emerald-binges-too-much

[emerald-binges-too-much]

Progress update!!

Wasn’t sure if she was gay or not. Found out through a masterful plan involving cf story polls—she is!!! And we make crude sex jokes about my character and the NPC I’ve married in the DnD group chat.

Did I mention that what triggered me to lock the fuck in and make a new tumblr account was that I became horrendously down bad for the girl that DMs my weekly D&D group? She’s gorgeous and brilliant and I am a horrible, disgusting, fatass weirdo, and I can only fix one of those things.

[emerald-binges-too-much]

Did I mention that what triggered me to lock the fuck in and make a new tumblr account was that I became horrendously down bad for the girl that DMs my weekly D&D group? She’s gorgeous and brilliant and I am a horrible, disgusting, fatass weirdo, and I can only fix one of those things.

[emerald-binges-too-much]

7/16/25 Weekly Weigh In!!

Last week I weighed in at 253.6 lbs.

This week I weighed in at 247.1 lbs.

That is 6.5 lbs lost in one week!

[emerald-binges-too-much]

What my binges look like, as someone with 3DN0S. 😬

Hi, I’m emerald, and I have 3DN0S because I binge and restrict cyclically, and my binges are atypical. My disorder is complex because the root of the problem is actually cptsd from repeated s3xual 4buse in my childhood. So, if anyone’s interested, here’s what an atypical binge pattern can look like:

When I eat a meal, I struggle to stop when full, often forcing myself to finish what’s on my plate even when I’m disgusted by the feeling of fullness. It’s a compulsion. However, this kind of “micro-binge” doesn’t lead me to eat massive amounts and seek more food. I can stop after the plate is clear, but I can’t control my eating until it is.

I hide and store food in my room, scared to eat in front of others and preparing for the moment when I won’t be able to eat. The instability of my childhood leaves me with the fear that I will starve to death in the event I have to hide in my room for days or weeks—if I don’t stock up on food. When I’m scared my stash will be found, I eat all of it. This is a genuine binge.

When I get triggered and reminded of my 4buse in some way, I completely break down and use food to cope. This often involves hiding, buying copious amounts of fast food, and worrying the 4buse will happen again if I don’t eat it all. Completely irrational but according to my psychiatrist, this is a common thing among CSA victims, wherein they binge out of an unconscious desire to become big enough to be overlooked by perpetrators.

Anyway, it’s crazy cakes. After a period of consistent binges, the cycle repeats and I st4rve and restrict again. A couple strategies I use to combat these things: using small plates and bowls to eat out of so I don’t have to eat too much when I finish the meal, destroying or relocating the food I store up, and continuing to work through trigger management.

[emerald-binges-too-much]

I weigh twice a day—when I wake up and before I go to sleep—and I want to try and share the week’s progress every Saturday? Unless I gain overnight, I feel like I’m in an okay spot? Nervous anyway though because the universe hates me.

[emerald-binges-too-much]

Sometimes it really is about getting a fucking life.

You cannot be thinking and worrying about food all the time. Yes, this is a mental illness, yes the word “nervosa” is tacked on at the end for a reason, and yes worrying about food is part of this disorder.

However, if you center food in your life, it will always control you.

You will binge if you think about food all the time. You will become a shell of a person with nothing interesting about you if your only personality trait is being worried about food. And on top of it all, you won’t actually lose the weight.

Get a hobby. Get really into some niche topic.

Get obsessed with a sport, watch the games, train like you’re an athlete for that sport, and yeah, make th1nsp0 boards for that sport. Give the 3d some flavor. Make it themed. Get obsessed.

You’re an artist? Get fucking better at it. Study anatomy and practice drawing figures that are accurate (and use the drawings as your th1nsp0). Spend a lifetime learning to draw hands and wait for the day your hands look like that. Go to a museum and walk and walk and get the steps in. Make! It! Themed! Get! Obsessed!

Stop trying to be known as the 3d friend. Nobody actually wants a 3d friend. Be the volleyball friend. Be the artist friend. Be the ancient history friend. Be SOMETHING.

And then, one day, after you’ve fooled them all, set the bait, left out a decoy, then! Then you swap your baggy clothes for you sk1nn1 clothes and make the big reveal. Then you shock them. But now you also have a personality.

[emerald-binges-too-much]

you ever think about the AI models trained on Tumblr (they exist, check your settings under visibility) and what they read in our 4n4 blogs? Like… we’re gonna give an AI a fucking 3d.

[emerald-binges-too-much]

I know it’s just water weight but this morning I was 251.0 and I just weighed again and I was 249.7. (forgive my high ass weight, I’m a BED girlie) It just feels so good to be even lower than your morning weight by the end of the day.

[emerald-binges-too-much]

AND I’m NOT buying new clothes until someone comments on how my current clothes look loose on me.

I am NOT posting on Instagram again until I hit my first goal weight. (I haven’t chosen a goal weight)

[emerald-binges-too-much]

I am NOT posting on Instagram again until I hit my first goal weight. (I haven’t chosen a goal weight)

[emerald-binges-too-much]

and tell my why when I sleep I dream of the gym? what do you mean my nightmare last night was not being able to find a treadmill in a neon themed gym?

