emberlinsmusings

[emberlinsmusings]

The Hollow Skeleton

CNN recently aired an interview with Doug Wilson and several men who serve in leadership under him or are part of his community.

At one point, Wilson said that "women are the kind of people that people come out of" and that "it doesn't take any intelligence or skill to [bear a child]."

Later in the interview, he talked about how women are "entrusted with raising three, four, or five eternal souls."

It's impossible to reconcile Wilson's view of women with the whole of Scripture (praise the Lord), but if we pretend that his views were somewhat defensible Biblically, they still highlight the hollow skeleton of his gender framework.

Women as "[a] kind of people“ are clearly less-than. They shouldn't have the vote, as this creates too much chaos (puts one of the interviewees) and (it is implied) they aren't up to the task. And yet, they are entrusted with the stewardship of eternal souls, an incredibly weighty task.

To allow a lesser class of people who can't even be trusted to vote the work of raising an eternal being is either incredibly foolish, or reveals the view that raising children is actually some kind of glorified babysitting. Since in their world birth children takes no intelligence, I find it easiest to believe the latter.

[emberlinsmusings]

In Praise of Genre TV

When Ben and I rank TV shows, without question, Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul are at the top. Somewhere below them is Severance. There are others: Dark Matter.

Then there are a number of recent shows which have crashed and burned because what they wrote didn't support their ambitions. Renegade Nell and The Acolyte are two that come to mind in that department. Both shows tried to critique something big - problematic social structures in the case of Renegade Nell and problematic philosophical social structures in the case of The Acolyte - and failed. Renegade Nell failed because it lacked focus: one episode the core cast were going to oppose their immediate overlord, the next the whole upper class, and then they were going to take over the newspapers. If they had picked one of those for the first season, then they would not only have had the focus it lacked, they would have had space to give characters time to evolve. The Acolyte failed because there wasn't enough effort given to character development or showing the critiques they were trying to levy at the Jedi.

As a result, I'm increasingly coming to enjoy shows which don't have the depth of Breaking Bad or Severance, but also aren't trying to be particularly thoughtful. They have a particular genre and they hit the beats of that genre well. Cobra Kai, Lupin, and Jack Ryan come to mind.

[emberlinsmusings]

We Need to Get Better At Talking About Death

A few months ago, our second child (a daughter), died at 7 months gestation. A few days after we found out, my doctors induced labor and I delivered her body.

One of the hardest aspects of this experience to resolve has been how to answer the question: how many kids do you have?

I've been asked this a couple of times since it happened; twice in Chinese and once in English. The Chinese folks who asked me both followed up my answer of "one" with "why don't you have more?" And then I explained that we had tried but lost the baby. One of the askers - a grandma - was quietly sympathetic and reassured me that we could have another. The other - a male cab driver - just moved on with the conversation.

I haven't had the conversation much in English because most of the people I interact with know our situation. The one conversation I have had was a bit taxing, because when I said I had one child, the other person insisted that I had more than one, that they had seen me with another little boy. When she seemed unconvinced by my explanation that it must have been a friend's child, I shared our story.

It's interesting. Death is such a sore topic. Before we lost Aletheia, I was terrified of talking to people who had lost someone. "I'm so sorry" seemed like a terrible thing to say, because I felt that the other person would be compelled to say "It's ok" when it's absolutely not. But I've learned on the other side of this that "Thank you" is a perfectly acceptable response, and that "I'm so sorry" is actually quite a comforting thing to be told.

It can be tempting try to name the experience: what a tragedy, so heartbreaking. Perhaps my experience of grief is unique, but I found myself bridling a little bit when it felt like people were trying to put names to what I was feeling (it's possible that they were simply naming how they were feeling about it) because some days/moments I wasn't feeling it was tragic or heartbreaking and so I wasn't able to connect with what they said in that day/moment.

I digress. Here's why answering the question "How many kids do you have" is hard.

If I say I have just one, that feels like it completely erases the fact that I carried, connected with, lost, and delivered another child.

If I say I have two, then I then have to find a way to explain that my second child is dead before the listener gets too excited and to explain that she died in utero before the listener begins to emote what they would for a post-birth death (which, imo, is worse than a pre-birth death because you know the child better).

Writing this I hate saying that my child is dead. This is both true and not true.

Ideas:

We have had two children: one is alive with us and one is alive with Jesus.

We have had two children; one passed away before she was born and one is about to turn three!

I like this last one - we end on a high note!

[emberlinsmusings]

7 months in

Seven months in, the idea of who do I want to be hasn't led to much writing, at least in this space. I have journaled more faithfully, but journaling, while writing, has a slightly different voice. So I suppose I have grown as someone who wants to write, although I have much room yet to grow in faithfulness and as one who creates more than they consume.

In the seven months, I have grown as someone who takes care of their body. I was pregnant for almost six of these seven months. For three of those months, I was faithful in exercise. For one I anticipated travel, for one I traveled, and in one I mourned my daughter's death in utero. I have begun to be that person again. I am thankful for divine pointing to a place to swim an easy distance from my house.

in the seven months, I have read deep things more than I had been, although shallow reading still outweighs the deep. In the seven months, I have not been faithful in reading Chinese. This is an area to change.

It's funny the sway that social media has even though it gives us so very little that is real.

[emberlinsmusings]

I have long identified with the bear in Liz Climo’s comics, but I felt an especially keen resonance with this particular comic. I am only a few days into focusing on values more than particular goals, but I have already noticed a shift in my approach. Rather than giving up when I miss a particular goal - for example, my goal was to drink a liter of water by noon and it’s now 12:15 - I do what I can to continue leaning into the related value - being someone who stays hydrated - in the time that remains. You might say that it’s easier to have a redemptive mindset with this approach. 

happy new year

[emberlinsmusings]

New Year Resolve

I was recently listening to Adam Grant interview Emmanuel Acho. Acho argued that specific goals have a limited use; while they help drive behavior, they may also restrain behavior. In the interview, Acho gave the example of the first man to run a mile in under four minutes; the man’s first attempt was just under four minutes, a time that has now been improved on by many seconds. Acho wondered how much faster the man might have run had his goal been to see how fast he could go, as opposed to simply trying to do slightly better than a particular record. Acho argued for the benefits of “living in the abstract” and of living in to particular values as opposed to particular goals. 

I find Acho’s perspective appealing, but as someone who struggles to meet self-imposed goals, I wonder if “living in the abstract” will be too much freedom. This is the beginning of an experiment in that living. I want to be a person who is healthy in body and mind, and who invests in their creative leanings. 

This space will be a place to work out and work on my interest in writing, at times relfecting on this experiement in “living in the abstract,” and at times musing on life around me.