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NOTICE: As more and more fanfic writers are using generative AI for their works (you uncreative dweebs), I hereby swear on everything I hold dear that I have not and will NEVER use generative AI in ANY of my written work. Everything I post will be organically and creatively my own.

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Chapters: 2/? Fandom: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Aiden/Lambert (The Witcher), Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Aiden & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Lambert Characters: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Jaskier | Dandelion, Lambert (The Witcher), Aiden (The Witcher), Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon Additional Tags: Monsterfucker Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, monsterfucking to cope with the loss of a loved one, monsterfucking as the means of losing a loved one, Hell but it’s IKEA and inspired by Dante’s Inferno, out-of-place pop culture references, special musical guest Ciri, Going to Hell, Hell, Song: Careless Whisper (Wham!), Vampires, Leshens (The Witcher), non-exhaustive tag list, Plot convenience, IKEA Summary:

After Jaskier dies suddenly under mysterious circumstances, Geralt takes it upon himself to search for answers. A search that quickly devolves into questionable decisions and coping mechanisms. Thankfully, Lambert stumbles upon him and decides to erode his sanity by trying to keep Geralt from getting himself killed in the dumbest way possible. Meanwhile, Jaskier awakes to find himself in the eighth circle of Hell, which looks suspiciously like an IKEA…and who is there to greet him but a cat witcher who happens to know Lambert? How convenient! Together, they make the arduous journey to escape Hell and reunite with their beloveds! Join us for a tale of monsterfucking, trying to navigate an IKEA, random pop culture references, and more monsterfucking!

Taglist:

@weirdandabsurd42

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Chapters: 2/? Fandom: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Aiden/Lambert (The Witcher), Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Aiden & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Lambert Characters: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Jaskier | Dandelion, Lambert (The Witcher), Aiden (The Witcher), Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon Additional Tags: Monsterfucker Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, monsterfucking to cope with the loss of a loved one, monsterfucking as the means of losing a loved one, Hell but it’s IKEA and inspired by Dante’s Inferno, out-of-place pop culture references, special musical guest Ciri, Going to Hell, Hell, Song: Careless Whisper (Wham!), Vampires, Leshens (The Witcher), non-exhaustive tag list, Plot convenience, IKEA Summary:

After Jaskier dies suddenly under mysterious circumstances, Geralt takes it upon himself to search for answers. A search that quickly devolves into questionable decisions and coping mechanisms. Thankfully, Lambert stumbles upon him and decides to erode his sanity by trying to keep Geralt from getting himself killed in the dumbest way possible. Meanwhile, Jaskier awakes to find himself in the eighth circle of Hell, which looks suspiciously like an IKEA…and who is there to greet him but a cat witcher who happens to know Lambert? How convenient! Together, they make the arduous journey to escape Hell and reunite with their beloveds! Join us for a tale of monsterfucking, trying to navigate an IKEA, random pop culture references, and more monsterfucking!

Taglist:

@weirdandabsurd42

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Chapters: 2/? Fandom: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Aiden/Lambert (The Witcher), Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Aiden & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Lambert Characters: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Jaskier | Dandelion, Lambert (The Witcher), Aiden (The Witcher), Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon Additional Tags: Monsterfucker Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, monsterfucking to cope with the loss of a loved one, monsterfucking as the means of losing a loved one, Hell but it's IKEA and inspired by Dante's Inferno, out-of-place pop culture references, special musical guest Ciri, Going to Hell, Hell, Song: Careless Whisper (Wham!), Vampires, Leshens (The Witcher), non-exhaustive tag list, Plot convenience, IKEA Summary:

After Jaskier dies suddenly under mysterious circumstances, Geralt takes it upon himself to search for answers. A search that quickly devolves into questionable decisions and coping mechanisms. Thankfully, Lambert stumbles upon him and decides to erode his sanity by trying to keep Geralt from getting himself killed in the dumbest way possible. Meanwhile, Jaskier awakes to find himself in the eighth circle of Hell, which looks suspiciously like an IKEA...and who is there to greet him but a cat witcher who happens to know Lambert? How convenient! Together, they make the arduous journey to escape Hell and reunite with their beloveds! Join us for a tale of monsterfucking, trying to navigate an IKEA, random pop culture references, and more monsterfucking!

