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ch1 spoilers

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oc

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Twitter celebration

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redraw

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yuh

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reposting a thread here from twt on my interpretation of ivan and love because why not

ivan so beautiful when you consider his love a proof of self. wym his love for till can be seen as an attempt to abstract value from suffering. wym he calls it shallow in the sense that ivan views it as inherently selfish

ivan being pragmatic by nature and achieving through observation and replication as he cannot naturally "feel" his way through interpersonal relationships and express a true "self". he holds many things in concept "do you like anybody" "i wouldn't know what closeness entails"

i wouldn't say that ivan dislikes sua, only the concept of her. because if someone of the same exact disposition, the same exact variables, manages an irreproducible love then the fault lies in the self: it is an admittance of being fundamentally broken and "different"

that is why he finds superiority over sua when he finds out of her plans of sacrifice: her love is just as selfish as his. it's ok if they're BOTH freaks it's just not ok to be the ONLY freak. i do not think it's an envy of mizi's reciprocation note how he comments on her eyes

and how they had a light that disturbed him. she already found simple joy from the broken environment they were both brought forth from. "I should've been nicer" is just ivan realizing how selfish it is trivialize other people for experiencing and finding joy easier than him

because the difficulty in his happiness vs others does not makes his any more valuable or "genuine". he can view his approach superior and calculated, jaded towards the rest, but at the end of the day he was the sole person who didn't find his peace

NOT entirely true he did find it go go ivan smile smile. but yeah i do not think being raised in a human farm for the giggles of bougie aliens + severe depression helped his case. look at how moe actor au is. so much more lively and expressive, no longer victim of circumstance

"ivan when the sloppy beast symbolizes his love 🤯🤯 it's monstrous and unsightly yet he cannot maintain his curiosity since its first discovery. at the end of it all he lays peacefully in its maw of the all-loving, he has accepted the lovelessness of it all"

bringing this up again because YES he is sleeping peacefully in a monstrosity of a love he has come to accept. YES this art is actually an expression of self love

at the end of the day he does love till just not in the conventional way he has sought in concept

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Oc

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Collection

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event horizon

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[OC] io festivities

blood below

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throwback thursday

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november things ft. milgram, oc, zeno