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can i request some tony stark with a toddler content 🙏

YES YOU FUCKING CAN. Tony with a baby is spectacular. Obviously. Tony with a precocious kid?? Delicious! Tony with an angsty teen? Scrudiddlyumptious. Tony with a toddler??? With a toddler????? Un fucking matched. 

Ngl there was a LOT of anxiety leading up to this if he’s had you since you were a baby. Even if he just got you recently, LOTS of anxiety. Because in his mind it’s like yeah, babies don’t hate you as long as you feed and change them and comfort them when they cry and hold them enough and keep their growing minds engaged and stimulated. You can’t say something that will make a baby hate you. But now that you’re old enough to talk and run around on your own, that’s when he’s hit with the oh god oh fuck what if they hate me spiral

And he’s trying so hard not to be like his own father, so even though his instincts are fighting constantly to hold you close and smother you AND keep you at arms length and monitor you from afar so he doesn’t accidentally hurt you or mess you up, he knows he can’t just do either of those. Either of those alone will mess you up and drive you away.

So he lets you take the lead a lot. 

He lets you approach him first, climb up onto his work bench in your cute little overalls with the sesame street characters embroidered on the pocket or your cozy little footie pajamas and ask what he’s doing. And believe me, he wants you there as long as you want to be there, following him around like a second shadow and babbling and constantly asking why about everything. 

Pepper warns him that it’s going to get annoying, he’s going to grow tired of your constant questions.

He never does.

Even when you do get bored and toddle off, you come back moments later with plushies or a magna doodle or tinker toys or something. You just sit a few feet away, playing with the same intense focus that mirrors his own.

Also as we’ve established, this man CANNOT PUT YOU DOWN to save himself. He has to have Jarvis monitor how long he holds and carries you so you can still learn to walk properly. 

“I know, I know pumpkin. But Jarvis says we gotta practice walking around now. But, hey- I’m right here. I love you.”

He kisses your forehead. 

“Even if I’m not physically holding you, you’ve always got me. Right here.” He taps your chest, right above your heart. You nod solemnly, taking in his words. 

“What- what’s phys-skully mean?” 

He chuckles so fondly. God, he just loves you so much. He didn’t know a person could be so perfect. He didn’t know a Stark could be so perfect. 

“Well, phys-i-cal-ly,” he starts, breaking down the syllables slowly for you to copy. “That’s right. Physically means it’s about something you can touch with your body, not an idea in your mind.”

He continues, taking slow, meandering steps through the halls of his Malibu house or the upper levels of Stark Tower (depending on when this is). He follows you, lets you set the pace while he walks around with you. 

“The opposite of physical is mental, something you can’t touch. Like a dream, or an idea in your head.” You listen with rapt attention as you hop from tile to tile on the floor, something so purely adorable that he struggles for a moment to remember his train of thought. 

“Right- so let’s say you want to build a spaceship for your toys. When you’re thinking about it, picturing it in your head, it’s a mental image. But when you actually put it together with… legos, and cardboard, and glitter glue, that’s when it becomes a physical object.”

“Ooooohhh…” you nod in understanding. “So- so if there’s a- when- if you put wings on a giraffe baby, it’s- it physkikal. But if you just thinking about it, it’s mental. It- it a- a idea.” 

Tony nods along with you. 

“Exactly.” 

He scoops you up suddenly, making you giggle and squeal. 

“Alright, that’s enough walking for now. Let’s get you a snack, something to feed that big brain of yours.” 

He ruffles your hair and you giggle again, hugging him and resting your head on his shoulder while he carries you into the kitchen. As you nibble on your goldfish crackers and cut up fruit, he hears you muttering to your plushies about how this is a physkikal gol’fish. But now- (cue baby stark eating noises) now it all gone. Now it an idea. It’s not physkikal anymore.

Christ almighty, if you’re this smart before you’re even out of velcro shoes… he can’t wait to see what comes next. He really can’t. And he will be right there by your side the entire fucking time. 

Physically. And emotionally. 

[fbfh]

YES ALL 3. ALL 3 OF YOUR BABIES LOOK LIKE BOTH OF YOU. YES THEY DO. LEO AND YOU GEM FUSIONS IN OVERALLS AND SESAME STREET ONESIES.

[fbfh]

And when I say your babies look JUST like mommy and daddy it's no joke!!! Leo sees it, Esperanza sees it, the whole demisquad sees it!!!!!!

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Happy birthday to Leo!! Did you know that yall's kids look JUST like mommy AND daddy???? The Leo x reader genes are strong

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Happy birthday Leo Valdez ♡♡ here's some visuals to tide you over till I'm up later (all images found on pinterest)

[fbfh]

While being Kick Ass is great, it doesn't really bring in any money. So, Dave gets a job where he meets you! Dave's had a crush on you ever since. He almost passes out when one day the two of you are partnered for a project. You even invite him back to your place to work on it. You welcome him to your apartment and after awhile you ask him to get something you forgot from your bedroom. Once he gets what you ask for, something catches his eye. A lacy pair of underwear peeking out of your hamper. He knows he shouldn't, but he can't stop himself, it's already in his hands. Which is when you catch him. He stutters out apologies until he hears you say: "Those would look so much better on you, don't you think?" -🍒 anon

AUUUGUGHHHGHHHHH CHERRIES ANON YOU POPPED THE FUCK OFF WITH THIS ONE. 