[emerald-binges-too-much]

fuck the suburbs for being so damn unwalkable

seriously, like why is it 20 minutes of neighborhoods before I can get to even a gas station store? I envy people in walkable cities so much because you can walk to work, walk to stores, walk anywhere you need. And yes, walking around my neighborhood is something I can do, and will continue to do, but it’s not! the! same!

I just need the semester to start so I can walk around campus, but even then! so much of the day is spent sitting in classes. or fucking driving there bc my commute is like an hour.

[emerald-binges-too-much]

jumpscared bc someone’s b0dych3ck looked like an IRL of mine, only to realize my IRL has a piercing this person didn’t 😮‍💨

[emerald-binges-too-much]

Recipes --

Hey, I plan to add to this as I go, this is just gonna be an ever changing index of recipes that can be looked through. These are a mix of recipes I have found from other people, some with my own edits, and some without - each have a link to the corresponding post.

Breakfasts -

Pancakes - 184/148cals total for 4-6 pancakes

Banana Waffles - 80-100cals per serving (makes 4-5 servings)

Crepes - 52cals per serving (makes 6 servings)

Coffee Porridge - 137cals per serving (and total)

Soups -

Carrot and Ginger Soup - 118cals per serving (and total)

Savoury Meals -

Chana Masala (Chickpea Curry) - 189cals per serving (makes 2 servings)

Shakshuka - 124cals per serving (and total)

Fish and Chips - 199cals per serving (95cals without the chips)

Grilled Lime Chicken - 156cals per serving (makes 2 servings)

Mini Mushroom Pizza Bites - 23cals per serving (makes 4 servings)

Snacks/Desserts -

Cooked Cinnamon Apple - 35-75cals per serving (depends on size of apple)

Banana Ice-Cream - 125cals total

Small Chocolate Mug Cake - 50cals total

(Regular-Sized) Chocolate Mug Cake - 150cals total

Banana Muffins - 108cals per serving (makes 6 servings)

Carrot Cake Muffins - 98cals per serving (makes 6 servings)

Chocolate Cupcakes - 100 per serving (makes 12 servings)

Apple Pie Cookies - 95 per serving (makes 12 servings)

[emerald-binges-too-much]

miso soup is a godsend

how the fuck did i just get away with eating half a cup of miso soup with two button mushrooms thrown in, while my mother watched?? (36kcal)

bad news though because she’s making chili for dinner and birthday cake for my friend who lives with us 🥲

[emerald-binges-too-much]

[emerald-binges-too-much]

Songs about EDs

Ana’s Song (Open Fire) – Silverchair

Tunic (Song for Karen) – Sonic Youth

Teen Idle – Marina and the Diamonds

Hunger – Florence + The Machine

Paper Bag – Fiona Apple

Me & Mia – Ted Leo & The Pharmacists

Skin and Bones – Marianas Trench

Eyesore – Maria Mena

Invisible – Skylar Grey

Control – Alexisonfire

Orange Juice – Melanie Martinez

Breathe Me – Sia

Sophie – Eleanor McEvoy

Numbers – Pompeii

Skinny – Filter

Big Fat Lie – Nicole Scherzinger

Pretty – Lauren Alaina

Courage / Beauty From Pain – Superchick

I Lie Awake Every Night – James Vincent McMorrow

Starving for Attention – Geri Karlstrom

Binge and Purge – Lunachicks

Annies Anorexic – The Huntingtons

Anorexic Beauty – Pulp

Anorexia – Fakebestfriend

Ana & Mia – The Trews

Anorexic Complexion – Apocalypse Hoboken

Anorexia Nervosa – X-Fusion

Silent Undoing – Queen Adreena

Bones – Charlotte Martin

Bones – Ginny Blackmore

Lua – Bright Eyes

Weightless – All Time Low

Weightless – Mi

Smaller Than This – Sara Kays

EAT – Poppy

Sippy Cup – Melanie Martinez

Mrs Potato Head – Melanie Martinez

Mad Hatter – Melanie Martinez

Oh Ana – Mother Mother

I Go Hungry – Mother Mother

Body and Oh Ana – Mother Mother

Dysmorphia – girli

4st7 (Four Stone Seven) – Manic Street Preachers

Pieces – Sum 41

Skinnystarters oder Feeling Small – Marianas Trench

Lucy at the Gym – Jill Sobule

She’s Falling Apart – Lisa Loeb

Blood Red Bracelet – Corrina Fugate

Deadly Beauty – Faces Without Names

Fake / My Silent Undoing (Queen Adreena)

Bleed Like Me – Garbage

Remember the Name – Fort Minor

Gravity – The Dresden Dolls

Stop Eating – Cex

Mother Anorexia – Ana Voog / Anorexia Nervosa

Lucy at the Gym – Jill Sobule

Katie – Missy Higgins

Scars to Your Beautiful – Alessia Cara

Please Eat – Nicole Dollanganger

Paper Bag – Fiona Apple

Penny Is An Anorexic – Saturday Supercade

Beauty From Pain – Superchick

Courage – Superchick