f-list-diaries

[f-list-diaries]

Fin

I suppose it’s only fair that I finish this brief saga with the update that I did eventually find 2 people as partners. One new, one old. And as predicted, it took me 2-3 weeks. Maybe 4. If anyone ever stumbles across this, here’s the takeaway: Persistence is needed, but it does pay off.

[f-list-diaries]

Day 10 - 15

The summary of the last few days is quite simple: More of the same. Idling, occasionally setting myself to looking, very occasionally posting the new ad, and trying to start conversation in this or that room, now and then.

I’ve believed, for a long time, that the actual best way to find partners on F-List is passive discovery. The ad system is fine, but almost nobody that I’d consider interesting seem to use it. Those that are just looking for a quick one-off scene that’s straight to the point, they probably do fine with it. Particularly if they’re purple, or pansexual pink.

In any case, my talking in one channel actually lead to me messaging someone that, at least based on my profile and ad, wouldn't consider me a match. They said they figured I was looking for something else, and, at least mostly, I am. But we do have some overlap, and they write well. I think we might have some interesting play, but, as always, schedules tend to put these things some time in the future. Nothing has come of it yet.

This, however, leads me into how to actually find partners. Chatting in channels isn't something you should do just as an ad, but it's fine to pass the time, and demonstrates what kind of player you are to potentially interesting people that might otherwise never give you a second thought. This is good. Don't force it, don't be pushy, but just remember that talking in channels relevant to your character is a fine way to get some eyes on you.

The next way to find partners is the character search system. Either in-chat, or on the site. Both work. Some may discover you through it, and you may discover relevant partners through it. I actually have, in the past. You just have to be willing to skim through many, many pages of characters. You can discount a lot of them based on name and avatar, and just skim the remaining ones. Of those remaining, you may have a 1% hit rate, but it's still a way for you to try to find someone.

Lastly, there is the method of finding partners that way, way too many on F-Chat use. Sit quietly for hours, days, weeks, and hope that someone else decides to approach you. Then hope that it isn't just "hi" or someone who clearly hasn't read your profile. You can, perhaps, tell from my tone that I don't hold this method in too high regard. It's fine as a baseline, but it isn't all you should do.

Of course, the basis for finding partners is a good avatar, and a good profile. Preferably an enticing but brief status message with some picture links. These are, obviously, just my experiences and opinions.

[f-list-diaries]

well, how’s the search going now? i’m having a lot of the same troubles you are, but i just joined the site around a week ago. it’s pretty frustrating

Still slowly getting views and bookmarks, but otherwise, no real response. The one person I've found is someone I wouldn't have considered a normal match, and is someone that really doesn't match my ad, either. I just goofed around with some silly RP in a channel, and eventually realized that we clicked. That's another slow burn, though, due to their schedule and mine. Meaning: No RP, just yet.

I went into this whole thing figuring that it'd take me 2-3 weeks to start finding people (because that's what it usually takes, for me), and so far, that has pretty much held true. It has been roughly 2 weeks, and I have found some people. Just not RPed with them yet. The caveat is that one of the people I found was someone I knew from before, while the other one is someone I found interesting despite not having 90% or higher kink match.

I have a post coming out later today that talks a little more about what my considerations are when trying to find people.

[f-list-diaries]

Day 8

Much the same story. A minuscule amount of talk, though no ad posting. Turned on Looking, though that seemed to produce nothing. Morale was getting pretty low, and I was starting to consider letting the idea of finding a good RP partner go, to take another 6-12 month break from the site. The old friend previously mentioned showed up again, however, and I guess I'm a sucker, because I was immediately ready to do something. We talk for a little while about the setup of the RP we might do, and then they have a real life thing come up and have to go. These things happen, and real life comes first. Sucks, but, that's just how it goes sometimes. It leaves me back where I was, looking.

Hours of idling pass. Throw a round of ads out, but otherwise, nothing happens. I end up deciding to write a different ad. One with more links to appropriate images and videos, with slightly different wording, which I'm hoping might bring in some more interest. Who knows? I'm not sure it's really the ad that's the problem, though I've tried to be a little more explicit in the hopes that it might catch the attention of someone that previously skipped the ad. I had a friend try to take a fresh eyes look at my profile, and they did not find anything they thought was wrong. Granted, this is an existing friend. They're likely to like what they see already, but it is at least a different set of eyes than mine. All that's left to do, now, is wait.