First of all, being Dave’s work crush???? YES. sign me up. He’s so cute and dorky and obvious about it, some of your other coworkers give him a fake hard time or tease him about it a little, but he’s just so glad that you’re the only one in the office who doesn’t seem to know. Except you do. Because OBVIOUSLY you do, this boy is many things but subtle really isn’t one of them (and we love him for that.) but you are just very politely ignoring all his signs because you can tell he’s not INTENTIONALLY flirting with you. He’s just… down horrendous. And it’s kind of sweet. 

Then one day when you’re getting lunch from a restaurant next to your building, you see Dave in his car on his lunch break. You worry he might be lonely or upset about something because his face is flushed and kind of scrunched up like me might cry, and his hand is a little shaky as he looks at his phone. Hand to god, you went over to ask if he was alright or see if he wanted to have lunch with you. But it only took a few steps closer to see your instagram up on his phone. And he wasn’t crying, he was… definitely jorkin it. You pivot the fuck out of that parking lot REAL fast. It’s a lot to process because it wasn’t even a sexy picture of you. It wasn’t like… you and your friends out clubbing or you laying in bed or in a bikini or something. It was just a random candid your friend got when you were over at her place wearing a big sweatshirt and opening a box of sour patch kids while you and her prepared to catch up on the show you watch together. That’s how you know he’s really, really down bad. Like you need to put him out of his misery and fuck him bad. He’s getting off to random, completely sexless pictures of you because they’re of you. You don’t think you’ve ever done that to a guy before (that you’re aware of at least). 

So when you two get paired up to do a work project together (that you may have orchestrated with your supervisor, offering to work with Dave and bring him up to speed on some stuff so your boss doesn’t have to answer his questions every fifteen minutes, something your boss is VERY happy to hand off to you)

Next thing Dave knows he’s beet red in your passenger seat as you drive him back to your place. He’s there for about ten seconds when you remember you left the file you need on your bed this morning. Before you can get it, he’s already rushing into your bedroom to grab it for you. And also try to compose himself because he is NOTICEABLY chubbed up and getting really nervous about you realizing he’s hard. He’s trying to get his shit together, and he was about to grab the file - he really was - when he saw it. 

Your laundry hamper. 

He swears he is not a pervert. But your sweaty gym bras and used panties prove too tempting to walk away from. He was just going for a quick sniff of your sports bras, and maybe seeing if he could get away with pocketing a pair of your dirty panties (he’s going to hell for this. He knows. He’s fully aware. He hates that the guilt makes him cum like a fucking firehose.) when he feels the lace of your cute pink panties and fucking groans. A stuttered little whine slips out as he holds them up, mouth watering as he tries to wrap his head around the sight and mouth watering affect your panties are having on his senses. 

“You having fun there?”

He fucking yelps, fumbling as he spins around, fly down, hands shaking around your delicious lacy little undies. “I- I’m so sorry- I didn’t mean to- um, I- I mean-” His voice cracks as he pathetically sputters out apologies. Sincere apologies. He just likes you so much, and he feels like such a goddamn idiot for letting his perverted impulses win, and now he’s upset you and acted like a fucking creep, and you probably hate him because why WOULDN’T you?? And now he ruined any chance he had not just to maybe kiss you or get you to go out with him but just to get to know you better and-

“Those would look a lot better on you, don’t you think?”

His heart fucking stops. His breath catches in his throat and he looks at you with those pretty teary eyes and flushed cheeks, chest heaving as he struggles to process your words. “W-what?” His voice cracks, all breathy and pathetic, and you just can’t fucking help yourself anymore. 

Next thing he knows he’s lying flat on your bed, naked and covered in your lipstick marks while you straddle his thighs and pump your hands around his panty covered dick. Or most of it at least. He’s too big to fit in them properly, so you might have to settle for giving him a lace covered handjob. But you’ll find a way to make it work.

And when I tell you this whole thing awakens something in Dave, that’s not an understatement. You’re sweet cloying praise, your cooing and fussing and teasing as you rub your used underwear all over his dick will honestly probably make him cum on the spot. And he’s so fucking embarrassed for busting so quickly, but you… don’t stop. “Ooh- looks like someone was excited, huh?” 

He starts to apologize more as his thick cum soaks your underwear and drips from your hands, pooling on his stomach and pelvis (again he really does cum like a fucking firehose), but you just lean down and kiss him, then place a little peck on his nose. “That’s okay.” You sound so sure, but before he can react you start pumping the lace over his cock. Again. 

