You must be thinking of a different FBI. Don't put just anything where it doesn't belong! Operated by @villainessbian. Minors, you're free to educate yourselves on safe practices if you're going to fool around anyway, but please DNI. Seriously.
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Statistics
We looked inside some of the posts by flared-base-inspector and here's what we found interesting.
Average Info
Notes Per Post
2M
Likes Per Post
654K
Reblog Per Post
1M
Reply Per Post
693
Time Between Posts
4 days
Number of Posts By Type
Note
2
Text
13
Photo
2
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
Tumblr was attacked by a cross-site scripting worm deployed by the Internet troll group GNAA on Dec 3, 2012.
Note
OH FOR FUCK'S-
YOU WANT TO GET AN INFECTION? THAT'S HOW YOU GET AN INFECTION. NOT ONLY IS IT STRUCTURALLY UNSOUND AND NOT PROTECTING ANYTHING, YOU'RE EXPOSING YOURSELF TO WHATEVER REMNANTS OF BACTERIA-NEST SUGAR AND DIRT ARE ON THE DIRTY WRAPPER DEPENDING ON THE SIDE YOU CHOOSE, NOT TO SPEAK OF HOW PLASTIC WRAPPERS EVEN FEEL ON SENSITIVE PARTS - DO YOU KNOW WHY THEY FEEL SHARP AND UNCOMFORTABLE? BECAUSE THEY CAN ACTUALLY DAMAGE YOUR PRECIOUS BITS.
I saw something somewhere where someone said that when they lost their virginity they used a twix wrapper instead of a condom and I just thought you might find that amusing and or horrifying
ID: A GIF of Kermit the Frog, staring out into nothingness, biting his fist, trembling.
#flared base inspector#not even fbi business this time I just think some people WANT to catch new and exciting infections as soon as they can.
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YOU'RE GOOD
BETWEEN THE KNOT AND THE WEREWOLF'S BODY ITSELF YOU EVEN HAVE EXTRA PROTECTION. GOOD KNIGHT.
I just wanna have sex like this, it's not much
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WOW
THIS IS NOTHING BUT FLARED BASE
Fuckable Object #6 IBM ThinkPad 701 Series (1995)
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THAT'S OKAY
HOCKEY PLAYERS, REFEREES, AND SPECTATORS HAVE A FLARED BASE. NOT WEARING PROTECTION IS PERFECTLY FINE IF YOU KNOW YOU'RE BOTH SAFE. OF COURSE NO PROTECTION IS 100% PERFECT; HAVING A PARTNER IS AN ACT OF TRUST.
genuinely the funniest fucking thing ive seen all day
#flared base inspector#fbi business#I hope this doesn't sound moralising I just got roped into giving extremely basic sex ed info from that gimmick#''sex is awesome just don't get anything stuck in you want to get out'' is supposed to be the point
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PRETTY GOOD
FLARED BASE DETECTED
Silver figurine depicting a dragon or a tiger, China, 18th century
#The inscription reads ''show off your strength'' I believe. which is fine because you don't do that by toy-like operation of the toy anyway.#Silver is safe enough if it's real#Of course I can find plastic-looking replicas online easily which tells me to lend less credence to it#Also they gave it a dick and balls there is no question it was designed to be phallic#I don't mean the overall shape I mean look between the legs of the flared base. YUP.
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/!\ WARNING
NO FLARED BASE (DESIGNED TO POP OUT)
THIS TOY IS STRUCTURALLY DANGEROUS, BEING MADE OF A HOLLOW BULB OF THIN, EASILY BROKEN GLASS.
WHAT'S MORE, THE PRODUCT CONTAINED INSIDE IS GOING TO MAKE IT EVEN WORSE. I DO NOT HAVE ACCESS TO THE INGREDIENTS LIST BUT COMMON PERFUME INGREDIENTS CAN CAUSE RASHES, BURNING SENSATIONS, NAUSEA, VOMITING, DIZZINESS AND ALLERGIC REACTIONS BEFORE YOU EVEN DECIDE TO DUMP AN ENTIRE DECILITRE OF IT INTO YOUR BLEEDING MUCOSA.
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NONE
THEY ARE TOO SMALL SO THEIR FLARED BASE DOESN'T EVEN COUNT
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CAUTION
THIS BEER BOTTLE DOES NOT HAVE A FLARED BASE.
ADDITIONALLY,
THIS BOTTLE IS STRUCTURALLY DANGEROUS. HOLLOW GLASS? THERE IS AN ENTIRE GENERATION OF INTERNET USERS TRAUMATISED BY THEIR FRIENDS SENDING THEM THE JAR VIDEO. GLASS IS BRITTLE, BREAKS SHARPLY, AND IS CHAMPING AT THE BIT TO BECOME WRATHFUL SHARDS AND TURN THE POTENTIAL ENERGY STORED IN ITS HIGHLY VARIED INTERNAL STRESSES INTO KINETIC ENERGY, WHICH YOU WILL EXPERIENCE IN A VERY PERSONALLY REGRETTABLE MANNER.
and thanks to @molotovblogtail for sharing <3
Do not. Under any circumstances. Do not even. Do not. Absolutely not. Even if you are in a country with universal healthcare. Even if you are in a hospital right now and have a doctor waiting. No.
