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Late post… buuuut I so enjoy raving with you! Thank you for being down to go to Beyond and for these adventures we will continue to go on 💕 they’re always such a blast with you! (at The Gorge Amphitheatre) https://www.instagram.com/p/CVWgomqp5iH/?utm_medium=tumblr

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I’ve always had anxiety about posting progress pics. Scared that I’d bounce back from where I’ve worked so hard to get out of. And then quarantine happened and I had to cope the fact that all my work had been put to a standstill.. screw home workouts but good for you who do them.. but now luckily the gyms are open again and I’m getting back into it. It has been so rewarding to do what I love but sad seeing how much strength I lost in those months. My initial goal in this journey was to work until I looked at myself in the mirror and not be disappointed... it’s taken me 5 years of mental work and training my brain to love me and then 3 to get the my weight I am today. 80 lbs difference. So I’m not going to be scared and be proud of myself. I’m happy in my body. I’m truly grateful for my life and who I have in it. I have a beautiful family and support system that encourages me constantly. With that being said, if I can do this seriously anyone can. Just be consistent and keep going back. You can’t rely on a gym buddy to be there everyday to make you do it so get in there, do the work, and be proud of what you did. The last pictures are from my last year play college volleyball where I was over all mentally and physically unhealthy. I’m glad I didn’t delete these bc it really shows me how much my spirit has changed. https://www.instagram.com/p/CHDbtFppHW9/?igshid=u68yfef3sfvs

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My 24th year on earth has been one of the most beautifully hard years yet. I’ve learned so much about my self worth and what I need to keep positive. I’ve gained so many beautiful souls and lost some that nearly destroyed me. But seriously what a year it’s been. I’m so grateful for the people in my life that push me to not give up on my little fitness/loving myself journey I’m on. Constantly affirming me and rooting me on has changed my mindset so much. I still have days where I don’t see my progress which is ridiculous but the days I do I’m damn proud. What I’m most grateful for is all the love I’ve been surrounded with this year. I felt like I was drowning at points and no matter the situation, I was never alone. I always had someone there making sure I was good without stepping on my toes and letting me heal. So thank you, you know who you are. Everything that everyone has spoke into me and done for me does not go unnoticed. I have to say, it is amazing what happens to your heart when you’re surrounded by support and love. Now on to 25. https://www.instagram.com/p/B718ZwwpQkk/?igshid=q3pta08gp5a9

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Emi. You’ve been by my side since we were in kindergarten. There were times that we were not so close and then there were times like now. Can’t really get enough of ya. Our friendship has truly blossomed into something so safe and peaceful. You helped me through some of the toughest moments I’ve had to experience this year and I’m so very grateful you were by my side. Thank you for accepting me for me. And loving me and all my crazy. I love you and I’m so very grateful for this day. Have a fantastic 25th birthday. https://www.instagram.com/p/B6TgMMvJ3FU/?igshid=1vmlaxdf9dnab

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Trying to process this last week has been one of the hardest things I’ve had to do in this life. I don’t want to accept it. I don’t want to believe it. My heart just hurts. We’ve been through so much in our relationship. So many laughs. So many tears. So much love. So much grace. Mady, I thank you so much for all the memories. I thank you for your hugs that I’d do anything to have just one more big squeeze from you. I thank you for such a fantastic 4th year of Paradiso, those memories are constantly replaying in my head. I thank you for many miles we drove together even though I feared my life half the time. I thank you for the comfort, support, and peace you brought to me, especially when I was so sick. Thank you for being willing to lay in bed with me when I was too weak to handle life and help talk me out of the dark places. Mady.. thank you so so much for being my friend. I don’t know how I’m supposed to get used to this. I love you so very much. I miss you so very much. Rest easy, love. I also want to thank everyone that has reached out, prayed for me, listened to me, and just flat out covered me with love during this extremely difficult time. I appreciate you all more than anything. https://www.instagram.com/p/B34rYu6pGy7/?igshid=15vmxgsgk5yms

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I miss the smell of your skin.

