exhausted-rebel-scientist

[exhausted-rebel-scientist]

I think if I could be the kind stranger in someone’s memory, that’d be enough.

[exhausted-rebel-scientist]

I had such a great day yesterday. I'm passing the great day onto the next person. you get it, it's yours now

[exhausted-rebel-scientist]

“You never reply to messages” I am just one person okay I am understaffed

[exhausted-rebel-scientist]

hey bro can i ask you a question that will reveal a deep and fundamental gap in my knowledge of the world

[exhausted-rebel-scientist]

[exhausted-rebel-scientist]

look. i don’t think my stretch marks are beautiful. i don’t think they’re tiger stripes or natural tattooos. i don’t think my acne is beautiful. i don’t think the bags under my eyes are beautiful. i just think they’re human. and i don’t think i have to be beautiful all of the time in order to be accepted and loved and sucessful. i don’t think every small detail of my outer appearence needs to be translated into prettiness.

[exhausted-rebel-scientist]

legitimately worldview altering realisation and i'm not even employed right now

[exhausted-rebel-scientist]

[exhausted-rebel-scientist]

when you save alarms for specific things but then you just keep reusing them. like sure wake me up at the chocolate milk alarm, what do i care

[exhausted-rebel-scientist]

[exhausted-rebel-scientist]

Adult realization: you will make mistakes, you will act irrationally. You will commit some wrongs that cannot be fully righted. People will dislike you and misunderstand you for all sorts of reasons. None of these make you a bad person. All you can do is try your best to be kind and just to people, grow and learn.

[exhausted-rebel-scientist]

[exhausted-rebel-scientist]

Me: I don't get it. I thought I was doing a lot better than I was a few years ago. I'm like 10 times more on top of things than I used to be. How does everything feel terrible now?

The Tiny Me in OSHA-approved Hi-Vis Gear Who lives in my brain and pulls all the levers: Boss, it's the fascism. You're completely gunked up with cortisol due to the fact that your entire daily life is now underscored with a haunting awareness of the rapid erosion of your rights, dignity, and any and all social safety nets, and you're also bearing witness to the most vulnerable people immediately being persecuted. This creates a natural stress response that basically means you're going to continue having memory and organizational problems, as well as emotional imbalances.

Me: BUT I HAVE A BULLET JOURNAL AND I MEDITATE NOW.

Tiny OSHA Me: BOSS, THE FASCISM.

[exhausted-rebel-scientist]

“In the war film, a soldier can hold his buddy—as long as his buddy is dying on the battlefield. In the western, Butch Cassidy can wash the Sundance Kid’s naked flesh—as long as it is wounded. In the boxing film, a trainer can rub the well-developed torso and sinewy back of his protege—as long as it is bruised. In the crime film, a mob lieutenant can embrace his boss like a lover—as long as he is riddled with bullets. 

Violence makes the homo-eroticism of many “male” genres invisible; it is a structural mechanism of plausible deniability.”

–Tarantino’s Incarnational Theology: Reservoir Dogs, Crucifixions, and Spectacular Violence. Kent L. Brintnall.

[exhausted-rebel-scientist]

Frederick Judd Waugh - Freshening Breeze

[exhausted-rebel-scientist]

the key to surviving grad school (also maybe life but definitely grad school) is to pick a side quest every few months or so. something that brings you joy and that you can get better at over time, independent of whether or not your research or classes are going well. put your need for academic validation to use in a non-academic setting and everything will feel less dire and you will learn you are more than your work

[exhausted-rebel-scientist]

I feel such a deep soul bond with this image. It is me and I am it