euphorichirim

[euphorichirim]

cove james holden please ruin my life

[euphorichirim]

could i be ur 🚀 anon except u know it's me and idk how to make this an anon ask but hi i love u

yes wtf, also when i send in asks it has near the bottom a little switch to make it anon !!??!!?? i don't know what your layout is like though.. but ilysm my 🚀 anon whom i am very aware of the identity of

[euphorichirim]

implied spoilers for mugen train arc ! featuring reader × rengoku. very short, and [somewhat] cheesy at a paragraph or two. wrote this after crying over him so it may be a bit off or just really sucky but still, rengoku content. also this idea has probably been written out millions of times by other fans who love rengoku and if you've seen this same thing happen before i'm sorry i just needed to expel my emotions thank you very much.

⚠ IMPLIED SPOILERS FOR MUGEN TRAIN ARC AHEAD, PROCEED WITH CAUTION ⚠

usually, the crow was a pleasant sign.

many of your previous messages had been signed off with the sweetest notes of "i love you," or "yours always, kyojuro." a flower pressed into a paper, a kiss delicately sent your way simply with words, a burst of warmth in your chest that spread through your veins like the very fire in rengoku's soul.

"hello there! what have you brought for me today?" your voice called out in a clear and sweet tone, expecting the love notes, or the things rengoku had seen and had put into an envelope to send to you when he couldn't come and visit. anything from your dearest, the boy who had smothered your thoughts with only him and had left his trace of kisses long your hands and up to the space between your neck and shoulder, up to your cheeks and eventually pressing to your lips.

the bird held an object in its talons, leaving you to tilt your head. it was not paper, meaning it was not the typical delivery. you held your hand out to the bird, feeling it drop the weight into your hand and then flutter to your shoulder.

a ring.

you at first had not put much thought into whatever the shining object must be, only noticing the shape, but as your eyes caught onto more of the detailing, pressure built up in your throat. it was the ring you had given him.

"i know that your work is dangerous and perhaps we may not have the chance-" you murmured, looking at the roughness of his hands, the scars peppered on his skin, "but i still want you to have this. a sort of.. pre-marriage ring? if you want it, that is. i managed to get it at a shop in town, i thought you would like it."

his golden eyes were bright as a smile curled upon his lips. "of course, my flame! i would want nothing more than to one day spend the rest of my life with you, and if this is what you wish me to have before i can finally give you a life you deserve, then i will gladly accept it."

"what- what is this for?"

part of you knew. part of you was so dreadfully aware of what the ring, cold in your hands, was a sign of. your fingers curled around it, willing warmth back into it, wanting the heat of your lover to encase the palm of your hand and then your whole body, covering you in his embrace.

"i don't want this ring," you whispered, staring at it as tears blurred your vision, "i want kyojuro back."

[euphorichirim]

i personally apologize for that last post

[euphorichirim]

an unpaid debt, due.

karmic debt xiao, it pains me. i think about him talking of his friends finally succumbing to that darkness and how he's the last one and i just :( i was talking with a friend and i said even if he lost it because of his karmic debt i feel there would be a small piece down inside that was screaming to quit, and that this is what he had been trying to avoid after losing all his friends. he wanted to stay as he was so he could remember them, so he could keep the memories of them before they were lost,,

so this is what it felt like.

i had known pain. i had known so much pain, the screaming in my whole body every moment of the day, the burning in my blood.

this was different- if i had the strength to yell out, i would. darkness, there was simply darkness. it was so familiar and so empty that the emotions i concealed so much bursted open. i felt, and i felt so many things, i felt the pain, the pure and raw hunger of my want to be freed of this debt, the want to have back what i had lost.

this was simply a matter of time. i had watched it happen to all the others. all the other yakshas; my friends. the times when i could finally feel relief had gone by in a blur with the years. i was just livid that my time had come now.

i didn't want to hurt them. i didn't want to point my weapon, and plunge it into a living being, watching them choke out in pain beneath me before becoming still. i didn't want the blood on my hands of a mother, a father, someone's sister or their brother, a daughter or a son. i didn't ask for this.

i didn't ask to only feel human again by consuming the dreams and thoughts of a person. of a child. i didn't ask to plague the nightmares of people who had gotten too close, of people i had destroyed.

i shouted. i could no longer see through my own eyes, but i knew my body was obeying the commands of years of build up. it was following the orders to harm, to ensue chaos among people, among homes, among places i did not belong.

i didn't watch my friends do this to stay trapped in my own mind knowing what was happening to my body.

