ex-yixing247-blog

[ex-yixing247-blog]

chanyeolx247:

(...) he dropped his head back in a mock tiredness, resting his one hand on yixing’s leg as he let the other keep drinking his beer. he craved another sip himself but he was too focused on getting yixing back at the moment to worry about it. his fingers squeeze gently while planted on the inside of yixing’s thigh; that was sure to send a jolt through him. finally, chanyeol turned his head towards the other, finally allowing a smile to tug at his lips as he leaned in to press a chaste kiss to yixing’s cheek, lingering for a moment before beginning to trail his soft kiss along his skin, down to his neck where he let out a little hum. “mm, much better.”

perhaps it’s all that time spent crushing on park chanyeol with only friendship to reward him for it that makes yixing so perfect at slipping back into the guise of being just friends sharing a drink despite the emotions that whirl around in his chest. whatever it is, he’s pretty sure it’s the same thing which allows him to glance over at said male when he states such a teasing line and manage to continue taking that sip of beer without choking on it or spitting it back out in his surprise.

chanyeol’s expression, combined with the hand on his leg, are doing a very thorough job of reminding him of every tiny, little feeling he’d ever managed to feel in regards to the taller male, but somehow he still manages to keep a straight face throughout it all. moving forward slightly himself to be able to put his beer bottle on the coffee table after that second sip, yixing shifts ever so slightly, forcing chanyeol’s hand a little further down his leg more towards his knee.

at almost the same time a kiss lands on his cheek and that does manage to start him. he’s not used to those, to kisses. sure he’s had his fair share of physical contact with an abundance of people, he is a little miffed to admit, but none of them had placed such a soft yet meaningful kiss anywhere on his face. before he can think further on that fact, more kisses follow, effectively trailing a path down to his neck, where chanyeol’s hum and words vibrate straight to his very core, it seems.

he wriggles, can’t help it when his body does a little spasm and brings his neck and throat out of the other male’s reach. for a moment his shoulders are clenched up tightly, trying to protect the vulnerable part of himself from the taller male’s ministrations, his eyes wide as his gaze is locked on chanyeol’s face. and then the grin breaks through on his face and he lets out something akin to a giggle - embarrassingly so.

“that tickles,” he admits, but the giddiness still clings to his voice as he speaks and the grin on his face betrays how little he seems to have minded the tickling sensation. he’s never been so sensitive to a touch in his neck and the sudden onslaught of it is strange, but he doesn’t take time to dwell on it. instead he notes, to his satisfaction, that chanyeol has responded to his little challenge entirely as he would have hoped for the male to do.

so it doesn’t take him long to move back in, hands going first to take hold of chanyeol’s face, then lips following to claim his lips. once they’re kissing, he doesn’t hold on to the taller male’s face for much longer, instead allowing a hand to move up to chanyeol’s hair to let his fingers run through it again, while his other hand sneaks to the back of the male’s neck as if to keep him close. this time the kiss is interchanged with little pecks here and there - including chanyeol’s neck as well - to allow them appropriate moments for taking a deeper breath before he returns to claim those willing lips again.

who did this? ||

[ex-yixing247-blog]

247xbora:

(...) “Okay, I call bullshit on her actions!” She stops walking and turns to look at Yixing. “You’re suing her. I’m telling you to sue her, gege. Don’t make me do things that I will regret.” Though she wouldn’t regret hurting the said woman at all. She would be happy to throw a drink at her and hit her with a bottle. “Your actions are justified with how she’s acting around you. Does she think she’s some kind of a Joseon dynasty princess? Some descendant of a King? No.” Grabbing her phone, Bora sends someone a text message. She’s angry and hungry. She can devour a whole cow for sure. “Stop laughing, gege! Did the nurse give you too much medicine? My god!” Childish as ever, Bora hits his arm. “Stop laughing! I’m angry and hungry! So stop!”

yixing knows what the end of bora’s words will be. she’ll convince him to sue riah, to bring down the world in his attempts to make her pay, most probably. on the one hand he feels like she’s right, on the other he doesn’t care enough to lift himself up from the bed, let alone go through all the painstaking effort to sue someone as rich and influential as riah lahiri. so he just closes his eyes and listens to his little sister’s raging. up until the moment she hits his arm and tells him to stop laughing.

that’s when he realises he is. still laughing. and so he stops. simple as that.

he opens his eyes again to be able to look at his little sister and finds himself heaving a bit of a sigh. “if you’re hungry just go out and get something to eat, bora. i’m fine now, i’ll survive, it’s not like you sitting here is going to make me better quicker.” he belatedly realises that this is the first time in a very long time he’s used her name for her rather than the affectionate nickname he has bestowed upon her, but he can’t be bothered to care about that either.

