fiveguysshake

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i really like this thing where websites will have separate "log in" & "sign up" buttons and if you click "log in" it takes you to a sign-up screen anyway so you have to click "i already have an account" and then it will ask if you want to sign in with your facebook account or with instagram or linkedin or deviantart or whatever, and if you choose "username & password" it asks if you want to put in your username or use your thumbprint, and once you put your username & password it emails you a confirmation code, and once you put in the code it says "do you want to give us your phone number for future sign-ins? do you want to sign up for facial recognition? do you want to give us your bones? give us your fucking bones?

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Alright kids say it with me

My thoughts don’t make me a bad person

My feelings don’t make me a bad person

My thoughts, feelings, and impulses only exist inside my head, and none of it matters unless I act on it

Nobody can see my thoughts or emotions

The only things anyone can see and judge me on are my actions

There’s no such thing as a thought crime

thank u

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Spotted outside the local grocery store

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It makes my day just a little bit brighter every time someone manages to make contextually appropriate use of the word "proboscis".

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if i worked at nintendo i would try so hard to make it canon that mario and luigi are red/green colourblind and think theyre wearing the exact same outfit

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Yesterday a kid said to me "excuse me? Your hair looks like beautiful anime hair" which is already amazing and then she said "watch me on your camera when I go down the slide I'm going to do the Peter Griffin death pose when I come out" and she sure did.

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i wish you could tell cats your food is poison. he seems to think the issue is i've forgotten that he is my kind and loving friend. the issue is Hospital

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hey kinda messed up that 1st degree burn is the mildest burn but 1st degree murder is the worst murder. they should have collaborated more on that one.

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The lion does not concern itself with the bank account balance when a little treat is calling

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tgis is so fucking funny to me. they accidentally Rock Lee'd a retired racehorse

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anxiety will have you thinking things like "will everyone hate me if i order coffee at the coffee shop" and "will people think i'm crazy if i work out at the gym"

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as we march towards a shining era of more people calling their friends "babe" and "sweetheart" platonically, let us also strive towards a brighter tomorrow wherein more couples call each other "bruh" and "my dude" as a term of romantic endearment

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