#flared base inspector#occupatianal safety and health administration#if you haven't seen The Jar Video I just described it to you.
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HOLD ON...
CAUTION
NO FLARED BASE
25 posts!
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CAUTION
YOU MIGHT THINK THAT TOY IS SAFE BECAUSE THE NONE PIZZA BASE IS FLARED, BUT IT IS ACTUALLY STRUCTURALLY UNSAFE (CUT IN PLACES AND NOT SUFFICIENTLY SOLID)
AS SUCH IT DOES NOT COUNT AS A TRUE FLARED BASE
ALSO, IT IS HAZARDOUS IN MATERIAL. THE BASE ITSELF AND THE LEFT BEEF ARE POROUS AND ORGANIC IN NATURE, THEY MAY HARBOUR HARMFUL BACTERIA.
It is recommended you only reblog the none pizza with left beef, or consume it if you are OP.
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Where do I even begin...
CAUTION
NO FLARED BASE. A LONG HANDLE IS CONSIDERED BY SOME TO BE SUFFICIENT, BUT IT IS ONLY REALLY SAFE IF THERE IS NO RISK OF USER ERROR AS NONE OF YOUR BODY CAVITIES IS SUPPOSED TO BE A FULCRUM. ALSO, SELF-OPERATION THEN MEANS RISK OF FALLING UNCONSCIOUS AND LOSING ALL CONTROL.
WHILE THE DEMISE OF THE OPERATOR WASN'T ATTRIBUTABLE TO THE DESIGN OF THE WHISK, YOU SHOULD REMAIN CAUTIOUS
ALSO
THIS WHISK IS HAZARDOUS TO USE. THIS IS FOR WHERE FOOD GOES BEFORE ENTERING YOU (THE KITCHEN) NOT FOR WHERE FOOD GOES IMMEDIATELY PRIOR TO LEAVING YOU (THE RECTAL CAVITY). CROSS-CONTAMINATION IS REALLY NOT SOMETHING YOU WANT TO THINK ABOUT WHILE PLEASURING YOURSELF.
AND I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE TO MAKE A NEW SYMBOL USE THIS ALREADY-AVAILABLE, VERY OFFICIAL WARNING SYMBOL
THIS TOY IS STRUCTURALLY DANGEROUS AND MAY TEAR, CUT, OR OTHERWISE DAMAGE INTERNAL TISSUE DUE TO BEING A SINGLE COIL OF METAL THAT CAN PINCH SOFT YIELDING MUCOSA
Today’s incidence of “words / phrases I was not expecting to see together any time soon”
”Orgasm”, “aneurysm” and “kitchen whisk”.
#fbi#flared base inspector#occupatianal safety and health organisation#rest in peace fun lady you deserved a better toy#at least your practices themselves didn't end you#your choices did not cause your death#random ill luck caused your death by breaking a berry aneurysm#proper sex toy choices cannot save you from aneurysm but you should still not risk injury or infection.#to the living: buy a dildo please
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CAUTION
THIS AXE DOES NOT HAVE A FLARED BASE. YOU MIGHT THINK IT DOES BUT IT'S ACTUALLY AN AX-BLADE. ALSO IT'S LOOSELY-CONNECTED WOOD.
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CAUTION
IT HAS A FLARED BASE, BUT
IT IS ALIVE
is girl detector girl
Shipworms are a type of clam that specializes in consuming waterlogged wood. Many have a bare elongated body since most of their protection also comes from living within what they're eating
#the training video for proper use of that symbol broke me#you do not want to know what a sufficiently determined giraffe can do#I might edit the tentacle portion#it doesn't feel very warning sign-y#but it's tough work and the fun is there so#I think if I change that symbol I'll reduce the amount of suckers but make them bigger and longer#It started out this way but it felt wrong#might just change it back tbh#it could have looked better overall
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CORRECTLY-FASTENED STRAP-ONS ARE SAFE ON THE TOPIC OF GETTING STUCK INSIDE, NO FLARED BASE PROBLEM AS THE WEARER IS ONE
HOWEVER
THE USE OF THIS TOY MAY BE HAZARDOUS TO THE HEALTH AND STRUCTURAL INTEGRITY OF THE USERS AND/OR TOY.
Magician Shokyokusai Tenkatsu and her Flower Heaven Troupe wearing a strap-on hooked into a 300,000 volt Tesla Coil to shower bolts of artificial lightning on the girls below holding conductor rods, part of the Japanese artistic movement called Eroguronansensu (literally “erotic-grotesque-nonsense”)
#FBI business#flared base inspector#You don't want to know how long I searched for an appropriate hazard symbol to incorporate. this one technically doesn't even work#but dang it looks good#it shouldn't work because the subcategories of 'serious health hazard' are predefined#and I wasn't just going to slap a lightning bolt on a plug that would be ridiculous#'reproductive health hazard' does enter the subcategories though so an argument could be made that the Rules As Written-#anyway#this isn't turning this blog into a general sex toy health blog because no one would do that#right?#right???#so it's fine
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CAUTION
NO FLARED BASE
hi it's your local chocolate guy dealer back again
https://youtube.com/shorts/Z1D50YeFzaM
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One thing's for sure...
it's NOT a flared base
alright
who wants to tackle this monstrosity
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