“if you say i’m suing her i’m sure i will. no one can deny you anything, least of all me. so you do you.” he shrugs his shoulders lightly, then turns over onto his side, away from her. the wires he’s connected to pull a little with the movement, but he makes sure not to tangle himself up in them. “i’m tired, i’m going to sleep some more.”

with those words, he closes his eyes, locking himself away from her, from the world. hiding in the darkness that seems to be his only companion at this point in time. bora doesn’t understand the effort it costs him to simply continue breathing, how could she understand the effort it will cost him to get back out of this hospital bed and move on with life? he doesn’t think he’ll manage. not ever. not properly.

knocked out of heaven

[ex-yixing247-blog]

chanyeolx247:

(...) “ah, i guess you have a point.” one last beer to send them off into soberness. it made sense not to waste them, but… “but getting them requires moving, and i don’t want to move right now. i’m too warm and comfy and i have a very handsome man in my arms, so i’m just gonna stay here. so is the handsome man. try again in ten minutes.”

yixing can only revel in the thought of spending a night in a big bed wrapped in chanyeol’s arms. it sounds so great and wonderful and for a second there he has a hard time once more believing he’s truly awake. that this is not just all a dream. it’s wonderful, he feels like he’s floating and there’s an entire world of good around him. he hasn’t felt this nice in ages and it wakes all of his other emotions up too.

like a rainstorm he’s showered in feelings and thoughts that he didn’t use to have time for, but now he just basks in all of them. in the warmth that surrounds him, in the joy he finds in such a little moment in time all because he’s spending it with a person he likes. his heart is beating in his throat at times, while at other moments everything is still and quiet around him.

he listens to chanyeol expressing his desire to not move from their position and, although he would like another drink, he can’t help but agree with the sentiment. and so he shifts once more, locking lips once more with the taller male and moving his hands to run his fingers through chanyeol’s hair as he does so. this time the kiss lasts longer, his eyes remaining closed and yixing just focusing all his attention on his senses.

it feels nice, definitely, and he’s still breathing in chanyeol’s scent, a calming mixture of the man and the products he uses. with his eyes closed, he can still perfectly imagine the form of the other male beneath him and he doesn’t think there could be anything nicer in his life currently. he’s also very glad that he’s absolutely sure bora won’t enter his apartment at random tonight, because that might have become a very awkward situation.

he pulls away only after a while, when he’s in need of proper breathing, and gently lifts himself up on his elbows a little again. he takes a moment to catch his breath, opening his eyes slowly and gazing down at chanyeol in a bit of a daze for a moment. then, slowly, a grin starts to spread on his features and he uses his left hand to press his finger against the tip of chanyeol’s nose again.

“ten minutes are up,” he states, tone turning a little teasing. and then he’s moving, up, off the couch. he gathers his own open beer bottle and chanyeol’s, then moves to sit back down in the couch as he had before. properly. with his back against the back rest. leaving a little bit of distance between them. not because he doesn’t want to be close, but more to see what chanyeol would do about it.

“here you go, man.” he reaches out the bottle of beer to the taller male, then takes a good swig of his own again. his eyes close automatically as he savours the taste in his mouth and swallows it. he doesn’t need it as much as he needed it just an hour before, he realises, when his mind soon scurries back to thoughts of kissing chanyeol. he’s got a new addiction now, apparently.

who did this? ||

[ex-yixing247-blog]

chanyeolx247:

(...) he can already assume what the answer is going to be though, his arms pulling yixing so close he ends up pulling the other man into his lap, his arms enclosed around him to keep him from going anywhere, hands planted on his back, a smirk curling into his lips. yep, definitely a thing. 

yixing doesn’t mind chanyeol wrapping around him in the least. he even basks in the feeling of chanyeol’s head resting on his shoulder, and ever so subtly leans into the hold as he’s texting his little sister. it’s chanyeol’s comment that they clearly are a thing that makes him a little embarrassed for a moment, but then the taller male asks him if he has to keep kissing him to prove it and yixing instantly starts to grin, while he is being pulled onto chanyeol’s lap.

“i mean... if you’re honestly asking me that... obviously yes.” he keeps his gaze locked with chanyeol’s for a moment, but not long enough to allow the other to actually kiss him. instead he turns it back to his phone to reply to his meimei once more. there’s a happy little smile on his face both because of the conversation he’s having and the fact that chanyeol is wrapped so closely around him.

if he’s quite honest with himself he has no idea why or how they have suddenly arrived at this point but he’s hardly going to complain about it. while he has this opportunity he’s not going to let it go so easily. that’s when he suddenly reads the text his meimei sends him about the couch being hers and he has to laugh. shaking his head lightly, he tries to type a reply back but he’s laughing too much to do so just yet.

“meimei says i have to tell you she has dibs on the couch and we can’t do anything in it,” he tells chanyeol with a mirthful voice, glancing up at the male with sparkling eyes and a bright grin. shaking his head once more, he turns back to the phone to type out his reply eventually and then moves to put his phone back where he picked it up from. “so i told her we’ll do all the inappropriate things on the coffee table.”

humming at that, his grin dims down to a smile and then disappears completely after another moment, right as he leans in for another kiss. his arms slip around chanyeol’s neck once more, yixing deciding to make the most of this moment lest the opportunity disappears on him for some unknown reason. he leaves a few more gentle pecks on chanyeol’s lips after the kiss before he decides to settle his head against the taller male’s shoulder again.

it feels nice, to be hugging like that, to be pressed so closely against a tall and warm body that he can feel the heartbeat against his skin. but mostly he likes breathing in chanyeol’s scent and feeling that little thing alone calm him down significantly. he doesn’t know where they’ll go from there or what the morning will bring, but he enjoys what’s in the now.