“I’m sure you’ve got another one in you, don’t you big boy?”

He’s so overwhelmed and overstimulated but he’s begging you not to stop. You’ll have this boy crying and writhing and seeing god so fucking easily. He nearly passes out. You get him off until your wrists hurt, until his cock is raw and purple and the lace of your panties is soaked and ripped in a few places. You pump his meat till he’s shooting blanks.

And he fucking thanks you for it.

@cherriesanon

[fbfh]

For SURE Tony's the type of dad to carry his baby everywhere. Like he'd always have you in one arm, listening, as he explained an invention or something. Going through like "this is the main power source and if we connect it here" and he's talking to an actual infant

YES YES YES. ANON YOU FUCKIN GET IT.

You know how some parents have velcro babies?? Tony IS a velcro baby. Tony is your velcro dad. But obviously velcro dads HAVE velcro babies so you go together like… you know… two pieces of velcro sticking to each other. You are LITERALLY attached at the hip. Like everyone in the industry knows “if you’re meeting with Mr. Stark, you’re actually meeting with both Starks”. It’s practically a running bit by now. He’s been dubbed “koala dad” by the media because you are LITERALLY always in his arms. And guess what?? As if Tony didn’t LOVE having his precious little bundle of joy in his arms at all times (which he does) now he has YET ANOTHER reason to refuse being handed things (he has pathological demand avoidance). When you’re old enough to walk and talk you ABSOLUTELY will know just when to interrupt meetings and conversations because you have a sixth sense for when your dad needs to get the fuck out of that shit! He’ll scoop you up and make a quick exit, hugging you and kissing your forehead, then whispering quietly, “did Pepper tell you to come rescue me?”

And you cup your little hand to his ear to whisper back, “no, I did by myself :)” and his heart EXPLODES. He loves you so fucking much. 

But we’re getting ahead of ourselves, back to Tony with BABY stark. 

Somehow the sight of Tony attending arms dealings and weapon expos with the military and audits with the department of defense with an adorable little baby in his arms is both absurd and adorable. Do you have any idea how many times people tried to suggest that he not bring his baby to this stuff? A lot. At first. Do you know how many times he shut them up with some quippy one liner and joke about how you’re his plus one?? Countless. People learned real quick not to question him about toting you along. He has successfully ensured that the most hardened military generals keep their voices to a soft whisper when he notices you dozing off, because if they don’t? Uh oh, he has to leave early! Too bad :( so yeah. You have him wrapped around your tiny chubby lil finger, and he has everyone else wrapped around his. You make a very, very good team.

And as much lighthearted flack as he gets from Pepper and Happy and Rhodey for explaining things like stabilization fins and auto lock predictive movement software, he knows that the more he talks to you the better it is for your development. That’s TOTALLY his only motivation, and not at all something much deeper and more heartbreaking like how he wishes his dad talked to him about anything and everything even if he couldn’t remember it!! So totally just for neurological development and not a deeply rooted and earth shattering process of undoing and correcting and healing multiple generations of familial trauma!!!!

Anyway it’s really fucking cute to walk in on him testing out some different ideas for prototypes before he sends them down to the RnD labs because wherever he is of COURSE you’re there too, wrapped up to his chest or on his lap or snuggled in one arm while he looks through schematics with his free hand. The blueprints of missiles and ballistics are a drastic contrast to your little pastel blues clues onesie, but somehow you seem right at home as he rambles to you, explaining all the little details of what he’s working on. 

“...Need to work the bugs out of the real time tracking algorithm, obviously. The last thing you want is to have a missile that makes decisions based on the wrong information. But the surface to air/surface to surface ratios look good, which is refreshing given how the last mockups looked.” He says with a scoff. You look up at him with your big old baby eyes, hanging on his every word as you teeth on the rubbery tip of a silicone coated pipe vise. He nods like you’re agreeing with him. “Exactly. Besides that, once we get the microprocessors up and running, and make sure the stabilizer core doesn’t get screwed up, this one should be good to send down to the boys in the lab.” He says, patting the part of the prototype he’s been working on. Then with one dimpled little hand, you reach out, like you want to pat it too. He chuckles, beaming down at you as he lifts you up to the table enough for you to clumsily smack the metal casing as you babble excitedly, looking back at him for approval. You reach down and grab at a stray blueprint with your surprisingly strong baby grip, and he can’t help but laugh in delight at the sight of you.

“Look at you, kid. A wrench in one hand, schematics in the other. Hell, you’re gonna be running this place before you can walk, aren’t you?” You giggle and he pulls you close and kisses your chubby cheek, making you coo and laugh in delight as he tickles your tummy. 

“Tell you what. You make a 4th quarter pitch to present at the next shareholder meeting, I’ll pull some strings, and we’ll get you your own executive office by christmas. How’s that sound?”

It must sound pretty good, because you’re giggling and clapping like he just promised you a pony. at this rate, you'll know how to disassemble a hydraulic grapple winch before you can ride a bike.

