fanonplussed

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this is everything to me 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈💕

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idk where this starts or where it goes but here's 1.2k of uh.... this

“Oh, it was very clever,” Shizun says, wiping the red paint from his lips. “Love curses cause the victim to become infatuated with the first person they see, so I simply made sure to look at my own reflection.” He kicks the dead demon, making its assortment of gold jewelry jangle. “Honestly, even if I was an idiot, there’d be a good chance of doing it by accident. Truly a low IQ move, pairing that spell with this tacky get-up.”

“Shen Qingqiu, stop messing around and untie us!” Liu Qingge grouches, wriggling in the Immortal Binding cables like dying fish. Luo Binghe purposefully relaxes further in his bonds in the hopes of infuriating the brute. It works.

“Take this seriously, a curse is still a curse. We need to take him back to Cang Qiong!”

“Do we?” Luo Binghe drawls, lazily rolling his head left to look at the trussed War God. “This lord has a quite reliable method of solving such things, if Liu-Shishu would afford these husbands some privacy-”

“Ah, about that!” Shizun says, tapping his fan in his palm. As his husband stalks towards him, he starts preparing a pout for the inevitable admonishments- don’t say such things in public, don’t disrespect your martial uncle- but it doesn’t come. 

Instead Shizun climbs on to Luo Binghe’s lap, making absolutely no moves to untie him from the chair he’s bound to. Shizun settles on Luo Binghe’s thighs, leaning heavily against his chest and starts idly caressing Luo Binghe’s cheek as he speaks.

“So, I’m a bit torn,” Shizun says, “Because on one hand, Liu-shidi is right; even curses which don’t cause direct harm to the victim are dangerous, and should be lifted promptly. On the other hand,” Shizun raises a single elegant finger directly in front of Luo Binghe’s nose, forcing him to go cross-eyed to focus on it. The red makeup has gotten smudged all over Shizun's hands. “I feel fucking amazing right now.”

“Shizun?” Luo Binghe asks, surprised (and a little delighted) at the vulgar language. 

“Because you looked at yourself,” Liu Qingge groans. “Shen-shixiong's infatuated with Shen -shixiong.”

“Exactly! “ Shizun says brightly. “And it's awesome! Five star experience! Ten out of ten, would be cursed again! I don’t think I’ve felt this good, maybe ever?” He leans back to look at Luo Binghe better, gently tapping his cheek. “A few times with you, Binghe, but usually just because I’m too fucked out to think-”

“Shizun!!” Luo Binghe squeaks, only for Shizun to roughly grab his face, squishing his mouth into a comical pout.

“Hush and listen to your Master, Disciple Luo.” Shizun drawls, shifting on his perch so he can look down his nose at Luo Binghe. Luo Binghe lets a hot blush flood his face as Liu Qingge splutters indignantly. 

“As I was saying - I feel very good, and I’d like to keep feeling very good. Usually I spend a lot of energy caring about stupid things, like what people think of me, or if I look stupid or scummy or whatever. Isn’t that ridiculous, Binghe? Playacting as some untouchable immortal, it just ends up making me anxious all the time. Did you know that? That I’m actually very anxious?” He asks, staring at him intently. Then he remembers he’s still squishing Luo Binghe’s mouth and lets go, giving him a few light, apologetic pats. 

Luo Binghe works his jaw a bit before answering, “I had… guessed at something along those lines.”

“Oh, of course you did,” Shizun cooed, “My little sheep is so clever.” He kisses the tip of Binghe’s nose, ignoring Liu Qingge hissing ‘little sheep!?’ as if the sheep in question had personally eaten his prized cabbage. Which, to be fair, he had. Enthusiastically and on multiple occasions.  

“So, I would like to stay this way, but there’s one little issue,” Shizun says, tapping his finger against Binghe’s lips, giving him a taste of tallow and sulphur from the vermilion pigment, “Which is that I would also like to keep having sex with the most gorgeous man in the universe-” oh Luo Binghe was going to be living off that compliment for years- “but because said handsome man has such a reliable method of lifting curses, I can’t do both.” Shizun sighs, laying his head on Luo Binghe’s shoulder. “It’s a real pickle. Ha! What a pickle to have with you, in particular. What even is my life?” 

Luo Binghe ignores the last bit of nonsense and turns his head to nuzzle against Shizun as best he can with the awkward angle. He pitches his voice low and sultry and croons “This disciple sadly can’t solve Shizun’s conundrum, but he can offer to draw out his usual method of treatment for a good long while.”

