eunjaeisms

[eunjaeisms]

interlude: wings (self para)

Despite the cold in his bones, Eun Jae could feel the clamminess of his palms, every time he clenched his hands into small fists. He was struggling to keep his composure and he hadn’t even stepped into the room yet. After being let into his old home, he’d felt even more out of place than usual, despite having lived there for years. Not that he had a lot of memories, other than very basic ones. Doing homework, drawing, playing with his puppy. Nothing much regarding his parents. God, his parents. His heart ached every time he thought about them. And now he was here to try and soothe that aching, but there was the risk of having it shatter completely, instead.

 After taking a deep breath, he stepped into the room, shoulders slumped and his smile uneasy. “Eomma? I--” Before he could continue, his mother had already silenced him with a raise of her hand. “How many times do I have to tell you, Eun Jae? We’re in America.” The boy bit down into his bottom lip and averted his eyes with a small nod. “Sorry. I mean mom.” He corrected himself. “I don’t have a lot of time, why are you here? If it’s to convince me to give you back your money, you’re wasting your time. Unless you’ve restored your lifestyle to how it’s supposed to be?” 

“You mean... if I broke up with Maxxie and stopped liking boys?” The student’s voice broke slightly as he forced himself to look up, the pain evident on his features. “Mom, I’m not gay ‘cause of Maxxie. I’m not gay for the attention or ‘cause it’s a phase. I’ve known since- since I was like... twelve or thirteen. And- And for ten years, mom... for ten years, I’ve hated myself, ‘cause you taught me it was wrong. ‘Cause you said it was a sin. And for ten years, I prayed to God, to make me better, to make me like girls or- or to change me into a girl or something to make me normal. To make Him love me and to make you and dad love me. I tried everything. I kissed girls and tried to like them, I really did, but it didn’t work.

“And I would keep praying and begging to be good, to not be a sinner, so I wouldn’t go to Hell. I was so scared. I was scared of being punished, of never being able to make you proud. I tried so hard to make you want me, to make you smile and to- to tell me I did good. I lied to everyone about who I was and it hurt so much, every day, ‘cause nothing changed. I went to med school for you, I stopped eating for you, I hated myself ‘cause I was never good enough. I almost died and you or dad didn’t even come see me. I was kidnapped for days and you didn’t miss me. I wore myself thin in every single way and you can’t even answer my texts.” 

His voice wavered again as tears started rolling down his cheeks, his arms wrapped tightly around himself. “I know you didn’t want me. But you could have aborted me or had me adopted by someone who did want me. And you didn’t. Does that mean you do care? That you do love me? Or do I have to stop hoping that one day you’ll see me and hold me and be proud of who I am?” He was shaking, tears falling freely as he forced himself to look up at his mother. “I’m not gonna change. And- And Maxxie is good for me. I love him. I wanna be with him and marry him and we wanna have kids, too. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I’m gonna stay with him. He loves me and takes care of me and he’s made me take care of myself. I don’t wanna be straight anymore. I wanna be with him, ‘cause he makes me happy.”

He could tell his mother was actually speechless. Not because she hadn’t interrupted him, but because there was something in her eyes that he didn’t quite recognize. And perhaps he was deluding himself, but if he didn’t know better, he’d say it was sadness. Then again, sadness could be caused by many other feelings; disappointment being one of them. Eun Jae’s phone vibrated in his pocket and he used the silence to send a quick message back to his boyfriend, feeling a little better after being reminded that Maxxie was right outside. He slid the device back into his cardigan and waited, though he was getting antsier by the second. Until eventually she spoke. 

”I’m sorry.” The boy held his breath. ”I’m sorry you had to feel like that.” Her voice cracked slightly, leaving Eun Jae even more anxious for what would come next. ”You know we only wanted the best for you.” Maybe he would have believed that years ago, but now he was reluctant to do so. “You were never there.” He whispered as more tears welled up and spilled immediately. “I only wanted you. I just wanted to make you happy. To see you smile. To-” He was cut off when his mother stepped forward, making him flinch involuntarily, despite the fact she’d never physically hurt him. But he was completely taken aback when he found himself pulled into a hug, the scent of his mother’s perfume enveloping him like an unfamiliar blanket.  

“Mommy?” 

 ”I’m sorry, baby.”