[fbfh]

I’m actually going insane in the membrane right now. I am about to crash the fuck out red dye 40 style. I’m rewatching Misfits because it’s been too fucking long (and I got part way through season 2 last time before I stopped) and I CANNOT stop the feral instincts that arise in me whenever Nathan Motherfucking Young is on screen. Spoilers for the first 15 minutes of the pilot but not really because it’s literally the FIRST 15 minutes of the PILOT. If anything this should convince you to watch it. 

I cannot get over how HORRIBLY this poor poor boy is treated. “But op he’s an asshole! He’s a douchebag! He’s a jerk and a pervert and he’s always making gross jokes-” YES I FUCKING KNOW. AND I LITERALLY DON’T EVEN CARRRRRREUH. I don’t care if Nathan Young murdered his entire family he is like a SON to me. This is how I feel every fucking time he’s on screen. 

That’s it that’s the post.

No but seriously the fact that he’s already doing shitty ass community service, gets STRUCK BY LIGHTNING ON HIS FIRST DAY, then gets home and finds out his fucking wet paper towel of a mother CHANGED THE LOCKS ON HIM AND KICKED HIM OUT so she could “give her relationship with her boyfriend a chance”??????? “I’ll call you in a few days”????????? FUCK YOU BITCH. FUCK YOU AND A MOTHERFUCKING HALF. I DO NOT CARE IF HE’S A LITERAL SERIAL KILLER OR IF HE INVENTED ITCHY SEAMS IN CLOTHING OR IS THE REASON BUGS KEEP GETTING INTO MY ROOM AND GIVING ME PANIC ATTACKS, NOTHING FUCKING WARRANTS THAT.

I could go into heavy detail about how hard he’d lean into it if you start suddenly defending him like Leslie Knope defending Ann Perkins, how he’d play it up and go running to you biting back a laugh and pouting while he throws you puppy dog eyes because he KNOWS you’ll take his side even when he’s obviously wrong, and how all that is actually deeply masking and trying to cope with and trying to make sense of the fact that you keep defending him on purpose and on principal and even when you know he’s obviously wrong. I COULD get really angsty and gut wrenching about how fucking afraid of you he actually is, but realizes he’s EQUALLY AFRAID of you not being around him too, so he’s stuck in this horrible, confusing, I have c-ptsd from really severe emotional neglect as a child limbo of I am absolutely desperate to hold onto you but also freaking the fuck out because I keep trying to push you away and you won’t go away but now I don’t even know if I want you to. Sure nothing anyone says ever has any effect on him, never bothers him or gets under his skin. But it’s not what you’re saying that’s fucking him up like this. It’s what you’re doing.

bonus: me every FUCKING time I see Nathan because I have a physical reaction that I can't hug and bite him though a screen

[fbfh]

You know what I’m thinking about??? Hot hot sweaty summers with Eddie. can EASILY be loud simp!Eddie too, because no heatwave will make this man any less clingy or affectionate.

Y’all are living in his trailer together (he literally could not be happier btw. He swears he would not be able to tell the difference between a camping tent and a mansion if it’s you he’s coming home to) and you alone have made his space so lovely. Just by existing in it. It feels the same but like… better somehow. Leveled up. You don’t change who he is, you don’t try to push him into some magazine style of living, you embrace where he is and lift him up in a way that feels so natural he can’t imagine ever coming down. And it’s little things too. You insist on keeping his high school diploma framed and on display, and he always catches you looking at it with this pride and warmth and absolutely no surprise that he was able to do it. No surprise at all. You really have always believed in him. You frame other things too - the ticket stubs from when you saw Metallica together are in a little shadow box you thrifted with flowers he’s gotten you before that you dried and pressed, plus (one of your favorites) the first version of the first love song he wrote you. It’s scribbled on an old piece of notebook paper he ripped out, and you can still see the scratched out calculus notes and half an idea for a DnD campaign. 

Really the only thing either of you have to complain about is the fact that your shitty AC is busted. The window unit that you’ve both been watching over like a sleeping baby as she keeps your little bedroom nice and cool is finally down for the count. Eddie got it for you back when you moved in together, picked it up at some little yard sale or flea market. He said he got a good deal on it, but you know the real reason. He’s been thinking about the future with you for that long. 

Thankfully he has a buddy downtown who owes him a favor (definitely NOT because he’s this guy’s dealer /s) so your little baby - who Eddie had aptly dubbed White Dragon -  gets picked up by some guy in a pickup truck, and after Eddie slips him a little extra weed, he promises to have it back by next week. 