STOP, STOP STOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOP-

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WHY..WHYWHYWHYWHYWHY?

please.. i don't want to hurt them. i don't want to cause pain anymore. someone- give me a way out.

[euphorichirim]

hello ?????? i'll meow.

[euphorichirim]

"i just wanna slow dance with you." // diluc.

includes first person reader, and diluc being very sweet and gentle <3 also slow dancing with diluc will never not be on my mind thank you very much.

“Here, take my hand. I'll teach you.”

Hesitantly, I put my hand in his own. His gloves had be abandoned to the edge of the bar, so as my fingers ducked into his palm, I felt the direct warmth of his skin. There was a tinge of softness on his calloused palms as he positioned my hands correctly.

“This one,” he muttered, nearly to himself, “goes here..”

He brought my left hand up to his shoulder. Only by chance did I happen to see the steady increase of blood collecting in his face. “And this one stays in my hand.”

Crimson eyes met mine and he gave a small nod, causing me to softly squeeze his hand in assurance. The gesture obviously appalled him, because his eyes widened ever so slightly. He cleared his throat in an attempt to be as composed as possible. “Is it alright for me to put my hand at your waist?”

“If that's what it takes to slow dance. And I'm fine if the person is you,” I confirm. He closed his eyes, moving his head slightly in another direction, almost as if to hide for a moment. Diluc then inhaled quietly, hand meeting my waist. The warmth expelled from him like a fire, absentmindedly making me wonder if my face was similar to his hair now, too.

“Alright..” he whispered, looking around at the hand placements. “Perfect. Everything is where it needs to be. First step's first. Are you ready?”

“Ready as you are, Diluc,” I confirmed, smiling to him.

If this was the face he was going to make everytime we were this close, I just may have to ask him for more dancing lessons. The colour of strawberries was laid over his cheeks, sweeping across the tip of his nose and journeying up to his ears. I had never known Diluc as one to get so flustered, but there was a small part of my heart that wanted to save this view forever.

“Well then, let's begin. The most simple part of this is whichever way I move my foot, you follow. Slow dancing isn't as hard as some other traditional dances, it's just a matter of going at the correct angle and being able to spin your partner correctly.”

Diluc began to move, and my eyes watched his shoes to mimic his movement as closely as possible. Of course he moved so easily, and while this was an easy dance, I couldn't help but feel like I was going to drag him behind.

He must have noticed this slight distraught look blooming on my face, because I heard him ever so softly chuckle. “You're doing fantastic, alright? Don't seem so worried.”

I glance up at him for a second, nodding. “How do you do this without looking at your feet? I'd probably trip over someone..”

“The distance makes it easier to not step on your partner. Of course, a lot of people ahem.. Dance closer. This is about a standard distance. Sometimes when people are comfortable enough, one puts both their arms around their partner's neck, and the other puts both of their hands on their partner's waist.”

My eyes flickered up to him for a second. While he wasn't necessarily avoiding my quick looks, his somewhat intense stare was trying to find something to focus on. “Have you ever?”

“Ah, no. I've danced, plenty of times actually, but there's never really been a person I've been that close with,” he confirmed, now finding his eyes back onto my face. I tried to switch between looking down at my feet and back up to him as quick as I could, not wanting to break eye contact but also not wanting to break my ankle by taking a wrong step.

“Maybe one day, we can. Right?” I ask, a little curious as to what his answer would be. The somewhat misunderstood man closed his eyes, the softest of smiles fluttering over his face. While his features were still tinted softly with embarrassment, he seemed happy.