“so you have a jacuzzi,” he states after a short silence, voice low with contentment. “and a really big bed.” he hums lightly as he considers those facts. after a short moment of silence he adds a completely unrelated sentence: “we should at least drink out our beer bottles. getting drunk is not good but not wasting a beer can’t be wrong either, right? you’ve opened them we should at least finish them. then we can quit after that.”

who did this? ||

[ex-yixing247-blog]

247xbora:

[ sms ↳ Gege ] no you’re human. not a thing. a human. [ sms ↳ Gege ] Yeah. Saturday. [ sms ↳ Gege ] Of course. After my meeting. Unless you have plans with him. [ sms ↳ Gege ] Leave the sofa alone, gege. I have dibs on the couch. Tell him that. [ sms ↳  Gege ] Good. I’m wearing some fancy dress tomorrow. [ sms ↳ Gege ] I know, gege. :> [ sms ↳ Gege ] Sure. I’m bringing kimchi too. Mom insists I bring you food. [ sms ↳ Gege ] Y E S !!!!! if he doesn’t like it. THEN MORE FOR ME!! [ sms ↳ Gege ] I love you too, gege. [ sms ↳ Gege ] Just make sure you two don’t do things on the couch. That’s my spot.

( text —> meimei ) no plans with him tomorrow i have plans with you tomorrow ( text —> meimei ) i think he needs to work anyway idk ( text —> meimei ) you’re more important

-5 minutes later-

( text —> meimei ) no inappropriate things on the couch, got it ( text —> meimei ) we’ll do all of that on the coffee table then ;) ( text —> meimei ) i’ll see you tomorrow ♥ ( text —> meimei ) goodnight meimei

[ex-yixing247-blog]

chanyeolx247:

(...) he laughs softly at the little vague gesture and the reaction that yixing gives when it dawns on him that chanyeol did indeed like kissing him. god, since when was yixing this cute? he could see this becoming a real weakness of his. the hopeful gaze becomes the icing on the cake, his smile reaching his eyes as he gazes to the other man rather adoringly. he wasn’t expecting this to happen at all but if a good thing happens, it’s best to just accept it rather than question it. to answer him, he wordlessly shifts closer and leans in, cupping yixing’s cheek as he places a kiss on his lips. it’s soft, gentle, tender, and sweet. he hums softly against his lips in a sort of answer to his question, mumbling softly, “yeah, i do like it. do you?”

so, right when he thought he’d gotten past the infatuation and could talk to chanyeol like a normal person without every comment making him flail on the inside, chanyeol says something like ‘i can’t imagine what my life would be like without you in it’ and yixing positively beams. the happiness that simple comment brings him is so widespread that it surprises himself. still, nothing prepares him for the way chanyeol reaches out to cup his face and kiss him - again.

his eyes close automatically and when chanyeol mutters against his lips that he does like it, yixing responds in kind. wrapping his arms around chanyeol’s neck, he leans in so much that he forces chanyeol backwards onto the couch, until yixing’s upper body is resting entirely on top of chanyeol’s and he’s kissing him like that, still gentle, although a grin soon spreads on his face, forcing him to interrupt his actions.

pulling his face back enough to be able to look at chanyeol properly, yixing grins down at the male with a hint of mischief in his eyes. “i hope that answers your question,” he states loosely, tapping the tip of chanyeol’s nose with his index finger before he suddenly pushes himself up on his elbow so he can sit up straight again. “i’m going to text meimei, see when she has time to meet you.” he declares, reaching for his phone on the coffee table.

the texts are exchanged quick and easy, only interrupted when he asks chanyeol what day would be possible. a little later chanyeol asks him what he’s telling her. he glances up at the taller male at that and hums lightly. for a minute there, he forgot that he types in chinese to his little sister and not all of his closer friends necessarily know the language. something he should have realised from the mere fact that he’s speaking korean to his friend.

“she’s asking if we’re a thing,” he admits after a moment, glancing shortly away from chanyeol’s eyes and shrugging as he looks back at his phone. “i said sort of something i guess.” there’s one thing to be said about his anxiety and that is that despite it he still tries his utter best to speak the truth. despite how uncomfortable it occasionally makes him feel - like in this exact moment.

who did this? ||

[ex-yixing247-blog]

247xbora:

[ sms ↳ Gege ] ‘sort of’ okay. [ sms ↳ Gege ] Sure. AS LONG AS YOU’RE HAPPY. [ sms ↳ Gege ] Saturday? Call. Dinner it is. [ sms ↳ Gege ] I’ll bring wine. [ sms ↳ Gege ] And expect me to wear some dress. [ sms ↳ Gege ] If he pays more attention to me and what I wear I’m gonna dump his ass for you. I mean it. [ sms ↳ Gege ] This is what uncle would want me to do. [ sms ↳ Gege ] Should I bring you some cookies too? [ sms ↳ Gege ] I’m not picky with food, gege. You know this. Anything will do for me. Just in case you want my opinion on the food.