“You perverted little bastard, you’re enjoying this!!” Liu Qingge accuses, accurately. “Don’t think I don’t know you could have broken out of those bindings at any time! You’re letting him humiliate himself for your sick gratification, you-” A silencing talisman cuts the rest of the Brute’s tirade short.

“Enough, Shidi, Binghe’s been a very good boy so far,” Shizun kisses the tip of his nose and Luo Binghe makes sure to project as much smugness as he can in his Shishu’s direction. “He knows better than to try and force a cursed person to accept treatment- curses always seek to perpetuate themselves; it can be very dangerous for the victim if one tries to brute force an end to the enchantment.”

“And this husband is nothing if not cautious when it comes to his beloved’s safety,” Luo Binghe purrs. Liu Qingge’s glare could turn green wood into charcoal, but Shizun hardly seems to notice or care. 

The Brute isn’t entirely wrong - Luo Binghe is enjoying this immensely, and Shizun will be quite embarrassed when he’s back to his usual self. As much as part of Binghe would like to push and see just how far Shizun would go with Liu Qingge still in the room, he knows he’s indulged enough. He has a husband to cure.

However, just as he flexes his demonic energy to disintegrate the immortal binding cables, Shizun swipes his finger along his cheek in a quick, fluid motion that feels less like a caress and more like…

“It’s just a little demonic sealing spell, Binghe,” Shizun says, as Luo Binghe gasps. The power that has been roaring through his veins since that day at Jue Di Gorge gets folded up and tucked into his core like out of season clothing. “It’s based on your original seal, It won’t hurt you- I’d be very upset if you got hurt, and of course I can’t have that.” Shizun presses a kiss on Luo Binghe’s emptied chest and slides off his lap. “Don’t be glum, you were right that it’s best not to push with a curse victim- but you really should have listened to your Shishu’s concerns. Sorry Shidi-” this directed at the incandescent Liu Qingge - “I promise not to make you eat too much more dog food, I just needed to distract Binghe. He really is conscientious about my safety, so I was worried he wouldn’t be willing to hear me out.”

“Hear you out?” Binghe wheezes, still in a state of shock.

“Yes!” Shizun claps his hands together. They’re stained bright vermilion, matching the manic gleam in his eyes. “I wrote a whole thing…” he digs in the sleeves of his voluminous robes and pulls out a bulky scroll, unraveling the first cun to unveil a title:

Why Shen Qingqiu Staying Cursed Permanently Would be Beneficial for His Mental Health and Sex Life

Luo Binghe has a feeling Liu-Shishu will be eating a lot more dog food - if he doesn’t pass out from rage first.

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how it feels to drive a prius on the interstate surrounded on all sides by huge trucks

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Boyfriend: wait but I thought you could change from alpha to omega? Like you get hit with a pheromone and bam become that and you fuck, but the rest of the time you’re androgynous

Me: … I think you have confused omegaverse with the seminal piece of science fiction literature The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K Le Guin

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“ok lets do warm up sketch”

“oh..”

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bring back tumblr ask culture let me. bother you with questions and statements

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bring back tumblr ask culture let me. bother you with questions and statements

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God could you imagine how mad geologists must have been to slowly watch the "hey all the continents kinda fit like puzzle pieces :)" guy get proven right

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one of the most challenging skills i've had to learn as an adult is the art of figuring out whether i'm proportionally annoyed with someone or just tired and overstimulated and looking for reasons to be pissed off

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Entitled white women I swear to God

People have been doing book clubs since forever. They do not put George RR Martin on the phone so he can join the chat.

Oh, thank you, kindly court jester jingling into my life under the brave banner of anonymity, for illustrating the exact problem of current fandom.

(This ask is about this post about private fanfiction "book clubs," for those of you who are not following my jester's ire.)

The bedrock of the problem entrenched fandom is having with the newer "TikTok fandom" element is that we have a fundamental disagreement about what fandom is, and what is the social relationship between the people who write fanfiction, make fanart, etc, and the people who read that fanfiction and enjoy that fanart.

(I am not going to use the term "content creator." Because that term is not applicable to fandom, fanfiction authors, or fan artist. Kill the capitalist in your brain. Content is hummingbird nectar made with artificial sweeteners. It resembles the real thing at a distance, but it is devoid of nutrients. It will fill you up so you're not hungry while starving you. Generative AI can produce content because it's empty; it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't even want to engage with you. The sole purpose of content is to get you to sit still long enough for the people who own the platform to squeeze whatever it is they want from you out of you and then abandon your malnourished husk until the next time they can get something from you.)

