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Life before I left Calpheon.

Life is suffocating me I’m running out of breath

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It all started with a dessert.  Spiced walnuts and fig paste stuffed into a pastry coated in honey.  I made it in the morning and wanted to share with someone.  I got it in my head to go in search for Layvan.  He has been on my mind lately and I hope it wasn’t a bad thing.  I would be going to Olvia for a couple of days and wanted to see him before I had to go, but I had no idea where he lived.  Even the clues that he gave me weren’t enough to know where he was currently residing.  So I did the next logical thing and went for a walk with a basket of pastries. I ran into Lydia, one of my neighbors, a girl almost a woman who was attempting to rebel.  I think I saved her from punishment, but I do hope she doesn’t get into trouble again by attempting to run away from home. When all hope was gone with searching every facet of my mind for clues to Layvan’s home, I took a seat by the fountain to reflect realizing it was useless and then finally stood up to get home when I heard my name. It was him standing there looking as if he had come back from training.  He was wonderful to look at and listening to his voice.  He escorted me back to his temporary residence and his brother has a beautiful home.  He showered, and he taught me a bit of alchemy and we listened to music and talked.  He even gave me a massage on my legs and feet.  That relaxed me so much we eventually fell asleep. Oh goodness, it was probably midday when we woke up.  He kissed me.  It was on the cheek, but it felt amazing.  I closed my eyes and asked for another.  Then he complied.  It made me feel warm and there was this sensation that felt like anticipation, my skin growing sensitive and I wanted to do more, learn more. I was getting used to kisses on my cheek when there was one placed on my lips and my goodness, it felt even more amazing and wonderful.  However, my brain felt as if it was melting and turning into a goo while my body was aching from the anticipation and acting funny.  My mother’s and grandmother’s voice could be heard, drilled in reminding me of my virtue, of my worth and despite wanting to learn more, to find out everything, I stopped it.  I was worried he would get angry and make me leave, but he said that I was amazing. Then I made him something to eat.  He can really eat!  Then we sat and well...I am a bit ashamed to say that we kissed and it was incredible and his hands were...and well...we needed to stop.  I needed to stop and he was all right with that.  We both work best with honesty it seems and I appreciated that he was willing to take it slow.  He even said that there are other things we could do that did not mean we had to do the full act.  I have no idea, but it definitely sounds interesting.  Although, I could not imagine I would be confident about riding it in my journal so maybe I’ll just share my feelings instead. I miss him already and it has only been a couple of hours.  He needed to do something this evening and I need to get to sleep so I can be up early on the way to Olvia.  I spent a majority of my day with him and I want more.  Is this how it normally feels when someone likes you and you like them back? I hope to see him soon...two days feels like an eternity.

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It was happening again.  I was dreaming being beckoned to follow.  A moonless night but the fireflies were about, but was it not still too cold for them?  Wisps...fairies...their glow brighter as they whisked about dancing with each other.  Luring me, tempting me to follow.  I needed to go, I needed to help and so I ran trying to get closer...deeper into the woods. Then I heard his voice... “Don’t go!  It is a trap, stay with me, I will keep you safe.” I stopped.  Hesitated hearing the words that drove me forward and then his words, his voice warning me of danger.  “I need to know...please come with me...”  I heard myself whispering desperately.  “I cannot stop, but I would like you to be there...with me.” But before I could hear his answer, I was being jostled awake by Chiara who had broke something again.  I remember sitting up wondering why Chiara was here so early or did I oversleep?  Whatever the case may be, Layvan was already in my dreams and I just meat him a couple of days ago.

☽

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I have prided myself in getting to know the people that wanted to get to know me more.  There were times that I would hold myself apart only because I am always so busy, but I try my best to listen to the people that I care about at least to know that they are all right and to give them advice if I can. Why did I write this?  I went on my very first date...of a courtship?  I can say I have been on dates before, but maybe those weren’t dates?  Layvan took me towards the outskirts of Heidel just where it went quiet and there wasn’t too much noise from the city.  A picnic dinner that was done up wonderfully.  We ate and talked sharing everything about each other.  I feel like I can tell him everything and he would understand.  He scared me though.  We were talking about magic users and then I asked him what he did and well there was a misunderstanding that was quickly cleared up.  He said he would never hurt me and would protect me even though he knows what I can do...well the healing magic, but I told him there was more. He looks at me as if he is intending on falling deep into my soul.  His gaze makes me forget myself and everything that I have bound up deep down within.  I can feel the blush warming my cheeks, but he doesn’t chuckle or make mention of it as if it was cute.  He murmured, True beauty and I have no idea what to say or how to talk after such a compliment.  Most tend to ring false as if they want something, but he says it like he is gazing upon a piece of art that stirred his emotions and touched his spirit. It was getting dark and he escorted me home, but I did not want to go just yet so I asked him to come into the clinic.  I needed to also give him his shirt.  He was speechless for a moment and that smile.  My heart fluttered as he did.  When I see him, or hear him I feel lighter.  He called me strong and wanted to see me fight.  He even said that it was graceful when I did it and I wanted to show him more.  To show off because it is him.  He said he liked my strength and I blurted out that I liked him.  His exact words were ‘I like you for you’, I cannot wait to see him again.  Even as he left for the night and I went upstairs to sleep, my thoughts were on him just re-living the conversation that we had, the time we shared and I will only share this with you...with me...I want more.