[eunjaeisms]

jackfr0sted·:

Green eyes observed curiously from under her lashes at the kid in front of her rummaging through all of his credit cards, each one being declined or insufficient to pay for something as trivial as a cup of coffee. Felicia did not know whether to laugh, feel pity or be annoyed at how long she had been standing behind him to order her own cup of joe. “Oh god, don’t cry. Please do not cry. I don’t do tears or the water works or any of that,” she pleaded, folding her hands together before side stepping in front of the boy. “Can I order a caramel latte and I’ll pay for the coffee he ordered too. Although, I couldn’t help but overhear the conversation between you two and it’s enormously shitty that you couldn’t cut him some slack since he is a regular customer. I know this is your job or whatever but it’s like two dollars. What is this human decency I’m always hearing about? Clearly you do not have any and get off on seeing people cry and or squirm in discomfort like this kid here. You should be ashamed and are lucky I don’t go level one hundred Karen let me talk to your manager on you,” the girl rambled, scrunching her eyebrows together and inserting her credit card chip into the machine to ultimately pay for two coffees. “It’s like pocket change. Don’t worry about it, just get that wobbly lip under control.”

“I’m sorry. Thank you. I’m sorry.” Eun Jae felt really ashamed and he knew that his expressive face showed it all; mostly through the deep blush on his otherwise pale features. He felt a little bad for getting the barista in trouble as well, but he’d acted rather impulsively under pressure and now there was no taking it back. Though he was glad he hadn’t given into the temptation to just use his powers, because he realized there were too many witnesses and so far the Sector (presumably) didn’t know his real identity yet. The very last thing he wanted was to get found and locked away in a cell again.

He wasn’t really the easily embarrassed type, but the blonde’s rant really made him want to sink into the floor. “It’s-- It’s okay, um...” He quietly stammered, not wanting to be impolite, but also not liking feeling responsible for anyone’s discomfort. He also didn’t want to make this into a bigger thing than it had to be, especially considering that it wasn’t anyone else’s fault that he had no money to pay for a simple black coffee.

Not to mention they all kept calling him a ‘kid’.

“Thank you,” He said again, trying his hardest to do as he was asked and get a hold of his emotions. God, he wished Maxxie was here to hold his hand, or at least maybe subtly brush their arms together or something. He wasn’t sure how he felt about holding hands out in the open yet.

Taking a deep breath, he forced a weak smile onto his face. “This usually doesn’t happen, I don’t, like, do this every time I’m here or anything.” Actually, maybe saying that made it sound like he actually did do it every time. “I still wanna pay you back some time! Like.. Buy your coffee when I get my cards sorted out or- or borrow some money from my roommate.”

[eunjaeisms]

shortcircvit·:

Iris could not help the pang of pity she felt for the stranger. The coffee shop was crowded, and this delay was beginning to garner attention. She pulled out an earphone, wincing as the barista refused to relent. 

When the boy turned toward her, there was no way she could withstand such pleas when he looked at her with such desperation. “Oh, of course, don’t panic–I think we’ve all been here at some point.” She almost wanted to call him a term of endearment to alleviate the heaviness of his expression. Iris dug inside her jacket pocket, unearthing her card and handing it to the barista to process the payment.

Iris gave her order before addressing the boy. “Do you have enough for a fare home? Or do you live nearby?”

Though Eun Jae wanted to argue that he definitely hadn’t found himself in a situation like this ever before, he was wise enough to keep his mouth shut and avoid sounding like a spoiled brat. It was embarrassing enough to have to plead, but he knew very well that he had no choice, other than to give up his coffee. Which he could have made at home, but since he’d been out on a quick walk anyway, he’d automatically found himself in one of his favorite coffee places.

Well, it used to be one of his favorite.

“Thank you,” He managed, voice trembling, though a small, grateful smile appeared on his face. “Uh, I walked here, so I think I’ll be okay. If I get too tired, I can call my bo-- my roommate. My friend. Ah... Once I’ve figured out my cards and stuff, I can buy you a coffee too!” He quickly offered, smile broadening slightly as he strictly avoided looking at the barista. “Maybe some other place, though.” He added a little quieter.

[eunjaeisms]

kimkins-blr·:

❛❛ 𝓇𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇𝒾𝑒 & eunjaeisms·:

She huffed and puffed until her lungs and legs felt as if they were going to give out. “   Just keep running, and watch those precious ankles of yours!! You don’t wanna go and sprain your ankle that shit hurts, Dollface!!   ” They were at the end of their rope, or that’s how it began to seem. The two of them were soon running out of back alleys to hide in.  She exhaled a growling huff as she stared at the corner before them her own running coming to a steady halt. “   FRICKIN FUCK. I must have missed the turn off. You know, on second thought, I should have let you lead to the checkpoint, you should be more familiar with it, no? Or… maybe not since you’re asking what it is…   ”  But WAIT, Doll was saying something cute, which Reverie, in part, cackle over in laughter.

