error404bootynotfound

[error404bootynotfound]

Not For Puppies

support me on patreon!

[error404bootynotfound]

I hope everyone understands that they can just...up at watch Nosferatu (1922) for free on YouTube. Like it's not "Oh I wish I could watch it" You can.

[error404bootynotfound]

[error404bootynotfound]

Help, I’ve been called out.

[error404bootynotfound]

need a full body massage a margarita 400mg of ibuprofen a plate of brownies at least an hour in a jacuzzi and 20,000 dollars cash

[error404bootynotfound]

cats are small and you can pick them up

[error404bootynotfound]

i want to see old men with full beards learning ballet and i want to see terrible art from people in their 30s who have only just got their first tablet and i want to see mothers picking up their old hobbies from before they were told it wasn’t okay to have hobbies and i want to see people in their early 20s figuring out how to be alive by making bad music in their bedrooms and i want zines to be handmade paper pamphlets of devotion and i want creation to be fun again instead of a competition where we all have to monetise joy until we lose the invaluable currency of unashamed love again

[error404bootynotfound]

[error404bootynotfound]

Crumbl Cookies Actual Chocolate Chip Recipe from a former employee who is no longer bound by their NDA:

to make approximately 35 cookies (or 140 minis!):

ingredients:

2 pounds of SALTED butter

1 pound of white sugar

1.5 pounds of brown sugar

8 whole eggs

4 pounds of flour

*half an ingredient pack* Crumbl has an ingredient packet that goes into their cookies to make sure that no one but corporate officially knows their recipes. however based on what is missing from a standard chocolate chip cookie recipe and what happens to the cookies if you forget the packet I have come up with this solution

5 tablespoons baking soda

5 tablespoons baking powder

2.75 pounds milk chocolate chips *** Crumbl originally used Ghirardelli but switched to their own brand in the summer of 2021.

Instructions:

preheat your oven to 290 degrees F or 143 C

soften your butters in your microwave, this step is crucial. you want them NOT at all melted, but soft enough to mold with your hands easily

put your butters and sugars into a large bowl, it’s easiest if this is a stand mixer, but if not an electric hand mixer is fine. you *may* attempt this by hand but i would recommend you don’t.

if you have levels choose your most medium level and beat your butter and sugar for 10 minutes. seriously. and it’s probably not done. scrape the sides, if there is any resistance it’s not done. the texture you’re going for is like passing your spatula through a cloud. you should feel no resistance, the mixture will be light, fluffy and if you feel it between your fingers it will be silky with *slight* sugary texture. imagine applying it to your face, it’s a daily cleanser not a weekly exfoliant.

when you’re pretty sure you got it to the right texture go for 1 more minute just to be safe.

now that’s over with turn your mixer down to 1, and add half of your eggs. let them mostly incorporate. all yolks should be broken and you should only see slight streaks of yellow. then add your second half of the eggs and look for the same consistency.

scrape the bottom of the bowl to make sure no yolks are hiding down there!

now add your flour all once! yup! mix it on low *just* until you see a dough start to form. There should still be plenty of unincorporated flour!!!

then add your chocolate chips.

mix until you have a smooth and consistent mixture.

crumbl cookies weighs each chocolate chip cookie at 5.5 ounces.

my best approximation is that you’ll be making about 35 cookies so go for that if you don’t have a scale.

the shape of the crumbl cookie can be achieved by making a large ball of dough then tearing off the top to leave a ripped top. those cracks and spikes are part of the signature. so you can skip this step if you just want a good cookie recipe.

*if you want to make the minis like Crumbl does for catering the weight is 1.3 ounces and the bake time is 10 minutes*

place on a parchment lined baking sheet leaving 2 inches between each cookie and the edges of the baking sheet. You can fit 9 on a standard cookie sheet.

bake your cookies for 16 minutes, rotating the pan 11 minutes in! (Crumbl has ovens the rotate while baking constantly so this will help even cooking times)

*important* i know the temptation to eat the cookies directly out of the oven is great. BUT. the cookies actually are not done baking fresh out of the oven! they bake outside of the oven in their own heat for 5 minutes while they cool! so wait at least 5 minutes or 10 if you have self control!

enjoy!!!

[error404bootynotfound]

STUPID HIGHLY SPECIFIC GRIPE

(and of course the only time this ISNT an issue is on MOBILE)

[error404bootynotfound]

I will miss you if they finally realize about you, Tumblr dot com the website and app Twitter account. You shined bright, you magnificent being.

[error404bootynotfound]

Luigi voices the thoughts of the entire Super Mario fandom.

A lil joke I thought of based on the movie’s trailer, the world’s combined horniness for Bowser, and that sweet sweet Bowuigi uwu

That last one is a lil treat because someone in my stream’s chat said Bowser looked like the “Cover them up slut” meme and I put way too much effort into making it happen. xD

[error404bootynotfound]

Padmé: The moon looks beautiful, doesn’t it?

Anakin: *looks at Padmé* Yeah… But do you know what’s more beautiful?

Padmé and Anakin in unison: *sighs* Obi-Wan.

[error404bootynotfound]

soooo eepy 😴

[error404bootynotfound]

[error404bootynotfound]

Some goon: *hurts red hood in a fight*

Batman, swooping in: you monster. You should know better than to hurt a child in my city.

Goon: uhh that’s a fully grown man?

Batman: A child. A baby boy. Thats… somebody’s son. Probably.

Jason: oh my god dad you’re so fucking embarrassing