esteticoo-blog

[esteticoo-blog]

coming out story + rant

my cousin has known about me being bi for almost 6 months now and when i came out to him he was completely okay with it and he said he was happy for me. only a few people knew about my sexuality at this point and i didn’t want people to know, but of course since nothing goes the way i want it to, this guy i know decided to tell everyone!!

 he told people like last month or something, i denied it to start with but then i thought to myself, “why am i hiding who i am? this is me and my sexuality is nothing to be ashamed of” so whenever someone asked me i’d just explain to them that i was.

no one really said much to me about it until 2 weeks ago, i was in my math class and these really popular people start asking me a million (super awkward and super personal) questions and i could legit feel my face turning red and i couldn’t reply to most of them. i felt so intimidated by them. there were 3, let’s call them KB, GR & MC because it’s the first letters i tapped on my keyboard, anyway. KB and GR were my friends and sat near me in maths but MC wasn’t really what i’d call friend. he is really popular and everyone knows him, KB knows a lot about me and he has been here for me through a lot so he didn’t say much and that’s good in a way but he didn’t try stop GR and MC from laughing at me! it was really embarrassing and GR just sat laughing at me. i tried to laugh it off and make jokes like i do in awkward situations but i made myself look like more of an idiot. KB just kept looking over at me because he knew that i hated being in this situation.

i was in maths today with KB (who is friends with my cousin) and he told me that my cousin said to him that i’m ‘no cousin of his’ and that he’s embarrassed by me being bi?! i was so angry but i laughed it off and acted like i didn’t care. i’m just going to ask him about it in school tomorrow and see what happens ig.

i will try keep you all updated, ciao!

[esteticoo-blog]

briefly explaining my life struggles

i generally have no idea who i can trust with my life troubles so why not just type everything on tumblr. so let me just go over all these issues real quick and we can see what happens ig. too pretty much,

i have an ex that broke up with me around 3 weeks ago that i legit see everyday!! i don’t miss him, he just make my insides scream in horror when i see him because he’s nothing but a liar and that’s that. 

i’ve had my phone off me for almost a month now so i’m slowly dying but i get it back next week (hopefully)

im kind of the drag along in my group of friends now, like idk i just feel I'm the odd one out. they all make these plans to do and off i’m grounded but it would be nice if they didn’t speak about it 24/7 in front of me. they’ve been there for me since day 1 but it just seems they couldn’t care less about any of my drama, hardly anyone does tbh but at least they act like they care. not asking for much, just your attention for about 7 minutes while i rant about my hate for my ex or how much the guy i sit beside in history annoys me.

i got into a fight on Wednesday (the girl hit me first btw) and since she was the one that went to the school about it they took her side and told me if i do one more wrong thing I'm getting kicked out?!? i hardly get into fights at school, yes i argue sometimes (by sometimes i mean all the time) but majority of the time it’s nothing serious. things happened outside of school which the police took care of because it was out of the schools hands to deal with and i think that’s why they want me out. idrk it’s dumb tbh, i’m not the worst behaved student in my year, far far from. yet I'm the one getting warned? ughhh

i’m going to spain next week which I'm soooo excited for, because when I'm in the estate in spain i feel like i can be myself without anyone judging me. when I'm there I'm just more confident and i find it so easy to make friends there, normally here in the UK i curl myself up into a ball of covers and blankets with the light of my laptop screen lighting up. at school i’ve been told I'm either really hyper and funny or I'm bitchy and don’t speak. I'm hyper when I'm in my form class because i’m happy with people in my form class. i’m happier in spain than i am here so it’s why I'm excited.

so that’s a wrap ig, i’ll try keep you all updated on everything. adios guapo!!