finallyinthemoment

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just so you know i know this dynamic is toxic and i'm not romanticizing it :/ i'm actually sexualizing it

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reblog to tell your mutuals they’re lovely af.

✨♡♡✨♡♡✨♡♡✨♡♡✨

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Americans invented tbe worlds burgled and burglars to apply to robberies because the concept of losing their burger is the scariest thing to them

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just saw a birth announcement thing that was like "3 inches went in. 19 inches came out" and i am on the floor in tears i'm laughing so hard what is wrong with heterosexual people

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*puts a disk in u*

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“get a job” nope im splashing in da pool

via

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medieval backstreet boys: you are… my friar

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Black Sails & text posts (3/?)

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I read an AITA post a few weeks back about a woman who liked having snacks in the bath when she's had a long day (a result of residual trauma iirc - the bath was her safe space). Her brand new husband of three weeks, a man twice her age who had no job, made her pay all of his bills and do all housework, and spent all day every day gaming because he wanted to make it as a Twitch streamer, had always been fine with this; but, on the day in question, had whisked her bath snacks out of her hands as she was on her way to the bathroom and tried to bin them, telling her it was time to 'break her of that filthy habit in his home'. She told him if he ever actually paid anything towards the house she owns outright he might get a say, took her snacks back, and had her lovely bath. He was since giving her the silent treatment.

(Obviously the judgement was an avalanche of 'NTA and also he's abusing you', which she agreed with, and decided to kick him out, so happy ending.)

Anyway I told my husband about this and he was outraged. "I would never do that!" he told me, furious. "I would find it adorable if you had bath snacks!"

Since then, every time I try to have a bath (which I only do as a rare treat) after about ten minutes there has been an anxious scrabbling at the bathroom door.

"Elanor!" he says. "Do you have bath snacks? Do you need anything?"

My answer is irrelevant. He brings me wine and poptarts. Now I have bath snacks. I'm a bath snacks person. Last time he was literally sleeping on the sofa when I went for the bath. Somehow this still happened. I now have an eager bathroom butler. How did this happen. I have never been so decadent yet bewildered.

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Working at a physical therapy office is insanely funny cuz I get to hear shit like "You're really stiff, so we'll get hands on and stretch you out." and "Are you finished? Okay, great, let me go and get the strap, go ahead and lay on the table." and they're always said in this bland-but-cheery kinda voice that you only get when saying that stuff is a regular part of your job.

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Always a good time to burn down yet another village!

Patreon

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The Golden Girls – 1.10: Heart Attack

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Love my hometown team for this!

they went off with this

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Y'all. I had to see Audra Mama (Mama Audra? Do we call it that? Is there an established thing?) but I love I'm Seattle and I'm closer to broke than I've ever been. So I bought that ticket, and I said I'd lottery and rush and get what I got. I made a list, I edited it and organized it to perfection. When I tell you. WHEN I TELL YOU!

I got rush tickets to the entire top of my list with the help and advice of a friend I'm meeting in person for the first time this trip, and a new friend I made in a rush line. And I came in under budget.

The schedule:

Tues: Old Friends

Wed Matinee: Maybe Happy Ending (fucking phenomenal)

Wed Evening: Sunset Blvd

Thu 5 PM: Oh Mary!

Thu Evening: Death Becomes Her

Fri Evening: Gypsy

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let's all go out and buy pink refreshing citrusy fruity sexually arousing drinks

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the most fun a girl can have is finding parallels, noticing patterns, making connections, contemplating