( text —> meimei ) he says we are a thing so there you go. ( text —> meimei ) saturday it is ( text —> meimei ) you’re still coming by tomorrow right? ( text —> meimei ) and you will have every right to dump him in my stead ( text —> meimei ) your opinion is important to me you know that meimei ( text —> meimei ) please bring cookies i’ve missed eating your baking ( text —> meimei ) and i will make your favourite chinese so i hope he eats that ( text —> meimei ) otherwise i’m dumping his ass for you for me ;) ( text —> meimei ) i love you, meimei

[ex-yixing247-blog]

247xbora:

[ sms ↳ Gege ] I always have time for you. [ sms ↳ Gege ] Set the time and date. Let me know. [ sms ↳ Gege ] This is the first time you’ve ever asked, gege.. [ sms ↳ Gege ] So I bet he’s important to you.. [ sms ↳ Gege ] Are you.. and him.. a thing?

( text —> meimei ) some sort of something i guess ( text —> meimei ) i don’t know ( text —> meimei ) i hope so ( text —> meimei ) is that enough for now? ( text —> meimei ) how about next saturday, november 4th? ( text —> meimei ) you want to have dinner together at my place?

[ex-yixing247-blog]

247xbora:

[ sms ↳ Gege ] are you getting a gf or a bf? [ sms ↳ Gege ] HIM? [ sms ↳ Gege ] who is this person and why does he deserve a key to the apartment? [ sms ↳ Gege ] i dunno him [ sms ↳ Gege ] I’ll do a background check on him and everything. I will let you know in a few days. [ sms ↳ Gege ] meeting him could process my decision faster though..-

( text —> meimei ) i don’t think i’m getting one of those ( text —> meimei ) although i wouldn’t mind it ( text —> meimei ) just let me know when you have time i’ll invite him over one of those days ( text —> meimei ) i texted you cause i want you to meet him ( text —> meimei ) it’d mean a lot to me :)

[ex-yixing247-blog]

chanyeolx247:

(...) so… now what? the words rung in chanyeol’s head and he had to think about it for a moment before a smile crept over his lips again and he looked to yixing. “now… we pick whose apartment we’re going to be staying at; mine or yours. and ice cream, i think we need ice cream, too.” 

all of a sudden the bottle of beer is gone and chanyeol - park fucking chanyeol - is preaching to him about the benefits of not drinking alcohol anymore and how that is going to be their life from now on. yixing can’t help it; he laughs. not just a short bit of laughter over something funny said, but a bout of long, joyous, eventually breathless laughter that makes him have to hold on to his stomach and in the end even wipe away a few tears when he finally manages to calm down.

“i can’t-” he starts and has to stop to take another breath of air. “believe- that you- of all- people-” another chuckle escapes him and he needs to look away for a moment to be able to keep himself composed. “are lecturing me- about my use of-” he can’t help the half-giggle that comes out along with his last word. “alcohol.” grinning brightly and clearly amused at chanyeol, yixing heaves a deep, happy sigh and wipes once more under his own eyes.

“ahh, i haven’t laughed like that in forever,” he states, grinning loosely and genuinely. it takes him a moment to realise how strange it is for him to feel so happy and free considering the very different mood that has been his constant companion for the past couple of weeks. but he can’t actually be bothered by that, not in this moment in which he is having such an honest and open conversation with chanyeol.

“i think we better pick your house. i promised my little sister i wouldn’t give anyone a key to my place unless she approved of them first. you and i will both die if i don’t keep that promise.” he grins widely once again, despite the fact that his words are mostly truth, and then moves about a bit in the couch until he’s leaning with his back against the back rest again.

“as for your other question...” he mutters as he’s moving, waiting until he’s properly seated before he glances over at his tall friend. he manages somehow to keep the eye contact while he answers, feels like he owes it to himself and his friend to be truthful and open. “i’ve had an interest in you ever since that day i showed up at your door with the ice cream the very first time.” he smiles a bit sheepishly, gives a light shrug of his shoulders.

“it’s why i showed up to begin with, i guess. contrary to what you might believe i don’t actually go up to everyone’s door with ice cream to prove a point.” the smile turns into a sort of smirk again after a second. “although it worked, so there’s that too.” he lets out a bit of a chuckle again, then shrugs his shoulders lightly. “as time went on i just kept..” he grins sheepishly yet again and shrugs once more, not sure how to speak that sentence aloud a second time.