“Maybe one day.”

[euphorichirim]

wanting to post my slow dancing with diluc but wondering if people will be weirded out by first person y/n 🗿

[euphorichirim]

[prompt: base a story on a song, but use all of the song lyrics in the story.]

________________________________________

A melodic laughter carried on the wind. For some reason, Diluc could see the smile that lit up whenever you would laugh. Almost in a rush, his hand drew the pen across the paper. ‘I miss your perfect teeth.’

It wasn't that he was clinging onto it. No, no, he had already told you before. It was a promise, a weak way of telling you it was okay for you to go on. He still remembered the slight hesitancy in your eyes as he cleared his throat that day, murmuring, “I'm over it, I promise that.”

Tears stung at his eyes, tilting his head back. He missed you. Oh, gods, how he missed you. There was an ache in his heart shaped with your silhouette. The breeze picked up, drawing the tears out of his eyes and down his face. He looked back out. Your favorite spot had always been here; the flowers at the bottom of the hill were moving against all the shades of the world.

He remembered you, remembered watching as you were running down the hill. Your smile was bright as you collapsed down into the field, the green material of your outfit flowing out around you. You look so good in green, Diluc always seen how your eyes looked so much brighter when the colour covered your body.

The fiery look in his eyes was so dull now as he watched out in the distance. He didn't notice his teeth were dug into his lip at the memories of you until he tasted blood springing up on the delicate skin. It was so hard not to think about you.

“I see your eyes in the flowers, you know,” the boy mused gently. You turned around, a soft tinge of embarrassment on your face, shaking your head with your gaze cast down. “I'm serious, too.”

“You're kidding, I can tell,” you tease swiftly, turning back around and crouching to the flowers. “They would match what I'm working on now, since it's the landscape from Starsnatch..”

“I'll pick a bunch for your room. Green and blue to match your pictures, yes?” he questioned, kneeling beside you. The spark in your eyes was bright as you looked back to him, nodding. “Let me do that while we're here then.”

So this is erosion, huh? The heavy weight on his chest, increasing with every breath. How come he always felt so sad when thinking of you and him? Why couldn't he be happier at the memories? Maybe, just maybe, this was his downfall. This was what finally pinched Diluc deep in his soul, enough that he was unsure of if he would ever feel okay again.

How many times had Adelinde come upon his almost limp body, slouched in a chair so he almost felt like he was sinking into another plane of existence? He remembered as she gasped; the mess in the kitchen from his sudden meltdown was something he felt was out of his normal range of lashing out.

Back then, he had just wanted something to take his mind off of everything- but he realized, with a pang of ailment, he was making your favorite food. It caught him off guard, causing him to break out in a frenzy of accidentally knocking stuff off the counters. He just wanted to stop himself from remembering all the times you had made it together.

Standing up from his spot, he exhaled heavily. The book in his hands clutched to his chest as he fumbled to put the pen in place. He was hardly composed- he had hardly been composed enough since knowing you were gone to even step out of the winery.

Diluc wished, with a heart-breaking persistence, that you realized how much you meant to him. He had never felt the way he felt about you for anyone else; Diluc noted he didn't think he'd ever feel that way again, not for someone other than you.

This little click of fate, this little urge of destiny, led the boy to turn around at the sound of rustling grass. You were as beautiful as the day you met, as beautiful as the morning sun, the midnight beach, the mid-day meadows. A smile graced your features, but part of him noticed the sadness. He felt more sensitive to this particular emotion now, and he was unsure if words would erase it.

“Diluc,” you say as your breath leaves your lips. His name sounded soft, gentle, so warm when it fell. His name, the way you always said it, was a contrast to the storm that had been circling in him. “I haven't seen you come out of the winery in quite a while, I was so disappointed when Jean told me she hadn't seen you at Angel's Share recently.. So I thought you would be here.”

“How'd you know,” Diluc forced out, albeit quietly.

