emmyinanightmare

[emmyinanightmare]

the secret to life is to always use more spinach and less rice than you think you’ll need

[emmyinanightmare]

Mark & Steven have some catching up to do.

[emmyinanightmare]

im thinking.,.,.

thinking VERY hard

Spider-man and the Moon Knight system, aka the poly ship we never knew we needed

[emmyinanightmare]

The batman (2022) + text posts

Bonus:

[emmyinanightmare]

Sometimes I like to think about how different Kaer Morhen would be if Vesemir wasn’t as much of a traditionalist / conservative in his views and more like ultra-progressive, not giving a flying f..k about how ‘things are supposed to be’. After all, witchers have been sticklers to traditions for centuries and Vesemir saw how that turned out for them.

Species that don’t adapt in a constantly changing environment are doomed to die – and Vesemir would be damned to see his boys dead.

So instead of holing himself up in a keep in the Kaedweni mountains, Vesemir walks the Continent and walks with open eyes – both to the horrors, and most importantly, to opportunities.

It starts with little things. In one of the castles he sees something akin to cotton and resin used as insulation around windows, so he implements that next winter in Kaer Morhen despite Lambert’s moans about the smell of molt resin. Never did they have such a warm winter in the keep with almost no leaks, even once the snow starts to melt.

The next year they screw Eskel over in a town, giving him a currency that had not been valid in the past two years or so as payment, which Vesemir takes as a cue to give the boys a refresher course on the basics of economics that winter – or more like attempts to, since half-way explaining the exchange rate of the Redanian ducat, Geralt gently corrects him that they’ve been using golden Crowns since the early 1200s.

It hurts, the realisation that Vesemir can’t help his boys anymore, not like when they were little – but eventually that starts the avalanche of changes that followed.

First, it’s just a fearful merchant, who reluctantly agrees to teaching witchers about the financial matters of the Continent for a hefty sum. Later, it’s an ambitious student of Political Science from a Kaedweni university, who climbs the mountain every other winter or so, to teach them about the finer details of international relations so that (unlike Lambert) they don’t make the deadly mistake of calling the Queen of Rivia as the Queen of Lyria, as the two had become separate kingdoms as of late.

Hell breaks loose though when Vesemir happens to meet Jaskier on the Path, who seems more than happy to introduce him to a few colleagues of his in Oxenfurt.

In a year or two witchers have full complex timetables for the entire winter with language courses, economics lessons and seminars on healing. To the encouragement of Triss, such things as ‘Mental health and Wellbeing’ also make it to the curriculum, and although at first most boys call it just ‘preposterous’ and ‘that’s for sissies’, eventually most of them attends.

But Vesemir does not stop at that, no sir.

Once he learns about scholarships and all the support and allowances other institutions get from royalty he dusts off his old secretaire and starts writing letters.

He writes to universities about grants and to masters of crafts about taking witchers as novices so that his boys can diversify their skillsets, their knowledge to their liking. He becomes the nightmare of kings and queens, constantly bombarding them with letters about funds for renovations until they say ‘ugh, fine’ and send a hefty sum.

It takes many winters, but, eventually, Kaer Morhen has no more leaky roofs, no more crumbling walls. It’s still not a pile of gold, and the new floor heating does not always work as well as Vesemir hoped it would, but when he looks at his boys at the dining table, they are warm, and well-fed and safe and, most importantly, as close to happy as the old witcher’s ever seen him.

When Eskel was novice to a farmer he decided to be a goat herd at his freetime between monster contracts – even now, sitting at the dining table he has a little, fluffy baby in his lap.

Lambert has a knack for elixirs and chemicals and has always been a snobbish little bastard, so he fit right in amongst the medical students at Oxenfurt with his scholarship, or at least so Vesemir infers, based on the wild stories he tells his brothers when he thinks the old witcher isn’t listening.

As for Geralt, to him probably the best thing that came out of Vesemir’s efforts are the dwarf lady, who teachs equestrian vaulting in the afternoon (much to Roach’s dismay), and Jaskier, who volunteered to teach Music and Poetry.

The latter came as a bit of a surprise to Vesemir, as he never considered Geralt the artistic type – he sort of comes understand the young witcher’s fascination with the course though, when he catches him holding hands with Professor Pankratz under the table.

Vesemir would like to watch his boys a bit more enjoying their well-deserved lunch break, but looking at the brand new gilded clock (graciously provided by the King of Kovir) he sees he’s already running late.

Hot yoga started five minutes ago.

[emmyinanightmare]

this is the only Eternals review you need to read

[emmyinanightmare]

sorry, if you’re a NICU nurse you should be taking every vaccine they have on offer. you chose to quit your job, and i’m glad for that

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idea: scene with two characters eagerly stripping each other clearly about to bone, but they keep getting interrupted by finding carefully concealed weapons in each other’s clothing, so they keep just unholstering, revealing and unstrapping increasingly ludicrous amounts of hidden guns and knives as the clothes come off, and it’s lowkey killing the mood a little

[emmyinanightmare]

vampire who turns away in disgust from representations of the holy cross but it doesn’t actually harm her she just resents the omnipresence of christianity in the western world 

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The Joker’s violent attention-comedy bullshit would 100% just not work if his main opponent was John Constantine. Both because John is funnier than he is and just does NOT care. Joker would be bouncing around like “look at me, I’m so EEEEVILLLL” and John’s just bored because this isn’t even in the top ten evil things he’s seen this morning

[emmyinanightmare]

ancient vampire characters who pursue teenagers like.... romantically... you are absolutely swagless. die

[emmyinanightmare]

No experience more viscerally humiliating than walking through a heavily populated building with squeaky shoes. Look at me doing my little clown walk across the entire length of the building. Dumbass squeaking noises ringing out with every step. Sounds like I'm walking on two guinea pigs. I wish I was dead

[emmyinanightmare]

Thinking about the Box tunnel 20 and now I'm wondering if buzzfeed unsolved exists in the BH universe and if so, they would DEFINITELY cover it

But also imagine Annie religiously watching BFU: Supernatural and then wanting to go to the places to see if Ryan was right and there were ghosts there.

George is outraged that Annie thinks it's a good idea to go looking for murderous ghosts but Mitchell loves the idea so George ends up going with because "somebody has to be responsible around here and make sure nobody suspects anything. He's more annoyed that Annie will message Ryan afterwards or comment on the episode confirming or denying the presence of ghosts and she's so confident in her messages that Ryan becomes desperate to know how she knows for certain.

At that point both Mitchell and George usually wrestle whichever device Annie was using to comment off her so she can't say anything else.

(On the road trip, George of course ends up acting the most suspicious. Remember the dead pigeon?)

[emmyinanightmare]

The vampire coffin making industry must be insane. You can’t go to a human carpenter for that. No human person needs a guaranteed light sealed coffin that can open from the inside. They also probably drop way more money than is reasonable into these things, it’s not like a vampire is gonna wanna replace their coffin every century or be caught dead in a shabby cheap one, but humans make coffins to be viewed exactly once, comfort not a factor, and then nailed shut and buried in the ground. Completely different goals

Anyway all this to say I am a carpenter, vampire-friendly, and I use the utmost discretion in conducting my business

[emmyinanightmare]