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white trash bitch cut me in line at Walmart so i swiftly un-sheathed my nodachi (traditional Japanese greatsword) and effortlessly severed her head from her torso in one smooth motion, showering hapless bystanders and her now-screaming (likely inbred) children with blood. i tried to explain what happened to the manager, but he refused to acknowledge the woman's shameful and dishonorable conduct and instead forced me to leave without even paying for my Monster Energy and pre-packaged salad kit. just another day in the life of the Grocery Store Rōnin

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if there's one thing i appreciate about americans, its that they are DELIGHTED by "american love burger" jokes. they cant get enough of them! much like how they cant get enough of burger……

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cutely emits a single ping

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the way this had us all gagged in 2013 😂

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fabulous creature?

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I know that some British people take umbrage at Americans calling the Great British Bake Off relaxing, but it's just because GBBO is such a different kind of stressful from American baking shows.

American baking shows will be called something like "Cupcake Knife Fight", there's horror movie lighting everywhere and dramatic stings every 5 seconds. All of the contestants are shit talking each other and fist fighting over the one single deep fryer provided by production. It will show the judges all whispering to each other at their super villain table overlooking the whole kitchen, and one will be like, "Oh my god. Everyone look at Brenda right now. She's straight tanking it." And it will cut to Brenda, who is running around covered in flour and crying and also bleeding for some reason. Then you get a clip from an interview with one of the contestants, and they're like, "I really need to win this. Without this award money, I'm gonna need to close my restaurant, sell my dad, and live out of my car. AGAIN." Then the giant digital doomsday clock overhead lets out a horrid klaxon, the judges tell half of them that their cupcakes taste disgusting, and one of them gets eliminated and sent to walk down the dramatically-lit shame hallway never to be seen again.

Meanwhile GBBO is in a lovely, brightly colored tent, there are delightful and friendly hosts/jesters there to keep everyone entertained, and all of the B Roll is of like... a bumblebee going into a flower, or a lamb running in a field. And yes, there will be moments where someone will mess up their timing or something, and they'll be looking at their bake through the oven door like, "oh gosh I don't think this will rise in time!" Then they stand up to find Paul Hollywood directly behind them ominously. His creepy whitewalker eyes will glow white, and he'll say something like "the 12th of June. 2035. Drowning." And his eyes will go back to normal and he'll walk away. Then the baker gives a playful grimace to the camera and says "that didnt sound great, did it?". Cut to a sweet looking older woman sipping tea on a stool and she says "oo I do hope that Prue enjoys the taste of my sugary, sticky baps!". Then, at the end, someone gets a gold star for doing good, and the loser of the episode gets in the middle of a giant group hug. You see all of them at the end of the series at a giant carnival with their families and the post credits informs you that all of the contestants have become a Partridge Family-style traveling band and stayed friends forever.

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Can you guys watch him while I go smoke

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I saw Venom 2 in Taiwan a few days ago and when Venom said “good evening” to Mrs. Chen in mandarin (晚上好), all the little old ladies in my theater collectively let out an impressed Oooh. Got a lot of Mrs. Chens in the audience I see

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If it comes from parents who model the behavior they want to see, then this is good parenting.

The problem is that many parents don't model this behavior. Many parents are authoritarian and rule by fear. Many parents take advantage of the fact that they're bigger, they control the finances, their power is upheld by society, and their children are dependent on them. And they complain when their child starts treating people the exact same way.

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It's fine I'm gonna be okay *throws up*

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has to be the greatest idea anyone ever came up with

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We used to say "big mood" when we didnt know what to say to stuff

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oh so lonely angel