So you start coming up with more creative ways to stay cool. It’s almost like a game. Keeping your hair wet all the time (you always insist on using your nice smelling conditioner on Eddie’s to at least attempt to manage his even more wild hair from the humidity. It makes his heart flutter every fucking time, and you catch him smelling his hair more often.) you start hiding out in your room with a sheet tied to a box fan and tucked into the sides of the mattress to make a little wind tunnel. If you think Eddie won’t talk you into skinny dipping at night oh BOY do I have some news for you. Also Eddie starts… keeping his rings in the freezer. You’re not sure why at first, but when you finally have to go out (after you tie his hair up for him. He can do it but he likes it better when you do) it finally clicks. He keeps himself on your right side, and the moment your hand finds his, you feel the cool kiss of metal on your skin. He sees the way your eyes widen with realization and it makes his heart fucking SWELL. Neither of you address it at the time, or not much. Maybe a good idea from you, and a playful quip from Eddie about I’ve gotta have ‘em sometimes, right? But that’s one of those little moments where it really starts to hit home just how deeply Eddie cares for you. About you. How deep in his mind you’ve really rooted yourself. And Eddie’s heart soars with pride at having succeeded in making a tough, hot day a little nicer. Even if it’s more the effort and thought than the end result. Because that’s the thing with Eddie, he will always bring the effort. He always thinks ten steps ahead, he gets so creative when it comes to you. 

When he calls you his muse he’s not lying.

[fbfh]

MY MOM SURPRISED ME BY ORDERING A BUNCH OF MY GRADUATION STUFF TODAY AND NOW I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT THE GRADUATION DAY EPISODE IN GILMORE GIRLS. CAUSE GIRL. IF LOGAN HUNTZBERGER GOT ON HIS KNEE IN ANY COPASSITY FOR ME I'D SAY YES. DOESN'T MATTER WHAT HE WAS ASKING. BUT ESPECIALLY IF HE WAS ASKING ME TO MARRY HIM.

OH MY GODDDD BABES FIRST OF ALL FUCKING CONGRADULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!! GRADUATING IN ANY CAPACITY IS A BIGASS DEAL AND I'M SO SO SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! (implications of smut at the end bc it's Logan but otherwise sfw)

and for the record SO IS LOGAN. mans is going APESHIT and is fucking rivaling your parents who are already over the moon with pride. He's rivaling Richard and Emily bragging about you with how much he keeps bringing up how his shawty bae is graduating because you're a fucking genius and so smart and hardworking and clever and- (like he really could go on for days)

Like he’s just so outrageously honored and overjoyed and also existential about getting to be with you for such an important milestone. You are his first serious relationship. His first relationship at all, and just like when he got all full of longing about growing and changing together when he got you your first birkin (emphasis on first. You WILL be getting a birkin, a new pair of louboutins (personally I think he’d love to see you in something like this), 100 roses, and a ring on graduation. No negotiating, no doubting, no question.) 

While of course it’s not planned out nearly as much as he usually plans these things out, and it is obviously a very spur of the moment thing, he’d be lying if he said it was an impulse decision. Somewhere deep in the back of his mind, he knew from the moment you told him you don’t think he could be a boyfriend because he’s not a boyfriend guy and that you don’t want something casual, he knew from that moment that he was fully going to wife you the fuck up. He never realized it consciously and never acknowledged it because he really had to kind of take the whole relationship thing one step at a time, but there was never any question about where those steps were leading him. Leading both of you. You turned his cab light way the fuck on, you did something that just made him sink his teeth so deep into you that he knows he’s never ever going to fucking get over you. God forbid things ended between you two, you would for sure be the one that got away, the one he never stopped trying to track down and pray for just one more chance with. Just one chance. 

But he doesn’t need to worry about that, because to his surprise, he genuinely has you wrapped around his finger. Or maybe it’s the other way around. The point is you are both down horrendous for each other and for some reason going into the summer without being able to call you his wife has been making him feel sick. So at your graduation party, he’s already given you a big orange box, and a slightly smaller tan box, and the fattest bouquet of flowers he’s gotten you yet when he gives you one of those beaming, eager smiles.

“Don’t thank me yet, ace. I’ve still got one more little surprise for you.” You set everything down and let him drag you to the front of the room to make a toast. He’s so nervous which is so unlike him, but you can tell every word is spoken right from the heart. It’s so touching, watching him be so overwhelmed with love for you that he’s struggling to articulate it. Then he decides to just bite the bullet and go for it. 

Logan has surprised you plenty of times, but the look on your face when he pulls out that little teal box and drops down to one knee is one he’ll never forget. You were so surprised and excited and overwhelmed that the actual proposal is kind of a blur for both of you, but thankfully Logan thought ahead to secretly hire a videographer who got the whole thing on film. You were so teary eyed you barely got a look at the ring until you calmed down, you just knew it was sparkly and heavier than you expected. Honor covers for you two so you can have a moment alone to talk (and makeout) and process this. 

That’s when you realize Logan put a rock on your finger roughly the size of a child’s head. You have so many questions and so many ideas but they’re all drowned out by how much you love this man. And everything you say and do, the way you touch him, the way you look at him, it all makes Logan more and more sure that he can and will move heaven and earth to make his girl happy. Make his wife happy. He’s fucking giddy at the thought. 