Taglist:

@weirdandabsurd42

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Monsterfucking & You (chapter preview)

Chapter 2: Now That You're Gone

It was surprisingly, almost disturbingly easy to get Jaskier’s body out of the inn. Nobody questioned him carrying a suspiciously body-shaped-bundle wrapped in his cloak, nor the marked and sudden absence of his bard. The most attention he received was a few pitying looks from some familiar faces from the night before. Well, at least it was one less thing to worry about. It almost made him wish he’d gone with the ridiculous plan, if it was going to be this easy.

Geralt retrieves Roach from the stables outside the inn, and drapes Jaskier’s body over her saddle. She’s clearly unimpressed about the development, and the fact that Geralt is too distracted by whatever is going on to pay her proper attention. For this, she resolves to get revenge. In due time. For now, she quietly accepts that she will be carrying the very much dead-smelling body of the only person Geralt might like more than her. She’s definitely going to bite him the next chance she gets, dead body smell is notoriously hard to get off of a horse. It’s why he always leaves her at a safe distance on hunts. That, and so that he won’t end up needing a new horse, but that’s more of a bonus. Better a dead horse than a smelly one, really. 

A few miles out from the town, and well into the forest, he finds a lovely clearing. It’s the exact sort of place he would have loved. It has flowers, trees…more trees. He isn’t quite sure what Jaskier would’ve liked about it, but he’s sure the bard would’ve gone on endlessly about how they had to set up camp here. Geralt would’ve tuned him out and Jaskier would’ve tuned his lute. It was a wonderful balance.

Geralt leaves the bard’s body resting against a tree, under Roach's dutiful watch as he sets off to gather wood. It would be a witcher’s funeral for him. He deserved no less, for all the unabashed bravery he showed, parading into danger without a second thought, never leaving Geralt’s side. Even if it was foolish and often more annoying than anything, in retrospect it was achingly admirable.

He could imagine an alternate, parallel world where Jaskier too was a witcher, valiant and bright, adored despite all odds. Maybe he would still have been a bard, on the side, as a hobby or as something to pay when the contracts were slim. He still would have charmed people with the same ease, that was certain. But would he have resented being turned into a monster, as so many did? Or would he have found some poetry in it? More importantly: would their paths still have managed to cross?

TBC

Taglist:

@weirdandabsurd42

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Monsterfucking & You (chapter preview)

Chapter 2: Now That You're Gone

It was surprisingly, almost disturbingly easy to get Jaskier’s body out of the inn. Nobody questioned him carrying a suspiciously body-shaped-bundle wrapped in his cloak, nor the marked and sudden absence of his bard. The most attention he received was a few pitying looks from some familiar faces from the night before. Well, at least it was one less thing to worry about. It almost made him wish he’d gone with the ridiculous plan, if it was going to be this easy.

Geralt retrieves Roach from the stables outside the inn, and drapes Jaskier’s body over her saddle. She’s clearly unimpressed about the development, and the fact that Geralt is too distracted by whatever is going on to pay her proper attention. For this, she resolves to get revenge. In due time. For now, she quietly accepts that she will be carrying the very much dead-smelling body of the only person Geralt might like more than her. She’s definitely going to bite him the next chance she gets, dead body smell is notoriously hard to get off of a horse. It’s why he always leaves her at a safe distance on hunts. That, and so that he won’t end up needing a new horse, but that’s more of a bonus. Better a dead horse than a smelly one, really. 

A few miles out from the town, and well into the forest, he finds a lovely clearing. It’s the exact sort of place he would have loved. It has flowers, trees…more trees. He isn’t quite sure what Jaskier would’ve liked about it, but he’s sure the bard would’ve gone on endlessly about how they had to set up camp here. Geralt would’ve tuned him out and Jaskier would’ve tuned his lute. It was a wonderful balance.