“Ah.. Venti said he seen you here a lot. From the tree, he said he was able to spot you easily.”

Right. His chest tightened, thinking back on all the times he had lost himself and broke down in tears right here. Had he seen? Did he know?

“I hope you're well- Ahm, is that a bit awkward to say?” you question, fingers twiddling together. You looked so- guilty..? You looked like it was almost hurting you as much as it was hurting him, to be standing in front of each other.

Diluc wished now, as he did most days, that he was sick at the thought of you. But no matter how much he wished it, the thought of you never brought hate, disgust, or anything of the sort- only a gut wrenching pain, a sense of loss and loneliness.

“Not at all,” he lied. It was awkward for him in a crushing manner. He wasn't well, but he couldn't spill all that to you. Diluc wanted to, he so desperately wished he could just let it out to you like he used to. This was unlike him. This was not how he had seen himself merely months before.

You wondered over to where Diluc had been sitting, taking a spot near. Your hand motioned him down. “Sit with me for a while, Diluc. It's been forever.”

He hesitated, wiping any amount of tears from his eyes and taking a spot back. There was silence. Diluc was reminded of the quiet dusks with you watching the sun in the sky as it moved ever so slowly.

“Do you remember when we met?”

Of course he did. Diluc had a sharp pain in his chest, looking at you through his younger eyes for that very first time. If he hadn't met you during that walk back to Mondstadt, then maybe he wouldn't be in so much pain. And yet, seeing you for the first time in his mind all over again- It was hauntingly sweet.

Your face had flushed as you collected yourself, apologizing profusely to the man who had just saved you. Diluc oddly found it endearing. Sure, if someone were in trouble and he helped, they would thank him, but you were one of the first to ever apologize. You were charming in a loose sort of way, with your sparkling eyes and polite words.

“Trying to run away from all of those is like trying to grind up rocks with your molars,” you exhaled heavily, trying to adjust your hair as best as you could. Pieces had slipped out of the small hair decoration which seemed to keep it out of your face. “I'm so sorry that you had to help me. I wish I could have done it myself but I-”

“It's okay. I was, perhaps, too blunt when I said everyone around here is useless.” He extended his hand. You had curiously took it with a small shake. “Diluc. That's my name.”

“y/n.. An unfortunate time for you to stumble upon me, but nonetheless, the pleasure is mine.”

You smiled, staring out at the world. “I never stopped feeling guilty about that. I've become more composed about.. Hilichurls, slimes, the sort. Still, it's something I doubt my mind will ever let down, and I was too young to understand it then. I was still upset I couldn't handle it on my own. I'm grateful you passed through that day, though.”

A few more moments of silence passed.

“I remember a lot of it,” Diluc's tone was hushed as he spoke. “Maybe a bit clingy of me, and I get it now that it's too late, but I sometimes.. get drawn off by memories.”

You nod, biting into your cheek. Diluc could always tell when you did that, not only by the slight movement of your cheek, but because you brought your knees up to rest your chin on every time you did it. “I guess I got to my head, you know? Maybe if I had learned to be a little more honest, a little more giving- maybe.. Maybe you wouldn't seem so sad, then. That's all I want.”

Stunned by the unexpected statement, Diluc opened his mouth to say something, but it wouldn't come out. All that was threatening to spill were all the emotions he wanted to share with you again, the tears were begging to build up and overflow the edges. “It's not your fault,” another lie left.

Both of you were at fault. Diluc had a hard time learning how to hold onto things that meant so much to him and you had a hard time learning that sometimes Diluc was unable to say the right things at the right time and was always a few steps behind you.

The usual straightforwardness of his words was somewhat lost. He felt as though that piece of him had hidden away around you. It was possibly to stop himself from saying ‘I love you.’

Because he wanted to say it. You were the only person in the last what? 8, 9 years? You were the only one to hear those words fall past his lips. He may not have said them on the daily, but he thought you knew. Everything he did was for you, he'd do it all over again for you, he'd always do it for you. He couldn't stop himself.