Later that night when you’re cuddled up together after a very, very late night of mindblowing we just got engaged sex, Logan is tracing his fingers across your skin and admiring how pretty you look in his arms. Finally, after the dust begins to settle, you realize just how huge the fucking ring is. You sputter out a bunch of half finished questions, watching the way it glints in the dark light of your shared apartment, and he just lets out a sheepish laugh. “I… might have gotten a little carried away.” He confesses, taking your hand and pressing a kiss to your knuckles. “So- I mean… how…” you let out a flustered laugh, and he knows what you’re asking. He makes a little noise of consideration, deciding to downplay it a little, just so he doesn’t freak you out more than necessary. His favorite thing about you, the thing that he both loves and drives him fucking crazy, is how hard it was to spoil you at first. You’re so sweet and you ask for so little that it just made him more determined to spend more and more money on you. You’re much better than you were when you first started dating - you accept little things like surprise flower deliveries or a new dress and earrings he picked out for you to wear to dinner together much more easily than you used to. 

But there’s not really a gentle way to say I wanted 15 carats but the guy at Tiffany’s talked me down to 13 because that was the biggest they could legally do at the time. 

“Uh… a little over 10.” He says quietly. You let out an ADORABLE sputtering noise. 

“Ten thousand dollars?” 

He lets out the sweetest, most organic laugh, pulling you against his chest and tucking your head under his chin. 

“No, Ace. Ten carats.” He bites back another laugh at the flustered noise you make into his chest. He rubs your back, loving the feeling of your skin against his, then murmurs so quietly he hopes you won’t really hear, “Technically 13.” 

Before you can protest, he rolls over on top of you. “But- that’s not the only thing going up into double digits tonight…” 

He gives you a dizzying smirk as he pushes your legs apart, kissing and touching his way down your body. As he makes good on his promise, he can’t help but think… if being engaged feels this fucking good, he can’t wait to see what your honeymoon is like.

[fbfh]

I can’t hide from it anymore yall. I’m absolutely officially old enough to be attracted to Nick Miller. I watched New Girl like 10 fuckin years ago or something and truly viewed Nick as sexless. He was just Some Guy that was a hilarious mess. I didn’t get what Jess saw in him. I shipped them because I liked their dynamic and for no other reason. 

But now my frontal lobe is more developed and I… unfortunately get it now. It’s like the first time you realize that body hair is hot on guys or the first time you see a guy with facial hair and are like oh…

Nick Miller is a DISASTER of a man. In his own words, he is “not a successful adult” and a “30 year old bartender without health insurance 👍👍”. He’s the type of guy you walk in on loudly jerking it to reggae music and crying when he cums. Nick Miller has opinions on if it’s weirder to have a fetish for ceramic tile patterns or women thinking about dog knees. His opinion is… confusing and he WILL defend it to the death. Nick Miller kisses you for the first time and panics and goes “bababooeyyyyyy” then immediately sees himself out. Nick Miller is physically incapable of lying and equally incapable of internalizing the fact that you are outrageously feral and turned on by the exact same dad bod that he’s always agonizingly insecure about. Nick Miller WILL insist on keeping his shirt on during sex for the first six months of your relationship and moans in pure shock and surprise EVERY SINGLE TIME you bite at his tummy though his shirt. Nick Miller is ONLY able to express how he feels when you’re fucking, and it’s always babbled and moaned and borderline incomprehensible but it is the CLEAREST little glimpse into his psyche. Nick Miller has a mesh bag that used to hold Cuties clementine oranges that appears to be filled with garbage but is in fact his designated spot for you centric stuff. A napkin you doodled on, the chunk of silicone that broke off of your last phone case, maybe a missing earring or press on nail that popped off. It’s hidden in his closet smushed into the box with all his money and important documents and unopened jury summons. Nick Miller is nervous around you. He babbles incoherently. Winston and Coach and Schmidt watch in shock and borderline disgust as Nick fumbles harder and harder and you just. Giggle. Drag him off to his room. They watch your relationship like a sports game with the most blind ref on the planet. The grill him on how the FUCK he bagged you and he’s like. “Man.. just- you know. I’m just… I got- I got that rizz- yeah I have no idea either man.”

Do not fucking get me STARTED on Charlie Kelly. I turn into a fucking animal over that man.

[fbfh]

part 3 of Lucifer aus bc I can see Sam training rats like Judd Birch trains raccoons (2:20, can't find the actual clip lol). anyway pt 1 snake dad!sam, pt 2 lizard dad!sam

Rat owner!Sam ft. Lucifer the rat

ALWAYS sending you those 0.5/up close fish eye lens pictures of Lucifer doing literally anything

fully expected you to freak out when you found out he had a pet rat

nope

you started cuddling him and singing to him like a disney princess

that was the day he started calling you Lucifer's mommy/other daddy/other parent. but ONLY when no one else is there

likes that his mom is still freaked out by it

one of the fastest ways he can keep the rest of his family out of his fucking room and stop them from just barging in is by telling them he's letting Lucifer out

rat running around free range = door closed

affectionately calls Lucifer a fat fuck

will KILL anyone else who tries to bodyshame his son

acts like he hates it when you baby talk Lucifer or make him little tiny hats and teddy bears. he loves it.