The feeling of your lips

The sound of your breaths

The way your fingertips grazed over my skin

Little kisses on my neck

Deep scratching down my spin

A firm slap on my ass

“I am all yours E”

Deeper

Harder

The sweat

Stamina

Passion

I’m truly addicted.

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Bass Canyon. I’m so grateful I got to experience the second year of this festival. Just when I thought the first year was too good to top.. it totally topped. I got to bring some friends from Portland and show them the festival experience and boy was it beautiful to witness. Met some beautiful humans that made me feel on top of the world. I could not have asked for a better weekend. Thank you to everyone that made it unforgettable in the best ways and being so positive. I can’t wait for next year 🤪😍 #basshead #headbanger (at The Gorge Amphitheatre) https://www.instagram.com/p/B1u5R9xAl_N/?igshid=ltwh5rqcne3p

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Now this is comfortable.

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Don’t say a word just come over, and lie here with me.

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I gotta say. I’m truly grateful for this day. This beautiful, loving, caring human was born and my gawd, she is somethin else. I’m so glad you gave this crazy rave and music festival life a chance bc I’ve made some of the best memories with you. Thank you for always looking out for me and pushing myself to be a better me. I love you so much! Have the happiest of birthdays. 😘💕 https://www.instagram.com/p/BzavmptAabM/?igshid=1r70ifk25cfbm

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Can’t hurt me now

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I’m so incredibly grateful. This was my 5th Paradiso and it’s safe to say I went all out this year.😁 I absolutely sucked at taking pictures and videos this year because I was too busy living THE LIFE there but here’s few from day one. Every year has been a new experience where I learn so much about myself. Where I reflect on my life and try to refocus on what’s important and what needs change. This year has been a huge year of experiences I’d never thought I’d go through but I did, and I’m so grateful. The bad and uncomfortable moments are worth living through because we are so fortunate to actually live it. So thank you #Paradiso2019 for throwing yet again, an incredible festival. Thank you @koda__11 for making the trip up here and letting me get the chance to talk and love on you bc the year and half half away from you was just too damn long. I WILL be in Texas to see you and your beautiful family again. Thank you @faye.baeee for being my rave and festival bestie. You give me so much confidence in myself and love me for me and I don’t know what I would do without your friendship and words that get me through the hard times. You are one incredibly beautiful human, inside and out. And my sister @hunterkay. Having you at diso the past two years has been such a blessing. You know how much you helped me and you heard me say it probably a thousand times this weekend but I’m so lucky you’re my sister. I’m so grateful for you, your words, and love. You are such a beautiful, patient, loving sister. Thank you. And everyone else that I got to see, dance with, love on, cry with, etc. thank you. What a good freakin time and I sure hope everyone who attended Paradiso had a great time too. (at The Gorge Amphitheatre) https://www.instagram.com/p/By0YNorJSIY/?igshid=uxmjaxwm9mkm

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One year. On this day last year I moved to Portland. I seriously cannot believe everything that has happened over the last 12 months. It was most definitely not what I expected when I moved here. There were some rough times of struggling with myself and figuring out who I wanted to be. Filtering my life from all negative and toxic people and situations, no matter how much it hurt to do so. Figuring out how to find and keep a positive mindset and not let my struggle of depression bury me. But I gotta say I’m so proud of myself. I’ve never felt so confident. I’ve never felt so at peace with myself. I don’t doubt love anymore. I accept it and LIVE in it. I’ve been working out consistently and weirdly LOVE it. As seen in the picture, I love to dance and being apart of the EDM community brings me so much peace and pure joy. I know I don’t post often so yeah. I’m pretty damn happy guys. https://www.instagram.com/p/BxawyCigHlB/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1ip8iotlite13

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when people get mad and say fucked up shit listen close because that’s how they been feeling.

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