The new ad got a few bookmarks, and someone quite close to compatible messaged me. It made me wonder if I'm being too picky. It was someone that I think I'd have enjoyed RPing with, but not a perfect match. Someone seeming into things taking a somewhat more violent and noncon bent than what I'd like. I did say that I think a one-off might be better, but they never responded after that. This is another fact of F-List, really. There's going to be a lot of quietness. I do it too, so I'm not surprised, or even upset. I can imagine that a purple profile like the one that approached has its pick of the litter, so I doubt they cared much about my rejection.

[f-list-diaries]

Day 7

Another half-ish day or less of a little idle chit-chat. No ad posting, though I did set myself to looking for a while. Seemed to get nothing out of that. Experience tells me that it takes 2-3 weeks, at least on average, from when I start looking for a decent partner until I find one. I hope it'll hold true this time, too, though I'm not all that hopeful. A week in, and basically nothing to show for it. I don't want to whine, and I certainly won't do so on F-Chat, but it is discouraging. Still, complaining about it isn't going to make hooking someone good any easier, and so, I try to refrain from doing it. There's always tomorrow. And the day after. And...

[f-list-diaries]

Day 6

Dreadfully little to report today. Some chatting in a room, a lot of idling, a minuscule amount of ad posting. It's beginning to feel like I've exhausted the potentially interested, because it's generally just slower going, getting views or bookmarks. Not that those are great marker of success, but they show, at least, that some people have looked at your profile. My ad probably isn't sexually charged enough, but if I make it more explicit, it'll likely start attracting the kinds of one-off pump and dumpers that I'm not really looking for. Still, I'll consider it for the future. Maybe I'll just make a separate ad, and change up day by day which one I post.

[f-list-diaries]

Day 5

Joined a channel that was advertised in LFRP, thinking it might have some interesting folks. No. During my investigation of a few profiles, it also struck me how incredibly quickly I can get turned off even investigating further. Pass the name and avatar check, but have a spelling or grammar mistake in the first custom kink I look at? I'm probably gone. It does depend a little bit on the profile. Some give off the right kind of vibe, so that kind of small failing can be ignored. But if you have 2 customs and you still cannot be bothered to make sure they're correct, I suppose I feel like that tells me something about the kind of RPer you are.

The day passed quietly, with a little bit of chat in one of the few channels that isn't just filled with shitposting, eicons, and one-word entry emotes. Once again, I was busy in the evening, so not the most active day. Just a lot of idling with a status up, and a single round of ad-posting in relevant channels. Not much visible progress this day. I have few hopes of finding someone to roleplay with for the weekend, and my old friend still has not shown up again. Perhaps I said something to scare them off. Anyway, with that, the day comes to a close.

[f-list-diaries]

Day 4

Once more, I idle and occasionally use the character search. Type an entrance emote (again, not just one of those no-effort flop ones) into one of the channels I'm in, to no reaction. Go through the user list of a few of the channels I'm in, checking avatars of people I could potentially be interested in. The vast majority don't even get a profile check, underlining to me even more how much name and avatar matters. To me, at least. Having a good status is just extra eye candy, and I should remember to have one up, even if it's the same one, repeatedly. It's an important part of the first thing people see when they look at you.

It's easy to become demoralized when it's hard to find suitable partners, but my experiences in the past tell me that it's mostly about being persistent for a while. Interesting people usually start showing up once I've been back for a few weeks, where I've done a little fishing. I have no doubt that I could find a dick to suck if that's the roleplay I was looking for, but it's not. As such, it's hard to consider this an indictment of the site in general. I could find roleplay if I wanted to, just not the roleplay I'm interested in. The kind of high-quality dominant I'm looking for is both rare and usually already up to their gills in attention as it is. This is how it goes, on F-Chat. I know the game I'm in, and try not to let it bother me. I would approach them if I could find them, though all I see are the typical garish types. Luckily, I do have another F-List friend on Discord that I can occasionally complain to. They know the struggle, and dutifully listen.