"are you a little chunkster? you a chunky lil baby, hmm? yes you are..." (smooching noises + happy rat noises) "you're a lil Swedish meatball baby, an absolute chode. oh my god you would look so cute with a little pair of sunglasses!"

Sam has no idea where the hell you keep finding clothes and accessories and all this other stuff small enough for a rat. Like he's genuinely shocked. (it's old barbie clothes. That's it that's the secret. you just keep putting his rat in barbie heels and giving him little purses and plushies and coffee cups made for fashion dolls.)

also there's a good chance you get really into diy miniatures just for Lucifer. Sam acts like it's dumb and unnecessary but actually dies inside at how much it means to him that you're spoiling his lil guy with him <3

will lie to other people and say he just found Lucifer in the street or some basement or a gutter or something to scare them

more reader n Lucifer pics Sam has (and is obsessed with)

also. your FAVORITE photo of Lucifer and Sammy <3

[fbfh]

Part 2 of Sam Monroe's pet Lucifer aus (I am convinced Lucie is a shapeshifter atp /j) snake dad!sam aka pt1, rat dad!sam aka pt 3

Lizard dad!Sam ft. Lucifer the frilled dragon

frilled dragon!Lucifer has a fucking ATTITUDE. let's get that out of the way first lol

every time Sam is complaining to you about it you're just like well.... ofc he does. he gets it from his daddy.

chokes on his SPIT when he hears you call him the d word

he frills around you the first couple times you see him, and Sam explains they mostly do that when they're nervous or threatened

you start being so deliberately sweet around Lucifer it makes Sam's chest ache

You walk up slowly to his enclosure, keep yourself low to the ground, and speak in a soft voice.

"Hi baby... how are you feelin' today? You staying moist? Your daddy tells me you gotta keep those pretty scales hydrated..."

again with the d word are you trying to kill him?????

it must be the same way you essentially domesticated Sam, because after a while Lucifer really warms up to you

there are some days where he's being such a picky eater that Sam doesn't even know what to do with him

but the minute you come over and hold this irritable, aggressive little lizard in your arms, scolding him like a baby and talking all sweet to him, that's when he decides to eat

Sam probably gives you the rest of Lucifer's food and gets up to put the bag away, shaking his head and muttering something like "you're both fucking impossible..."

but he turns away because he doesn't want you to see him almost smiling

I was gonna add diverse/inclusive pics of ppl holding lizards but I can't find any that aren't basically stockphotos!! regardless know that this is a space inclusive of all reader inserts <3

[fbfh]

Okay okay so as an arachnophobic bitch I've long since had headcanons for alternate pets Sam Monroe would have (all named Lucifer ofc) so here's part 1 because Sam RADIATES snake owner energy to me

Also dw next two will not be snakes lol pt 2 lizard dad!sam, pt 3 rat dad!sam

Snake owner!Sam ft. Lucifer the ball python

Probably got him when he was either a lil baby or still an egg tbh

DEFINITELY got him in secret to piss off his parents

Or possibly used the divorce as a bargaining chip to get a pet that he got to choose

Has a drawer with Lucifer's shedded skins bc they're cool (he also secretly gets nostalgic looking at the smaller/old ones)

Will ABSOLUTELY let you feed him if you want to

But if you're sensitive and/or hyper empathic like I am

(or as Sam affectionally puts it "such a fucking crybaby" he wants to lick the tears off your face)

he has to spend like 20 minutes explaining to you that all Lucifer's food is ethically and humanely sourced, that Lucifer is just a prey animal and it's really no different than any other meat in the freezer

also he only needs to eat about once every two weeks so it's not like some family guy cutaway to a veal farm

You feel better and calm down but still sniffle a little and ask him to thank the mice or rats before the next time he feeds Lucifer

he brushes you off but uh. yeah. he does. you're probably not even in the room when he does it

also at the end of this whole conversation he leaves to grab something and when he comes back in he sees you snuggling Lucifer and kissing his head. You're holding him and he's looking right at you with rapt attention as you babble all sweet and teary, "'s not your fault baby, mommy not mad at you.... such a sweet lil linguini noodle, aren't you?"

Lucifer flicks his tongue out and you giggle cut to "and that was the moment I knew I was going to marry you" speech at your wedding

also yes Sammy does have about a trillion pictures of Lucifer hiding in your hair (however you style it)

edit: FORGOT TO FUCKING MENTION Sam will ABSOLUTELY casually wear Lucifer out with you in public. if you're from a small town you've probably seen/had at least ONE scary looking snake wearing guy just chilling in an empty 7/11 parking lot in flip flops and a limp bizkit shirt with a snake around his shoulders or crawling in and out of his gauges. That's Sam.

best part is this ADDS to his scary dog privileges!! when you go out and he has Lucifer chilling on both of you AND his arm around your shoulder???