George RR Martin is not a member of fandom, and the relationship he has with his readers is fundamentally different, because his relationship as an author is explicitly a professional one. When George RR Martin sells a book—not to his readers, but to a publisher who acts as intermediary—he is given a lengthy contract outlining the terms of the sale. How much he will be paid, what can be done with his work by who, etc. George RR Martin is not your peer.

Fanfiction authors are your peers. They're your next door neighbors. They write fanfiction to connect to other fans in celebration of a canon everyone involved loves. Nobody makes a single red cent from writing or sharing their fanfiction. George RR Martin has sold 90 million copies of his books, and he gets money for every one. Because TikTok has trained you that people who are putting their creations out there are monetizing the experience of you reading or watching their art, the "TikTok fandom" element has you sorting your peer posting fanfiction on AO3 into the same category as George RR Martin. But your relationship with George RR Martin is a professional one, and the expectation from fanfiction authors and artists is a social relationship.

When you have a private book club reading and discussing fanfiction without ever telling the author or, God forbid, leaving a comment about how much you enjoyed the story—which is the expectation entrenched fandom authors and artists who view fandom as a social relationship—you think you're reading a mass produced novel from someone who has already been paid for it several times over, but this isn't even Walmart vs. local mom and pop. What are you actually doing is going to your neighborhood block party, picking up the cake someone made and brought to share, and taking it back to your house to eat with friends.

We are your peers. We are your neighbors. We are doing this for free because we want to talk to you about our common interest. No, it's not "payment." We offer our work for free, and you have the option of treating us like vending machines or ChatGPT or Walmart. This is a social relationship; you have this option just as you have the option of leaving your shopping cart in the middle of the parking lot instead of walking it to the cart return. You have that option just as you have the option to stick your chewed gum on a park bench or park your car across three handicap spaces or take a shit on the floor of a public bathroom. How you treat your peers and neighbors, how you treat the people in your community, is up to you.

You can keep stealing cakes from block parties. But don't be surprised when people get fed up with it and stop having block parties. Then you'll be stuck buying cake from Walmart or consuming artificially sweetened hummingbird nectar from ChatGPT while vultures raid your corpse for data.

Thanks for coming to my TEDTalk, court jester. Now get the fuck off my lawn.

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#172-#025-#026. The Pikachu line is known for their rubber cheeks, conductive tails and love for chewing wires, ruining plugs and stealing batteries. At least they're cute doing it.....................

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Here I go again.

Okay, so it's a fairly popular theme for Luo Binghe to get pissed/jealous/possessive/offended over some other demon picking a fight with Liu Qingge, let alone actually managing to hurt him. That is his nemesis, fuck you, find your own. Reasonable and valid, I agree!

But consider the other direction: some fucker showing up with heavenly energy/techniques/artifacts that are very specifically and pointedly designed to fuck over demonic energy, picking a fight with Luo Binghe. He can't die but he is both allowed and encouraged to have difficult, dangerous fights as long as he wins in the end.

Maybe this was originally a plot from PIDW after complaints that Bingge was neglecting his spiritual cultivation for the demonic powers? So SQQ is expecting this to end with Bingmei having a breakthrough in his spiritual cultivation like Bingge did, though he's looking for a chance to intervene anyway bc that's his husband you're beating up, dammit.

That is not what happens.

What happens is a pissed off War God with his 100% spiritual only cultivation slamming in to absolutely shred this asshole, because who the fuck do you think you are? What do you think gives you the right to come sticking your nose in with cheap shot specialist attacks and toys when other people have been cultivating for years in order to defeat Luo Binghe properly without cheating! Fuck off back to whatever hole you crawled out of before he breaks your neck.

TL;DR, the possessive rival vibe should completely go both ways and LQG will be nearly as unhinged about strange cultivators going after LBH as LBH is about strange demons attacking LQG.

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well yeah i have a pet hydra and it only has one head. i'm not going to cut its head off just to make it look cooler, you asshole. that's seriously unethical. and i'm not letting you cut its head off either. if you really want a hydra with multiple heads, you should go for a rescue- but if you want your pet to look cooler at the cost of its physical health, maybe you shouldn't get any kind of pet at all. no, the hydra's not for guarding my evil tower, it's my pet. have you ever heard of a pet? like a puppy or a kitty? you think i can't defend my evil tower by my self?

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