and Zuko is that Zuko was genuine. Jet used Katara's empathy and that's why he acknowledges her loss. Zuko has no reason to validate Katara's emotions as he's already secured his spot as Aang's firebending master. He chooses to because he wants to rebuild the trust he destroyed with Katara. Zuko can recognize Katara's resentment stems from the pain of the Fire Nation killing her mother, just like Jet did. However, Zuko offers her a chance to actively face her trauma instead of telling her to suppress it.

When Aang and Sokka find out that Katara is planning to find her mother's killer Aang compares her to Jet. Katara refutes this by saying the Jet attacked the innocent.

This claim Aang makes is incredibly invalidating, He knows how Jet manipulated Katara, using her vulnerability to destroy the village. Comparing that to Katara trying to get closure is illogical. It demonstrates how Zuko had a better understanding of Katara's needs than Aang or Sokka.

Zuko never told her what she should do. He told her he knew how to get information and asked if she wanted to act on that information. Facing her mother's killer gives Katara closure of some kind. She is finally able to forgive Zuko. Katara was able to be vulnerable with Zuko and he acknowledged her.

Katara and Mai are not explicitly paralleled the same way Zuko and Jet are but they still have very interesting connections in the way their relationships with Zuko work. Mai is an inadequate partner for Zuko because of the disconnect between the two. In the first scene these two share, Zuko tries to open up to Mai on his fears about returning to the fire nation and Mai responds with outright dismissal.

Katara is shown to be immediately empathetic towards Zuko. This can be seen in the catacombs scene, as soon as Zuko shows vulnerability Katara is willing to listen.

Also when Zuko is worried about seeing his uncle after betraying him in Ba Sing Se, Katara takes initiative, asking him if he's okay even though he hasn't shared any explicit anxiety. She then listens to his worries and confirms to Zuko that he has earned forgiveness.

So what did we learn today kids? Zuko and Katara's relationship is absolutely supported as growth from past relationships. It would have been a really good message that not every romantic risk you take is going to benefit you. You can also end relationships on good terms the way Jet and Katara did and how Zuko and Mai should have. Having these past relationships furthers the connection between Zuko and Katara through comparison. Can you do that with Kataang? Didn't think so.

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'zuko is a bad boy' YOUR SHIP DIDNT HIT QUITE AS HARD IN THE SHIP WARS IF IT DIDNT HAVE AN AMV SET TO CASCADA'S BAD BOY, WE ARE LOSING THE RECIPES

also btw he isn't even a bad boy? he's the antagonist, and gets a redemption arc. is the bad boy in the room with us. i'll bring back jet if we really want bad boy/good girl romance (though i personally argue jet deserved better but WHATEVER)

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If a woman has to "come around" and be convinced (coerced) into "giving you a chance", and there's an inherent power dynamic in that you have catastrophic world ending powers and a penchant for irresponsibility, explosive reactions to negative stimuli, selfishness, AND running away from or glazing over conflict-- not to mention basically God-King status over the entire world?

That's not a choice. That's an "I won't take no for an answer" and "we'll laugh about this someday, sweetie, I promise."