“i’ve just never said anything or done anything because... well..” he makes a vague motion at chanyeol then shrugs again. “guess i should have kissed you sooner, though, if it was going to make you realise how much you like it.” his eyes suddenly start to sparkle when he realises what exactly those words mean. “you really like it?” is the next question out of his mouth then, a hopeful gaze being directed to the taller male.

who did this? ||

[ex-yixing247-blog]

chanyeolx247:

(...) great, now yixing would hate him, and see just how much of an asshole chanyeol truly was. now he’d lose him and everything would just go to crap. perfect. though it dawned on him then, that his issue with sex only applied to women, and the realization made him laugh right out loud. “oh my god… wow.” he shook his head, looking to yixing with sad yet amused eyes. “all this time, i never thought about guys when i really should’ve, i guess. my fears don’t really apply to guys, do they? i’m an idiot.” 

he gave a small shrug, before his face grew grim again, and he averted eye contact with yixing. “do you hate me now? i wouldn’t blame you if you did.”

yixing watches the way chanyeol’s face flushes, catches the change of colour instantly and quickly refocuses his gaze to the other male’s lips when the smile turns embarrassed. he recognises the symptoms so easily because he used to show them all the time in the past. so easily embarrassed by the things he said and did whenever someone else was around. it makes his heart warm to see the same signs on chanyeol and slowly but surely his shock starts to wear off as well, allowing him to look at this entire thing with new eyes. rational eyes, mostly.

he listens to what chanyeol explains to him then and feels his heart go out to the tall male. it’s as if he’s seeing his friend for the first time, the sparkle of his infatuation having fallen away and allowing him to look at chanyeol as he would look at any other person. and what he sees is someone he can relate to, someone who seems to not always know how to handle the things that life throws at him. someone who has lost a big part of his family and doesn’t know how he fits in life on his own.

along with what chanyeol tells him in that very moment, his mind finally manages to process what has been told to him before. and in the end, he watches the way chanyeol catches on to his own error in thinking. he’s still looking when the taller male averts his eyes and yixing sees the emotions behind that actions. for the first time since they’ve gotten to know each other it is as if yixing finally gets to see the person beneath the laughing, drinking exterior that he’s been spending time with. and he’s almost relieved to find there’s actually a person underneath.

it’s his turn to reach out then. he decides not to put his hand on chanyeol’s cheek, instead puts it on his friend’s shoulder and gives it a slight squeeze. “i don’t hate you,” he admits in a soft voice, shaking his head lightly. “i don’t think there is something you did that would make me hate you.” he shrugs. “i do have a crush on you, though, so that’s that.” he lets out a chuckle that is more a release of his own embarrassment over actually having spoken those words, then lets his hand slide down over chanyeol’s arm until he can rest it gently on his friend’s knee.

“it’s normal for you not to think about guys, though, considering you’re straight.” he gives the other male a bit of a reassuring smile, then suddenly snorts. “i am too sober for this type of conversation, to be honest. all my anxiety issues are starting to flare up,” he utters as he leans forward again to be able to pick his bottle of beer back up from the ground. instantly taking another good swig from it, he looks back at chanyeol as he swallows the liquid.

“so...” he speaks after a moment, just looking at his friend trying to grasp at normality. but he finds nothing to finish the sentence with, and so instead he just shrugs a little and looks at the other male to see if anything useful will come from him. “now what?”

who did this? ||

[ex-yixing247-blog]

chanyeolx247:

(...) his face feels hot, and for the first time in a very long time he feels something; it’s like fear but it’s more of a rush, it’s more nervous, and it makes him feel dizzy. it scares him, but in a good way. he lets out a laugh as he pulls his head back to look at yixing properly, his smile curling further into his lips. “besides, you’re a good kisser. who wouldn’t want to keep you around more?”

yixing expected chanyeol to break the kiss. pull away, push him away, whatever means required. not necessarily in disgust, he doesn’t think chanyeol is the type of person to hate him for a single kiss - especially not since they already shared one when the tall male had been drunk once - but he was convinced chanyeol was going to put a quick end to it. so when instead his friend kisses back and even pulls him in closer, he is utterly surprised.

so surprised that, by the time chanyeol brushes a thumb over his cheek, yixing opens his eyes simply to check that it’s really park chanyeol sitting opposite of him. because there’s no anger, there’s no annoyed ‘dude i’m straight what are you doing’ or anything of the kind. there’s nothing of all the scenes he has imagined would transpire if ever he’d scramble his courage together and kiss the other male.

instead there is softness and care and warmth and what feels like acceptance - and yixing is more lost than before any of it even happened.

he pulls away further when chanyeol does, looks at the way the taller male leans in so their foreheads touch. and then he’s suddenly absolutely sure that he passed out somewhere in the last thirty minutes and he is dreaming it all up. any moment now he’s going to wake up, perhaps back in the hospital, and realise he had another blackout. he hasn’t taken any sleeping meds yet since he came back, but there’s been plenty of alcohol already. it must be a dream, a hallucination of some sorts.

but then chanyeol speaks, explains about his own situation, about the way he feels. it sounds familiar and then it doesn’t. it feels familiar and then it doesn’t. he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to think about it. he’s growing very cold all of a sudden as chanyeol speaks, then incredibly warm in the silence as a nose is brushed against his. his cheeks flush, at the same time the rest of his face pales. he doesn’t feel entirely well for a second there, before chanyeol suddenly laughs and yixing starts. nearly falls out of the couch as he does so, but manages to catch himself on the edge of it.

he’s staring at chanyeol then, feeling sick. sick to his very stomach. he doesn’t know what is going on or what he’s supposed to say. all of a sudden every bit of social knowledge he has acquired over the years is gone and he doesn’t even remember how he’s supposed to speak. he’s staring at the way chanyeol is smiling at him. a part of him realises there is warmth in the expression, there are things there that weren’t there before, but he can’t seem to properly grasp what it means, what it entails.

he vaguely recalls a doctor’s voice telling him he should avoid too much excitement and take a few days of rest. he hopes the past couple of days were long enough because there is definitely a lot of heart beating and blood rushing going on. he also hopes that he’s not going to pass out randomly while chanyeol expects some sort of answer from him.

he suddenly realises doesn’t even remember what he’s supposed to give an answer to.

