everysinglethotsofme-blog

[everysinglethotsofme-blog]

that jolli kingdom she built. 🤩🤩🤩

[everysinglethotsofme-blog]

meryenda time with her non stop wackiness. 😂😂😂

[everysinglethotsofme-blog]

How did I get back to writing...?

Writing has always been a part of me. It literally is my bestfriend. In school mostly, whenever I’m scared to talk. When I’m down and depressed and even when I got in love. It became my strength and help me gain my profession as a leader. Sadly, I forgot about it or ignored it for sometime. I was so drawn about the good things happening in me. But when I lost all those good things I realized what was left in me is writing.

When I started acting as a leader from my previous employer I realized what I wanted to become. To be an influencer and a councelor for someone who needs mental or emotional advise. To listen to people’s cry and inspire them with my lifes’ experiences. So then, I decided to go back to school and study Psychology that will help me enhance my understanding of how people’s minds work. I tried to work while studying but it was very challenging that my health became at risk during those times. Lack of sleep and stressful environment has made my body weak to the point of being bed ridden most of the week. With that situation I know I have to make a decision to choose between my current career or to pursue my calling. Me my husband had been discussing it and finally came to conclusion to stop working and to focus on my studies instead. He would support me financially but the wedding and settling down as a couple would still be hanging until I graduated from my course. Of course I agreed initially because I already started it and invested money for my enrollment. It would be such a waste if I won’t continue it. Its a hard decision because I was just starting with my career and I suddenly ended it. Its sad but I had to accept that I have a calling to become one of the aides of the world. It may sound crazy but I know it will all be worth it.

Things did not go on my way as I planned. It was summer when I finally separated from work and enrolled myself on a summer class but it was dissolved so there’s nothing left for me to do during vacation. I tried doing online small jobs like get paid to surveys, paid to click, paid sign ups and even investing my time in earning cryptocurrencies. I also signed up to freelancers job platform but I got no luck. No one has called me to do jobs for them. Maybe because I’m a newbie. I became frustrated and depressed chasing money over the summer. People around me is like telling me “what happened to you?!”. Now that I’m jobless it seems that moving is getting harder than before. I find myself always thinking how to earn money. I’m easily stressed whenever I hear something that’s not really meant for me but it feels like it. I’m literally sensitive most of the time. I could just snap and become insane in any moment. Feeling anxious every night and sleep is hard to come by.

Being desperate to earn money lead me to a lot of things that’s going crazy over the internet. People are so mad posting fake advertisments just to lure someone gullible like me. I even tried to study Marketing101 just to get to the trend. Posting nonsense ads on social media and even signing up on some trading platforms which are totally scam.

One day, I came across this social figure in Instagram with the post, “why not do the things you love and at the same time make money while doing it”. It’s actually a cliche because you can find this ads almost everywhere. But that post with the woman standing in an airport saying that line had really caught me. It seems that I’m tired of chasing money and that’s where writing came to my mind. But I’m not really sure yet how to do it. I mean do it over the internet. Being an introvert would’nt make it easy for me. Besides, I’m not a pro when it comes to writing. No credentials to support me and even a lot of followers to prove my skills. So I had to delay it and think it over again. I got back to where I started. Earning ICO and searching over FB if there are passive income that I could do. I was chatting a broker where he said he could turn my blockchain wallet from 0.003 btc to 1btc and up. But I told him I only got 0.0004 btc in my wallet and when I transferred it in my blockchain it went down to 0.00035 because of the fee. I told him that and he laughed at me because he thouht I was saying I’m tranferring $40. That’s where I realized that I have to stop. I felt humiliated and small. I have to stop chasing money and go back to the reason why I ever studied again. Right then, I told the guy “never mind” and deleted our conversation. I concentrated to the things that I wanted to do. Never in my whole life I’ve chased someone or something that would make me feel small. I’ve already tasted success and I never did chase it when I got into my position. I worked hard and served the things I love. I already know how to do it but I let my situation change me and led to make wrong decisions until now. I had to stop and money should the one chasing me, not the other way around.

My decision is final and now that you’re reading this article you’ll now that I’ve finally started doing it. While ending this I just recall the song of Selena titled Back To You. I’ve liked that song even though my love life is fine. Seems like it was not about my husband who’s I’m going back to but it’s about me going back to my first love which is writing.

[everysinglethotsofme-blog]

got nothing

got no inspiration what to write

i guess this boredom makes me dry

it feels empty doing nothing

when I always dream to have good things

silly but true

but what can i do?

luck hasn’t knock on my door yet

been waiting for it with my patience

hope to see it coming along the way!

[everysinglethotsofme-blog]

Anxiety Feels

another night of restlessness for me

it was again my anxiety

my brain has brought a lot of thoughts

and all my senses has come forth.

i knew this has to stop

before it attacks my weakest spot

fear has gotten into me

but i can’t allow this to eat me

i had to fight i had to strive

i need to get my courage,

i need to keep my faith,

be still, be brave, be positive and never quit

all those words i uttered

to keep my heart unaltered

concentrate and never falter

because life is all that matters

im afraid of dying

and to live i keep on trying

to be the best that i can be

to reach more than i can see

it might be selfish

to fulfill this earthly wish

but isnt we all have the right to be childish?

i want to be free and to care less

i want to laugh and live life to the fullest

let me have my wings

to carry on with lifes’ swings

let time be of no essence

for it’s known of having no patience

to do the things i long to make

to be at the places i long to take

to never worry and be scared

is best feeling that cannot be compared

how long should i stay up every night?

to get enough sleep as my right

is someone real is really listening?

because im always sincere in praying

more often i get is the opposite answer

and accepting the truth of life is much scarier

so i guess its all up to me

to handle the truth is my real destiny.