Geralt leaves the bard’s body resting against a tree, under Roach's dutiful watch as he sets off to gather wood. It would be a witcher’s funeral for him. He deserved no less, for all the unabashed bravery he showed, parading into danger without a second thought, never leaving Geralt’s side. Even if it was foolish and often more annoying than anything, in retrospect it was achingly admirable.

He could imagine an alternate, parallel world where Jaskier too was a witcher, valiant and bright, adored despite all odds. Maybe he would still have been a bard, on the side, as a hobby or as something to pay when the contracts were slim. He still would have charmed people with the same ease, that was certain. But would he have resented being turned into a monster, as so many did? Or would he have found some poetry in it? More importantly: would their paths still have managed to cross?

TBC

Taglist:

@weirdandabsurd42

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preview of chapter 2 of Monsterfucking & You coming tomorrow!

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officially distracted from working on Monsterfucking & You

good news: i made decent progress on chapter 2 before getting distracted! (we're about 1.5k in, so still a ways to go...)

also good news(?): the distraction is proving excellent for my motivation (and is also a geraskier project) >:)

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Chapters: 1/? Fandom: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), The Witcher (TV) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Aiden/Lambert (The Witcher), Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Aiden & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Lambert Characters: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Jaskier | Dandelion, Lambert (The Witcher), Aiden (The Witcher), Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon Additional Tags: Monsterfucker Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, monsterfucking to cope with the loss of a loved one, monsterfucking as the means of losing a loved one, Hell but it’s IKEA and inspired by Dante’s Inferno, out-of-place pop culture references, special musical guest Ciri, Going to Hell, Hell, Song: Careless Whisper (Wham!), Vampires, Leshens (The Witcher), non-exhaustive tag list, Plot convenience, IKEA Summary:

After Jaskier dies suddenly under mysterious circumstances, Geralt takes it upon himself to search for answers. A search that quickly devolves into questionable decisions and coping mechanisms. Thankfully, Lambert stumbles upon him and decides to erode his sanity by trying to keep Geralt from getting himself killed in the dumbest way possible. Meanwhile, Jaskier awakes to find himself in the eighth circle of Hell, which looks suspiciously like an IKEA…and who is there to greet him but a cat witcher who happens to know Lambert? How convenient! Together, they make the arduous journey to escape Hell and reunite with their beloveds! Join us for a tale of monsterfucking, trying to navigate an IKEA, random pop culture references, and more monsterfucking!

Taglist:

@weirdandabsurd42

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currently doing...research...for chapter 2 of Monsterfucking & You, and getting reminded that i brought this upon myself XD

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Chapters: 1/? Fandom: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), The Witcher (TV) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Aiden/Lambert (The Witcher), Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Aiden & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Lambert Characters: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Jaskier | Dandelion, Lambert (The Witcher), Aiden (The Witcher), Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon Additional Tags: Monsterfucker Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, monsterfucking to cope with the loss of a loved one, monsterfucking as the means of losing a loved one, Hell but it's IKEA and inspired by Dante's Inferno, out-of-place pop culture references, special musical guest Ciri, Going to Hell, Hell, Song: Careless Whisper (Wham!), Vampires, Leshens (The Witcher), non-exhaustive tag list, Plot convenience, IKEA Summary:

After Jaskier dies suddenly under mysterious circumstances, Geralt takes it upon himself to search for answers. A search that quickly devolves into questionable decisions and coping mechanisms. Thankfully, Lambert stumbles upon him and decides to erode his sanity by trying to keep Geralt from getting himself killed in the dumbest way possible. Meanwhile, Jaskier awakes to find himself in the eighth circle of Hell, which looks suspiciously like an IKEA...and who is there to greet him but a cat witcher who happens to know Lambert? How convenient! Together, they make the arduous journey to escape Hell and reunite with their beloveds! Join us for a tale of monsterfucking, trying to navigate an IKEA, random pop culture references, and more monsterfucking!

Taglist:

@weirdandabsurd42

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Monsterfucking & You (a geraskier fic preview)

Chapter 1: All Its Sad Goodbyes

Geralt was absolutely not worried about Jaskier. It was perfectly normal for the bard to disappear, especially at night. He was probably -- actually undoubtedly -- just off sleeping with some of the people he had been making eyes at during his performance in the tavern earlier in the evening. So Geralt found himself sitting alone in their shared inn room, definitely not pining. Because witchers don’t pine. He was just annoyed with the unpredictability of his traveling companion, and not knowing whether he was currently dying slowly in some ditch, or being lavished as the centerpiece of  a fantastic orgy that Geralt was, of course, not invited to. 

