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everyone talks about the folgers coffee incest commercial but remember the quizno’s commercial where the guy was fucking the toaster oven?

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by the way, hypothetically?

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Rock Lee vs. Gaara went SO hard and was so memorable, it unintentionally tricked an entire generation into thinking Naruto's underlying theme was that effort and hard work ultimately triumph over natural talent. Naruto was, in fact, not about that. It was the opposite, in fact.

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Hey kid you want a job?

Great get online and go to a job board. Indeed, Linkedin whatever. Now you're gonna search for a role that's in your city, fits your qualifications, and doesn't seem like a bad time.

See that easy apply button? Don't hit it they just throw those in the trash. Now you're gonna want to go to the company's website and check their careers page.

Oh? That job doesn't exist anymore. Cool go back to the job board and find another one.

Great you found another job, you're on the company's career page and the job exists!! So you're going to need to make an account on the career page website. They're using Workday, the same site as the last job you applied for? Who cares? You need to make another account for THIS job's workday page.

Now you're going to upload your resume. That'll autopopulate about 15 boxes with everything on your resume, except formatted wrong and with tons of errors. So just go through and painstakingly check the dates on all of that and rewrite everything you already laid out in an aesthetically pleasing format on your resume.

Ok time for the cover letter, explain why this specific job and company are deeply important to you. You love their mission statement and wouldn't even laugh if their ceo was gunned down in the street. You'll really want to reiterate the things you just spent the last 20 minutes filling out on the resume section

(Remember to include language from the job description, people who work in HR are lower than dogs and they need patterns or they get confused.) Write about a page, but hey don't sound too desperate or robotic this is where they judge your character!

Maybe add your portfolio site at the end here, who knows if that helps no one has ever clicked mine haha.

Anywayyy time to hit apply! Congrats! You'll see that confirmation email come in and you should be getting the rejection letter in about 2 weeks. Unfortunately your resume didn't have the right buzzwords and the AI auto rejected you :(

Time to start again and try not to kill yourself!

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daisy in my latest ootds 🌻 love me some baggy pants and white sneakers lol

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Strawstrawstrawberry🍓

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My body is already an inhospitable environment, there’s no way a friggin baby would be able to survive in it

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Familiar bookshop hours and rules look…suspiciously angelic in nature.

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My manager was like. "I found the best video on YouTube" and I said "oh?" And he said it's called "one hour of silence periodically interrupted by the sound of a metal pole clanking" and proceeded to play it

Every time the pole clanks he spooks like a wild horse and keeps getting more and more frustrated

We are about 20 minutes in and he's like "god I can't wait for this to be over" refusing to turn it off

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I like when the bus stops directly in front of you out of the line of waiting people and opens its doors. Chosen by the dragon

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been watching livestreams of US news channels lately and

1) they have a LOT of commercial breaks

2) i didn’t realize that ads for medicine were actually like this

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i just want to talk to whoever it was that said if your wisdom teeth don't come in by 25 you're probably in the clear

because babe they were WRONG

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a watched nut never busts. or something. i dont fucking know what you people find funny anymore. 9/11.