L'ombrello di luna protegge i nuovi amori

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After being in a bit of a panic, I made my way to Velia and luckily Darcy was home.  Well she was on the roof, a sort of perch for her to people watch without interruption.  It made sense and you know how often people do not look up? We sat down and talked, catching up on all the things that have happened since we parted ways.  Hearing of the news of getting closer to Xuong made me smile and warm knowing him to be a good man especially when he knew what Darcy was.  I can sense another side of her, softer and more free.  It made her even more beautiful that she was opening up and discovering the world. It was wonderful just talking and spending time and we talked of the people in our lives and cooking.  She wondered how we would dress salad, and I think she was imagining a bowl of salad dressed up in one of her gowns, but thankfully, it was easily explained even though the image conjured made me chuckle.  She gave me a few gifts and I completely forgot to give her the one that I had found when I was out, but I might just send it to her through a messenger.  Everyone loves to get things through the post. Coloring sticks, and a beautiful journal with mushrooms on it, it reminded me of one of our first meetings and well she remembered.  That is the most amazing news above all.  We did talk about what I was going to wear her for some party and me for my date with Layvan.  I picked my sweater dress with the long stockings and boots.  I think it will cover any sort of situation and he did not say I needed to wear pants.  Oh my goodness, Darcy said that Xuong did not request that she wear pants and it got a bit embarrassing.  What a funny story and perhaps I will have a story or two to share. We had to eventually part ways, but I miss her and told her we need to spend more time together with the both of us had time.  We will make time.  It will happen!

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I don’t usually wear my clothes so fancy with the frills and almost looking like a lady.  I do and have made exceptions.

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I enter my sister’s home who seemed to be out again.  She seemed to be ‘out’ more, busier than usual, but strangely enough not hiding in her lab or the clinic for work or research.  I did not have any real opportunity to dwell on that thought as I saw Nasir sitting in front of me with a girl fawning all over him.  Licking his earlobe, nibbling on his neck...

Our eyes meet and he called me ‘Lovely’ in that wonderfully rich deep voice of his.  I found Delphynnia’s home empty for the time being and let myself in. As if Delphynnia would turn him away.  The silly little chit saw him as a sort of brother...but how did he know I was going to be here today?  The girl was nice to look at and Nasir looks amazing as usual.  He had the ‘let’s play’ look in his eyes and I could feel myself smiling.  The corners drawing up in a smirk.  “Yummy...” I heard myself reply as I started to pull the two of them upstairs.  I really should eventually get my own room here, but it is still fun to see my little sister’s tragic face when we’ve defaced her bedroom.

time to play

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I came home from my daily routine of picking herbs and running errands.  There was an unfamiliar handwriting and quickly I opened the envelop and the missive was an invitation.

Dear Delphynnia,                                                    

Hello, I apologize  for the rush in your clinic yesterday. I would be overjoyed if you could meet me at the fountain in Heidel one hour before sunset. I plan on having a magical night and treating you to a dinner deserving to such a prize as yourself.                

Sincerely,                                                                   

Layvan

I have to admit at least to myself that it was an interesting invitation enough to be read three times.  It was not a prank.  It was him and he wrote me a letter.  One hour before sunset.  I made plans to close the clinic early.  Most of the mercenaries were on break or on various contracts for a few days if not weeks.

Then other thoughts came rushing through like, what am I going wear?  What do I do, how to I act, what do I say?  I never heard or read these words ‘a magical night’, ‘treating me’, and ‘I was a prize’ that whispered of a promise.  It made me feel unique and special.  I wanted to see him again.

Right, first chores, then off to see Darcy for some advice.  She seemed to be doing wonderfully and ever the more radiant having met Xuong.  They make for a beautiful couple.  Something that most would want and covet.  I just like secretly watching them.  The look in one’s eyes for the other and vice versa.  On our trip across that frightening ocean, Xuong managed to save Darcy.  I am so happy they found each other.  She practically glows in his company.

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I can’t believe I lost the compass.  It was sitting there at the bottom of the ocean and it was entirely too cold to get it.  Even if it didn’t work anymore. It held sentimental value.  I might have been cussing entirely too loudly feeling eyes on me more than seeing them and not giving any fuck who I offended.

There were moments I considered jumping in, but I was not an emotionally driven moron.  I could get it when the waters get better, when the sun starts to get warmer.  After giving up a little in my mind, a relatively delicious looking man came over and I must have piqued his curiosity.  He was a rather handsome man, but that wasn’t surprising of late there were many handsome men that seemed to parade themselves around me.  Most were fucked up on the inside.  Assholes dressed to impress wearing a handsome and charming mask while not knowing how to fuck or even how to talk to a lady.  Too used to the whores that would take money instead of charm.  It was indecent human beings that needed to pay for such services when it was easy enough to get with a show of confidence and a coy smile.  Despite my dress, I’m not a whore.  I like sex.  I love sex.  Huge difference.  I do not and would not accept money for my time and what I can offer.  I also do not expect some one sided bullshit either.  If you want to fuck me, fuck me...and I will fuck you like I’m trying to break you...savvy?  No idea why this concept was difficult to understand, but people tend to be simple minded fucks as well.

Mmm, but this guy left me absolutely breathless.  His foreplay was great.  I can practically taste his talent on his lips.  It was an art and only a handful of men had it.  My goodness.  Most of the time, no matter the desperation, I probably would have had more fun giving myself pleasure in a bathe drawn with warm water with some of the lukewarm, boring lovers that I had the displeasure of dancing between the sheets with, but there were no regrets that night.

The night ended well.  I got something to eat and maybe...just maybe we’ll meet again real soon.

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