Same person I didn't respond to messaged "hi" again. Still didn't respond. That probably makes me a bad person, but I've long-since decided not to engage with people who put no effort in. "Hi." is bad enough. "hi" is an insult.

Today was also the day where I asked for profile feedback in one of the channels dedicated to that sort of thing. I've been idling in it for a while, without seeing anyone say a thing. Predictably, no one replied when I asked for feedback. I've resolved reply if anyone else ever asks for feedback. It was an otherwise quiet day, with a little talk in public channels, once more. As can be expected at this point, that lead to no contact. But still, I view most of it as just putting the profile out there. Sooner or later, the right someone will see it.

Posted the ad with an extremely minor modification in a few channels. I continue to slowly accrue views and bookmarks, but as of yet no approaches that fit right. More people complimenting the profile, though, strengthening confidence in it. Unless the wrong people like it. I don't think that's it, though. Anyway, I actually end up talking with a few people throughout the evening. Promising, but that's where it remains. My old friend/contact doesn't show.

[f-list-diaries]

Day 3

Checking in on F-Chat again, I see that someone wrote me a message while I was asleep. I will quote it here, in its entirety: "hi"

Tab closed. Moving on. I begin to realize that, in spite of what I would consider a decent profile for what I'm after, one cannot argue with the numbers of F-List. Submissives are plentiful. Dominants, less so. I'm not going to pretend not to have standards or that I'm not picky. I'm looking for a particular kind of thing, and it's very clear, at this stage, that what I remember from past forays into the site on this characters is true. There is no angle or position from which wanting more partners is a good experience. Sure, on my dominant character with good art, I don't even have to try to get approaches, they just happen over the hours. Especially if I talk in channels to be seen. A frighteningly small amount of those approaches are from people I'm interested in. Tangent, but, the reason I even made a dominant profile in the first place was that I was tired of not being able to find the kind of dominant that I wanted, and therefore resolved to just try to be one. It can get tiring, though. Especially since it isn't truly me.

Anyway: On this submissive profile, I'm rapidly facing the reality that nobody really seems to go looking for submissives. That, or my profile is just flawed. It certainly isn't all that overtly sexual, image-wise, though it projects the vibe I'm looking to project, so I'm satisfied enough. I begin to use the character search functions, but find not a sign of an interesting character.

I continue to chat with my old friend, and we finally get back into an old groove some more. However, due to us both working, it's pretty sporadic, and at some point, they seem to just AFK entirely. I talk a little more in various channels, but it feels mostly forced, even if I try to actually talk, rather than doing something like the omni-present "flops." Set a status image with pretty overt D/s tones, but it seems not to matter.

The ad is posted once more, but as this evening is a busy one for me outside of F-Chat, I don't really do anything more than exist in the chat.

[f-list-diaries]

Day 2

Another day of idling. I talk a little more with my old friend, but not much. I find an amusing and cute (but non-sexual) image and use it as my status for the day. Once off work, I craft an ad, and post it several times in channels I consider relevant to my character. Gain 1 or 2 bookmarks, but nothing else comes of it. In what I feel will become a trend, I forget to shut off my laptop when falling asleep, leaving me logged in for some 30 minutes or so.

[f-list-diaries]

Day 1

I return to a character I haven't played on in something like a year and a half. The profile is made, and requires only minor updates, but I wasn't some well-known face in any particular channel. I had around 3600 views, and 130 bookmarks. I cannot really archive what the profile was specifically like, at the time. But, in the interest of being upfront and open, this is the profile: https://www.f-list.net/c/leah%20vanarion

To absolutely no fanfare, I log back into F-Chat to idle while working from home. After some time, someone I'd once talked to messages me. We'd never RPed, and they don't really remember why they have me bookmarked. I check their kinks, and see some stuff I'm really not into. Politely decline, and move on. Later on, in the same day, another old contact messages me. I don't realize it at first, because they deleted the character I knew them on, but remade it with a new profile. As a result, I'm a little standoff-ish, but not criminally so.