“you haven’t had sex in three years?” is what he manages to utter, because that apparently is the one thing of everything chanyeol just said to him that he remembered and is confused about. “how have you survived?”

who did this? ||

[ex-yixing247-blog]

chanyeolx247:

(...) “we’re going to make it better in a positive way, okay? we’re going to make this better for you, together. i’ll…” an idea dawned on him then, and he pulled back to look at yixing, smiling. “i’ll stay here. or you can come stay with me. one or the other, i don’t care. but we can live together for a while. and i’ll take care of you. how does that sound?” to be quite honest the suggestion was for both of their benefits. yixing clearly needed someone right now and chanyeol… well chanyeol and lonely were synonyms by this point. he could use someone to live with. 

suddenly there’s arms around him and yixing feels himself getting pulled in. he makes sure to move the hand with his beer bottle in it, not wanting to spill anything onto his friend. after a moment, when he’s pulled entirely into chanyeol’s embrace, he slightly moves to the side a little so he can leave his beer bottle on the ground next to it. no point in holding on to that thing, it’s not like he’s going to be able to swallow or drink what with the lump in his throat and his face being pressed into park chanyeol’s shoulder.

he thinks he might die in that very moment.

then he figures if he’s going to die he can just as well make the most of it, so he circles his arms around chanyeol’s waist and pulls himself further into the hug. buries himself in the arms and the chest and the entirety of the man who is making all these types of emotions blossom inside of his chest. the promise of things being okay is so unbelievable but simply because the words are coming from chanyeol’s mouth, yixing decides to give them another chance to come true.

chanyeol’s asking him how he can help, telling him he can cry. his throat tightens up even more than before and he feels himself desperately hanging off the edge, trying his utter best not to go down the slope that he has been trying to avoid ever since his father died. there is so much care in chanyeol’s voice that his heart is going overdrive, despite the tightness in his chest and the pain in his throat. despite the heaviness of everything he’s already holding back, his entire being decides to light up merely because chanyeol is doing all these things to him - for him.

he can’t speak until chanyeol is done talking and the silence lingers. his mind crosses over the options chanyeol is giving him and his heart soars, then plummets as deeply as it could ever fall. the butterflies die, the tension in his chest releases then tightens for entirely different reasons. they can’t live together. yixing is a mess. the only place he can keep said truth from any prying eyes is at home. if he stays with chanyeol, the other male will figure it all out, will realise what kind of a shit person he is.

his desire to keep the shit hidden is not as big as his desire to be close to chanyeol. so he realises he’s going to have to throw himself out there and explain it all to chanyeol so his friend can make a properly educated decision.

well, almost all.

“i’m a mess,” he decides to declare, gasping for breath after because he’s never actually said the words out loud. he shifts slightly in their position but doesn’t try to break away from chanyeol’s hold. he prefers the hug over the sigh of chanyeol’s face when he’s going to declare his issues. “i’m a goddamn mess.” he turns his head so that his cheek rests against chanyeol’s shoulder, face turned away from his friend’s. he doesn’t want to see and, more importantly, he doesn’t want chanyeol to see. the way the tears are stinging in his eyes again, heavy on the tones of his voice.

“i’m an alcoholic and an addict. i’m depressed. i pretend to be someone i’m not every single day of my life. i’m a grand fucking piece of advertisement for all the things you shouldn’t do.” he takes in another quivering breath, then bites out a bitter: “i just want it all to end.”

but he doesn’t. not in that very moment. he doesn’t want the hug to end, he wants it to last forever. because in chanyeol’s arms he’s feeling something other than the hopelessness. even if it’s doomed to die out eventually, it’s a feeling he hasn’t felt in a long time and he wishes he could hold on to it for as long a it’ll last him. milk it out for everything it’s got to give.

he knows using someone else to soothe his own pain is a shit way to treat someone. he wishes he could stop wanting to use chanyeol for that exact means. he doesn’t. the tears no longer threaten to fall as he’s moved on from that dangerous place to the place where it’s all too much to even do something as cry over it. he thinks if he’s going to ruin it all, he can just as well do it proper.

and so he shifts in his position, tightens his hold on chanyeol, dredges up all his courage from a place where he simply doesn’t care enough to consider what consequences his actions will have..

and he kisses park chanyeol.

who did this? ||

[ex-yixing247-blog]

chanyeolx247:

(...) “come on, tell me. you say you missed me, you gotta tell me what’s been going on, du–” and that’s when he finally notices it - how much yixing looks like actual hell. his playful, easy smile disappears quickly and his face twists into pure concern, his relaxed, slouched position suddenly becoming upright, and his eyes attentive as he looks over all of yixing’s features. it’s instinct when his hand comes up to cup yixing’s cheek, his eyes tracing each facial feature with intricate study. 