Grumbling, he finally moved to take off his boots and strip to his smallclothes. Geralt had  been staring at the wall long enough that the cracks were beginning to form faces, and figured it was about time to at least pretend to sleep. Since Jaskier had become a constant in his life, Geralt had gotten used to having him nearby while he slept, so without him, he had no hope for actually sleeping. He refused to think too deeply on why the absence bothered him so much beyond a simple disruption of habit.

He also decided he did not have the energy to once again mentally berate himself about letting a human have such an impact on him, and how it spoke poorly to his future witchering. Never mind the implications for his future more generally after the human’s inevitable -- likely untimely, what with traveling beside a witcher and all the danger that entailed, and Jaskier’s reckless nature besides -- demise. Absolutely not thinking about it.

With his swords resting against a wall and a moody sigh, Geralt fell onto the bed and closed his eyes. His mind thought that precise moment was a fantastic opportunity to serenade him with “Toss a Coin to Your Witcher,” because he obviously didn’t miss Jaskier. Not even a little.

After about the fifth round of the song concluded in his head, Geralt heard a commotion in the hallway outside the room. Feeling content and uninterested, he stayed put. Though, as fate would have it, the noise was coming toward the room. In fact, whoever it was seemed to have taken to repeatedly running into the door to his room. Well, that was enough of an excuse for him to get out of bed and perhaps make some random drunk shit himself. Just Geralt’s type of fun. Getting out of bed and putting  on his meanest witcher face, he opened the door, and found Jaskier — of course it was Jaskier — falling directly into his arms. Ideal, in some other scenario, but concerning or decidedly annoying in this one. 

“Geralt! You will not believe it, I have just seen the most magnificent thing! I saw, prepare yourself, I saw a bouquet of penises!” Jaskier didn’t seem drunk, somehow off, but not drunk. He had managed to grab on to Geralt’s biceps and was staring into his eyes, deeply serious. “It was magnificent.” A brief pause. “Also, I suspect that I may be dying.” 

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Monsterfucking & You (a geraskier fic preview)

Chapter 1: All Its Sad Goodbyes

Geralt was absolutely not worried about Jaskier. It was perfectly normal for the bard to disappear, especially at night. He was probably -- actually undoubtedly -- just off sleeping with some of the people he had been making eyes at during his performance in the tavern earlier in the evening. So Geralt found himself sitting alone in their shared inn room, definitely not pining. Because witchers don’t pine. He was just annoyed with the unpredictability of his traveling companion, and not knowing whether he was currently dying slowly in some ditch, or being lavished as the centerpiece of  a fantastic orgy that Geralt was, of course, not invited to. 

Grumbling, he finally moved to take off his boots and strip to his smallclothes. Geralt had  been staring at the wall long enough that the cracks were beginning to form faces, and figured it was about time to at least pretend to sleep. Since Jaskier had become a constant in his life, Geralt had gotten used to having him nearby while he slept, so without him, he had no hope for actually sleeping. He refused to think too deeply on why the absence bothered him so much beyond a simple disruption of habit.

He also decided he did not have the energy to once again mentally berate himself about letting a human have such an impact on him, and how it spoke poorly to his future witchering. Never mind the implications for his future more generally after the human’s inevitable -- likely untimely, what with traveling beside a witcher and all the danger that entailed, and Jaskier’s reckless nature besides -- demise. Absolutely not thinking about it.

With his swords resting against a wall and a moody sigh, Geralt fell onto the bed and closed his eyes. His mind thought that precise moment was a fantastic opportunity to serenade him with “Toss a Coin to Your Witcher,” because he obviously didn’t miss Jaskier. Not even a little.