“   Why didn’t you say so, girly? You just tell the bad little cops to stop chasing us, and we’ll just walk away with cool new digs. Good plan, yep.   ”  With her hands on her hips she began to scan the tall building before them. If only she’d brought her grappling hook, they’d be scaling that building about halfway, and out of the ear shot of both of those two coppers. Or maybe she would, she didn’t know Doll well enough to know if she was that type of ride or die. “   We gotta come up with something fast or you’ll have ta bargain with them, huh?  ”

In all honesty, Eun Jae was pretty worried about his ankles at this moment in time. And he really didn’t want to have to explain to anyone that he’d injured himself while running away from the cops, despite not having done anything to get chased by them in the first place. And why should he run? He could get anything he wanted, could make people do anything he wanted. That’s how he got away with so many things in the past, even without his knowledge of his very powerful ability. 

If only he realized this was the only reason he hadn’t been kicked out of the Syndicate yet.

“Cuz-- Cuz we were.. running.” He responded with a pout as he pulled up his socks whilst attempting to catch his breath. “I dunno what the- the checkpoint is.” He then explained again, a little worried his heart was about to beat straight out of his chest from the unexpected exercise session. 

Now, he didn’t like using his power to get out of trouble. He believed in justice and all that, but letting his teammate get caught with... whatever she appeared to have stolen, probably wouldn’t impress Ange. And the last thing he wanted was to get scolded.

No, he liked trying to be the favorite and getting praised for his efforts much more.

“I don’t have to bargain. I can tell them to leave and they’ll leave.” A shy smile pulled at his lips as he pushed his hands into the pockets of his coat. “I think it’s much better than running. Unless you think that’s more exciting?”

[eunjaeisms]

❛❛ TEXTS//𝒿𝓊𝓃𝑒 & 𝑒𝓊𝓃 𝒿𝒶𝑒

June: I think if you practice hard enough you can do anything great!

June: It's not hard at all. It's easy actuallY!

June: I get the same sometimes. I used to drink a bunch of coffee all day, and now I only drink it sometimes too.

June: I try not to drink any caffeine anymore, really.

June: I can't wait to see you and hwannie!!

EUN JAE: you really think so?

EUN JAE: do you think i can be a doctor?

EUN JAE: if i practice and study hard enough?

EUN JAE: cuz it's really hard 🙁🙁🙁

EUN JAE: why don't you drink coffee anymore?

EUN JAE: !!! me too!

EUN JAE: hwan is very friendly 😊😊

[eunjaeisms]

Eun Jae → Ender

ENDER: Oh yeah, whole lotta pie.

ENDER: Then I'm apparently a string bean according to some people.

ENDER: But yeah, plenty of pie to last a lifetime.

ENDER: I did, thank you for asking! How about you?

ENDER: Sounds adorable! And that sounds cool!

ENDER: I like babies too although I'm pretty sure they don't like me.

ENDER: Thank you and he was a cute baby.

ENDER: The best way I can put it is even on calm days where nothing much happens, parenthood is an adventure. But one that I wouldn't trade for the world.

EUN JAE: wow

EUN JAE: i wish i could eat a lot and not look big

EUN JAE: why do you think babies don't like you??

EUN JAE: yeah?

EUN JAE: i think i wanna be a dad some day

EUN JAE: like

EUN JAE: not right now, but i really wanna be a dad

EUN JAE: though my dog is now sick cuz of me 😖😖

[eunjaeisms]

“Sir, your card has been declined.”

“What about this one?”

“This one, too.” 

“Even that one?”

“That one had insufficient funds.”

“But I come here lots and I’ve paid every time, maybe I can pay tomorrow?”

“I’m sorry, we can’t do that.”

“I just forgot to bring cash, it’s just a coffee and-”

“Listen, kid, you’re holding up the line here.”

The student was close to tears, his voice already bordering on whiny as the temptation to just use his power of persuasion to make the barista give him the coffee for free. It wasn’t like he wouldn’t come back later to pay for it, he just wasn’t used to not being able to rely on his cards. Being broke sucked.

(Not that he really knew what it felt like, even now that he’d been cut off by his parents. His boyfriend had enough money to his name to provide for the both of them. He just didn’t like the feeling of having to rely on his partner to pay for things that he used to be able to afford.)

With a trembling bottom lip, he turned around to look at the person behind him, eyes wide and pleading. “Could I borrow some money? I can give you my number and I can pay you back as soon as possible? I promise I have it and I’m not lying or trying to get a free drink, I just--”

Got recently disowned.

“Um... I have a problem with my cards...”

[eunjaeisms]

.TEXT//DOLL.

ANGE: Jessica, darling, it's been too long

ANGE: It really has been

ANGE: What's the status on recruitment?

DOLL: sir!!!

DOLL: sorry 😖😖

DOLL: i've been

DOLL: busy

DOLL: and i dunno how to find people 😔😔😔

[eunjaeisms]

the sweetest duo

[eunjaeisms]

Music, I think, he makes me feel like music.

