excuse-me-why-am-i-sad

[excuse-me-why-am-i-sad]

Im so terrified of everything. I feel so anxious. I keep doubting myself. everything seems useless. everything is so worthless. I wanna abandon everything and disappear.

August 17,2025

[excuse-me-why-am-i-sad]

Nothing i do will amount to anything

i will always be trapped here

forever crying

forever hurting

forever in tears

as all my efforts are useless

none seem to work

im constantly distracting myself

constantly trying to get along

doing what i cant

forcing what i shouldn't

not even getting what i want

so simple

so easy

so quick

death.

that's it

that's the only thing i want

please

im such a coward

i can't do it

i'm so tired

but i'm so scared

i'm always so terrified

it doesn't matter who i tell

it doesn't matter who i ask for help

it's all temporary

it's all an illussion

nothing is every real

everything is a lie

this whole thing is a hallucination

i'm just hallucinating

the goal will

and shall always be

for my death.

the goal is for me to die.

please hurry it up.

August 10,2025 1:29 am

[excuse-me-why-am-i-sad]

Things didn't get better it just got worse

im more anxious

more terrified

more scared

im constantly crying

constantly in pain

im continuously living in fear

why

why cant i just die

why cant i just end it all

im too much of a coward

what should i do

im frightened

so confused

always conflicted

things didn't get better

im still in pain

July 28,2025

[excuse-me-why-am-i-sad]

up until now i dont know what i want

im useless

i get scared easily

i get so anxious

death feels like its the only solution

even when i know that it's not

i cant bare the other options

they seem more tiring

so much more painful

i dont want

that pain

i dont want that suffering

but still

to this day

i cannot

kill myself

i am

worthless

July 22,2025

[excuse-me-why-am-i-sad]

It's still not worth it to live

i don't want to exist anymore

there is no joy

just pain

constant suffering

it is not worth it

i am too much of a coward to kill myself

i hope someone does it for me

JUly 18,2025

[excuse-me-why-am-i-sad]

Can you take all my pain away?

All my sorrow

All my despair

All my anger

All my regrets

Can you take All of them away?

My hands feel so heavy

My mind is so scattered

Just when I think that things are going well

It goes wrong

Just when I start to believe

That things can be better

They make it worse

12:44 pm

July 4, 2025

[excuse-me-why-am-i-sad]

even to this day, i cannot understand why people continue to live

i'm genunely curious

or perhaps i want a reason to live too

and i try to get that by asking someone else

haha

July 3, 2025 12:22 am

[excuse-me-why-am-i-sad]

Excuses

I can't go out today, i feel sick

'no, you don't. you're just lazy'

"but maybe, just maybe. she is sick"

'of something'

I can't do that, i'm tired

'you aren't. you're just doing nothing'

nunquam genitus desiderem

June 21,2025

12:17 am

[excuse-me-why-am-i-sad]

cause he yelled at me after a long stressful day at work + things didnt go according to plan cause someone got what he wanted for me

took his fucking anger out on my ass and I'm literally trying to be understanding towards him

[excuse-me-why-am-i-sad]

[excuse-me-why-am-i-sad]

In dysfunctional families, members often take on specific roles like the Hero, Scapegoat, Lost Child, Mascot, or Enabler/Caretaker, which can perpetuate unhealthy patterns and dynamics. 

Here's a breakdown of some common dysfunctional family roles:

The Hero:This individual strives for perfection and overachieves to gain validation and prove the family is "okay". 

The Scapegoat:This person is blamed for the family's problems and often experiences negativity and rejection. 

The Lost Child:This member is often withdrawn, quiet, and seeks to avoid attention or conflict, sometimes feeling invisible. 

The Mascot/Clown:This person uses humor and lightheartedness to diffuse tension and gain attention, often masking underlying feelings. 

The Enabler/Caretaker:This individual tries to control or fix the problems of others, often enabling unhealthy behaviors and neglecting their own needs. 

The Golden Child:This is the child who is considered perfect and can do no wrong, often used as a stand-in for a parent's own accomplishments and magnificence. 

The Parentified Child:This child is forced to take on adult responsibilities and act as a parent to their own siblings or parent. 

[excuse-me-why-am-i-sad]

I have no worth when i am not studying

my knowledge is useless

i can't even perfect it

i don't even fully understand it

i am useless during breaks

i feel bad when im not doing anything of worth

my life has no direction

im just here

why can't i just die

this is ridiculous

how long do i have to stay here

i was never meant to reach this age

i was never meant to grow up

i should have died that day

in 2018

March 27,2025 5:25 pm

[excuse-me-why-am-i-sad]

start of self sabotage

first try vape mix berry March 24 2025 AM

[excuse-me-why-am-i-sad]

The parent suffers the child suffers

children are parasites

but they are created by their parents

the parents are the cause of the suffering of their own and their children

March 18,2025 12:26 am

[excuse-me-why-am-i-sad]

why can't you understand why i don't want to exist?

March 17,2025 11:35 pm

[excuse-me-why-am-i-sad]

are you not tired of existing?

March 17,2025 11:29 pm

[excuse-me-why-am-i-sad]

i know that i am losing myself but i also know that i already lost myself

February 15,2025 8:20 pm