NO ONE will even fucking look at you. Which is exactly how Sammy likes it.

more hair textures/styles + Lucifer <3 (I couldn't find a ton but tried to include a good mix. smooches.)

[fbfh]

Being best friends with Dave means you have a front row seat to his complaints about being inexperienced and single. How is Katie Deauxma going to fall him like this? That's where you come in, if he was actually dating someone, people would take notice! And of course you'd have to kiss to really sell it. After all, what are best friends for? -🍒 anon

I AM. SO DEEPLY OBSESSED WITH THIS YOU HAVE NO IDEA. cherries anon my dearest and darling. You get it. Every ask you send fucking SLAPS. 

I’ve talked about this before but the real reason girls “don’t notice” Dave is because you, his best friend, are scaring away the hoes. So hard. It started years ago right before you started high school. You noticed the girls who used to bully Dave and say mean shit behind his back starting to give him looks and talk about inviting him to boy girl parties the moment he started getting taller and sort of growing into himself. And you HATED that shit. So you did what any reasonable, self respecting best friend would do - launched an attack of psychological warfare, unspoken threats, and mind games on every girl who tried to pull shit with him. And it worked for a very long time. 

Then came the… lovely. Katie Deauxma. You don’t like Katie. You have never liked Katie. And those feelings were only amplified when Dave started crushing on her. But you’re strategic enough to use this to your advantage. You’ve mentioned the whole “girl communication” “girl world” “it’s how girls fight sometimes”. You’ve tried to explain the real meaning behind someone saying you quote, rock a lot of polka dots, or how saying you should TOTALLY get bangs usually translates to I’m praying for your downfall! But sweet sweet Dave… he just does not get it. You’ve watched mean girls with him at least half a dozen times and he just is not picking up on what you’re putting down despite his best efforts. He is always left confused but trying to get the spirit. He still thinks Stuart means mouse. Or little means mouse?? 

He starts talking about Katie and Katie more and more. The more he tries to catch her attention, the more you ward her off with that feral, hawk like intensity. But you’re always there to comfort Dave, your sweet lil pookie. Of course you are. He’s procrastinating his homework again while he laments to you. 

“I mean, how am I supposed to impress her like this?” He asks, pacing his room before slumping down into his desk chair. “I’m totally hopeless. There’s no way I’d ever have a chance with her. And even if I did, I’d probably do something embarrassing, like get my glasses tangled in her hair, or bite the wrong lip.” You chuckle, and he gives you a reluctant smile. “You think this is funny?” He tries to sound reprimanding, but it comes out as more whiny. He’s looking at you for validation, for input, for your ever insightful readings into the nuances of girl world. “No, it’s just…” you sigh a little. You give him a sheepish, regretful look. “You’re kind of right. Girls… we can sniff that kind of thing out.”

He lets out a little crestfallen gasp as he hangs on your every word. You push off from where you’re standing and walk over to him, giving him a scrutinizing look. “Can you… I- I mean, how do I fix it?” I asks desperately. You have to bite back a smile of pure satisfaction as you play him like a fiddle. 

“Well, I guess I could help…” You barely get the words out before he’s springing up and begging. “Please! Yes, yes help. Please help. I- I mean, look at me. If anyone needs help, if anyone needed help in the history of the world, it’s-” He sputters, dropping to his knees and grabbing your hands. He looks up at you with those big puppy dog eyes as he pleads, his voice getting all wavery in a way that makes you clitty throb and kitty sob. So you put him out of his misery and agree. You tell him you’ll only help him if he does whatever you say without asking questions and he agrees before you finish getting your condition out. That’s when you know you have him locked and loaded. You know two things - all boys become at least a little obsessed with their first, and girls can sense when a guy is messing around with someone that’s not them. 

So really you’re killing two birds with one stone here. You soak up every moment of his face as you start slowly breaking him in, teaching him how to kiss, teaching him how to touch. You justify it as doing him such a big favor, helping out your best friend. And between that and the way he creams his pants at least three or four times just from your first makeout session, you know he has no reason to question you. And you know that knowing him as well as you do, if any other girls manage to kiss him (which they won’t), nothing they say or do will EVER be able to hold a candle to Dave getting free reign of his smoking hot best friend’s tight little body, of grabbing so much boob that he cries a little while you use him like a fucking toy, dry humping him until he’s seeing stars. 

…Yeah. Katie is the last thing he’s thinking about now. Or ever. 

@cherriesanon

[fbfh]

"How's your stark tower project going? You're probably doing all kinds of silly fun stuff like making up robots lol"

[fbfh]

anyway uhhhhhhhh who want a fuckin realistic stark industries id and visitor pass template whipped up in canva by yours truly?? have fun bc I sure as shootin am!!!