“what the hell happened to you?”

yixing remains quiet as the words sink in the silence between them. a comfortable silence. warm, meaningful words. he keeps his eyes closed as he allows them to fill his entire being with a sense of expectation. it’s a useless expectation, he knows. his unrequited love is a story of many months and years. he has long given up on the hope that things would change anytime soon. he has not, however, considered the idea of ever letting go of his feelings.

especially in this very moment where anything he feels is more than he has done in a long time. where even the agony of all that would never happen is better than the bleak pit of darkness he’s been gradually sinking into deeper and deeper than he used to be. he listens to the way chanyeol complains of weeks spent locked in his office, a smile relaxing his features and smoothing out the rougher edges.

then, suddenly, chanyeol stops talking, and right as yixing opens his eyes to check why that is, a hand cups his cheek. the world stops for a very long moment. a second, spread out over a lifetime - or so it feels. chanyeol’s looking at him attentively, more attentively than he’s ever been looked at by the tall male and suddenly ever bit of his usual reservedness returns to him in full force.

he quickly averts his eyes to the side, feeling a blush slowly creep up his cheeks. luckily chanyeol speaks before it can become too obvious to deny, but the words are not very acceptable either. yixing’s eyes automatically spring back up to meet chanyeol’s and he looks into his friend’s dark pupils for a few quiet heartbeats.

all of a sudden his eyes fill themselves with tears, the sting behind them warning him that more are to come when he spills the ones that are already there. he doesn’t want to cry, especially not in front of someone else, but somehow the last of his reserves disappear like melting snow. he’s tired, he’s lonely and the warmth that seems to radiate off of chanyeol seeps into his very core and warms him up from the depths of his self.

he opens his mouth to speak, to answer the question with some witty comment, but all that comes out is a bit of a croak. it embarrasses him more than the tears did. that’s when he pulls his head back from chanyeol’s touch and averts his entire body ever so slightly from his friend. he considers pretending like the question was never asked, but he can’t, because it hangs in the air between them too obviously. still, he doesn’t want to speak of the truth too much either.

“shit,” is therefore what he eventually manages to reply, after clearing his throat too. “a lot of shit.” he huffs out a bitter smile. “that i don’t really want to talk about.” with that confession, he takes another good swig from his drink and blinks the tears away as if they were never there to begin with. “if indeed my life has been more interesting, which i highly doubt, it definitely wasn’t in a positive way.” the bitter smile lingers on his features, souring with every second that passes.

who did this? ||

[ex-yixing247-blog]

chanyeolx247:

(...) he made his way over to the fridge to grab them a few beers, making himself at home like he always did. “i know i could’ve picked someone else to burden with my sober ass, but, you know, it’s you. i had to see you. and drink your booze.” he chuckled a bit, opening the bottles for both of them and handing off yixing’s drink to him before settling down next to him on the couch, facing him in his seat and giving him his undivided attention. “so buddy,” he tapped yixing’s bottle with the neck of his own, “what’s new?”

yixing can’t help it. not the way his chest seems to unclench ever so slightly, nor the grin that is threatening to split his face in two. it’s all he can do to keep standing where he is and not throw himself around chanyeol’s neck. when his friend speaks, he also can’t stop the laughter from leaking out of him in an almost genuinely cheerful way. he shakes his head lightly and gently punches chanyeol’s shoulder with his free hand.

“if you’re zeus, i’m superman,” he retorts with an easy grin - and once again marvels at how quickly the happiness returns to him in that very moment. it had been so elusive in the last couple of weeks, so hard for him to even try and find use in getting out of his bed. and now here he is, seeing nothing but use in keeping up this conversation, keeping that bright expression on chanyeol’s face.

the hug catches him by surprise, but he accepts it instantly. a testament to his infatuation, how he’s allowing chanyeol into his apartment and even his arms when he’d worked so hard to get an evening for himself from bora. still, he breathes out a bit of a sigh and relaxes ever so slowly as chanyeol’s hold on him remains longer than it usually would.

still, when chanyeol speaks again, yixing flutters. he cannot name the feeling anything other than that. something inside him leaps at the way chanyeol states he was the first option. something else in him sinks when he realises how horrible of an option he truly has become. not someone to go to after a long, hard day’s work. he is a long hard day’s work himself.

his arms slip from around chanyeol’s shoulders when he is let go of and he hums lightly to the rest of his friend’s words. he makes sure to lock the door behind chanyeol and then heads over to his living room again with the other male. he flops down in his couch as if he’s never left it, then waits patiently for the tall male to join him. he takes the new bottle as it is offered to him, before toasting to their drinking evening and then closing his eyes as he takes a swig.

chanyeol’s asking for an explanation of the lost time but there’s hardly a lot for him to say. even less that he actually wants to bring up too. so he settles for the easy way out. “i don’t know much either, man. i’ve been pretty much out of it for the past couple of weeks.” he does not mention that work had nothing to do with it. “i’m glad you’re finally released from the clutches of work and a sober life, though.”

his gaze flickers shortly over at chanyeol, taking in his profile and trying to not think of what it would be like to cross the boundaries set by their friendship and kiss the man. he’s insane. chanyeol is as straight as straight gets and yixing is as respectful of that as he wishes everyone could be. still, when he turns his head away and closes his eyes once more to rest them, he can’t help but speak the words on his mind.

