fisyx

[fisyx]

add another clove of garlic im not driving

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[fisyx]

Discussing baby’s future

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they need to invent the opposite of an nda called an fda where u have to tell everyone everything

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my idiot minion ordered gender change traps for my megadungeon instead of sex change ones so now there are a bunch of adventurers wandering around physically unchanged but with wicked dysphoria

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[fisyx]

let's struggle to dine with mama

[fisyx]

person with 6 comorbid mental disorders: I'd be the strongest person on the planet if not for these 5 comorbid mental disorders

[fisyx]

Friend group chats are fun. Today one of my friends, who keeps pet crayfish, found babies in a tank that was supposed to be a males only. No choice but to empty out the whole tank to fish out the babies of unknowable origins. But lo and behold, there was a culprit: one teeny tiny little female had somehow escaped containment, evidently specifically going out of her way to break into this all male tank to get railed by like 15 males twice her size. Possibly completely different breed, too. Monsterfucker supreme.

So for a good solid hour or so, the whole group chat was focused on. slutshaming this one specific little crustacean. With like 300 babies.

[fisyx]

Every morning I pray for a crab rave and every day the empty throne of God disappoints me

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[fisyx]

What's the process if you're a superhero and you come out as trans

Do you tell your villains?

Do you keep it a secret so no one can connect Spider-Man with your secret identity for a while? Or do you pop a pronouns pin on your costume and the next time you web up Doctor Octopus and he goes "I'LL GET YOU NEXT TIME SPIDER-MAN" you go "Spider-Girl actually! I've been figuring out some shit"

[fisyx]

jokes to make after failure that aren’t self-deprecating:

I’m the best to ever do it

Nobody saw that (best if said loudly)

No one’s ever done it like me

I could be President/they should make me President

Behold, a mere fraction of my power!

The public wants to be me soooooo bad

I’m an expert in (thing you just failed at)

How could this have happened to god’s favorite princess?

Nothing ibuprofen and a glass of water cant fix

I’m being sabotaged

[fisyx]

trying to make unlikable characters

[fisyx]

STOP CENSORING YOURSELF ON THIS WEBSITE. FUCK SHIT SEX MURDER ALCOHOL DRUGS FAGGOT DYKE QUEER TRANS BITCH SLUT WHORE SEX SEX SEX SEX!!!!!!!!!!!

[fisyx]

I just found someone sharing this on twitter, so sorry that I don't have the link but omg

[fisyx]

A warm welcome

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