Your eyes were somewhat sparkling as they trailed to the sky. Diluc didn't know if it was from the tears or the memories of the chapters you had spent together. “You know, Diluc.. I hope you love yourself. Maybe that's something that was missing, something that could have made everything better. I want you to love yourself as much as I love you, as much as you said you loved me,” your voice dropped ever so quiet at the end. “Please. Take care of your body and heart.”

Diluc turned his head away, throwing his own gaze to the grass. “I take plenty care of myself. I'm not some sort of masochist,” the boy mumbled. But he knew he didn't, he knew he tore himself apart looking at things that were yours, traces of you in his room. Your favorite book, the pen lying on his dresser you had so quickly snatched from him on so many occasions to grab his attention. Was it self hatred, self loathing? Or was he simply unable to ever get over you-

“Diluc don't give me that,” you quietly exhaled, putting a hand on his arm. “I'm serious. I know how you are. You get caught up on things sometimes and you don't realize it.”

The touch was enough to spiral the nerves through his body. How wrong of him would it be to pull you into his arms? He wanted to curl his fingers into your hair as your cheek pressed against his shoulder, as your arms tightly surrounded him and allowed him to feel your heartbeat pounding in your chest. Diluc needed that feeling. He needed it more than he needed air, but he'd never act on that impulse.

“Venti told me that you didn't seem to be working at Angel's Share much. That's not like you. Can you be honest with me for one minute? Just one, Diluc.”

Almost hesitantly, he turned his eyes back over to you. It was the tone in your voice that reminded him so much of those last few days, when Diluc realized everything seemed to be falling apart and he struggled to put it together. “It depends on what you need my honesty for. I still have my dignity, you know.”

A quiet sigh left your mouth. “I do know. But- do I.. Do you hate me? Do you not want to see me? Because I'm sorry if this was an unwanted encounter..”

At that he snapped to full attention. His eyebrows were slightly furrowed, mouth parted in confusion. “No… No why would you think that? y/n I could never hate you. I can't bring myself to feel anything towards you on a negative scale.”

“You avoid me, you avoid me like I'm- like I'm a disappointment. When I try to find your eyes in a crowd, all I can find is your back turned towards me as you walk away. Diluc I can't stand that, I hope you think of me still as your friend, not as someone you have to not pay attention to.” You shrank back with your words, voice tightening. He seen a tear leave your eye and he felt like everything was falling apart for a second time.

This was the second time in his life he had ever made you cry right in front of him. “You're not a disappointment to me, (y/n). You're such- such a good person, and I'm proud of you still. That won't change. It's just hard. I find you, and you look so good with him and you look so happy. I hope you feel happy, anyways. I'm just not ready to face that yet,” he managed out in a hushed tone. “I don't know when I'll be ready, but it's not now.”

“Do you promise you don't hate me?” Diluc could hear the quiver in your voice. You were scared. He knew that sound well. “I just don't want to do anything to upset you. We both did that enough.”

“I promise I don't hate you. I will never hate you. There's no reason to.”

Your head fell onto his shoulder, eyes tightly shut. “Then I hope you won't hate me for this. Just this once.”

It hurt, yes. It hurt to feel your warmth back on him, but he didn't hate you for it. All of Diluc's focus was put on not caressing you, in fear of finding that attachment he had back at the surface.

“I'd never.”

[euphorichirim]

scream about it on my page bc haha DEELUC

posting it rn hype me up bestie..

[euphorichirim]

i live here now ⛺

what are you going to do when i post green 😕

[euphorichirim]

HISU MY BELOVED KISSES

HELP HI MY DARLING 😩🤚💗

[euphorichirim]

while being gone for literally no reason i’ve been making so many playlists please help.

[euphorichirim]

HADSHDH okay hi claude deserves so much adoration he’s such a good character anyways please enjoy <3

[euphorichirim]

my hyperfixation on dimitri go brr. i love him so much please :( please give him love and a nap

[euphorichirim]

hnnghh this is my first major character mood playlist.. i hope it’s good.