Lauren Oliver (via wordsnquotes)

[eunjaeisms]

Eun Jae barely had time to respond and very narrowly avoiding being sent to the floor by the bag that got tossed in his direction. “Bernice?” He echoed in pure confusion, overwhelmed by the situation even before he caught sight of the approaching lights. “What did you... do?” It was becoming harder to keep up the higher pitched voice and he wobbled a little in his platform heels, the skirt entirely too cold and impractical in the harsh winter air. He realized in time that this wasn’t a good moment to chat and finally sprung into action, awkwardly running after the fellow Syndicate member as he tried to avoid any blonde hair blowing into his face. He wanted to yell at her to wait for him, but knew he couldn’t give such an order without feeling bad about it, instead just trying his hardest to keep up.

“What’s the che-checkpoint?” He stammered, his muscles already screaming. Gosh, he wasn’t used to any type of exercise and Maxxie would definitely not appreciate the fact he was getting it. Especially not like this. “I-- I can... I can tell them to... leave us alone...” He panted, struggling to keep up the pace and praying he wasn’t about to trip and faceplant into the pavement. “I don’t think we have to run!”

❛❛ 𝓇𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇𝒾𝑒 & the syndicate––

Running  from  the  blue and red flashing lights  was  the  biggest  thrill her little heart could ever feel.  After enrolling in those  fall classes at Crystalline University she’d almost immediately found herself in trouble with  the law.  She understood  rules were meant to be maintained in order to create a balanced  and more civilized  society, but sometimes those rules could weigh you down with the pressures of being perfect. To the struggle of being perfect??   SHE’D TAKE THAT ENEMY UP ANY DAY.    It hardly  made sense to some that she’d align herself with the villains of the city, but the quiet wildcat spirit within her heart wanted to scratch and paw for anything and everything she wanted.  “   AND YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD CATCH ME!  HA HA HA HA!   “   She howled into the starry night sky while tossing a quick look towards the officers, now, on her trails. The moment she’d realign her gaze, however, was the moment her feet went to a skidding halt. 

“   OH YOU AGAIN?  GOD DAMN IT, BERNICE. MUST YOU ALWAYS HARSH MY MELLOW?   “  She puffed a large exhale out of her lungs as she tossed the other villain the bag of those stolen goodies: a medieval mallet, a deck of cards, and a new costume for herself, she then SKIRRRTTED passed them. “   You coming or not, loser, we’re almost at checkpoint!   “  

[eunjaeisms]

You treated me with a gentle warmth that I had never known before.

3 months of heaven (via stephanieofrp)

[eunjaeisms]

Eun Jae → Ender

ENDER: happy to hear it was nice!

ENDER: and that's cool too!

ENDER: having a lovely family is pretty awesome.

ENDER: yeah, pretty good time at the scott household.

ENDER: ate my weight in pie though, that's for sure.

EUN JAE: is that a lot of pie?

EUN JAE: you're not that big

EUN JAE: but you're kinda tall

EUN JAE: so it sounds like a lot of pie

EUN JAE: hehe

EUN JAE: did you have a good christmas too?

EUN JAE: i met my boyfriend's niece's baby

EUN JAE: he's super cute!!

EUN JAE: i really like babies

EUN JAE: i bet your son was a cute baby too!

EUN JAE: what's it like to be a dad?

[eunjaeisms]

did park jimin invent beauty or did beauty invent park jimin? 🌟

[eunjaeisms]

cutest

[eunjaeisms]

@misbhaves​ closed starter for Maxxie Moon

The music vibrated through his body as soon as he stepped inside the nightclub and despite not having had a single drink, Eun Jae’s surroundings were enough to make him a little dizzy. In hindsight, he wasn’t completely certain why he’d so impulsively asked his boyfriend to go out with him -- all he knew was that he wanted a distraction from everything. Everything, except Maxxie. And while he had tried to do that at home, he was unable to shake the sadness that wrapped around him like a thick mist.

So maybe going out would change that. He didn’t know. He just had to be out of the apartment for a bit. Try and enjoy being himself, instead of feeling that self doubt.

He was practically disowned, but his life wasn’t over. He hadn’t lost everything. Had he even lost anything? It wasn’t like his parents had ever really been there for him in the first place. So why did he feel so empty?

His grip on Maxxie’s hand tightened for a moment, before he interlocked their fingers and dragged the other straight towards the bar. “I think I wanna have a drink. And then I wanna dance with you.” He explained, grateful for knowing his partner could hear him over the music. “I just wanna-- Like... I wanna do stuff together. Like this. I don’t wanna hide anymore.”