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[evolvingshe]

Is the modern dating scene a product of our divided society?

As shocking as this title may sound, there have been multiple studies conducted by psychologists and sociologists about the deterrent effect of modern dating regarding the increase in population. Many may argue that options such as dating apps should be able to help singles find dates and get into relationships. But because of the constant availability of other, or “better” singles out there, the dating scene is met with a ruthless new phenomenon. “Situationships” better known as “delusionships” is the factor that is keeping people away from the dating pool. 

Many people take into account that due to our divided culture, it is harder to set aside differences to find a partner, and with that, I agree. In this post-2016 election dating pool, many singles consider voting decisions, alongside their career, education, salary, and whether or not they own a property before making their decision official. Why is that? Have we succumbed to becoming superficial and narrow-minded? 

I am no sociologist, but I know quick judgments result in lonely nights. As a college student, I understand the desire to be in a monogamous yet non-committal relationship. But that only exists in a world where STDs and constant communication exist, what I mean is this fallacy does not exist. 

As a twenty-something, I have made peace with the fact that my dating pool will be inherently barren until I hit 27, solely because I refuse to be in this constant loop of being like a girlfriend without the title. We as a society all collectively agree that free labor is cruel, and as college students, we would not be caught dead with an unpaid internship, but we allow ourselves to be in “almost relationships”. Due to these harsh conditions, there has been a rise in practicing celibacy, the act of withholding sexual encounters until emotional needs are met. This rise was originally seen as a side effect of the lockdown, but after open conversations on social media, the hashtag celibacy has surpassed more than 1.2 billion views.

 As an observer of these changes, the best way to explain modern dating is to view the change as if it were the real estate market. Back in the day, it was much easier to buy a house since there were fewer restrictions on home-buying, but to purchase a new property one needs a strong credit score, a loan, insurance, and also be able to buy the property in cash. The same could be said about dating, we expect too much in the worst way possible.

As a population, it is hard to admit that we have become blind to what truly defines a person and what makes a good partner. I can guarantee that an individual who is deemed “cool” most definitely lacks character, and is not dating material and we need to stop chasing people for the sake of a better status. Yes go out with someone who shares similar interests, but for the love of god DO NOT and I do mean this, but do not take someone off your roster because they have some differing views. Ask them about their opinions and be reasonable, this intolerance to any differences is not only leaving people alone, but it is creating insane division outside the dating scene. This notion of accepting differences goes a long way, accepting people for their values and their dating goals will not only make the dating pool accessible but also help heal other divided relationships. 

The final issue with modern dating is that we do not want to get attached or else we will get hurt, pain is inevitable, and any venture worth going into will cause pain. If we applied this mentality in all aspects of life, more would be done.