“i’ve missed you.”

who did this? ||

[ex-yixing247-blog]

247xbora:

(...) “You need to tell me who did this to you, so we can sue them properly.. before I end up trying to murder whoever it is.” Slouching back in the chair, Bora presses her fingers against her temples. “I don’t understand why anyone would do this to you. I hope this isn’t some kind of sick business issue.”

Yixing knows the answer his little sister is going to give him, but he still sighs when the words fall from her lips. His eyes close almost automatically and he turns his head away slightly, as if trying not to hear the other words she speaks to him. He hears them regardless. They make him a little angry, somehow, mostly because he doesn’t want to have to admit it’s all true and he really only just dreamed that wonderful time with his father and her.

Then the subject changes, luckily. He turns his head back to be able to look at her, take in her expression and the way she looks so truly scorned. He can only imagine the rage that will overtake her when he speaks the name of who it was that made him end up in this situation. Although admittedly the bigger part of it is his own doing, but the last drop came from someone he knows she already doesn’t like as it is. Somehow the thought brings a smile to his face and then he’s chuckling.

“It was Riah,” he admits, while still chuckling in genuine amusement. He must look like a lunatic. That or he just looks like someone who’s not properly awake yet after being unconscious for over twenty-four hours. He doesn’t care. Nothing quite matters as much to him anymore as it used to. In this very moment not even his little sister’s opinion of him does. “She hit me on the head with a glass bottle after I threw it at her back.”

He’s still grinning. Widely. Wickedly. Whatever it is, he’s quite sure he shouldn’t be having such a cheerful expression on his face considering the fact that he’s in the hospital. But he’s a little out of it. A lot, is probably a better way to phrase that. “Somebody from her friend group bumped into me and I spilled my drink on her. I apologised and then, when I realised it was her I left.” He has to pause the explanation for a moment to let out another chuckle.

“She came after me then to shout at me about ruining her dress and poured a drink over me too before storming off. That’s when I threw my bottle at her.” He snorts lightly as he remembers every tiny detail of the moment. “I had a faint moment right after and she hit me over the head with the bottle while I was bent forward slightly.” He can’t help but grin. “I passed out.”

And then he’s laughing again. The type of laughter that has him gasping for breath, clutching at his stomach and trying his very best to stop. But rather than actually managing, he just keeps laughing. Like a madman. It doesn’t matter though. He feels like a madman, he can just as well act like one. Best for Bora to see firsthand what kind of shit her gege has been reduced to by now than for her to find out through the grapevine over time.

knocked out of heaven

[ex-yixing247-blog]

247jiyong:

Taking the earbud handed to him, as the male searches through the surely broad music library Jiyong begins to wonder what other songs the device is filled with. If he was to reason out the schoolmate’s taste just regarding the impression he’s given him so far, he’d say he probably has a liking for acoustic tunes, which he himself usually avoids unless he’s in the mood requiring tracks softer than the ones he listens to on a daily basis. In the meantime he briefly remembers his CD shelf, which stores mainly the releases of American rappers as well as South Korean hip-hop groups.

Hearing the first sounds, he quickly finds himself feebly nodding his head along with the rhythm, but the moment he catches the foreign words, Jiyong slowly pulls his eyebrows together, as though it would help him to suddenly comprehend the language. “Oh, I see.” His facial expression relaxes as the boy explains the presence of Mandarin there and a pleasant smile returns. Understanding only the few English phrases appearing in the played song, it doesn’t stop him from enjoying it. He cares about meaningful lyrics, yet now the voice carrying emotion is enough for him to say he can’t be singing about trivialities.

Listening studiously, his eyes shift towards the guy, who appears somewhat nervous — what’s no surprise, in fact. “It’s good. Very good, to be exact,” Stating in utter honesty, he breaks into an affirming grin. “I could be listening to this on repeat, really!”

Yixing smiles warmly over at Jiyong when the male compliments the song. He feels instantly happy and content. Proud too, even. Letting his gaze wander over the other male’s face, Yixing thinks of all the things he could do with feedback on his songs the minute he’s finished them. Feedback from someone who actually also knows a thing or two about music production.

Then he starts to grin lightly when Jiyong states he could listen to it on repeat. “Well, it’s on my soundcloud. Nobody’s stopping you from doing exactly that,” he counters easily, speaking so lightly and without hesitation that he surprises himself with it a little. He’s usually never this quickly comfortable around someone. Especially not when that someone has listened to one of his self-composed songs.

But Jiyong seems nice. Jiyong seems trustworthy too, and Yixing feels somehow as if he’s known the male forever. That’s surely how it feels.

“You want to hear another one?” He questions, and in all his enthusiasm about their shared love for music, he already starts looking for another song before Jiyong can even answer the question. He quickly scrolls through his library and selects another finished song, allowing it to play through the earphones as he does so.

— Earphones