After about the fifth round of the song concluded in his head, Geralt heard a commotion in the hallway outside the room. Feeling content and uninterested, he stayed put. Though, as fate would have it, the noise was coming toward the room. In fact, whoever it was seemed to have taken to repeatedly running into the door to his room. Well, that was enough of an excuse for him to get out of bed and perhaps make some random drunk shit himself. Just Geralt’s type of fun. Getting out of bed and putting  on his meanest witcher face, he opened the door, and found Jaskier — of course it was Jaskier — falling directly into his arms. Ideal, in some other scenario, but concerning or decidedly annoying in this one. 

“Geralt! You will not believe it, I have just seen the most magnificent thing! I saw, prepare yourself, I saw a bouquet of penises!” Jaskier didn’t seem drunk, somehow off, but not drunk. He had managed to grab on to Geralt’s biceps and was staring into his eyes, deeply serious. “It was magnificent.” A brief pause. “Also, I suspect that I may be dying.” 

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1. Oak 2. Oasis 3. Oath 4. Obedience 5. Obelisk   6. Object 7. Objection 8. Oblivion 9. Oblivious 10. Obscurity

Keep reading

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Whump Prompts 70: "B" Whump Tropes

Write something inspired by one of these tropes:

Broken bone

Begging

Beaten

Bloodied clothes

Bound

Bruised

Black eye

Burning up

Bandaged

Blood loss

Breathless

Bitten

Bedridden

Body horror

Branding

Betrayal

Blinded

Burned

Bridal carry

Bathing

Blunt force trauma

Battle wounds

Buried alive

Bad dreams

Barely conscious

Boxed ears

Blackmail

Bullet wound

Bait

Brainwashing

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for yee lovely writers who enjoy a micro-fic/ficlet prompt (& love a choice) pick one or both from the # in your inbox 💌🖍

peach / keen

delicious / mystery

small / cuts

sincere / blues

sickly / sweet

eerie / melody

handwritten / promised

delicate / strain

fruity / delight

transparent / tangled

stain / unravel

contain / callous

subtle / fever

bruised / kissed

dearest / ache

have you ever / you wouldn’t dare

you’re distracting / you promised

didn’t know you cared / you never said

are you tempted / you won’t believe

found you / cannot trust you

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Geralt/Jaskier Fic Excerpt

Mid-Chapter 1

While going through their things, Geralt happens upon the xenovox Yennefer had given him some time ago. He almost just dismissed it, shoving it back to some corner of a pack until it either started making a racket, or he was in such dire straits he couldn’t avoid asking the sorceress for help. Slightly disgruntled and more than a little wary, a plan began to form in his mind. 

Skellige came to mind. He recalled when he and Yennefer had been searching for Ciri, she had insisted it was necessary to reanimate the corpse of an unfortunate young man to get information about Ciri’s whereabouts. Geralt had vehemently protested the entire ordeal -- never mind the situation in Novigrad when he’d suggested necromancy quite casually to Triss -- despite the forbidden nature of it, Yennefer seemed to regard necromancy much the same way she might opening a portal.

It did happen to be extenuating circumstances, though…both then and now, in fact. So, though reluctant, Geralt found himself pausing in his packing, sitting on the edge of the inn bed, purposefully ignoring the stiff corpse beside him, speaking into the xenovox. “Yen.” He doubted he would get a response quickly, but it was worth a try. And another try. And another. And-

After wasting much more time than he would have liked to speaking frustrated single syllables into the xenovox, Geralt was about ready to give up. Exasperated, he decided he would give it one final go, and then forfeit and start making funeral arrangements. “Dammit Yen, I need your help to fix something, and it involves necromancy!” A pause. More silence followed his outburst. He sighed. 

“Oh. You should’ve led with that,” Yennefer’s oddly chipper voice finally responds. Always a good sign, that. 

He almost throws the xenovox out the window. He manages to restrain himself, for Jaskier’s sake. “You’ve been there this whole time?” 

“Not as such, but near enough. You’ve been making quite the racket. It’s my day off, you know.” She pauses, as though expecting him to apologize for disturbing her. He’s certain she knows him better than that. “Anyway, what was this about necromancy? Finally come ‘round on it and want to make up for being such a wet blanket in Skellige?” 

TBC